Single Steve

So please allow me to put on my jerk hat for the content of this blog. Actually I’m going to put on my EXTREME jerk hat for this blog. I know usually I’m kind of a sarcastic jerk in my blogs, but they’re always about anonymous girls so I don’t feel that bad about being a jerk.

This one’s a little different in that it’s about a specific girl and the worst date ever. Now I’ll use a fake name for her, but I am going to show some photos. Me showing the photos isn’t me trying to be an uber jerk, but showing just how magically terrible online dating is shaping up to be.
I promise I’m not jerk. Nor am I as shallow as this blog will make me out to be.
So there’s my disclaimer for being a jerk, and here’s the tale of the maybe the worst date ever?

So were going to Quentin Tarantino this blog. I’m going to start with the ending and we’ll work our way through and show how it got to that point.

End of the date:
Girl and I step out of my car at my place. We both awkwardly take a few steps towards my place and stop. MORE awkward silence. At this point I’m thinking of stabbing myself in the face, only so I can tell my date I’m bleeding from the face and we should probably call it a night. I quickly remember my low threshold for pain and rule out the option. Now I’m thinking how can I end this date without having to make out with her. The only option. The high five. We often forget the power of the high five.

We high five and go our separate ways for the night.
Now lets see how we got to the high five.

Scene:
Eharmony.com girl.

So above is the one photo she had up on eharm. Not a bad photo, kind of a cute chick, right? Well certainly nothing that would be cause for alarm to stop the ever embarrassing online dating process. Girl and I make it through the terrible steps of “communicating” and we get to the final step of “open communication” which means we are now talking via personal emails. “You could say things are getting pretty serious.” So were emailing back and forth, yada yada, always good content emails with a lot of exclamation marks. Exclamation marks are good because they show she’s excited about this process and life in general. Right? When we met in real life, I wonder where all the exclamation marks had gone. I’ll get to that in a bit.

So we finally get to the point where we exchange myspaces. I know right, that’s like third base. So this is where red flag 2 and 3 come into play.

Now, now you’re probably thinking I’m a super jerk for such a comment. All I’m saying is it’s a red flag, or at least some shade of yellow flag. I’m not saying I need to date someone who was prom queen(though I would).
Think about it. People have friends for a reason. Like you are my friend because I’m super strong, uber smart, ridiculously funny and really modest. People with no friends, have no friends for a reason. The reasons COULD be she’s new to myspace or she doesn’t use myspace that often, I’m willing to accept those possibilities. I’m just saying.
This leads into red flag three. . .

Her only other photo up was the one above.
I AM NOT SHALLOW HAL. But I think we would all be lying if we said physical attraction wasn’t important. We have to be physical attracted initially to other person other wise it just wont work. So again this is a red flag that probably should have deterred me, but nope.
So the date:
We decided to meet up and grab some dinner. Shes already out and about and kind of in the neighbor hood, so I suggest we meet at my house and go from there. I know, I know bad move inviting her over to my house when I’ve never met her before. But she didn’t sound like a 40 year old man on the phone so I thought it was a safe bet.
She arrives, and, and, and , well remember the two photos of who she could show up looking like. She was definitely the later or two. THAT’S FINE, not a big deal. I wasn’t initially physically attracted but I’m thinking maybe she has an amazing personality and it will all balance out. Survey Says. . . . . X(I’m such a jerk). We drive down the street to a Mexican restaurant where we would go on to have the most awkward conversations ever. I am a talkative person, I can talk about anything to anyone, BUT I am not one to one side a conversation and talk for 2 hours straight. Pretty much when I wasn’t talking, there was this extreme silence. The kind of silence you wish you could accidentally stab yourself in the leg, just so your screams of pain would stop the silence. Yeah, that bad. This leads into red flag 4, when she did talk all she talked about was.

We can both tell how badly this date is crashing and burning(or so I thought), so we get done eating and we opt just to call it a night. We ride in silence back my place and this is how we got to the five high scenario describe above. So now you know. This is how the high five saved my life.

Side note: She text me on the way home says ” It was nice to meet you!I had a great time tonight! We should do this again!!”
At this point I wondered if we had gone on the same date. Or if blacked out at some point and during that time it was more interesting(man I’m a jerk).

Closing thoughts: This was my second internet date. The first date was with this really cool girl, and I thought it actually went really well, but it was horrible timing. We went out once and then I left the next day for AZ for a week and half for X mas break. I got back and thought my window for the second date was closed. Oh well.
This date, this date almost crushes all hope of my online dating experience. Not that I am actually vesting that much into this online dating, it’s more or less just something comical to write about at this point.

Now that I’ve scared away any girl that might be thinking about going out with me because she fears our date will end up as one of my blogs.

So my question to you is:
My 6 months is running out soon. Should I renew on both Eharmony.com and match.com? maybe just one? Maybe none? Input is required.

comment: it makes me feel warm inside