Alliteration is awesome and hilarious, write that down
This is a realization blog.
I love bars, but hate girls at the bars.
But you say, “Hey Steven, I’m a girl. I go to the bars. Do you hate me?”.Yes, yes I do. Well I don’t hate you, but rather the “group” of girls you fit into while you’re at the bar.
1st group I hate:
GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!!
“Tabitha just got dumped by Jason, so we’re all going to go out and just dance. We just want to dance, dance the night away. F boys, F all boys, they’re all insensitive jerks”.
From here you and all your girlfriends get all did up and ready for the bars. But more importantly you make Tabitha, the girl that just got dumped, the most whoriest of them all. You think that by Tabitha being maxed out in her whore levels for the evening, this will attract Mr. Right.I can see your logic in this, but would like to see empirical results.
It’s always easy to find the “Tabitha” of the group, she’ll be the one that looks like this:
This was a tricky one. Though all the girls appear to be equal in levels of whoredom, the open shirt, bra exposed is a dead give away.
Man you guys look great!
At the bars, you continue to form what I like to call “girl circle of hate rays”, this is the impenetrable wall of girls circled up, shooting down any guy that dare approaches with rays of hate that appear to shoot directly out of your eyes.
Why do you get all did up, and THEN act surprised and angry when someone pays attention to you? Yes, I know girls get pretty because they like to feel pretty about themselves, but isn’t that just something they say?
It’s not that I actually go up and approach this group of girls, HA, the hate mostly stems from this group of girls skewing the already poor dude to girl ratio. Though they are “technically” in the bar, they can automatically be discounted from the ratio, for their rays of hate are too strong to over come.
I just don’t see why this group of girls can’t just buy 40′s, duck tape them to their hands and call that “girls night out”. I guess I’ll never understand some things about women. . .
So I’m skipping “groups of girls I hate at bars” groups 2-5 because I have some other realizations I want to get to before my ADD kicks in and I lose interest in writing this blog. I guess I can write about other groups in other blogs? If people want to hear about them? comment if so. Other groups include but are not limited too: “Team Asia!”, “Too hot for planet real life”, “The Bad Dancer”, etc, etc.
I love to dance, but can’t dance with girls at bars.
So it’s true, I love to dance. In a heterosexualtype of way though. In fact, my mom and I both agree that I’m a good dancer. The only problem is:
I don’t feel like it’s my right to sneak around to the back side of a girl, and start rubbing my genitals up against her. That’s like third base.
Girls: YOU know exactly what I’m saying. So you’re out on the dance floor, getting jiggy with it in a circle with all your girlfriends, when up walks Randy Random Pants behind you and starts “grinding on you”. IMMEDIATELY your creep radar goes off. No girl I’ve ever seen/meet or known, has ever reacted initially excited about this situation. I’ve never seen a girl, with out looking, immediately go along with Randy Random Pants’sadvances and start thrusting her hips into what could potential be a disease infested area.
You have to get verification from your friend whose dancing across from you in the circle for the Green Light Larry or the Negative Nancy. Standard girl protocol.
Now I could dance just “next to” or in the same area as the target girl or girl group, but for the brief awkward period in time, I’m dancing in the “loser dude dancing by himself” zone.There’s nothing more awkward than being that lone dude dancing by himself, not sure if you’ll be accepted or rejected, or even if the girl knows your intentions to infiltrate. What’s weirder than “loser dude dancing by himself” zone??? Well that’s the “2 or more dudes dancing with no girls” zone.
I once tried asking a girl if she would like to dance at Moondoggies. She looked at me like I was from Jupiter.Don’t think PB girls are much in the ways of guys that “ask” to dance. I think it’s the more the smash and grab technique.
Any suggestions on how to fulfill my love of dance?
I’ve come to the realization that I am attempting to attract a very specific audience. I don’t mean specific as in theres only 1-2 people I am attempting to attract, but specific in that it’s a targeted group of people. I came to this conclusion when one of my friends was making fun of my license plate and my new license plate holder.
As some of you may know, my current license plate reads “Neerd”. I think it’s funny, yada yada.
Recently, I decided to geta pretty aggressive custom made license plate holder. I’m still undecided as to whether or not it’s a keeper. What’s the public opinion?
So guy friends says “wow you’re never going to get a girl with that license plate”.Hmmm. Maybe he’s right? But after actually thinking about it:
That’s just it. If you don’t think this is funny, I don’t want to date you. I don’t hate you, I just don’t think we would be a good match(unless fucking doctor Phil decides to embarrass me more and tell me we have 24 points of compatibility. Then by law of online dating, I would like to date you. . . .) . I mean you don’t have to fall of you’re chair laughing, or even laugh at all. Just understand the sense of humor behind this.
I actually think my license plate is a good defense mechanism. Not that I am having issues in having to fend off girls because I am attracting them too many at one time. Defense mechanism, in that, my car(2006 Infinity G35), in theory, “could” attract girls because it could be associated with wealth(HA, jokes on them), in theory. And those type of girls that “would” be attracted to me because I drive a nice car, might be turned away my boldness of Nerdness levels.
To girls that read my license plate and say “wow that guy must be a complete nerd, and since I’m attractive and popular, I could never date a nerd”. Great, good. We’re agreed. I don’t want to date you either. I think this is the group of “girls” my friend was talking about when he said I was never going to get one because of my license plate.
So maybe my target audience is bigger than I think? But I feel like the girl population that would date a nerd is smaller than girls that would never date a nerd . I’m guessing it’s 25-75 ish.
JESUS this blog is long.