I know I know. It’s been too long. Way too long (That’s what she said), but I’m back, and back with a fury.
Where did I go you ask? I was in a little place called Relation City, USA. Yep, it’s true, Single Steve actually had a girl friend. Shocked are you? Fuck your couch, its possible. It was a great relationship, absolutely nothing with her, she was actually quite awesome. Some people think I’m an idiot/jerk to break up with her when the relationship was going great. Maybe. Probably. I have no ill feelings and wish her the best of luck to her.
Blah blah blah, you jerks don’t care, be honest. You’re probably just thinking “Make me bicycle clown!” get back to be single, funny and ridiculous. Okay, okay, stop yelling. I’m right here. I’m back on schedule.
Step one is get back on online dating. Check. I logged onto my match.com account and was surprised to see I still had until November to embarrass myself. I forgot I “didn’t find love” in my first 6 months of my subscription, so Dr. Phil gave me another 6 free months of embarrassment. Hurray! I’m also doing okcupid.com which is a free, but don’t worry that’s going pretty terrible too.
I actually was pretty excited I got an email saying I got a message on okcupid.com from a GIRL! I know right. A girl. So anyways, I could tell from my email that I had a message, but I couldn’t see what the message was or who the girl was.
So the whole day I was giddy like a little school girl with excitement. I almost never get messaged, so this was a pretty big deal. AND her name “LawLady85”, sounds kind of sexy right? Sounds like she’s about 24 years old and lawyer, awesome. Usually I get emails from names like “MomOfFive”, “MustLoveMy12Cats”, “ItsOkayIhaveAgreatPersonality”.
So I couldn’t check it because I was at work, so the whole day I was giddy with excitement thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead. I break into door, open up okcupid.com, furiously smash in my password and navigate to my messages. And there it was, there it was. A message, as promised, from LawLady85, who turns out to be a friend from college, fml. But Steven she could still want on right? Negative. Her message was basically, “write me a blog clown”. Nice. Thanks LawLady85……
But if any one is looking to date an attractive lawyer please see:
Tell her you saw her post on Craig’s List.
Match.com isn’t going much better. Below is an actual email I got a few days ago…
I leave you with some Craig List Losers:
I’m switching over to a facebook fan page. Join and Ill write more blogs. Promise.