Match.com mix up

Posted by Single Steve | 4 comments

********Old Blog, Back Posting**********

Before the show, I’ve got some pre-blog thoughts:
OLE! As some of you may know, it turns out I’m actually Mexican. It’s true. It’s also true that I am the token Mexican of my group. You know that guy that’s responsible for saying “Ole”, jokes about yard work and stealing. It’s hilarious, and a good comedy angle for me to use.So I figured ,it was my duty as the token Mexican of the group, to show up for cinco de mayo celebrations in the most obnoxious sombero I could possibly find. Sounds easy enough, right? Well apparently it is IMPOSSIBLE to find a sombero any where in San Diego. It’s not that they were all sold of somberos, they actually just don’t sell them. I spent two hours driving and searching on aepic quest to find a sombrero. I went down to the “Mexican” part of San Diego. I went into, literally, 1 walgreens, 1 CVS, 3 dollar stores, 2 Carnicerias(Mexican meat markets), 1 thrift store and one place I thought was a store but it turned out to the year 1988. This place was selling cassettes and fanny packs, so I assumed it was the 1988 Store. The places I went into and asked them if they carried sombreros, they looked at me like I was speaking Spanish. Well, that’s probably a bad simile, but you get the point.

I guess it makes sense. I’ve never actually seen a “real” Mexican wearing a sombrero, besides cartoons. The only time I’ve seen a sombrero, is on some jackass white guy, who is pretending to be Mexican while he screams things like “burrito!” and “chalupa!”.

I was looking in the wrong part of town! Mexicans don’t wear sombreros! So instead I had to borrow a gardeners’ hat and put Mexican themed labels on it. See below.

It worked out for the best. I think? Details of that night are hazy. All I know is I woke up on a friends couch, tasting of tequila with my shoes on. That’s right, I’m a grown up!

BLOG part:

Times like these I wish I was a better writer because the following tale deserves to be told in all it’s glory.

The follow is a TRUE story. I couldn’t make this stuff up, we all know I’m smart enough. The follow images are un-manipulated, other than texting on top.

So as you know, I am giving up online dating. But since I have 5 more months paid I might as well turn it over to friends to see what they can do with it. Right? Right.

Last week I logged into my account just to get one last mental snap shot of what failure of online dating looks like, when the greatest thing that has happened to me in a long time, happened to me.
At first I wasn’t actually sure what happened. And once I realized what had happened, I almost refused to believe it. I still don’t believe it.

I logged into match.com as normal, but when the welcome page loaded. Something, something was different. Usually my eyes glaze over in preparation for disappointment, so I thought initially that my eyes were playing me for a fool. But after doing that thing where you rub your eyes with both hands in disbelief, this is what I saw:

Those of you playing at home. This is exactly what it looks like. I, some how, through the magic of cyber space logged into someone else account. NO didn’t hack my way, YES I was giggling with excitement that this happened. At first I thought it was Ted or Jackie, who I gave my account info to, and they had changed my profile pic to this guy. I called Ted laughing, I thought it was funny, because I thought Ted was just completely changing the profile to this fake person. Ted had no idea what I was talking about, and told me he hadn’t even logged in once yet. . . . .My laughing turned to excitement. Excitement that this might actually be someone else’s online dating profile.I quickly started taking as many screen shots as I could of this guys profile, all the mean while I was doing that mad scientist cackle. It was great.

I don’t even know how this is possible, but it’s like God himself(or maybe Dr. Phil) came down to me and appeared in atortilla. But instead of a tortilla, he logged me into someone else’s account.THE BEST PARTof this mix up is that this guy is EVERYTHING I’m not as far as online dating goes.
Let’s do a comparison of the initial login screens:


I can’t believe how night and day my profile is, compared to his.The only cynical joy I can get out of this, is hoping that maybe we criss crossed. I logged into his, and he into mine. When he logged in, it must have been a sad day for him to see he only had 27 views and his last wink in 30 days was from a himself.What joy I would have gotten to hear or see his expression as he logged in and saw a 24 year old Mexicans failed online profile.

So of course I had to figure out what this guy was doing right. Right? Wouldn’t you? Now I realize he’s a real person, who exist in real life and by this time you probably think I’m worst than Hitler for not immediately logging off from the profile after the little mix up, and what’s even worst is I’m going to go through his messages!? Well it’s true. I figure, I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s Match.com’s fault. Or maybe, just maybe one of the techno nerds at match.com did this on purpose, so I could see what a good profile looks like.

Initial Messages:
This is where I fail. I’m not good at the initial message. What do you say? How do you show interest but not sound like an over aggressive creeper. Also what do you say, so you don’t get lost in the mass emails I’m sure she receives. Well lets find out what the expert does:

So there’s more messages that I “captured”, but my conscious just hit me. I am feeling increasingly more and more guilty about putting this guy’s, who I’m sure is a nice guy, messages up. I know I know, it’s a shame, but trust me their good material.

I’m going to move on the next part. Which ironically is me actually using his profile for evil. I WAS just the silent observer, print screen-ing all of his messages, but after a while(probably about 6.7 seconds) my cynical humor set in.

How funny would it be if this guy, who’s profile I’m logged into, started winking at guys. Well that’s not really that funny, but when winked at the correct “targeted” profiles, it could be hilarious. Don’t understand what I mean?? See below. I winked at the following two profiles. Let me explain why.

Well that’s it. I leave you with words from our dear friend. I sent myself a message from this guys profile. It’s what I would image he would say: