Captain Unrealistic Standards!

Posted by Single Steve | 2 comments

So updates:
I’m still single.
I still think Doctor Phil should go fuck himself.
I’m still embarrassed to be doing online dating.

The only difference is I’m about 200 dollars poorer because apparently finding my soul mate cost money. You know what else cost money? Prostitution. I’m just saying.

So essentially I’m paying money NOT TO make out with girls, when I could NOT be paying money and making out with the same amount of girls. Interesting.

Two different websites with some common themes of profiles. The first one I’m going to complain about is probably the most aggravating type of profile of all.
I’d like to introduce you to Captain Unrealistic Standards!

By Day she’s either too unattractive, too socially inept, refuses to bathe or a combination of all three and can’t meet guys in “real life”.
But by Night she swings into online dating scene setting unrealistic standards for her match!
Will she find “Johnny Perfect Pants”??? Stay tuned. . . .

What really annoys me is this type of girl. This is an actual copied and pasted screen shot of what “her date” should be:

Seriously!? Like not joking?? I could not hate you more. Apparently this hoe bag wants to marry a well educated Paul Bunyan who makes at least 100k a year. Good luck. I hope you have ugly, short, poor kids that wear flannel. Wow I’m a jerk.

Let’s be realistic. We(that’s including me) are on match.com or eharmony.com for a reason. And the reason ISNT because we were attracting too many people that were out of our leagues. Please see diagram below.

Maybe I’m just jealous that I’m not in the desired population? Probably. I know I’m not “Johnny Perfect Pants” which is why I have realistic standards for “my match”. Though my mom and I both agree that I’m a good catch, I even made some power points to prove it.
I’m not saying I’m lowering my standards and settling, I’m just saying I’ve given up the dream of marrying Rosie O’Donnell. Real people date real people. Write that down.

That’s it for this episode. It got much longer than I was expecting. I was hoping to go on another rant, but I guess I’ll save that for another day.

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