Craigs List Losers a go go
Posted by Single Steve in Uncategorized on July 22, 2010
Hi. Hello. Shut up. Stop nagging. I know, it’s been a long time, it’s always been a long time it seems these days. I’ve been busy? Actually that’s not really true. I’m actually the least busiest I’ve been in a really really long time. I’m not taking summer school, I’m not coaching basketball every week, I’m no longer President of a non-profit, I guess I’m just lazy.
Well actually there’s another reason……and when I tell you this, it’s because you’re in the trust tree, so don’t go and freak out, it’s not really that big of a deal, but you should be probably sitting down. Are you sitting down? Good. Well, I guess it kind of turns out I have a girlfriend? No, that wasn’t a typo. I actually meant to type girlfriend. Yeah, she’s pretty awesome, you know for a girl. So yeah, that just happened. I don’t think it’s going to stop me from “blogging”, but obviously you will have to live without blogs having to do with terrible, awkward or embarrassing dates or the process of online dating. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I will continue to “write”, don’t worry, shut your face. I won’t be writing about her though, she already told me she would smash my face in, if she ended up in the blog. Anyways, back to the shit show that is my blog. I took the easy way out for this blog and decided to write about the uber creepers on craigslist.
Craig list is full of creeps. Not as creepy as you guys, but still kind of creepy. Yeah, you, you’re a creep. I mean, let’s be honest, some of you read this blog, this sentence right now, are reading about some dude’s life you’ve never met before. Sounds creepy to me, I’m just saying, but I digress.
Let’s begin
Oh god. I don’t even know where to start. Let’s start with the title
Party all the time – 23 (sun diego0)
I googled “sun diego0”, and nowhere is San Diego spelt with a zero. Nowhere. I can understand replacing San with Sun, as a play on words because of the awesome amount of sun we get, but I don’t get adding an extra zero AFTER he already spelt Diego correctly0.
“hey wuts up stranger hahah”
Either he think it’s funny to misspell “whats” or he thinks it’s hysterical to meet creepy internet girls, yeah, I’m talking about you. Or he might just be an idiot. I’m willing to be bet, he might just be an idiot.
“well im alejandro im an actor and I work n go to school”
I hope he’s in school to be a crash test dummy. This guy doesn’t even believe in capitalizing his own name. Please go to school harder.
“i like to party, to get crazy every now and then hahah also I like to think im my future”
Why does he start laughing in the middle of his sentence. Did I miss his joke? He also likes to “think im my future”?? What the fuck does that mean. Does that mean he likes to think he’s his own future? That sounds like a pretty shitty future if you ask me.
“did I mention im Hispanic,?”
Did I mention I’m Hispanic comma question mark? No. No you didn’t asshole. Did you forget what you wrote all 3 “sentences” above. I feel like he had one of those Ron Burgundy moments…..I’m Hispanic? Question mark?
“mmm well I am im single and yeah that’s pretty much my life just a regular guy that want to find naughty love in a sexy”
I think at this point he bites into something tasty, which obviously prompts the “mmm” creeper sound in his post. “that want to find naughty love in a sexy” , in sexy what!? Finish your fucking sentence. The suspense is killing me. I can only assume he meant to end his sentence with “jail cell”.
Leave me some comments. I’ll write more soon. Me love you long time.
A Blog About A Blog
Posted by Single Steve in rant on May 26, 2010
This is Single Steve, and I approve this message.
This blogging thing is getting out of control . So much so, that I’m now writing blogs about writing a blog. Sounds ridiculous, oh I know, but please bare with me. I have a story to tell, and hope you find it as comical as I did.
Other examples why this blog is getting ridiculous, I got this screen shot sent to me from a reader…
Don’t do that.
Also recently the CTO (chief technology officer) for a new mobile device application has reached out to me, letting me know their application can help me meet girls. I thought doubtful, unless his application was Skynet, and it had already become self aware. But the application is called Anttenna and is a FREE app for the iphone. It’s basically craigslist, plus real time location, plus real time chat, plus hot chicks, I think? I might of made up the hot chicks part, but basically he told me it’s like if your trying to sell something, takes seconds to post, and people can see it on the map, and chat with you instantly, bada bing bada boom. Pretty sweet since craigslist, just has static pages which are not automatically located, and sometimes you end up calling sketchy numbers. None of that.
And where he thought his app could help me, is that there’s a “Crossed Paths” feature, which is basically when I see a girl out and about in San Diego that I think is super attractive and we’d probably be awesome together, and of course I don’t go up and talk to her, I used to have to wait till I got home and post on Craigslist missed connections, BUT now I can instantly post it to the Anttenna, AND since she’s on Anttenna, she’ll see I posted, she’ll see I’m 12 feet away and she’ll be so impressed with all the sweet things I said about her in the description she’ll have to come up to me and dry hump the shit out of me. Right? I guess I could just grow a pair of balls and talk to her, but this way seems so much easier. So the more people on Anttenna, the better my system will work. So basically I need all attractive people (and I guess not attractive people too…) to download this free app for their iphone. Sell your crap, quickly, safely, and now you can see my messages in crossed paths to girls I don’t have the balls to talk to in real life.
Blah blah, basically I’m flattered and embarrassed to how this blog has grown. I appreciate my readers, and I hope you continue to read this word vomit and suggest zany ways for me to meet girls. But it’s just a blog. This is just a blog. Speaking of blogs, let’s get to the reason I brought you here.
First thing you need to do, is go back and read this blog “I like you, I just don’t like you enough”
Let me start with explaining my blog. I’m not a writer, nor do I pretend to be in any way shape or form. In fact I don’t even like reading. I mean, I know HOW to read, sure, but I’ve never read a book just to read a book. Here’s a fun fact, I’ve never read a book cover to cover, thank god for Cliff Notes in high school. I actually don’t even like reading my own blog. When I write these blogs, rarely do I go back and read what I wrote, rarely will I hit the delete key, my writing style is more a stream on conciseness, whatever I’m thinking comes out, also know as “word vomit”. This style is probably apparently with the run on sentences, spelling mistkes (ha), and the general slaughter of the English language. Though this blog is nothing more than word vomit, the word vomit that you read is actually truth. It’s how I feel, my perception and actual ridiculous events that happen in my life. Sure I sensationalized and add graphics to make ha-ha’s, but for the most part, in this blog I can be brutal honest. Why is this important you ask? Well the last blog was the truth, and not even anything negative about said girl. That wasn’t the point the of the blog, the point of the blog was to highlight the hilarious ending of “I like you, but I don’t like you enough”. I had nothing bad to say about said girl, not at all, until….about 5 hours after I posted that blog….
First thing you were probably thinking after reading that blog is that I’m pretty ballsy slash a giant jerk for posting a blog that honest knowing she would be reading it. Good point. BUT a couple factors to consider.
I made that into a graphic with random pictures because that’s how important I think those points are. Some of you, open my blog, and just scan the photos.
It’s important because my goal is to NOT blog about every single date I go on. No way. I don’t want to blog about any date. I typically only blog about dates that end epically terribly or have a funny ending. I would LOVE to go on a date, that goes well, and nothing happens. No funny ending, no awkward story, just a regular date. AND then I would even like to go on a second date. I say this because I don’t want my blog to scare aware the horde of girls that probably want to go out on dates with me, but are terrified they’ll probably end up in this blog where 11-12 people a day will read about it.
Focus. Get to the point Steven. Basically, I told her I was going to write a blog, let her see the blog first, she ok-ed the blog, then hours later she decide she was going to call me an unfunny jerk and tried to force me to take down the blog. Say whaaaaaa
She also de-friended me on facebook, twitter and un-fanned the facebook page. The triple threat of “you’re dead to me on social medias”. Which is fine, I didn’t really care, I mean we met once, we didn’t have any mutual friends in common, it’s not like I was losing a “real life” friend. I was ready to cut my loses and move on. The part that actually got me fired up and probably the whole reason for this blog is her reaction to the whole situation.
She could have just said:
“Hey I had second thoughts about the blog, please take it down”
To which I would have gladly taken down the blog. Believe it or not, I’m not a jerk, I’m not in the business of offending my friends with my blog. It’s only for entertainment purposes. If someone I write about, that is my real life friend, is uncomfortable about the content, I will gladly take it down. Instead she took the , I’m going to have a text battle with you, and tell you, you’re an inconsiderate asshole,a jerk, not funny, then demand you take down the blog approach. WRONG. This is when I ripped my shirt off in my cubical during work hours in a fit of rage. Well not really, but I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong approach to the only person that can take down the blog.
But as rude, out of the blue and wrong I thought she was, in real life, I’m not a jerk. Only on the internet. And in real life, I should do the right nice guy thing, I felt like I should take it down, even though I felt like I was completely in the right with the situation.
Thankfully, I had told some people I was taking down the blog, and they screamed at me not to. In fact someone even threaten to punch me in the ovaries if I took down the blog. Now that’s a good friend.
So the blog stayed up. She text me the next morning.
And that’s why I’ll be single for life. The whole blog was about me sharing this last hilarious text conversation, but somehow I ended up rambling for like 3 pages of word vomit. Sorry I’m not sorry.
I wrote a blog about posting a blog and her ridiculous reaction.
With that being said. I don’t think I want to date any more “bloggers” or “writers”. In fact, my new preference is girls that don’t know how to read at all. I think I’m going to make that a new #RFMNGF
This is the internet, it’s not that serious.
Leave some comments/thoughts/feelings/concerns/phone numbers/hate mail/love mail/ and/or a pictures of dinosaurs.
I like you, I just don’t like you enough
Posted by Single Steve in dating, rant on May 20, 2010
public class HelloWorld {
public static void main(String[] args) {
System.out.println(“Hello World!”);
}
}
Hello World!
Hello world indeed. I know, I know, I know, it’s been a while, blah blah blah. It’s the usual, you’re angry, I have some lame excuse about being busy, let’s just skip that whole paragraph where I apologize then lie to you and tell you I promise I’m going to write more. Deal? Deal. But I have been itching to write, I have so many ideas and stories to tell I don’t even know where to begin. I hope you’re as excited as I am. Let’s begin.
So I’d like to tell you about the time I kissed a girl. I know doesn’t sound like a big deal to some of you, but please consider the following…this blog is called singlesteve.com, not IgetTonsOfAssSteve.com. As much as we would both like for the blog to be about the plethora of girls I go on dates with and bang, sadly it’s not. It’s about the 4 failed dates a year I go on, and then I have to awkwardly find other creative ways to fill the blog for the other 361 days. But I digress.
I don’t count those other girls for one or many of the reasons above. Especially the one where it’s actually just me making out with my own pillow.
I. Me. Steven. Actually went on a successful date recently. Well 2 weeks ago, but still recently enough. I remember it clearly because it was my people’s national holiday, Cinco De Mayo. Yep, it’s a big deal to us Mexicans. I think it’s the day Mexican Jesus was born right? Anyways, let’s talk about how this date came about, how it went and where it went.
You’re probably thinking, “Hey Steven! Slow your roll homie, aren’t you going to ruin any mad game you might have with this girl, by blogging about it, for all 12 of your readers to read!?”
First of all, you talk like a fucking idiot, “Slow your roll homie”, “mad game”!? Who says that? This is why were not friends in real life. But… good question. And I’m 12 steps ahead of you, it turns out I’ve already ruined any “mad game” I might have had with her BEFORE even blogging about it. I mean, she can’t double dump me right? So there’s no harm in blogging about it at this point. I mean she can stab me for blogging about it, but I’m not too concerned about that. . . .
How we met:
So, like how many relationships started, this one started by meeting her at a bar….just kidding we met on twitter. I know, awkward right, how do people even “meet” on twitter. Well, I think she started following me, I noticed that her 4 pixel by 4 pixel avatar picture was attractive so I decided to start following her back.
Exco facto, we tweet back and forth at each other, we exchanged match.com profiles and we decide to set up date. We were both ridiculously busy, and it turns out the only time we can meet up was on Cinco Da Mayo. She also lives up in Anaheim area….so we decided to meet half way in the middle in San Clemente.
I google this sweet seafood place right on the peer, according to the interwebs it was supposed to be awesome. So I suggest we meet there.
How it went:
During the day, we both tweeted, how excited we were about meeting up tonight, like teenagers. We told the entire internet our excitement, we didn’t care, who knew it. Got me excited about the date, we met at the restaurant, right on time, right as expected. Greeted her with a hug and we were escorted to our table outside, under the heat lamp, right over the ocean, things were going pretty cliché at this point. I was totally prepared to order a bottle of wine per protocol of being on a first date, when the waitress handed us the wine list, but date suggested we get a beer instead. I was totally down. And then when the beer came out I was on my best behavior and poured my beer into the chilled glass provided, date drank straight out of the bottle, I was down.
We’re talking, have a great conversation, joking laughing, things are going great. I didn’t tweet ONCE during the whole date, she did ask if I were to tweet right now what would I tweet….I responded with:
“Beautiful view, beautiful company, dinners on its way out”
Pretty suave right? I thought so. Dinner was excellent, afterwards we decided to continue out cliché date and go for a walk on the beach. About 14 feet into our walk, I go for the hand grab, SUCCESS! We hold hands, walk along the beach barefoot with shoes in hand, talking about how cliché this is. Things are going pretty good, I thought. We find a bench to have a seat at, when I see a window to go in for the kiss. BOOM.
So side note, you probably think I don’t make out/hook up with a lot of girls because I’m too picky. False. I will make out with anything that gives me the window to do so. And I mean anything.
Anyways I see a window, and go in, BOOM, yeah, that’s the sound of kissing. Well at least when I kiss. It’s pretty epic. I would say that’s its one of my better skills, it’s up there on the list, right next to public speaking. We start making out, like teenagers, on this bench, on a Wednesday night, as people are jogging by and walking around the beach. I don’t care. F it. I don’t live in San Clemente, who’s going recognize me. We are literally making out like the Titanic is going down, then we gradually (rapidly) move into an awkward state of dry humping. Only awkward because we’re sitting side by side on a bench. Awkward also because I’m a 27 year old man, and who dry humps anymore. I haven’t dry humped that hard since I was 17 in the back seat of my Chevy Cavalier. I’m used to going from making out to sex, since becoming an adult. This isn’t high school where you have to obligatory go through the 12 steps of groping before you can get naked. In high school, everything was so sequential. You had to first grab her boob over the shirt, then under the shirt over the bra grab, then awkwardly under the bra with the bra still on, THEN you could take off her bra. This process probably took 3-5 make out sessions if not more. If you went straight to taking off the bra, you would for sure get slapped. Am I right? Or did everyone just date super sluts in high school and I missed out. But I digress…..focus.
We attempt get up and leave before the situation gets “out of control”, but as we walk along the beach this only prompts more dry humping like it’s our last day on Earth. Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying, also I want to see how many times I can use the word “dry hump”. I think I’m going to try and bring that into my everyday vocabulary- “I just dry humped the shit out of those engineering test procedures”
Anyways we finally decided to stop dry humping and make our way back to our cars. On our walk back she realizes she’s missing both her earrings, yeah, I guess we really were going at it pretty good.
As we’re leaving, we try to coordinate we can we meet again. She invites me to come up on that Friday, but I had visitors in town and couldn’t make it up. We leave it open, both with the impression that we would like to meet up again soon.
Great date, I haven’t had a date go that well in long time. I mean it seems like she likes me right?
Here’s a time line of her tweets, to further highlight my case for me thinking she likes me.
Yeah, so things are looking pretty good right? Wroooooooong. Didn’t even go on a second date.
Why we aren’t banging now:
Good question. Well, maybe not banging, but why didn’t we even go on a second date? No idea.
We were attempting to coordinate plans for the next couple days, I thought things were going great until I got this email.
Haha! Hilarious! I laughed out loud in my cubical at work for probably 5 minutes. I blurred out the rest because I just wanted to share with you that one line, and not dig too much into her privacy.
I’m not upset about the email, or about her not liking me “enough”, not at all. And to be honest, I don’t even think I would of even have wanted to “date” her, but I wasn’t against banging her, but I guess both of those are out of the question now. Ha! Especially after I write this blog, and she’s reading it right now. Eh, like I said, she can’t double deny me. I know she was doing the honest thing and telling me up from, which is great, and I appreciated, but was just kind of comical how it went down. The streak continues!
Now that I’ve scared off any girl that might potentially ever want to meet me because she fears she might end up in the blog, I am going to be writing more frequently. Check back soon. Also invite your friends to the facebook fan page and to read the blog. Since I’m not getting paid or laid to write these blogs, it’s the least you can do.
Also you see all these social media buttons. Push them. Share this with the world. I would like you so much….but I don’t know if I would like you enough.
public class HelloWorld {
public static void main(String[] args) {
System.out.println("Hello World!");
}
}
Hello World!
Hello world indeed. I know, I know, I know, it’s been a while, blah blah blah. It’s the usual, you’re angry, I have some lame excuse about being busy, let’s just skip that whole paragraph where I apologize then lie to you and tell you I promise I’m going to write more. Deal? Deal. But I have been itching to write, so many idea and stories to tell I don’t even know where to begin. I hope you’re as excited as I am. Let’s begin.
So I like to tell you about the time I kissed a girl. I know doesn’t sound like a big deal to some of you, but please consider the following…this blog is called singlesteve.com, not IgetTonsOfAssSteve.com. As much as we would both like for the blog to be about the plethora of girls I go on dates with and bang, sadly it’s not. It’s about the 4 failed dates a year I go on, and then I have to awkwardly find other creative ways to fill the blog for the other 362 days. But I digress.
Here’s a fun fact: I’ve only KISSED one girl in the last 9 months.
I’ve made out with a few others, but I don’t count those because:
A.) They may or may not have been blacked out and probably don’t remember
B.) They may or may not have been blacked out and probably wouldn’t have made out with me sober
C.) It was like kissing the jaws of life
D.) I was drunk and making out with my pillow and thought it was a human
I don’t count those other girls for one or many of the reasons above. Especially the one where it’s actually just me making out with my own pillow.
I. Me. Steven. Actually went on a successful date recently. Well 2 weeks ago, but still recently enough. I remember it clearly because it was my people’s national holiday, Cinco De Mayo. Yep, it’s a big deal to us Mexicans. I think it’s the day Mexican Jesus was born right? Anyways, let’s talk about how this date came about, how it went and where it went.
You’re probably thinking, “Hey Steven! Slow your roll homie, aren’t you going to ruin any mad game you might have with this girl, by blogging about it, for all 12 of your readers to read!?”
First of all, you talk like a fucking idiot, “Slow your roll homie”, “mad game”!? Who says that? This is why were not friends in real life. But… good question. And I’m 12 steps ahead of you, it turns out I’ve already ruined any “mad game” I might have had with her BEFORE even blogging about it. I mean, she can’t double dump me right? So there’s no harm in blogging about it at this point. I mean she can stab me for blogging about it, but I’m not too concerned about that. . . .
How we met:
So, like how many relationships started, this one started by meeting her at a bar….just kidding we met on twitter. I know, awkward right, how do people even “meet” on twitter. Well, I think she started following me, I noticed that her 4 pixel by 4 pixel avatar picture was attractive so I decided to start following her back.
Exco facto, we tweet back and forth at each other, we exchange match.com profiles and we decide to set up date. We were both ridiculously busy, and it turns out the only time we can meet up was on Cinco Da Mayo. She also lives up in Anaheim area….so we decided to meet half way in the middle in San Clemente.
I google this sweet seafood place right on the peer, according to the interwebs it was supposed to be awesome. So I suggest we me there. How it went: During the day, we both tweeted, how excited we were about meeting up tonight, like teenagers. We told the entire internet our excitement, we didn’t care, who knew it. Got me excited about the date, we met at the restaurant, right on time, right as expected. Greeted her with a hug and we were escorted to our table outside, under the heat lamp, right over the ocean, things were going pretty cliché at this point. I was totally prepared to order a bottle of wine per protocol of being on a first date, when the waitress handed us the wine list, but date suggested we get a beer instead. I was totally down. And then when the beer came out I was on my best behavior and poured my beer into the chilled glass provided, date drank straight out of the bottle, I was down.
We’re talking, have a great conversation, joking laughing, things are going great. I didn’t tweet ONCE during the whole date, she did ask if I were to tweet right now what would I tweet….I responded with:
“Beautiful view, beautiful company, dinners on its way out”
Pretty suave right? I thought so. Dinner was excellent, afterwards we decided to continue out cliché date and go for a walk on the beach. About 14 feet into our walk, I go for the hand grab, SUCCESS! We hold hands, walk along the beach barefoot with shoes in hand, talking about how cliché this is. Things are going pretty good, I thought. We find a bench to have a seat at, when I see a window to go in for the kiss. BOOM.
So side note, you probably think I don’t make out/hook up with a lot of girls because I’m too picky. False. I will make out with anything that gives me the window to do so. And I mean anything.
Anyways I see a window, and go in, BOOM, yeah, that’s the sound of kissing. Well at least when I kiss. It’s pretty epic. I would say that’s its one of my better skills, it’s up there on the list, right next to public speaking. We start making out, like teenagers, on this bench, on Wednesday, as people are jogging by and walking around the beach. I don’t care. F it. I don’t live in San Clemente, who’s going recognize me. We are literally making out like the Titanic is going down, then we gradually (rapidly) move into an awkward state of dry humping. Only awkward because we’re sitting side by side on a bench. Awkward also because I’m a 27 year old man and who dry humps anymore. I haven’t dry humped that hard since I was 17 in the back seat of my Chevy Cavalier. I’m used to going from making out to sex, since becoming an adult. This isn’t high school where you have to obligatory go through the 12 steps of groping before you can get naked. In high school, everything was so sequential. You had to first grab her boob over the shirt, then under the shirt, then awkwardly under the bra with the bra still on, THEN you could take off her bra. This process probably took 3-5 make out sessions if not more. If you went straight to taking off the bra, you would for sure get slapped. Am I right? Or did everyone just date super sluts in high school and I missed out. But I digress…..focus.
We attempt get up and leave before the situation gets “out of control”, but as we walk along the beach this only prompts more dry humping like it’s our last day on Earth. Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying, also I want to see how many times I can use the word “dry hump”. I think I’m going to try and bring that into my everyday vocabulary- “I just dry humped the shit out of those engineering test procedures”
Anyways we finally decided to stop dry humping and make our way back to our cars. On our walk back she realizes she’s missing both her earrings, yeah, I guess we really were going at it pretty good.
As we’re leaving we try to coordinate we can we meet again. She invites me to come up on that Friday, but I had visitors in town and couldn’t make it up. We leave it open, both with the impression that we would like to meet up again soon.
Great date, I haven’t had a date that go, in long time. I mean it seems like she likes me right?
Here’s a time line of her tweets, to further highlight my case for me thinking she likes me.
Yeah, so things are looking pretty good right? Wroooooooong. Didn’t even go on a second date.
Why we aren’t banging now: Good question. Well, maybe not banging, but why didn’t we even go on a second date? No idea. We were attempting to coordinate plans for the next couple days, she even drunk text me a little, which is always a good sign. I thought things were going great until I got this email.
Haha! Hilarious! I laughed out loud in my cubical at work for probably 5 minutes. I blurred out the rest because I just wanted to share with you that one line, and not dig too much into her privacy.
I’m not upset about the email, or about her not liking me “enough”, not at all. And to be honest, I don’t even think I would of even have wanted to “date” her, but I wasn’t against banging her, but I guess both of those are out of the question now. Ha! Especially after I write this blog, and she’s reading it right now. Eh, like I said, she can’t double deny me. I know she was doing the honest thing and telling me up from, which is great, and I appreciated, but was just kind of comical how it went down. The streak continues!
Now that I’ve scared off any girl that might potentially ever want to meet me because she fears she might end up in the blog, I am going to be writing more frequently. Check back soon. Also invite your friends to the facebook fan page and to read the blog. Since I’m not getting paid or laid to write these blogs, it’s the least you can do.
If we’re friends, and you’re a girl, I probably want to bang you
Posted by Single Steve in Uncategorized on April 4, 2010
Hello. Welcome. Have a seat, I’m about to blow your mind with a bucket of awkward hilarious truths.
I’d like to start off with saying my friends are jerks. Hilarious jerks.Well, not all of them, just like 80 percent of them. I thought my version of an April Fools joke would be to change my Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship”. I know, “ha ha ha”, very funny, fuck you. It’s possible. Anyways, here’s the comments I got from my friends.
Jesus! What if I actually DID get a girlfriend!? She would read the comments on my status and probably uppercut me. Is me getting a girlfriend really that far of stretch? I should have just updated my status to read “I’m going to the moon!!” You know it’s possible. You ever seen the movie Might Ducks? Yeah, anything’s possible. Anyways, I appreciate your concern for my facebook status, but that was only a drill. When the real thing comes, we’ll know what to do now.
Anyways……
This blog concept actually was developed out of the blue. I was probably about 87 percent done with a classic Craiglist tool bags post, when I received a random facebook IM from an old friend (ex-girlfriend actually) from a girl named Kacey. Well maybe not completely random because 23 minutes earlier I poked her on facebook. Yeah, I still fucking poke people. I’m five years old, so what. 60 percent of the time, it works everytime. Anyways, we start catching up, how are you blah blah blah, what’s new blah blah blah, etc. I proceeded to ask her “So I see you’re single now??” (of course I knew she was single, that’s why I poked her, I mean….what, I digress) I then asked her how the “single life” is going for her. Her response was she was having a blast. Whaaaaa. I guess it’s so hard for me to relate to other singles that are actually enjoying being single. And here’s why, I think it’s because there’s two types of the “Single Life” experiences you can have.
Guess which experience I’m having. “Ha Ha Ha”….fuck your face. NOW don’t interpret this as I think my life sucks, or I’m depressed. Not at all. In fact, I fucking love my life. A lot. It’s great, I just don’t think my “single life” experience is going as awesome as I think it should be. I’m not saying I want to be sleeping around hooking up with mad hotties, though I wouldn’t be opposed to that, I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl every now and then just to confirm that, yes, in fact I’m still straight.
It’s weird because I feel like you (my naïve readers) think I get more action than I actually do. Which is flattering, but you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. I was talking to Kacey and this came up, how I think I might be a virgin again just because I haven’t had sex in such a long time, you know medically speaking. She seemed confused by this statement. She mentioned that I should hook up with one of the many girls that “pine” after me. First of all, I don’t know why she used the term “pine”, although she does teach 1st grade and probably has modified vocabulary because of it, but seriously, pine? I’ve never once heard a girl say “Man I pine after him so hard”, or “I could pine the fuck out him right now”, but that’s not the point. The point is, despite popular belief girls don’t “pine” after me, if they did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We wouldn’t be talking about how I haven’t had sex in ….in….in… a very long time. I’m not saying sex is the end all, and I need sex to live, but I wouldn’t mind making out with a girl every now and then. Who doesn’t like kissing? You know who doesn’t like kissing? Bad kissers. I HATE bad kissers. It’s a deal breaker. If you’re a bad kisser, it will never work out. I love how I can just get off on side tangents and rants because it’s my blog. For example, I just remembered awkwardly, that I found out my parents apparently read my blog. Awkward. How awkward that I just mentioned I haven’t had sex in a long time. How awkward that they might be reading this sentence right now. Exactly.
Anyways, where was I? That’s right, making out with chicks. Which got me thinking, why don’t I make out with more girls? Or any for that matter. Well who would I make out with anyways??? The answer? My friends. All of them. Well, all of the girl ones. And to be more specific, all of the girl ones who don’t have boyfriends, and who aren’t ugly. See diagram below to see which group you fit into.
Maybe that’s my problem, I make UML diagram to explain to people if I would bang them or not. Being an engineer is not helping me get laid, that’s for sure.
I’m not saying this, like I’m a super creep who wants to hook up with all of his friends, but I’m saying, if you’re my friend, and you’re attractive, I’m probably not going to stop if you said you wanted to make out with me. I’m just saying. ALSO I don’t think I’m the only male who feels this way about his female friends. In FACT, I would go as far and say that this is probably the norm.
I’ve actually seen this myself with my own eyes, I’ve got a scenario for the ladies and I bet either you have experienced this or know someone that has
I recently heard this exact story from a girl friend of mine, that she just got out of a relationship, and within the month, a guy she thought was just her platonic friend, confessed his secret love for her. It happens. And I’m not going to lie I’ve for SURE been that guy once, twice or 12 times. It’s pretty much my M.O. It’s my fault, it’s because of my philosophy on relationships. What’s my philosophy you ask? Well, not to get too deep into it, because this shit’s supposed to be funny, but, basically the type of relationship I’m seeking (eventually), is the epic love relationship. And IN MY OPINION I feel like my best relationships are basically best friendships, with sex. What does that mean. That means I want to develop a relationship out of friendship, because the best marriages I’ve seen, the couples that are still very much in love after 20 years, are basically best friends, as cliché as that sounds. That’s why I hate online dating so much, because you focus on building a “relationship” with a complete stranger, not necessary a friendship. Anyways…
You’re probably thinking, but Steven, I’m a girl, I’m your friend, do you want to bang me? The answer is yes. I mean no. I mean it’s a maybe? I don’t think I want to bang you, I only said bang for dramatics mostly, but I do think that on some level male and female relationships do have a physical attractiveness component to them, no matter how platonic you think your relationship is.
Also stop freaking out, this doesn’t change anything, between you and I. I mean somehow magically we’ve been able to not make out for all these years, I don’t think knowing this information actually changes anything.
Here’s my challenge to all the girls out there that think this is just my own crazy idea about the female and male relationship. I challenge you to ask your “platonic” guy friends, that you think would never think about you in “that way”, something to the extent of:
“Question….would you ever make out with me?”
“True of False: You would bang me if I asked you to?”
“Let’s get drunk and do it, you in!?”
Wait for the awkward pause, see what their response is. Some guys might think you’re coming around and you’re finally asking them out.
I realized I used to the word bang like 100 times in this blog, and I giggled every single time.
Let me know if you agree/disagree or if you had an experience with this.
Let’s be friends!!
Speaking of friends, my annual bar crawl birthday event is planned and in works. April 24th in Pacific Beach, SAVE THE DATE! It’s the 3rd annual and going to be a blast. If you live in and San Diego, and you’re interested in coming (and we’re not already “real life” friends) shoot me an email Steve@SingleSteve.com. I’ll send you the details, and let you know how to get a shirt. I’m always up for making new friends!
Epic Date. Epic Fail.
Posted by Single Steve in dating, humor, single on March 5, 2010
*DISCLAIMER** This is MY interpretation of this date. The following is based on a true story. My life. Please keep in mind this is a blog on the interweb. I DO NOT want you commenting on her facebook/twitter/blog/etc negative things, I’m not looking to start a blog war. Feel free to comment on this blog, in fact, I insist you do. This is only a blog. Grow up.
Now this is a story, all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down, and I like to take a minute, just sit right there, and tell you how I went on a date that ended in complete despair.
This blog is about a date. What was supposed to be, an epic date. It was date between myself and this other single, attractive, funny, Hispanic, blogger that lives in San Diego. Sounds like my soul mate right? Keep reading……
The Setup
Where to start, where to start…..I guess I’ll start at the very very beginning. The beginning is, how I even stumbled upon her blog in the first place. Good question. I guess it occurred during one of my weekly creep sweeps of twitter and facebook. You know, creep sweeps, where you type into facebook something you’re looking for and see what pops up. Here are some examples:
So yes, was doing one of my weekly creep sweeps, when I ran across her facebook fan page The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single. So, me, being the mature adult I am, didn’t send her an message, didn’t make any actual contact with her, instead I posted about it on my facebook fan page like an 8th grade child.
The ball kind of got rolling from there. Everybody was asking when I was going to ask her out. This I had to think about, was I going to ask her out as Single Steve or Real Life Steve. The best advice I was given, came from this girl:
We were at a bar, 1, 2 or 8 drinks deep when Kelly told me I need to man up and send this girl a real email as Real Life Steve. So I did. I took the serious approach, for once. Here is the email I sent:
After that we set a date. I was actually nervous and slightly excited. Which is rare for me to feel that way about a date, especially after my last date. So anyway, we then decided that it would be a fun idea to let our readers make suggestions for our date. It was funny because she posted the question to her twitter followers first, and she was getting some really good legit suggestions.
When I posted it to my twitter, this is when I realized my readers might be assholes. I’m JUST kidding, you’re not assholes, most of you, some of you are just funny. Here’s the advice I was given:
So as you can tell I got some really good input about my date. I actually did get some good suggestions on places to go. I knew she liked Italian food and wine, so I made reservations according. I actually made reservations at 3 different Italian places in San Diego. I figured it was better to have options, than to not have options and end up at Peter Piper Pizza and yelling “Surprise!!” I canceled the other 2 reservations hours before the actual date, after I picked out the perfect spot….
The day of the date, I left early work, got my gangster fade, got my car washed and even bought some new jeans, just for this date. Like I said, it was on, like donkey kong. Later, while on the actual date, I remember thinking and probably saying out loud “I got my car washed for this!?”
The Date
I google mapped her place and saw she lived “6 minutes away”, me being narcotic about being punctual, left 20 minutes before I was supposed to pick her up, you know, just incase. I drove by the place, got my bearings and parked down the street. I was actually nervous for this date. Weird. I don’t get nervous. I can present to a group of hundreds with no problem, but one pretty girl and I start stuttering and fumbling my words, and yes, I get nervous.
I pull up to her condo, park, get out, and text her that I was “huuur”. On that note, at this point, we had not spoken a single word to each other, nor had I actually seen more than a side profile photo of her. I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles when you facebook/twitter/stalk/blog meet someone. I’m outside waiting for her, she makes her way down the steps towards the car, I can feel my palms start to sweat. She gets within eye contact range, I notice she’s even prettier in person than she was in her thumbnail of facebook profile picture. Dear Diary, Jackpot. Funny thing about the thumbnail facebook picture, it only showed her upper half, it was at this point I realized I had no fucking idea how tall she was. Turns out she was at least 5’11. Shit. The only thing that could have hindered this date, did. I approach her and give her a “hi hello nice to meet you hug”, of course I had to tippy toe, hoping she didn’t notice the obvious height differential.
Let me start off by saying I don’t have a height complex. Not at all. I’m 5’9 (well 5’8 and a half), and feel like that’s a pretty average height for a guy. In fact, I looked this up. The average height for a man is 5 feet 9.2 inches, and the average height for a woman is 5 feet 3.8 inches. FACT. I am average height for an adult male. FACT. She was 2 standard deviations taller than the normal distribution of women heights.
I’ve dated girls taller than me, not a big issue. It’s just, admittedly, a little intimidating.
*FACT: I drive an Infinity G35. For those of you that think I actually drive a white rape van as described in her blog, you’re idiots.
But I digress, she gets in the car, smells real pretty and we start our adventure. I start driving, on our way out to the freeway we pass her favorite club, she lets me know it’s basically TJ night every night. Sounds awesome. . . .
Our reservations are for 7:30 at Il Fornaio, a recommendation from a reader for Italian, looked good on the interweb. Here’s the view from our table:
We’re seated, we order a bottle of wine, and conversation continues. I thought the conversation was going well? I’m not sure. She kept interrupting me to tell me about her past dates and how they used to fly her out on their jets, but also how she “wasn’t impressed with that”. I felt like telling her, “well I go on dates with chubby chicks, but I’m not impressed with that”, but somehow I don’t think that’s the same thing.
She also felt the need to keep mentioning how her more recent boyfriend was a TV star. Not only do I not have a jet, I also don’t have my own TV show. Sorry.
I thought our conversation was going well? Apparently not, we both “checked” phones, and I saw a twitter update from her 2.3 seconds later…..
Awesome. I think it was at this point we both realized this date had gone south, but dinner hadn’t even arrived yet, so we had to stick it out.
Dinner couldn’t come quick enough, AND when dinner finally got there she stole my plate. I’m all about sharing, but she literally took my plate to her half of the table. This is an actual picture of her stealing my food.
She said “By the way, I’m going to steal your food”, so I guess that makes it okay!?
Dinner was delicious, the small amount I was allowed to steal away when she wasn’t looking. We finished dinner, finished the bottle of wine, and both “checked” our phones again. And again 2.3 seconds later I saw her twitter updated with…
I wanted to respond via twitter with “@sdlolo It’s spelled “whack” sasquatch”, but I didn’t. I refrained.Ftw! It’s time to pay the bill and leave. I’m sorry I don’t own a jet, but I’ll at least buy dinner.
We make our way back to her house, just as I’m dropping her off, by some divine chance, Mariah Carey’s “Why you so obsessed with me” comes on, I dedicate the song to her and wish her a good night. I got the old awkward side car hug, which is basically 3rd base, so yeah, it was pretty good night.
Would I go on another date with said girl?
Yeah, I think we really have something special.
If you want to read her interpretation of the date go here:
Chapter 14. A Leprechaun and Sasquatch
See all these social media buttons I’ve plastered all over my site?? Use them.
Your thoughts? Is she the one that got away?Leave me some comments.
PB Millionaire, or is it PB Reality? Or is it you’re still a tool?
Posted by Single Steve in PB Millionaire on February 27, 2010
Preface
Yep. Another fucking preface. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I just have some stuff I want to say that’s not really related to the “blog”, so here it is. What I wanted to declare for all to hear that I am never going to date another “blogger” again. What a disaster. As I’m sure some of you recall I went on a date with “The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single” girl. On paper she sounded okay, she was single, mildly entertaining, lived in San Diego and more importantly willing to go on a “date” with me. So I’m sure you read my side of the date and her side of the date. The problem with her side of the blog, is that it sits on a thrown of lies. Usually I wouldn’t feel the need to defend or refute comments but people are idiots and apparently I need clarify a few things. Also I get hate comments I have to delete on my blog, which is just getting annoying, so here’s some facts about the date:
1.) NO I did NOT pick her up in a white van.
When I read that, I thought it was funny, “ha ha ha”, I thought it was so outrageous that people would understand that it was obviously a joke, but then people started believing I ACTUALLY picked her up in a white van for date. I can understand people I don’t know in “real life”, thinking, yeah, maybe he did pick her up in a white van, but when people I see on a daily basis think I picked her up in a white van, that’s when I get concerned. You think I traded in my car for a rape van just for this date!? For the record I drive an Infinity G-35.
2.) I DID NOT call her tall when I first met her.
She said in her blog that when I first met her I said “Wow, you ARE tall”. False.
Although I did thank her for being a giant, but at this point we were having so much fun it was totally acceptable. Yeah, another thing, the date was fun, we had a blast, we were tweeting another story for fun, which is our fault, we let out internet egos get in the way.
3.) I never offered to take her to Subway.
Really? People are dumb if they think I would actually go on a date to subway.
There it is, out in open. We haven’t spoke/text/tweeted since the date, so I’m pretty sure were probably never going to see each other again. Which is a shame because she was actually pretty cool in real life. On to the blog…..
PB Millionaire, or is it PB Reality? Or is it you’re still a tool?
In my opinion……..I don’t even know where to begin. I actually kind of want to begin this blog by punching myself in the eyes, but I remember that I have a low threshold for pain and it would probably be really difficult to type when my eyes are swollen shut. Why do I want to start this blog by punching myself in the face you ask? Well, it’s because I just spent the last 23 minutes of life, eye fucking the shit out of the PB Millionaire’s terrible terrible website. I wanted to get an update to what’s new and exciting with the douchest guy in “PB”, and it was one of those things where I just wanted to look away but couldn’t. You know like 2 girls 1 cup type of thing, you want to look away, but you can’t. You just can’t. Anyways, our friend, the PB Millionaire is at it again and I’ve got some tales to share with you. I just ruined 23 minutes of life, and hundred brains cells in order to gather information for the purposes of this blog. The things I do for you people.
Okay were going to make this as interactive as possible, let’s start with this, first step is for everyone to get in front of a computer. Okay, let me know when you there. Ready? Okay, now open a web browser of your choice, except Internet Explorer. Not because it won’t work in Internet Explorer, but seriously who uses IE anymore? From a nerd stand point, it just sucks, please get a real one. I’ve also discovered www.SingleSteve.com doesn’t work correctly in IE 6 or earlier, so if you are using IE 6.0 or earlier, we can’t be friends. But I digress. Focus. In the web browser address, navigate to:
http://www.pbmillionaire.com/
Notice…..the web address is now…
http://www.pbreality.com/
Whaaaaa. What’s this? Interweb magic. I know right. Apparently he is no longer the “PB Millionaire” douche bag, but now he’s branding this “PB Reality” garbage. Me thinks he’s not as rich as he seems. I guess “PB 35k-a-year-ionaire” doesn’t really have the same ring.Let’s dig deeper into this, so “PB millionaire” used to stand for “Philanthropist Bachelor Millionaire”, right? At least he used to pretend to be philanthropic while he was creeping on girls half his age. I searched the website and couldn’t find any more references to PB standing for “Philanthropic Bachelor”…..interesting. Where did it go?
Which leads me to exhibit A: a video I found of him on NBC San Diego from this years Street Scene. Play and read my time stamped comments as I walk you though this completely social awkward video.
I’m sorry for making you sit through that video. Kind of.
The highlight for me was when he basically said one of his assistants has fucked up teeth. So basically Philanthropist Bachelor is out the window, and he’s now pushing his reality show. Awesome.
So navigating back to his home page, notice the silence of your computer is interrupted by his music that starts playing automatically. Doesn’t he know how fucking annoying it is to go to a website and have music automatically start playing!? If I went to google.com and music started to play every single time, I would punt my computer into the face of the guy that’s responsible for that code. I’m just saying, it would be pretty fucking annoying. And I’m pretty sure HE DOES NOT own rights to that song to have it playing his website. But I digress, let’s take a look at “Here’s What’s Happening”.
Ruh roh Scooby, looks like PB millionaire has a girlfriend? Or at least had a date for Valentine’s Day.
I guess I’m just jealous because I spent my Valentines on an “Anti-Valentines” bar crawl in pacific beach. I may or may not have blacked out, and woke up at 1am covered in Wendy’s….Happy Valentine’s Day to me! It wasn’t my finest moment.
Next I’ll walk you through some of his more recent photos. He recently had a Christmas party, what from what I can tell you weren’t invited unless you were in a slutty Christmas costume. Sounds more like Halloween.
Also, for being really rich, I don’t know why he doesn’t invest in a copy of Photoshop.
His birthday looked fun, but my birthday celebration is way better. I’m just saying. It’s in conjunction with a friend, and we always do an epic bar crawl (Mid April, SAVE THE DATE). The best bar crawl you will ever go on, minus one’s hosted by CrawlPB.
I’m not sure why I made that collage, probably because I have the attention span of an infant and forget I’m in the middle of writing a blog. But let’s get back to bashing our friend, PB Millionaire, shall we.
Here’s all I’m going to say about his super bowl party:
It looks like he finally found his 4th angel. Good for him.
It got me thinking, if I could pick, who would my 4 angels be.
So there you go, now you know my type. Let me know if you think there’s anyone that you think would be good for me.
Also NO WHERE on his site does he mention a single thing he does to help or better the community. Not a single fucking thing. Alright I’m done bashing the PB Millionaire. I promise I’m not a jerk, I just play one on the internet.
In my opinion….. Leave me comments. Do it.
Vote for me!
Preface
Yep. Another fucking preface. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I just have some stuff I want to say that’s not really related to the “blog”, so here it is. What I wanted to declare for all to hear that I am never going to date another “blogger” again. What a disaster. As I’m sure some of you recall I went on a date with “The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single” girl. On paper she sounded okay, she was single, mildly entertaining, lived in San Diego and more importantly willing to go on a “date” with me. So I’m sure you read my side of the date and her side of the date. The problem with her side of the blog, is that it sits on a thrown of lies. Usually I wouldn’t feel the need to defend or refute comments but people are idiots and apparently I need clarify a few things. Also I get hate comments I have to delete on my blog, which is just getting annoying, so here’s some facts about the date:
1.) NO I did NOT pick her up in a white van.
When I read that, I thought it was funny, “ha ha ha”, I thought it was so outrageous that people would understand that it was obviously a joke, but then people started believing I ACTUALLY picked her up in a white van for date. I can understand people I don’t know in “real life”, thinking, yeah, maybe he did pick her up in a white van, but when people I see on a daily basis think I picked her up in a white van, that’s when I get concerned. You think I traded in my car for a rape van just for this date!? For the record I drive an Infinity G-35.
2.) I DID NOT call her tall when I first met her.
She said in her blog that when I first met her I said “Wow, you ARE tall”. False.
Although I did thank her for being a giant, but at this point we were having so much fun it was totally acceptable. Yeah, another thing, the date was fun, we had a blast, we were tweeting another story for fun, which is our fault, we let out internet egos get in the way.
3.) I never offered to take her to Subway.
Really? People are dumb if they think I would actually go on a date to subway.
There it is, out in open. We haven’t spoke/text/tweeted since the date, so I’m pretty sure were probably never going to see each other again. Which is a shame because she was actually pretty cool in real life. On to the blog…..
PB Millionaire, or is it PB Reality? Or is it you’re still a tool?
In my opinion……..I don’t even know where to begin. I actually kind of want to begin this blog by punching myself in the eyes, but I remember that I have a low threshold for pain and it would probably be really difficult to type when my eyes are swollen shut. Why do I want to start this blog by punching myself in the face you ask? Well, it’s because I just spent the last 23 minutes of life, eye fucking the shit out of the PB Millionaire’s terrible terrible website. I wanted to get an update to what’s new and exciting with the douchest guy in “PB”, and it was one of those things where I just wanted to look away but couldn’t. You know like 2 girls 1 cup type of thing, you want to look away, but you can’t. You just can’t. Anyways, our friend, the PB Millionaire is at it again and I’ve got some tales to share with you. I just ruined 23 minutes of life, and hundred brains cells in order to gather information for the purposes of this blog. The things I do for you people.
Okay were going to make this as interactive as possible, let’s start with this, first step is for everyone to get in front of a computer. Okay, let me know when you there. Ready? Okay, now open a web browser of your choice, except Internet Explorer. Not because it won’t work in Internet Explorer, but seriously who uses IE anymore? From a nerd stand point, it just sucks, please get a real one. I’ve also discovered www.SingleSteve.com doesn’t work correctly in IE 6 or earlier, so if you are using IE 6.0 or earlier, we can’t be friends. But I digress. Focus. In the web browser address, navigate to:
http://www.pbmillionaire.com/
Notice…..the web address is now…
http://www.pbreality.com/
Whaaaaa. What’s this? Interweb magic. I know right. Apparently he is no longer the “PB Millionaire” douche bag, but now he’s branding this “PB Reality” garbage. Me thinks he’s not as rich as he seems. I guess “PB 35k-a-year-ionaire” doesn’t really have the same ring.
Let’s dig deeper into this, so “PB millionaire” used to stand for “Philanthropist Bachelor Millionaire”, right? At least he used to pretend to be philanthropic while he was creeping on girls half his age. I searched the website and couldn’t find any more references to PB standing for “Philanthropic Bachelor”…..interesting. Where did it go?
Which leads me to exhibit A: a video I found of him on NBC San Diego from this years Street Scene. Play and read my time stamped comments as I walk you though this completely social awkward video.
I’m sorry for making you sit through that video. Kind of.
The highlight for me was when he basically said one of his assistants has fucked up teeth. So basically Philanthropist Bachelor is out the window, and he’s now pushing his reality show. Awesome.
So navigating back to his home page, notice the silence of your computer is interrupted by his music that starts playing automatically. Doesn’t he know how fucking annoying it is to go to a website and have music automatically start playing!? If I went to google.com and music started to play every single time, I would punt my computer into the face of the guy that’s responsible for that code. I’m just saying, it would be pretty fucking annoying. And I’m pretty sure HE DOES NOT own rights to that song to have it playing his website. But I digress, let’s take a look at “Here’s What’s Happening”.
Ruh roh Scooby, looks like PB millionaire has a girlfriend? Or at least had a date for Valentine’s Day.
I guess I’m just jealous because I spent my Valentines on an “Anti-Valentines” bar crawl in pacific beach. I may or may not have blacked out, and woke up at 1am covered in Wendy’s….Happy Valentine’s Day to me! It wasn’t my finest moment.
Next I’ll walk you through some of his more recent photos. He recently had a Christmas party, what from what I can tell you weren’t invited unless you were in a slutty Christmas costume. Sounds more like Halloween.
Also, for being really rich, I don’t know why he doesn’t invest in a copy of Photoshop.
His birthday looked fun, but my birthday celebration is way better. I’m just saying. It’s in conjunction with a friend, and we always do an epic bar crawl (Mid April, SAVE THE DATE). The best bar crawl you will ever go on, minus one’s hosted by CrawlPB.
I’m not sure why I made that collage, probably because I have the attention span of an infant and forget I’m in the middle of writing a blog. But let’s get back to bashing our friend, PB Millionaire, shall we.
Here’s all I’m going to say about his super bowl party:
It looks like he finally got a 4th angel. Good for him. It got me thinking, if I could pick, who would my 4 angels be.
So there you go, now you know my type. Let me know if you think there’s anyone that you think would be good for me.
Also NO WHERE on his site does he mention a single thing he does to help or better the community. Not a single fucking thing. Alright I’m done bashing the PB Millionaire. I promise I’m not a jerk, I just play one on the internet.
In my opinion….. Leave me comments. Do it.
PB Millionaire: IN MY OPINION
Posted by Single Steve in PB Millionaire on February 17, 2010
Preface
Yep. This blog has a preface, I’m not sure what’s actually in a preface since I don’t actually read books. A fun fact about me, I hate hate hate reading. I know right. Shocking? Maybe not. I don’t even like proof reading my own blog after I write it, which is obvious by the misspellings, grammar mistakes and my poor excuses for sentences. But I’m not a writer, nor do I claim to be, which means I can pretty much write how ever I want, I can start sentences with the word “but”, I can also just keep adding comas to a sentence, if I wanted to, because, that’s how it sounds in my head, when I talk, which is how it comes out when I type it up, take for example, this sentence you’re reading right now. So now you know. But that’s NOT the point of this preface. The point of this preface is 2 fold. I need 2 things from you.
1.) FACT: You like reading this blog. FACT: You have at least one friend on facebook. Based on those 2 facts, I’m going to pathetical and egotistically ask you to invite your friends to become a fan of facebook fan page. FACT: I did the math and if each of you invites just one friend, the group doubles in size. Unless you think this blogs sucks and your friends wouldn’t think its funny, in that case, please stop reading now. Glad you’re still here. I’m just saying, its what keeps me writing, seeing randoms join the fan page. Of course I enjoy seeing my “real life” friends reading my blog, but I feel like they are personally coerced enough, that they better fucking read it.
It validates the “effort” I might put into this blog. It’s the least you could do, well technically the least you could do is nothing, but you get what I’m trying to say.
Step 1. Click here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Steve/147717841098?ref=ts
Step 2.
I’ll pause for a moment and let you invite your friends. Come back when you’re done.
2.) The second thing I need is your votes. Take 30 seconds, click on the following link, then select the up arrow next to my blog. Bada Bing Bada Boom. Quick and simple.
http://influencesd.slinkset.com/categories/76933-best-in-lifestyle
Apparently my blog and my life is considered a “life style”. Who knew not getting laid and then writing about it, is actually called a “life style”. Awesome. Anyways, on to the blog…
IN MY OPINION
Apparently I need to start all of my blogs with IN MY OPINION, because otherwise ass clowns think they can sue me. Well get into that mess later…..
If you haven’t read parts 1 or 2 yet, I recommend you start there.
· PB Millionaire: Part 1
· PB Millionaire, Part 2
I actually wrote a blog about a month ago completely bashing the PB millionaire and made some funny comments on his videos, pictures, etc, but didn’t post it because I had a change of heart? Whaa whaaaa? A change of heart you say? Yes, it’s true. I was just about to hit the publish button, when I decided I was going to try and be the bigger person in this love hate relationship I have with the PB Millionaire. Why the change of heart you ask? Well I was just about to publish the 3rd part in the PB millionaire series of blogs when I ran across this content on his web page…
Annnnd okay, so as much as I think he’s a super douche who hires girls half his age to party with him, I also kind of (kind of) respect his attempts to be philanthropic. Anyone that knows me in “Real Life” knows I’m extremely philanthropically oriented. I coach a Special Olympics basketball team, I’ve been a big brother for big brother big sisters, I’m president of a non profit that gives away over $20,000 in scholarships to local San Diego college students a year, and other yada yadas. BUT that’s not my angle, and that’s NOT my branding for this SingleSteve.com blog. Unfortunately that IS part of PB Reality’s branding. And I also feel like he “trys” to do some good for the community, but he is so poorly presented and marketed to the outside world through his webpage and videos that he comes off as just this old guy that parties 99 percent of the time and might do something good for the community 1 percent of the time. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know what, maybe he does do some good stuff for the community? Like the story above about helping a family in need during the holiday times. That’s pretty awesome, poorly written and badly presented, but awesome that he helped a family out in times of need during the holiday. So I decided to reach out to the PB Millionaire and offer my “services” to help him with his branding, social media and web content. I was legitimately and honestly interested in helping the PB Millionaire. I reached out to him and his angels with this email…..
So yeah, that was my email. I got a response, almost immediately, but I’m not going to post it because I’m not sure how legal that is…..but I can summarize and paraphrase what I got back from “Jen and the PB Reality Staff”. Basically the email said they were actually aware of my blogs for quite some time and Jim has the ability to laugh at himself and not take criticism seriously. Which is good, because I really put him on blast. They did say they were hesitant to trust me and me offering my services to them, which is fair enough, I mean prior to this email, they probably thought I was the worst person ever, actually they still might. She said they MIGHT be willing to work with me, if I were to take down my blogs. This then became a which came first the chicken or the egg conversation, I will GLADLY take down my blogs about the PB millionaire once I feel like they are no longer true, once my opinion has changed of him based on new content that is presented. But they won’t let me help them change his content until I take down my blogs. See the problem. And me being a little stubborn and feeling like I’m already going out on the edge giving him the benefit of the doubt that’s he’s not 110 percent a turd and offering my services to him, there’s no way I’m taking down my blogs first.
She also called my blogs a “hate forum”, which is probably true, but I can’t be responsible for what other people comment on of my opinion.
And then she said something that enraged me.
“There are laws written to protect people like Jim from people like you. We highly recommend that you do the right thing on your own accord or Jim may be persuaded by his attorney to force you by law”
At this point I literally ripped my shirt in half, Hulk Hogan style, blinded with rage. Well, I didn’t literally rip my shirt in half, because I was at work, but I was in my cubical flailing my arms pretty wildly.
They think they can force me with the law to take down my blogs!? WHAT!? THIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNET. I write my blogs based on my opinion of every thing HE puts out in the public domain. It’s like if I went to go see a movie, then wrote a bad movie review and said it was literally the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. You think they would be able to make me take down my opinion just because it’s negative? False. It’s actually pretty clearly described here: http://thedirty.com/contact-us/
So anyways that statement just threw me back a little. I wanted to respond with a big FUCK YOUR FACE, but decided to again try and be reasonable about it. Here’s my response:
For those of you that don’t recall, I found this photo on his PUBLIC myspace http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=72611674&albumID=538362&imageID=557517
I’m sorry if you clicked on that. I’m merely suggesting he cleans his shit up. Maybe don’t post pictures of your junk on myspace, or at least don’t pretend not to be a douche if you do. IN MY OPINION that’s what douche bags do.
They never responded back to my email. Guess they’re happy with way things are. I’ve got no complaints either. BUT do expect another blog coming out soon with MY OPINIONS about new exciting updates with the PB Millionaire/PB Reality. Probably before I leave for Vegas on Friday. Get excited. Here’s a sneak peak…..
In my opinion I think “Bring It On” was a terrible movie, I also I think the PB Millionaire is an ass clown. I hope the makers of “Bring It On” don’t make me take down town this blog because I said their movie sucked.
I don’t know. Am I in the right? Can I be writing what I’m writing?
Okcupid.com Date: FAIL
Posted by Single Steve in humor on January 29, 2010
Let me just start off by saying, I’m terrible internet human being. Absolutely terrible, probably the worst.
NOW, with that being said, it’s time for me to be a jerk, so sit back and let me tell you about an absolutely terrible date I went on a week ago from the free online dating website okcupid. Well, it wasn’t terrible terrible, but I guess I was just more optimistic about my first date (with a human being) in 6 months. I guess that’s my fault.
So lets set the scene, me, habitual pathetic online dater, I’ve almost completely saturated the girls of okcupid.com. And by saturate I don’t mean I’ve dated every girl on okcupid.com and it’s time for me to move on. By saturate I mean I’ve gone one 1 date, but I’ve probably sent emails to every girl aged between 22 and 30, who I thought was attractive, that lives in a 30 mile radius of San Diego. No it wasn’t all at once, creep, it was over the course of time. Thankfully for me, okcupid lets me know I’ve already sent an email out to said girl, and when I sent it. And once you send an email and don’t get a response, you probably shouldn’t send another opening email. Or maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong? Maybe I need to send 13 emails to a girl before she responds
Anyways, a girl, a human girl, actually responded back to my email! I know right. Making me one for 437. Not bad. I’ve always been told it was a numbers game. Girl and I email back and forth a couple times, and it was decided we were going to go out on a “date”. GULP. My first date date in 6 months, kind of a big deal.
So about the girl, here’s her stats…..
Right? So nothing to be concerned about, just your average girl. Game on.
She seemed interesting and funny via email, but we all know typed words can be deceiving. Like apparently my blogs make me sounds like a funny white guy, yeah, like that.
What did she look like you ask!?
Physically she was um…pretty? Well if you average all of her photos together, she was pretty. What do you mean average all of her photos together you ask? Well shut the fuck up and I’ll tell you what I mean. I mean, good question. I MEEEEEEAN, on okcupid you can post multiple photos of yourself. Said girl had 5 photos. That’s 5 opportunities for me to decide my physical attractiveness to her before our date. That’s IF her photos had all been from the same time frame.
Her 5th photo was the most attractive, but I feel like that was also the LEAST recent. The 4th was the next best and so on, until you get to her main profile picture (1st photo), which looks almost like a completely different person from her 5th photo.
Yeah, I’m a terrible. Oh well. And it’s not like I haven’t put on weight since the 8th grade either, but I’m not going to post up a picture from then, trying to pass off like I still might be at my 8th grade weight. All of my pictures are current and look like me. Except this one.
So knowing that mostly likely she was probably going to be looking more like picture 1, then picture 5, I still decided to go out on the date. HEY! I know what you’re thinking “You shallow son of bitch”, fuck your couch. I’m not as shallow as you think, BUT I think we’d all be lying if we said that physical attractiveness wasn’t important. You have to be physically attracted to the person, at least initially. No girl ever looks across the bar and says ‘Oh my god, that guy looks really fucking ha-larious, I’m going to grind on him”. No girl EVER does that. It’s more like “Oh my god, that guy has massive pecks and a sweet Ed Hardy shirt, I’m going to go grind on him”
I have to light myself on fire and start break dancing, just to get girls to notice me at bars.
But I digress, so after averaging all her pictures together I decided I was attracted enough to go out on a date with her. I mean I haven’t been on a date in Fooooooreeeeeevaaaaar (Sand Lot style), and I thought why the F not. Who knows maybe she’ll be twice as awesome in person?
The Date
The date…..so I suggested dinner and drinks, she seemed excited about the idea. So I’ve got this cliché date I always do, always. I’ve used this same date sequence on probably and literally 10 girls since being in San Diego. Some of them were date dates, some of them were just friends I was trying to make out with. So what’s the date. The date always starts off at the same nice quant Italian restaurant a few blocks from me (in Hillcrest), they have an awesome, and a very intimate atmosphere. After we have a good meal, and a bottle wine, I then I suggest we walk ½ a block down the street to Wine Steals. Wine Steals is a great place to continue the drinking and the conversation, while emphasizing my “grown-up-ness”. As opposed to suggesting after dinner we go down to Dirty Birds in PB and shotgun beers. ALTHOUGH I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a girl that did that, I just don’t feel like that’s a first date move.
Yeah that’s my date move, and that’s how it supposed to work, at least in my head. It never works as planned, I usually blow it about wine steals, which is about the time I start smelling her hair when she’s not looking. I have to stop doing that.
If you’re reading this blog and thinking “Oh shit!? Steven and I went to that Italian place for dinner, and then he suggested we go to Wine Steals afterwards, but we’re jut friends, he wasn’t trying to bang me…… Right?” Wrong. Well I probably wasn’t trying to bang you, but I was at least trying to make out with you. Sorry, I’m not sorry.
And for future girls, that I casually suggest we go to this really good Italian restaurant near my house, it’s actually code for “I’m going to buy you dinner and drinks on the 5 percent change you want to make out with me”. So now you know.
Anyways, focus, THIS was the date plan.
I get to her apartment, give her call, and she said she’ll be right down. Now the time between when she hangs up and she actually gets down stairs is probably the most nervous 4 minutes of the date for me. I frantically, do a last minute breathe and teeth check, I start smashing all the AC buttons to make sure the car is at a comfortable air temperature, and then I nervously flip through the radio stations to find a “cool” song.
She opens the doors, and immediately I notice this is NOT the girl from photo 5, nor photo 4, nor 3, nor 2, nor 1. It’s worst than we feared….much worse……the girl from photo negative 2 showed up (I’m a terrible human being, I know). I’m a little rattled as she starts approaching the car (literally, think Jurassic Park…), but I’m an extremely optimistic person, I thinking I’m going to make the most of this date and maybe well just have a super duper awesome time. Maybe.
(NO I’m not going to show you photos of her, that would just be mean. Although I have shown photos of her to just about everyone I’ve told this story to in real life, so meet up with me in “real life” if you’d like to see pictures that accompany this story.)
(AND for the record, I like girls with a little meat on them. I don’t like really skinny girls, I feel like I’m going to break them, or eat them, it’s just not normal. I like girls that would be considered average to bigger than average, for the record. BUT she was bigger than even I would find attractive)
She gets into the car and she smells of sweet sweet perfume and there was something else, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but she definitely smelt of something much different that perfume. I figured it out, but not, till much later….
We make our way to the Italian place, order food, order wine, have an average conversation. Nothing spectacular, nothing terrible. I’m a talker, I can make it work regardless of how little she talked. After dinner I proceed to start progressing towards step 2, suggest we go get a drink at a really classy wine bar about half a block away, she fires back with we should go to Aerobar. Aerobar!? I’ve never been, but I always see it off the freeway on the sketchy frontage road. Going along with her suggestion, we head out to Aerobar.
We get to Aerobar, and it’s exactly what I would expect it to look like. Small, narrow, one bar with some pool tables in the back. The bar is packed, all local older San Diegian type of crowd. We sit down at the bar and order a drink. What she FORGOT to mention is that this place is basically her Cheers. Awesome. I mean I love meeting new people and being social, and I’m really good at it. But she is constantly telling me to wait right here, she’ll be back, and runs off to chat with a group across the bar, it’s starts getting old reeeeeeal quick. I didn’t come to Aerobar to sit by myself, and watch a 40 something couple make out 3 feet away from me like the Titanic was going down. I didn’t. She finally has a seat and we start talking again when she gets interrupted by her phone ringing. She opens up her purse to grab her phone, and what did my little eyes spy that ended any hope of a second date??
Cigarettes. Really? Cigarettes? Who still smokes? It’s the year two thousand fucking ten.
Also she was talking about running a half marathon this year. Um, step one, stop fucking SMOKING. I know I might be over reacting, you’re thinking it was just a pack of cigarettes Steven you don’t even know if they were hers, or how often she smokes. Shut up, this is my blog, I can over react anyway I want. But THEN it clicked. When she got into the car she smelt like sweet sweet perfume and terrible terrible cigarette smoke. FAIL. This is a deal breaker. I will NOT date someone that’s smokes. I did date a girl that smoked only when she drank, and I hated it. She smelt like smoke, tasted like smoke and made me smell like smoke.
Pretty much I stopped listening. No physical attraction, no mental attraction AND she smokes. Fail. Date could not end quick enough. We get back to her house, I drop her off, no hug, no kiss, just a “Well, see ya later”.
As soon as I got home, I immediately logged onto okcupid, to check her profile to see if she said she smokes….as you can check above, I guess she did say she smokes. FUCK. I guess I was just so excited to get a response message from someone I didn’t do my usually background, profile creep sweep before hand. Smoking was just the straw that broke the camels back, not the only thing that helped me make my decision for no second date. F! I really wanted the date to go well. Well I really want any date to go well.
I hope it’s not another 6 months before my next date. . . I like dates, I like having dates, I like having someone to enjoy this adventure of life with me (not to get all emo on you). But seriously, I’m too awesome, and do awesome things which require a partner in crime. I’m tried of being my friend’s 3rd, 5th, and 7th wheel on their date nights. Oh they say they’re not date nights, but they’re date nights.
So what am I looking for you ask??? I’m glad you asked. I actually have been building a list of requirements for my next girlfriend. Yes, requirements, I’m an engineer, what do you fucking want from me. Basically, I tweet periodically with the hash tag #RFMNGF which is Requirements For My Next GirlFriend. When ever an idea or thought pops into my head about something I would like my next girlfriend to have or do, I tweet about it.
I’ve started the page here:
RFMNGF
Those are my requirements, let me know if you meet those, or know someone that does. That list is growing daily
I’ll mention quickly on the way out of this blog…..
I may or may not have a “date” with this girl next week:The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single
She’s single, blogs, funny, Hispanic and lives in San Diego!? Sounds like my internet twin. I suggest you become a fan, read her blogs, and give me some tips and advice on how to prepare.
I’ll keep you posted. Also big thanks to Shawn from Ragaboo.com, he was critical in helping me draft the perfect facebook message to her. Check out his blog, it’s most hilarious!
I live for comments. I’m kind of a whore like that.
Invite your friends to blog. I bet they’ll like it.
<!–[if !mso]> <! st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } –>
Let me just start off by saying, I’m terrible internet human being. Absolutely terrible, probably the worst.
NOW, with that being said, it’s time for me to be a jerk, so sit back and let me tell you about an absolutely terrible date I went on a week ago from the free online dating website okcupid. Well, it wasn’t terrible terrible, but I guess I was just more optimistic about my first date (with a human being) in 6 months. I guess that’s my fault.
So lets set the scene, me, habitual pathetic online dater, I’ve almost completely saturated the girls of okcupid.com. And by saturate I don’t mean I’ve dater every girl on okcupid.com and it’s time for me to move on. By saturate I mean I’ve gone one 1 date, but I’ve probably sent emails to every girl aged between 22 and 30, who I thought was attractive, that lives in a 30 mile radius of San Diego. No it wasn’t all at once, creep, it was over the course of time. Thankfully for me, okcupid lets me know I’ve already sent an email out to said girl, and when I sent it. And once you send an email and don’t get a response, you probably shouldn’t send another opening email. Or maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong? Maybe I need to send 13 emails to a girl before she responds.
Anyways, a girl, a human girl, actually responded back to my email! I know right. Making me one for 437. Not bad. I’ve always been told it was a numbers game. Girl and I email back and forth a couple times, and it was decided we were going to go out on a “date”. GULP. My first date date in 6 months, kind of a big deal.
So about the girl, here’s her stats…..
Right? So nothing to be concerned about, just your average girl. Game on.
She seemed interesting and funny via email, but we all know typed words can be deceiving. Like apparently my blogs make me sounds like a funny white guy, yeah, like that.
What did she look like you ask!?
Physically she was um…pretty? Well if you average all of her photos together, she was pretty. What do you mean average all of her photos together you ask? Well shut the fuck up and I’ll tell you what I mean. I mean, good question. I MEEEEEEAN, on okcupid you can post multiple photos of yourself. Said girl had 5 photos. That’s 5 opportunities for me to decide my physical attractiveness to her before our date. That’s IF her photos had all been from the same time frame.
Her 5th photo was the most attractive, but I feel like that was also the LEAST recent. The 4th was the next best and so on, until you get to her main profile picture (1st photo), which looks almost like a completely different person from her 5th photo.
Yeah, I’m a terrible. Oh well. And it’s not like I haven’t put on weight since the 8th grade either, but I’m not going to post up a picture from then, trying to pass off like I still might be at my 8th grade weight. All of my pictures current and look like me. Except this one.
So knowing that mostly likely she was probably going to be looking more like picture 1, then picture 5, I still decided to go out on the date. HEY! I know what you’re thinking “You shallow son of bitch”, fuck your couch. I’m not as shallow as you think, BUT I think we’d all be lying if we said that physical attractiveness wasn’t important. You have to be physically attracted to the person, at least initially. No girl ever looks across the bar and says ‘Oh my god, that guy looks really fucking ha-larious, I’m going to grind on him”. No girl EVER does that. It’s more like “Oh my god, that guy has massive pecks and a sweet Ed Hardy shirt, I’m going to go grind on him”
I have to light myself on fire and start break dancing, just to get girls to notice me at bars.
But I digress, so after averaging all her pictures together I decided I was attracted enough to go out on a date with her. I mean I haven’t been on a date in Fooooooreeeeeevaaaaar (Sand Lot style), and I thought why the F not. Who knows maybe she’ll be twice as awesome in person?
The Date
The date…..so I suggested dinner and drinks, she seemed excited about the idea. So I’ve got this cliché date I always do, always. I’ve used this same date sequence on probably and literally 10 girls since being in San Diego. Some of them were date dates, some of them were just friends I was trying to make out with. So what’s the date. The date always starts off at the same nice quant Italian restaurant a few blocks from me (in Hillcrest), they have an awesome, and a very intimate atmosphere. After we have a good meal, and a bottle wine, I then I suggest we walk ½ a block down the street to Wine Steals. Wine Steals is a great place to continue the drinking and the conversation, while emphasizing my “grown-up-ness”. As opposed to suggesting after dinner we go down to Dirty Birds in PB and shotgun beers. ALTHOUGH I wouldn’t be opposed to dating a girl that did that, I just don’t feel like that’s a first date move.
Yeah that’s my date move, and that’s how it supposed to work, at least in my head. It never works as planned, I usually blow it about wine steals, which is about the time I start smelling her hair when she’s not looking. I have to stop doing that.
If you’re reading this blog and thinking “Oh shit!? Steven and I went to that Italian place for dinner, and then he suggested we go to Wine Steals afterwards, but we’re jut friends, he wasn’t trying to bang me…… Right?” Wrong. Well I probably wasn’t trying to bang you, but I was at least trying to make out with you. Sorry, I’m not sorry.
And for future girls, that I casually suggest we go to this really good Italian restaurant near my house, it’s actually code for “I’m going to buy you dinner and drinks on the 5 percent change you want to make out with me”. So now you know.
Anyways, focus, THIS was the date plan.
I get to her apartment, give her call, and she said she’ll be right down. Now the time between when she hangs up and she actually gets down stairs is probably the most nervous 4 minutes of the date for me. I frantically, do a last minute breathe and teeth check, I start smashing all the AC buttons to make sure the car is at a comfortable air temperature, and then I nervously flip through the radio stations to find a “cool” song.
She opens the doors, and immediately I notice this is NOT the girl from photo 5, nor photo 4, nor 3, nor 2, nor 1. It’s worst than we feared….much worse……the girl from photo negative 2 showed up (I’m a terrible human being, I know). I’m a little rattled as she starts approaching the car (literally, think Jurassic Park…), but I’m an extremely optimistic person, I thinking I’m going to make the most of this date and maybe well just have a super duper awesome time. Maybe.
(NO I’m not going to show you photos of her, that would just be mean. Although I have shown photos of her to just about everyone I’ve told this story to in real life, so meet up with me in “real life” if you’d like to see pictures that accompany this story.)
(AND for the record, I like girls with a little meat on them. I don’t like really skinny girls, I feel like I’m going to break them, or eat them, it’s just not normal. I like girls that would be considered average to bigger than average, for the record. BUT she was bigger than even I would find attractive)
She gets into the car and she smells of sweet sweet perfume and there was something else, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but she definitely smelt of something much different that perfume. I figured it out, but not, till much later….
We make our way to the Italian place, order food, order wine, have an average conversation. Nothing spectacular, nothing terrible. I’m a talker, I can make it work regardless of how little she talked. After dinner I proceed to start progressing towards step 2, suggest we go get a drink at a really classy wine bar about half a block away, she fires back with we should go to Aerobar. Aerobar!? I’ve never been, but I always see it off the freeway on the sketchy frontage road. Going along with her suggestion, we head out to Aerobar.
We get to Aerobar, and it’s exactly what I would expect it to look like. Small, narrow, one bar with some pool tables in the back. The bar is packed, all local older San Diegian type of crowd. We sit down at the bar and order a drink. What she FORGOT to mention is that this place is basically her Cheers. Awesome. I mean I love meeting new people and being social, and I’m really good at it. But she is constantly telling me to wait right here, she’ll be back, and runs off to chat with a group across the bar, it’s starts getting old reeeeeeal quick. I didn’t come to Aerobar to sit by myself, and watch a 40 something couple make out 3 feet away from me like the Titanic was going down. I didn’t. She finally has a seat and we start talking again when she gets interrupted by her phone ringing. She opens up her purse to grab her phone, and what did my little eyes spy that ended any hope of a second date??
Cigarettes. Really? Cigarettes? Who still smokes? It’s the year two thousand fucking ten.
Also she was talking about running a half marathon this year. Um, step one, stop fucking SMOKING. I know I might be over reacting, you’re thinking it was just a pack of cigarettes Steven you don’t even know if they were hers, or how often she smokes. Shut up, this is my blog, I can over react anyway I want. But THEN it clicked. When she got into the car she smelt like sweet sweet perfume and terrible terrible cigarette smoke. FAIL. This is a deal breaker. I will NOT date someone that’s smokes. I did date a girl that smoked only when she drank, and I hated it. She smelt like smoke, tasted like smoke and made me smell like smoke.
Pretty much I stopped listening. No physical attraction, no mental attraction AND she smokes. Fail. Date could not end quick enough. We get back to her house, I drop her off, no hug, no kiss, just a “Well, see ya later”.
As soon as I got home, I immediately logged onto okcupid, to check her profile to see if she said she smokes….as you can check above, I guess she did say she smokes. FUCK. I guess I was just so excited to get a response message from someone I didn’t do my usually background, profile creep sweep before hand. Smoking was just the straw that broke the camels back, not the only thing that helped me make my decision for no second date. F! I really wanted the date to go well. Well I really want any date to go well.
I hope it’s not another 6 months before my next date. . . I like dates, I like having dates, I like having someone to enjoy this adventure of life with me (not to get all emo on you). But seriously, I’m too awesome, and do awesome things which require a partner in crime. I’m tried of being my friend’s 3rd, 5th, and 7th wheel on their date nights. Oh they say they’re not date nights, but they’re date nights.
So what am I looking for you ask??? I’m glad you asked. I actually have been building a list of requirements for my next girlfriend. Yes, requirements, I’m an engineer, what do you fucking want from me. Basically, I tweet periodically with the hash tag #RFMNGF which is Requirements For My Next GirlFriend. When ever an idea or thought pops into my head about something I would like my next girlfriend to have or do, I tweet about it.
I’ve started the page here:
RFMNGF
Those are my requirements, let me know if you meet those, or know someone that does. That list is growing daily
I’ll mention quickly on the way out of this blog…..
I may or may not have a “date” with this girl next week:
The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single
I’ll keep you posted. Also big thanks to Shawn from Ragoboo.com, he was critical in helping me draft the perfect facebook message to her. Check out his blog, it’s most hilarious!
How To Get Kicked Out Of Moondoggies…again?
Posted by Single Steve in drunk, humor, moondoggies on January 17, 2010
Life continues, and so does the adventure. This week has been a blur to say the least. I’ve been trying to write this blog for a while, but drinking keeps getting in the way.
It’s been a busy week, my liver, wallet and sense of responsibility all hate me.
Let’s start with Thursday.
How to get kicked out of Moondoggies, again…..
You’re probably thinking, “Now Steven, haven’t I heard this story before??” No. Shut up, you don’t know anything about me. And yes, I have regaled you with a story before of how I got kicked out of the ever classy establishment that is Moondoggies on a Thursday night, but believe it or not it happen again. And again, it wasn’t my fault, well it mostly wasn’t my fault.
Here’s the story about the first time
This Thursday was going to be a big night, epic even. It was the “gangs” first Thursday in a few months, which is a ridiculously long time for us. And you knew it was going to be a big Thursday because there was even a work email sent out notifying the cool kids that shenanigans were going down.
So anyways, I’m 1 to 2 to 7 beers deep at this point, and anyone that knows me, knows I have the bladder of a 12 year of girl. I pee approximately every 17 minutes when I’m drinking. I should probably see a doctor, but I figure it’s actually some type of super power right? I mean my body has the ability to process beer into pee almost instantly. But I digress…..So I’m line to pee, again, probably about 4 people deep outside the entrance to the actual bathroom. My friend Tyler gloriously walks out from the bathroom, says hello, and joking says “Don’t pee on the walls like last time, try not to get kicked out”, we laughed, he walked on. I’m now 3 people deep, doing the pee dance when a guy in the typical “PB Douche” uniform (dark button up shirt, stone washed jeans and backwards black hat) starts making his way to the entrance of the bathroom, disregarding the 6 people deep line. In my head I’m thinking “Alllll hell to no!”, and of course it’s just in my head, because I’m super passive aggressive. As dude walks by he trips on my foot, and stumbles a bit…….JACKPOT…..my opportunity to slide in a sarcastic snide comment, since that’s the only thing I’ve got going for me in this situation as he’s about to cut the line to pee. I sarcastically and smugly tell this douche attempting to cut the line, “Wow, drunk much?”. He cuts back, making a B line straight towards me and says “Excuse me, what?” in a very inquisitive voice. At this point I’ve got some liquid courage in me so I responded like I was talking to my 95 year old great grand mother. You know the style, where you talk slower, and louder and nod your head to ever word. Yeah. I did that. I came back with “WOW…….DRUNK…..MUCH?” Ha. Take that line cutter, I’d like to see him come back with something half as witty. What was his response you ask? His response, kind of caught me off guard, he responded with “That’s it you’re out of here!”. It caught me off guard because I didn’t know random line cutters could kick people out of the bar. Was he making like a citizens arrest, but of people in bars? After further investigation and better lighting I noticed he was wearing a Moondoggies “I work here” type if shirt. Fml. I’m no rookie to Moondoggies, that’s why I know the bar issued uniform is a tan short sleeve button up shirt, but this guy must have worn his other shirt today. Of course. Next thing I know I been shoved through the dance floor, flash light shinning on my head, all the mean while I’m trying to finish my Dos XX before I reach the door. I was tossed. Ejected. Laughing the entire time. All before 11:30pm. Only me. Only Moondoggies.
Worst part is, I still had to pee, bad. I got 24 hour Mexican and called it night.
“I thought you would be white”
Two nights later I was out in PB once again, hanging out with some friends at Moondoggies. Actually there was a streak of 6 days last week where I had been to Moondoggies for drinks for 4 of them. No. You have a problem. Anyways I was at Moondoggies, when I got a tweet from @mikeythejerk
Mike’s a cool kid from my MBA classes, seems to be out and about in PB more than me. Respect. So those of you not familiar with twitter, the tweet above also included a picture in the message, so I opened up the picture. …
I continued with my night, regretting I didn’t go meet up with Mike and said girl at Shore Club. Especially since I love me some Shore Club. I was walking to my car down Garnett and I hear a guy yell “Single Steve!” I turn and see Mike’s friend Nick, I’ve met before at a bar crawl. He’s stumbling down the street with this taller, attractive girl, he introduces me to her as “this is Single Steve from the blogs”, she lets out a small excited scream and gives me a big old bear hug. That’s like 3rd base in my book. She introduces herself as Sarah, she’s nice and bit tipsy.
Ah ha! This was the girl from the photo earlier! She does exists! And…. she’s a lot taller than I expected. Well, taller than me. I’m only 5’9, so that’s not really hard to do.
Sarah and Nick are embracing, and drunkenly swaying, Nick and I start talking about blah blah blah how was night, blah blah, when Sarah sways over in my direction, still hanging onto Nick for balance and says “You don’t look like I expected you to”. Hahaha!
What!? I asked her what she expected me to look like, she said “I thought you would be white”. Again, what!? Ha! I guess my blogs make me sound white? I feel like I drop the “I’m Mexican, ole!” joke, every now and then. At least enough so people who don’t know me in “real life”, would gather I’m Mexican? Or maybe she assumes Mexican’s aren’t as funny as white people. Which might be true. Which would make sense, because anyone that knows me, knows I’m the worst Mexican ever.
Then she starts talking about “I’m attracted to Single Steve, but not Real Life Steve”, haha! That’s literally, literally a direct quote. I wasn’t upset by her drunk honest comment, I was actually pretty flattered. I mean she’s attracted to this “Single Steve” character she made up in her head, who was white, probably taller and really funny. I actually feel bad I ruined her perception of this Single Steve she made me out to be in her head, by meeting Real Life Steve. Oh well.
And this point I made my exit, wondering how many other readers think I’m white? Or have some other perception of me of what I might look like, or how I would act in real life?
Speaking of twitter, you need to follow me. Not just because I’m an egotistical asshole and the more followers I have the easier I go to sleep. It’s because if you want to know the real Single Steve, I highly recommend it. I tweet many many times a day and mostly without a filter. Where my facebook status are extremely filtered and occur one ever two days or so.
I know twitter sounds like the dumbest thing in the whole wide world, but once I got on it, I’m more hooked than facebook. Yeah. I said it, more than facebook.
Follow me at:
http://twitter.com/SingleSteve
I went on an okcupid.com last week, it was no bueno. I’ll write about that next.
Thoughts? Feelings? Concerns?
Comment. It makes me happy.
Invite your friends to blog. I bet they’ll like it.
2010. The Year of the Tiger. And Single Steve?
Posted by Single Steve in humor on January 7, 2010
Prepare yourself, this is kind of a long one (That’s what she said)
A new year a new blog! Actually this is the second blog I’ve written this year, the first one being part 3 of the PB Millionaire series. But I had a change of heart…..for the moment, I’m giving him the opportunity to shape up. Basically, I offered my free services to him to help him be less of douche. If he doesn’t respond to my email, I’m going to continue to blast him for the outstanding douche he probably is. I’ll keep you posted….
But let’s get back to the year two thousand fucking ten. First of all, how epic does that sound? 2010!? I know right. I don’t know about you, but when I was like 15, the year 2010 seemed like a million years away (or at least more than 11 years away). I thought for sure by then I would be a millionaire, married, with at least 2 kids, living on the moon.
Can we pause for a second and talk about how fucking cute was I when I was kid? What happened to me? Somehow I grew up into a nerdy Mexican. Interesting how science and puberty works, but that’s not here nor there. I also don’t know why I used to dream of having 2 little Asian kids. I’m glad that phase passed.
So it’s the year 2010 and I’m not a millionaire, I can’t get a date to save my life, I have no kids (that I know of….), and I live in the gay district in San Diego (which is almost like living on the moon). Though I’m not upset at my current life situation. Not at all. In fact, if I could travel back in time, I would probably go back in time and beat myself up, or at least get one of the bully kids to beat me up more. When your 15, you have no idea about the world, you set these unrealistic goals, and then get upset when you don’t meet these goals and you’re not living on the moon married to Kelly Kapowski.
I’m 26 and living the good life. I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, if I could, I’d like to be taller, and be a millionaire…..and live on the moon…..and be married to Kelly Kapowski, but other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life.
Now that it’s actually the year 2010, I think I’m old enough to know enough about life to actually make more accurate predictions. Right? Maybe not, but this is why I’m thinking this is The Year of Single Steve
Why is the year of Single Steve you ask? Stop asking stupid questions. I’m mostly just being optimistic for the upcoming year, but why not. It’s the year 2010, it sounds epic, so why not have an epic year?
Let’s start with New Years Resolutions.
Actually I think this might be the missing link to why I’m single. I’ve had dozens of friends scourer over my online profile, and come back with the same conclusion, “Well you sound okay on paper”, which I think is mostly true. I mean I have a job, I’m not a jerk, and sometimes I’m funny, I should be hooking up with online chicks all the time right? No one can figure it out. I’ve figured it out. You guys are pussies (excuse my language ladies). But it’s true. No one can actually just tell me I’m chubby. Say it. Say “Steven, I think if you lost 15 pounds, THEN you would be getting dates like it’s your job”. So I’m hoping THIS is the X factor. If not, I can always go back drinking ranch like that’s my job.
This comic pretty much nails it on the head.
So basically I really need to stop doing THAT. Which kind of sucks because my whole philosophy on girls that I date is that they must be friends first. I think that’s important because I feel like really epic relationships are friendships more than relationships. If that makes sense. I’m not trying to get all romantical up on you, but I feel like one day I’m going to marry my best friend. I feel like the underlying friendship is what makes a long lasting forever type of relationship. I mean friendships are fun, and so should a relationship be. Okay, okay, stop puking on your keyboard. I’m sorry I tried to get all deep on you for like half a second. You’re such a fucking baby. Onto number 3.
I also would like to write blogs more frequently. I know I always say that, but this time I mean it? In other exciting news, the facebook fan page has over 500 “fans”. What ever that means. I guess the 17 times a charm for me harassing my friends to join the page. Feel free to invite your attractive friends! I guess you can also invite unattractive friends too.
Click here to join!
I bet you are all wondering who my midnight kiss was….
So I posted this on my facebook fan page. As a joke. Mostly.
And Kevin responded about a minute later calling dibs, unfortunately he wasn’t around when the clock struck zero. But you know who was…
That’s right. Nacho Fucking Cheese. Nacho Cheese will never leave me. So yeah, I didn’t get the cliché midnight kiss, which I don’t actually care about anyways. Well I mean, I say that now, now that I didn’t have one. I did New Years at a chill house party in PB. It was just a small group of friends, drinking, playing cranium, just what we wanted. And they had really good cheese dip, so it was a good night all in all. Which was fun, even though I was sober sally. I know right. I only had 2 beers the whole night. That sounds unpossible, but it’s true.
An interesting turn of events is unfolding as we speak….. I mentioned before I had already written a blog about the PB millionaire and kind of had a change of heart about posting it just yet…. I actually sent the PB millionaire an email here is a portion and the gist of it:
“……………From my outside perspective….it looks like he is this arrogant older guy who parties with girls half his age, who sometimes does “good” for the community. Sometimes. He doesn’t appear to be a good public speaker, dynamic, or interesting enough to have his own reality show. Whether these things are true or not, I don’t know. But based on the information I have access to, this is how he is probably seen. If you google PB millionaire, there is more negative then positive about him out there.
The branding of the PB Reality show has to be able to with stand criticism from internet media and bloggers like myself. Right now he’s easy target.
I want to help. I think I can help with your branding, social media and web content so that the PB Reality show actually comes off as something people would be interested in…….”
Basically I want to help him. I think he’s trying to be a good person? Maybe? But just sucks at it, or just sucks at publically displaying it.
I got an email back from him and his angels today…
I’m not to going to give full details yet because I’m not sure I can/should. But basically… they’re weary that I’m actually there to help, they mention something about lawyers, and I think they even called me a jerk at some point.
“There MIGHT be a possibility of getting your advice in the future, but until all the slanderous, hateful blogs written about Jim and his staff are removed from the internet, we will not even consider communicating with you further.”
It’s kind of catch 22. I’m not going to take down any blogs until he changes his public perception, and they’re not going to let me help him with his public perception until I take down the blogs.
What to do….what to do….
Either way, I’m not concerned about being sued or anything. At best my blogs are editorials opinions based on information HE has posted in the public domain. It would be like if I wrote a bad movie review for Avatar, would Avatar be able to sue me? Or if I wrote Tiger Woods is a jerk for cheating on his wife, could he sue me? Erroneous!
This link makes me feel safer:
http://thedirty.com/contact-us/
I’m genuinely trying to help this guy, but he’s trying to make it difficult. I’ll keep you posted and updated.
Happy New Year!
Comment. It makes me happy.
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