********Back posting, Old Blog************
This is not going to be about online dating, for that, I apologize. I actually was going to post another blog tonight with pretty photos and lasers, but the most random things just happened to me and I needed to tell the story:
What a day. . . . . I can’t make this ish up. So I’ll start from Midnight 03/26 and go until Midnight 3/27. Even though it doesn’t get weird until much later in the day.
So Last night at midnight, I was doing my usual midnight activity, watching Cheaters. There was actually nothing really unusual about last night other than the fact I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE insomnia and didn’t get into bed until 3:30. Usually I go to bed at 2-2:30, but 3:30 is super extreme.
Reason for insomnia can be linked to:
-Lack of spooning partner
-14 cups of coffee drank during the day
-Internet whore-ing activities
-Fear that monsters live under my bed
So today at work we had this “All Hands” meeting, which basically means everyone in the company goes to a pep rally for 1.5 hours. Remember in high school how awesome it was to get out of class and go to pep rallys!?!? Well it’s nothing like that. In fact, it’s probably the complete opposite. Replace the hot sophomore cheerleaders with a 1000, forty five year old white nerdy males, and the pep band with a video about sharing and caring and they’re pretty much the same place. It was basically 1.5 hours of me realizing just how ADD I actually am.
In this sea of grown up’s and professionals I found myself struggling to stay awake, and more so trying not to paper cut myself to death. At about the half way mark, I debated for about 16 seconds whether or not to pee into my empty coffee cup, thankfully that urge passed and I resumed trying not to paper cut myself.
The day goes on as normal, basically the above paragraphs were just filler for this:
It’s about 8:30 and I’m STILL at work, and here’s where it gets weird.
The phone call I received:
from a local 858 San Diego number.
Voice: Hello Steven?
Me: This is Steven
Voice: Hi this is Jenny
um Jenny who?
Voice: Jenny from craigs list.
Me: um, what?
Voice: Yeah, you just sent me an email saying to call you. I’m the one looking for a place to stay tonight.
What the hell!? It’s true, I’m an internet whore, but what? I don’t use “Craig’s list”.
The conversation continues and she explains that “I” replied to her post about needing a place to stay tonight. She said she was fighting with her mom and needed a place to stay. She said “I” wrote her an email saying to call me, and gave her my phone number.
I definitely didn’t reply to this ad and I definitely didn’t tell this girl that she could stay at my house. I explained to her that it was probably one of my jerk friends trying to be funny and I was sorry for the misunderstanding:
Voice: oh….Okay. Well…. Have a good night. . . .
About 10:00, I’m STILL work. NO ISH? I walk over to a buddies cube who’s also still at work and tell him the weirdness of the phone call. In all of his worldly advice he says “did she sound hot?”, This deep profound question, it got me a thinking.
I guess I went through a range of emotions in the time from which “Jenny” first called.
At first I was thinking this was a super scam, where, I with my heart made of gold invite this girl over and she actually turns out to be a 30 year old man who steals my kidneys.
Second I was thinking I was a jerk. Sure it was a misunderstanding with her calling me and thinking I would let her stay with me, but what if by me not letting her stay with me she actually is in danger? What if she is this nice sweet girl just looking for a place to stay for the night because life is throwing her a SONIC BOOM(five points if you know where that’s from)? Man I am a jerk, have I closed my door and put this girl in danger?
Thirdly, My “ME MAN” urges kicked and I began thinking, what are my chances with mystery girl on the phone?
1.) she sounded like a girl
2.) Obviously she’s F-ed up in the head, which could work in my creep favor
3.) she sounded liked a girl
So based on those three facts I would say my chances are pretty good. John(dude at work) convinces me to text message her, you know, to see if she’s okay. . . .
“So you find a place to live”
About 3.4 seconds later my phone rings with the same local phone number.
I pick up.
Voice:(in a much much much deeper voice)who is this?
Me: er um, lets just say my name is Johnny fakepants
Voice: Don’t be a pussy, tell me your real name.I’m not going to track you down through your cell phone.
Conversation continues. I give him my real name, I see no harm. Turn outs this is girl’s father!? He starts yelling at me about why am I texting his phone, looking for this daughter. Oh shit. . . he explain that him and his 22 year old daughter are having a fight and she’s looking for a place to stay on the internet. He then starts yelling at me for offering a random girl a place to stay, which I agree in theory is super creepy.
But she contacted me, not sure how the F she got my number. I tried to explain to this character on the phone I’m now calling “Angry Dad”, that in fact I have no idea how she got number. But it’s like when you know something sounds so made up, that there is no reason anyone would ever believe you. Basically this was one of those times. Angry Dad yelled and yelled, and eventually I just said “alright well have a good life” and hung up.
I had one of those moments you wish you could go back and say something clever instead of the stupid one liner you used at the time. Given the chance I would have opted to use one of the following before hanging up:
1.) “Well it was nice speaking to you sir, I’ll be sure to send in your application for Father of the Year”
2.) The Jerk store called, they’re all out of you
3.) THIS IS SPARTA!
Man any of those would have been sweet. Yep.
Apparently one of my “Hilarious” friends saw this 22 year old girl’s post on Craigs list, thought it would be “Hilarious” to respond to her and give her my phone number. Thanks? I mean I know I’m single, but I’m not at the point where I’m going to start running a homeless shelter and taking my choice of pick of the liter. Or am I?
Night winded down, it ended with lameness. You know when an ex girlfriend randomly IM’s you and starts talking a little too nice. What that actually means is eventually she’s going to ask you who you’re dating now. I called it, not more than 4 lines into the conversation it turned to “so saw on facebook your profile changed . . . .”. Conversation ended with:
Her: yeah, I’m dating this guy but I didn’t change anything
Awesome! Tell me more! I’m soooo interested! . . . .
Anyways, sorry the pics suck, this blog was spur of the moment.
I’m not sure if this was funny, but it had to be told.
Leave a comment, or if you want pass my number onto homeless attractive girls. Either will do