Single Steve

Online dating. The hilarity continues. I thought I would update everybody on how my online dating “experience” is coming along so far……. So everyone knows I joined match.com, but I also decided to join eharmony.com. As long as I’m giving up my dignity and doing online dating, I might as well go all out. P dot S, eharmony, slightly bogus in that they don’t let you “search” for girls. They(the eharmony gods) send you matches based on compatibility test. So once every 3 weeks, I get a match. Apparently nerdy, awkward, Mexican engineers isn’t everyone’s type?

Anyways the moral of the story is two different web sites, but they both seems to have common reoccurring “themes” of profiles. Allow me to present, dissect and be a jerk while I explain the different themes.

This first one I call:
The Mystery Box

This classification of profiles is reserved for the girls that have the “Match has selected later stage for photo sharing” option. So in eharmony.com there’s 4 different stages of “communication”, first is the about me sections, then there’s multiple choice questions, then actual questions, finally, a messaging stage. So this person has decided that for SOME reason they don’t want to share their picture until later a stage.
So here’s my analysis of the situation:

It then becomes the game of “What’s in the mystery box”.
If I could reference:

So you can either take a boat or the mystery box. Now a boat’s a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be boat.

Like a fool of course you take the box, even though in best case scenario the best you’re getting is a boat.
So instead of immediately stopping communication, you gamble, keep talking to her, keep answering questions, keep enduring the terrible and degrading process that is online dating. Why do you do it? Because. Because curiosity killed the cat. You know at some point she has to “show” her photo. And when that time comes your hopes are so high because you’ve now put in 6 hours of work and 4 fucking stages of communication, that of course you’re let down when she isn’t topless and looks like a super model. In fact chances are she’s wearing a turtle neck and STILL looks like big foot.

Picture with a .6 mega pixel camera

Seriously!? It’s the year 2007, we fucking have lasers that walk your dog and robots that tie shoes laces, and you still can’t find a digital picture of you from after 1993? I’m tempted to date this girl ONLY to take a photo of her.

“Me and the Girls.LOL”

This is one of my favorites. The classic “Me and the girls” group shot. How the hell am I supposed to know which one of these hoe bags you are from that caption!?

When this is your only photo up. Please go play in traffic. And I’m pretty sure you can always assume the girl in question is always the ugliest one in the photo. And surprise! I fear the “oh that’s me in background” explanation later, which confirms my fears. See diagram below.

I’m going to stop. There’s more themes I could talk about, but this blog is getting too long and my ADD is kicking in.

As far as an update about actually going out on “dates”. HA. Good one, jerk.

I promise I’m not a jerk, I just play one on TV, and for these blogs for comical reason.

Leave a comment, or I’ll stab you. I’m Mexican, we do those types of things.

If you “subscribe” to my blog I will enter you in a raffle to win that laser that walks your dog. Well not really, but it might compel me to write blogs more frequently.