I know I know. It’s been too long. Way too long (That’s what she said), but I’m back, and back with a fury.
Where did I go you ask? I was in a little place called Relation City, USA. Yep, it’s true, Single Steve actually had a girl friend. Shocked are you? Fuck your couch, its possible. It was a great relationship, absolutely nothing with her, she was actually quite awesome. Some people think I’m an idiot/jerk to break up with her when the relationship was going great. Maybe. Probably. I have no ill feelings and wish her the best of luck to her.
Blah blah blah, you jerks don’t care, be honest. You’re probably just thinking “Make me bicycle clown!” get back to be single, funny and ridiculous. Okay, okay, stop yelling. I’m right here. I’m back on schedule.
Step one is get back on online dating. Check. I logged onto my match.com account and was surprised to see I still had until November to embarrass myself. I forgot I “didn’t find love” in my first 6 months of my subscription, so Dr. Phil gave me another 6 free months of embarrassment. Hurray! I’m also doing okcupid.com which is a free, but don’t worry that’s going pretty terrible too.
I actually was pretty excited I got an email saying I got a message on okcupid.com from a GIRL! I know right. A girl. So anyways, I could tell from my email that I had a message, but I couldn’t see what the message was or who the girl was.
So the whole day I was giddy like a little school girl with excitement. I almost never get messaged, so this was a pretty big deal. AND her name “LawLady85”, sounds kind of sexy right? Sounds like she’s about 24 years old and lawyer, awesome. Usually I get emails from names like “MomOfFive”, “MustLoveMy12Cats”, “ItsOkayIhaveAgreatPersonality”.
So I couldn’t check it because I was at work, so the whole day I was giddy with excitement thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead. I break into door, open up okcupid.com, furiously smash in my password and navigate to my messages. And there it was, there it was. A message, as promised, from LawLady85, who turns out to be a friend from college, fml. But Steven she could still want on right? Negative. Her message was basically, “write me a blog clown”. Nice. Thanks LawLady85……
But if any one is looking to date an attractive lawyer please see:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/lawlady85
Tell her you saw her post on Craig’s List.
Match.com isn’t going much better. Below is an actual email I got a few days ago…
I leave you with some Craig List Losers:
Craigs List Shorty
I’m switching over to a facebook fan page. Join and Ill write more blogs. Promise.
Join here
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Steve/147717841098?ref=ts
OMG you weren’t kidding when you said you were going to write an embarassing blog about me!!!! Well, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. As promised, I will keep my eyes out for skanky (but still eligible!) hoes around San Diego, just for you. *Hugs*
Thank you for brightening my day.
I miss your blogs! So glad you posted one.
P.S. the photo of the last guy did some damage to my retina’s.
You owe me a drink.
Not going to lie – I was expecting more of the “LOL”s for such a hiatus. I may have to defan you on fb.
So love your blogs!
Welcome back to singlehood.
YES! So, glad you’re back!
no more girlfriends, kay? Keep the blogs coming. Oh, what’s your facebook link?
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Steve/147717841098?ref=ts
I totally just stalked you on okcupid.
Hey, nice post. Glad to see you’re single…er, I mean back. Although it was fun reading, I think your last Craig’s List Hero is a fake. Pictures of that guy have been posted all around the internets, with him showing off his gun and video game collection while laying nearly naked on his bed. Here’s a site with more pictures and an explanation of his real American hero: http://ospois.wordpress.com/2008/11/13/all-u-want-to-know-about-the-fat-hairy-gun-loving-guitar-hero/
I hope you all enjoy.
My life is finally complete again. My roommate can attest to how loud i was laughing
I think the reason i’m still single is because i never got a shout out from single steve.
Sorry to hear your summer love didn’t last. Pretty funny shit here Steve. Could use more Craigslist losers…I miss those. Well done though for getting back in this blogging saddle. Will be watching for more soon!
It may be a little early but let me remind you that you still need a date for my wedding in March or if not…you will be sitting at the kiddie table. And by kiddie table, I mean next to Mom.
I know this isnt the hottest ticket in town and its not as exciting as a free disneyland trip, but did i mention its open bar?
Oh Steven, I’ve missed these random hilarious blogs of yours
Please write often.. Hope to see you next time I’m in San Diego..
YES! When will you be in San Diego next…