Dear Eharmony, Fuck you.

Ear muffs. Sorry about the aggressive title. Actually I’m not. I lie. I mean, I feel bad if you’re at work right now reading this, and the biggest letters on your screen involve the words FUCK YOU. That’s always kind of awkward when you’re supposed to be “working”. If that’s the case, please scroll down like 2 inches (that’s what she said) and get those words off your screen. Also, thank you for taking the time to read this during work. Good for you, you’re probably under paid anyways. Also if you’d like to take this opportunity to tell your female single co-workers about this blog, and ask them if they want to date me, I wouldn’t be mad. I’ll wait while you go do that……. No? You’re still here?You’re going to continue reading without telling any of your hot female co-workers? You’re kind of dick, but I digress.

I had some other titles in work for this blog, but they just didn’t capture the essence of what I was trying to say. Other titles include:
“Dear Eharmony, because of you I’m going to have to reproduce through mitosis”
“Dear Eharmony, I just bought the domain name FuckEharmony.com, no seriously, I did”|
“Dear Eharmony, you took my money, dignity, and self respect, and all I got was this lousy blog”

It’s true, I actually did buy the domain name www.FuckEharmony.com, which I couldn’t believe was still available. I think I’ll just point it to www.SingleSteve.com and drive in 3 extra hits a week.
So the purpose, the essence, of this blog, is that my eharmony subscription is ending this month. And I couldn’t be happier. This is my second stint on eharmony.com, this last stint I signed up for 6 months. In those 6 months I’ve been on 2 dates. Two average dates. Two blah dates. Two dates that probably shouldn’t of happened. Two dates where I was probably settling, compromising and giving in, just to go on dates. It’s not the dates fault. Not at all, they were perfectly normal, fine people, just not the match for me. The problem is, the process. Eharmony, and their fucking painful process.
First thing you have to do is fill out the SATs of online dating. It’s literally a 40 minute survey asking you the same question 37 different ways. So after you completed their riddles and questions, you then can start receiving “matches”, hurray! A “computer” matches you up based on “29 levels of compatibility”, which I’m fine with. It’s all so very exciting, at first. Because you’re thinking, wow some super computer down at Eharmony headquarters is crunching vectors and differential equations just to find my perfect mate, and everyday you log in and see new matches, that you think are hand picked from the computer gods above. At first it’s awesome you have matches sent to you, which you review and if you like you can proceed to step 1, which is you send them multiple choice questions. Now the tricky thing about eharmony is, it takes two to tango. You can’t proceed to the next awkward stage of eharmony until the other person responds back. So you send over your questions for stage 1 of 4 and then you have to wait for them to respond. And you wait, and you wait. But it’s fine, you don’t really care that this person hasn’t responded in a day or two because each day you get a new batch of matches hand picked by these computer gods as people that match you on 29 levels of compatibility. You don’t even notice that she hasn’t responded because your distracted by the new excitement of these new matches. But then, you start realizing, wait a minute, no ones responding back to you. But the new matches keep coming in, 7 a day, and you keep sending over your stage one questions, and you keep waiting for them to respond. I figured out that if I log in at 12:01am and do a new “Find New Matches” search I will get 7 new hand computer picked matches. So everyday since I’m up at midnight, I log in and get my 7 new exciting matches. So before you know it, you’re waiting on 5 girls to respond back, and then it’s 10, then 20, then 50! I know right, how ridiculous is it to be “communicating” with 50 different girls all at the same time, all waiting for them to respond. You want to talk about ridiculous???? Let’s get ridiculous.

As of tonight I was in stage 1, waiting for 748 matches to respond back to me from stage 1. That’s right. SEVEN HUNDRED AND FOURTY EIGHT fucking matches. That’s active, open, matches, that I’ve sent my multiple choice questions over to, and I’m patiently waiting for their response.

Eharmony sucks Single Steve

You’re probably thinking Steven, you should be more selective anyways, you can’t just be communicating with every person you get matched with. Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me. I know I can’t, and I don’t. In ADDITION to the 748 matches I am currently waiting for a response for, I have also 436 archived matches and 721 matches I’ve closed out.


So all together I have been matched with 1905 and different females. REALLY!? Eharmony fail. So you’re saying I matched on 29 levels of compatibility with almost 2000 women in San Diego? Or whats more likely is you sent me every girl in San Diego in 7 girl increments.

What’s most upsetting about this shenanigans is that I am waiting for 748 girls to get back to me, with stage 1 questions. The multiple choice questions have to be picked from a provided list and the answers are already provided. All I do is pick which questions to send.

Apparently girls need months and months before then can decide that they want to respond back to me with these tough hitting question?

eharmony single steve

You’re probably thinking well, there has to be a glitch in the matrix. There’s no way that 748 girls just haven’t responded back to you. They’re probably closed you out and you didn’t know. False. I WISH they had closed me out, that way at least I know they’re weren’t interested, they would be removed from my list. And I don’t close out any matches even though they haven’t responded in weeks/months because there’s always a chance. There’s always a chance that she decides 5 months later, yep, todays the day I answer that guys multiple choice questions. And me being a man of statistics and math, knows that even though it’s only a half percent chance she will actually respond, that’s half a percent chance for every single one of the 748 girls. I think it’s actually a cumulative binomial probability problem.

eharmony sucks single steve


Where basically it’s a small win chance per girl, but cumulative the win chance becomes greater with each girl added to the pool. It’s like buying a lottery ticket. You know your chances of winning are slim to none, but that doesn’t mean you throw away the lottery ticket. You still hold on to it, and check to see if you won, you know, just in case. Or maybe that’s why girls don’t respond back to me? Because I know about cumulative binomial probability.

In any case, I’m baffled as to why girls just don’t close out the match if they’re not interested. Instead I wait and wait and wait.

Is it possible I’m a troll? I actually posted this question to eharmony on their facebook wall.

eharmony sucks single steve

Diane’s a bitch. I have no idea why my matches don’t just close out the match if they’re not interested. What’s more likely is eharmony never deletes accounts, so I’m matched with girls that joined for the free weekend 6 months ago, and don’t even know they have a message from me in their queue. At least that’s what I tell myself, so I can sleep at night.

Another thing I don’t like about eharmony is all the fucking ads. Yes, ads. Not only are they’re charging me about 30 bucks a month, they also bombard me with ads!? What the fuck are they doing with all the money I give them each month!? I expect ads on a free site, but not one where I’m paying!?

eharmony sucks single steve

Only last thing I hate before I stop my rant. Apparently, it’s a good thing my subscription is ending. I think I’ve run out of girls in San Diego to be matched with. More recently my matches have been have been way out of my San Diego radius, as far as Los Angeles!? My distance is set to the smallest at 30 miles away. My math might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure LA is farther than 30 miles from San Diego.

eharmony sucks

My subscription ends at the end of this month. I didn’t find love. I’m not going to end up in one of their commercials. I guess I have to find another way to waste money on girls that aren’t making out with me per month.

Is this typical? Or am I the only one to have hundreds of matches?

Pass this along to anyone that’s thinking about doing eharmony.com, it’s your American duty.
I would love to hear your stories as well!

Dear eharmony, Fuck you.


So since posting this blog, eharmony has CANCELED my account. That’s right. They fucking canceled my account. I got an email saying my last month was refunded and when I tried to log in it said:
eharmony sucks
Say whaaaaaaaaaa. Apparently in the terms of agreement they can cancel your account at any time for any reason.  But seriously eharmony!? Because I wrote a blog about my negative, yet 100 percent accurate and true, experience!? BULL SHIT.  I can only assume that’s the reason why, some how, some way they linked Single Steve with my real life eharmony account, and CANCELED me.  I called and spoke to a guy, and all he could say was “all I can do is refer you to the email”, he literally said that like 7 times. That’s all he could say, and read off his script, when I asked him, but WHY was my account canceled. The email I got was the MOST generic email ever.

Yep. That’s all I got. An auto response.

I’m pissed about this, but not sure what to do. I know legally they CAN cancel my account at any time for any reason, but SHOULD they cancel my account just because I blogged about my experience in a negative way.Dear eharmony, Fuck you.

Watch me present on why "I'm Too Short to Date....Statistically Speaking"

  • andygirl January 26, 2011 at 8:40 am

    dude. I hear ya. I hated online dating and vow upon vow to never, ever do it again. it was utter misery.

    of course, I do think the process is different for women. I’d get TONS of messages a day and weeding through them is exhausting, feeling like I should give them all a chance because you really can’t tell a person through a profile. ugg. it’s awful.

    I always tried to at least turn someone down nicely, but that often got a string of hateful expletives of how I’ll die alone, etc. guys can be surprisingly mean when they’re turned down.

    I was on all the sites at one time or another and they all suck monkey ass. screw online dating.

    • Chad Purkis July 14, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      I completely agree that online dating is a joke. The free ones are even worse because it is full of perverts. I have friends that use POF and I have used it myself and got the same results as always. Thought about using eharmony but after reading the comments and the blog I have changed my mind.

      • Diana Prince September 30, 2015 at 9:53 pm

        I tried EHarmony a couple of years ago I actually went ahead and took the stupid questionnaire and it took me like two hours to complete it and how annoying is that! At the end of the role of the questionnaires it came back that it had no matches for me! Mind you I am not gay I am straight that is one thing that I had matching up to eHarmony’s very stereo typical design of their site. EHarmony is a very bigoted site if you are gay they do not want you do not even acknowledge that you live which I think is totally disgusting and old school so badly that they belong in the biblical days. I am a person that is extremely Remely pragmatic I have heard man say so many times that they don’t want women who play head games and that is all that they find. I went the extra mile to state how I live my life that I don’t believe in playing head games I admit to what I am who I am and what I like and what is good for me and what is not good for me. here’s what this exactly means is that I am not into any mainstream religion at so that immediately leave out any Judeo Christian or is Lanik person from my dating because any person that believes in going to temple a church for a mosque for very basic routine mainstream holidays is out of my pool of acceptability. The other thing that I always state is that I don’t like children in anyway shape or form I decided long ago I would never have children and that includes if I accidentally got pregnant I would be yelling for immediate abortion whether the guy liked it or not it’s my body not he is and I don’t want kids and I will never have kids which also leaves out any person that has brats from a previous relationship. In other words if you have brats from a previous relationship unless they live with your ex about 1,000,000,000 miles away from you and your wife and you are damaged goods and I will not except you as a possible dating partner. That reduces my dating possibilities even further. Getting back to the religion point of view I am a pagan I believe in wicca which I don’t practice frequently but do you practice when I feel the need to be spiritual so that leaves me out even further. I also the pragmatist about what is actually needed in life and what is best for me that means if you don’t learn over $250,000 a year keep walking I’m not interested. On other sites I have been approached by idiots who still choose to approach me even though they’ve read my profile which states if you have brats keep walking and ignoring the parameters I put on what I’m looking for in the way of the potential mates I have had worthless idiots with kids earning less than $25,000 a year still thinking they have the right to have a girlfriend even though they barely earn enough to survive in the world on their own never mind having to devote money toward a child every day needs as well as their future needs as in putting together something for college education how these people think they have a right to have children be ordering the crap earning of less than $25,000 a year and think they have a right to have a girlfriend also is beyond me and therefore they are dirty and they do not get into my life at all but yet these worthless morons still decided to contact me and they dared to wonder why I don’t answer them which isn’t only because I use the freebies to just Peru’s the sites and therefore don’t have the ability to email back but wouldn’t do so because they are worthless and damaged goods. I dared to contact eHarmony to ask them how come I came up with no results at all for matches on their site for me and they said they’re advertising states that they have matches for most but not all and basically have a nice day we don’t know what to do with you. Screwy harmony screw the Judeo-Christian bull crap they represent and screw their bigoted standpoint of not offering to match people who are lesbians or gays eHarmony you are worthless bigots.

    • orane September 8, 2014 at 11:20 pm

      Steve is right, My solution was to tell my bank that I didn’t get the service I paid for with the money eharmony took out of my account and the bank slap eharmony with a charge back and take my money back from them. EVERYBODY SHOULD DO THAT.

    • ali September 20, 2014 at 3:41 am

      oh dear, dear Darling Steve, you sound oh so genuine! Too baaaad i am way tooooo ooold for you! We could of go on dating, because i am miserably lonely, that i even “almost” joined this eharmony dating thing!
      Don’t worry dear, there is a very nice girl out there for you, just be patient. just believe, think positive, and it will happen. Ok, Dear? You sound very young anyway, you still have the “dating world” at your feet. Me? I am a childless widow, oh so alone in the world, no dates, no nothin! Know anyone who is as nice and genuine and caring as you, and 60 yrs old? Yes Dear Steve, I am Serious!…
      Take care, Dear. Just call me “your internet grannie”. Just believe in yourself, and it will happen.
      grannie ali

    • Rob December 2, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      On behalf of us dwindling ‘nice guys’, I am sorry that you were treated rudely. I have to agree that online sucks. In all fairness many people either lie on their profiles or lie to themselves with their expectations (That sin is on both sides of the gender divide). Modern society has given us some very high expectations on what a good relationship can be. The fact is, things are rarely perfect and a good relationship takes effort on both parts, the expectation (Thanks to TV and movies) is that it will be effortless but that’s just not the reality of it. I have read studies that an increasing number of men are just no longer trying. They stay alone and although miserable, they save a lot of heartache. I am sure there are a lot of women doing the same, but I have not seen any studies on it. Another article I read (Not a scientific study this time) talked about how ‘nice guys’ are assholes. The article was clearly written by someone with a severe case of Mysandry and was commented on by several women that felt militantly so. I fear that there is a huge disconnect growing in the genders. The few that DO find a real connection and make it work for the long term are becoming more rare every year.

  • Elizabeth Rose January 26, 2011 at 11:01 am

    Thank you Steve. A heartfelt, heavens be praised thank you.
    I too have been on a bunch of sites in the past, but I’ve had a break from them for a while. I was just starting to think that maybe, just maybe I should try eharmony again. So this may be the timeliest blog I’ve read in a LONG while since it reminded me of why I quit the damn thing in the first place.
    I am going to take my subscription money, get my hair done and go out this weekend to pick up. (and yep – Dianne is a bitch.)

    • Single Steve January 26, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      Save your money and invest in pogs. It’s a better investment that eharmony.com

      • anonymous September 10, 2015 at 10:03 am

        I like that you combined super c.o.w. , vectors & diff Eq in the same sentence, coupled with eharmony = nonsense. Talented you are.

  • Amy January 26, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    This is the best blog post I have read in a long, long time. You are hilarious and im sorry for your luck. Girls are bitches, what can I say?

  • Ed January 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    eHarmony does suck. True story. Props for getting FuckEHarmony.com.

    hmmm LOL! Oh, and happy new year. At least it’s a graduating class of hot girls, right?

    • Single Steve January 28, 2011 at 5:37 am

      It is like a graduating class of hot girls….except these girls don’t answer any of your questions when you ask them. Also they charge you 30 bucks a month just to look at them

      • Alaura May 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm

        Only the crazy bitches. Which is about 99.9 percent of the female population. Props to you. Your funny enough to be on south park. they should so make an episode.

      • Simple Shane October 16, 2015 at 6:49 pm

        So it’s just like a graduating class of hot girls!

  • Fred January 26, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    “In Communist Russia, eHarmony…. actually well it’s pretty much the same.”

  • Amanda January 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I met the urinator on eHarmony. They should have that as one of their levels of compatibility. Do you enjoy being peed on? They should also have the question Do you enjoy people with no personality? During 99% I would have rather been at work.

    • Single Steve January 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

      Agreed! I was bored out of my mind on those dates.

      • Don B June 9, 2014 at 4:32 am

        Steve, your eHarmony blog couldn’t be more spot on. Seriously.

  • Neurotic Workaholic January 26, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    I was on eharmony for three months and I only got two dates too. What sucked was that at least 10 or 12 guys would stop communicating with me before we got to the third phase of communication. There were a few who contacted me first who ended up blocking off all further communication before we even got to the third phase. WTF? I also think it’s a scam that they left my profile up on the site even after I closed my account, because guys were still e-mailing me thinking my account was active. It took several angry e-mails before eharmony finally agreed to make sure no one could see my profile.

  • Paula January 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    I’ve been on eHarmony for all of two weeks and have -drum roll please- 645 matches. Ridiculous! AND I set my match mile radius for 50 miles from San Francisco…I have matches as far as Seattle. I’m no math genius but doubt Seattle is 50 miles away.

    • Single Steve January 28, 2011 at 5:39 am

      645!? You are going to set a world record. Lets call the Guinness Book of World Records

  • brittany January 26, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    dearest ss,
    i want you to be my friend and my friends’ friend.

    how do we make that happen?

    • Single Steve January 26, 2011 at 6:29 pm

      How do we make this happen?
      Step 1.) Do you live in San Diego?
      well it’s actually just one step.

      • brittany January 26, 2011 at 6:48 pm

        why yes, yes i do.

        • Single Steve January 26, 2011 at 8:35 pm

          Step 2.) I facebook stalk you and add you as a real life friend?
          Step 3.) You are not creeped out by step 2.

          • Amanda June 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

            So what happened with this? Is it true love?

  • Sarah January 26, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    hahaha this whole thing had me laughing out loud. I have an eharmony subscription that’s also about to expire and I don’t plan on renewing. Apparently, I too match with all of Philadelphia, and then again with all of DC once I moved away from college.

  • Andrew January 26, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    hahaha, oh man, I had the same experience with eharmony. Out of the ones I’ve tried, it’s the worst. I wish I had advice on how to better approach these things, sorry. If my name also started with an S, we’d be in the same club.

  • Lizzie January 27, 2011 at 1:02 am

    I FUCKING HATE EHARMONY. They completely matched me with people who are no longer active and people that were just… NO. At least with Match.com I know how long it’s been since they last signed on…

  • capitolhill20210 January 27, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Not sure if this work for you, ask for a refund, you have enough evidence to prove their site sucks. I asked for a refund, they told me they would refund my money, never did. I filed a complaint with the bank and got my money bank. you have enough supporting documentation to have cause. I fucking hate that site – its horrible. I am having more luck on the free sites, but you have to weed through the weirdos.

  • Christy January 28, 2011 at 2:27 am

    I totally identify with the matches made from a long distance. I live in D.C. and by the end of my subscription period, I had progressed from Philadelphia to NYC to Canada. I think that’s the eharmony way of shaming you for not having found the “one” earlier in your subscription – “Look we had to go to a whole other country to find a compatible match for you!”

    • Neeraj April 18, 2012 at 4:13 am

      This was hilarious. lol :)

  • Katie January 28, 2011 at 5:26 am

    maybe you should actually do an entire high school class. I mean I don’t think you’ve tried that before…but I would leave that math equation out and just tell them your penis looks like justin bieber

    • webbi June 19, 2012 at 7:42 pm

      where is bieber coming in?

  • Anzo January 28, 2011 at 5:49 am

    I used the free trial once- and cancelled two days later, after I only got through 25 questions, b/c they were all bullshit. Anyway- try cougarlife.com- oh, and a friend and I are trying to come up with some new name for a new form of game- when we have it, i’ll pass it on to you, but it seems to work well.

  • Ollie January 28, 2011 at 7:02 am

    I hate online dating as well. I hardly have the time to go out and find a guy. So onine dating is the obvious choice right? Ugh,.. I get matched with so many guys. I “flirt” with the ones I like but never get a response. WTF. These sites are made more to bring up your interest and hope, then take away your pride. I have a WAY better chance on my own.

    P.S. cougarlife.com? Really? That’s hilarious. My friend is on the sugar daddy dating sites. Finally, they come out with something for the guys.

  • Jason January 28, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Yeah well with that many open communications and no responses I think it really comes down to one thing… “It’s not them, it’s you”.

    • Jon May 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

      Bullshit he is not the only one that has experienced this, myself and about 6 of my friends have also experienced exactly the same issue…

      90% of the female profiles are inactive

    • sueshe September 12, 2012 at 9:34 am

      you said it. EH does suck though

    • Danny December 28, 2012 at 11:43 pm

      Same here … I just do better at moving them to my hidden folder. Four responses in the first week, two poofed out … interestingly enough I saw one of the two on Match and she claimed she never heard of me before. What a scam.

  • Cali January 28, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    You should know this made me laugh out loud multiple times. I’ve never done Eharmony, but this sounds like an asinine system. While my last relationship from Match was a big fat fail, at least I didn’t have to jump though 49213 hoops to get there. Super lame! And I think your theory about the girls with inactive profiles is spot on… Good luck, Steve!


  • Cali January 28, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    PS my co-worker sent me this post and told me you were my “blog husband.” I’ll tell him you say thank him for sending it along as requested…

  • Elyse January 29, 2011 at 5:43 am

    Hey Steve,
    Katie from DateMeDC sent me your way. I found this post hilarious and so true. I tried Eharmony for 6 months and the experience was awful. They say they match you on 29 levels of compatibility. As far as I can figure out, they matched me on 5. All of the matches were white Jewish males who I assume were single and straight. Other than that there were no similarities. Not to sound incredibly snobby but I’m a law student and the majority of my matches worked at McDonald’s or gas stations. I was also matched with a Deki Clerk. I’m not quite sure what that is. I think he meant to write “Deli Clerk” but misspelled it? Then again all of his photos were of a very large man standing with his arms out in front of a truck so I think Deki Clerk = Truck Driver. I was also matched with an Automated Government Office Worker. So either he was a robot or perhaps he did robotic tasks? In the end, I got to the final stage with 3 guys but never actually went on a date with anyone. What an incredible waste of time and money. Thanks again for the laugh! Elyse

  • Jeannette January 30, 2011 at 6:57 am

    wow! that’s a lot of matches. I’ve only been on there 6 months and I have 124 new, 8 communicating (or NOT communicating) 103 archived, 104 closed = 339. Maybe EH isn’t as popular in LA as it is in San Diego. I seriously applaud you for attempting to communicate with all those girls though, only about 10 guys tried to communicate with me the whole time. My account just expired too, but I’m afraid I’ll get sucked back in!!

    • doug February 6, 2014 at 5:09 am

      I met my dream girl on eh we’ve been together 12 yes it does work just have to navigate the site the right way

  • Zia Zitella February 4, 2011 at 12:52 am

    I love that they canceled you. I had more issues with PerfectMatch.com – http://ziazitella.wordpress.com/2010/06/19/not-a-fan/

  • J February 5, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    This totally made me laugh…. because it is SOOOO true!

  • Austin February 6, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    I’m glad you saved $30/ month. What happened to freedom of speech? Thats annoying that they would lash out like a 16yr old girl and cancel your account.

    Also, that girl who gave you the ‘advice’ to only communicate with one person at a time clearly didnt know what she was talking about. How can she claim she met her ‘husband’ on the site if she’s not even familiar with the process? I say fake

  • Zoë February 7, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Never liked them. For more reason than one. But that reminds me … I need to write about MY eHarmony experience. Because – don’t get mad – I set up a fake profile as a totally hot, vapid girl named Caryn. And now I’m worried eHarmony actually matched you two up (we are, after all, 50 miles away from each other).

  • Katt February 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    I’m not even allowed to open an eHarmony account because I don’t fit into one of the types of people that they are capable of matching.

    But it makes me happy. 😉

  • Jennee February 14, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Haha, love this post. I tried EHarmony once and didn’t even get a date out of it because they couldn’t find any matches for me until I went to world wide search. I didn’t think I was that picky! Not that I ever got past the introduction phase.

  • Liz February 15, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    maybe you shoudl try ok cupid?

    • Single Steve February 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm

      I’ve tried them ALL. literally.

      • Carrie February 8, 2016 at 3:24 am

        Prior to seeing your video at the bottom of this blog, I thought you must have something completely undesirable in your profile or appearance to get no response. I don’t understand it. After seeing the video, I really don’t understand it! You are attractive, good humored, well spoken and intelligent. I feel it is true that the site is full of inactive accounts. Personally, I’ve used the site to have a good relationship before and am trying it again. I do not know what I put as a height preference but am sure going to go into my account and check it because the love of my life was shorter than me and we got on great. My biggest complaint about the online experience is that men will go through all 3 beginning stages of communication and then when we reach open communication they email things like “Hi. My number is ” or “Hi, how are you?” I LOVE guys that understand two way communication. As awful as it is, I think my success on the site is not my intellect, humor or adventurous nature. I get matches and responses because I look a bit like what society says is hot. I give men a shot though, I communicate and meet in person to see if there is a spark or not, and I reply or close out matches so they know where things stand. It doesn’t take much to be a decent person. All the best to you Steve! I think your dating life will get a LOT better as you age and find women who are more knowledgeable, experienced and less superficial.

  • Rich February 17, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    Steve your experience matches mine completely. The statistic I find the most staggering is the number of profile views I’ve had. Been on the website a couple of months and had 323 matches. I’ve got in contact or viewed the profiles of most ofthem. of those 323 a grand total of 27 have viewed my profile. If only 8% of my matches have even looked at my profile what hope have I of even meeting any of them?? Total bullshit

  • Mary February 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Yep… I’m using okcupid.com, plentyoffish.com and match.com – my experience is much the same… little or no responses, very few dates (maybe 3-5 from this time last year?). I must also be a troll. I’m always shocked when women say they get many emails… I never have. And how many ‘profile views’ on match.com? I reset it when it went over 1200. Really, out of 1200 and 1 date from match.com users? Nice. Makes a girl feel special. lol.

  • Sweetbearies March 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    I refuse to date, and around 29 I discovered I like to be single. I am an introverted woman who loves to read, write, and work on my artwork. I have no interest on going on a whole bunch of blind dates, and when I hear people in relationships talk, sometimes they are happy, sometimes they are not. I say do what makes you happy, but these days I think you can meet people for free on social networking sites. I would not pay for any of these dating sites, but since I am not a dater, maybe I just am not in the cool.

    • Sweetbearies June 24, 2011 at 4:41 pm

      By the way, whoever rated down my comment does not seem to be open to other opinions. Not everyone wants to date, and I am not sure why that bothers someone. Strong cookies will realize not dating can be cool, actually. My last sentence was sort of a joke because I think too much time spent on dating can be waste. How about just take an art class, join a book club, and meet people the traditional way.

      • webbi June 19, 2012 at 7:52 pm

        sound u in a world of ur own lady. seriously? u dont appreciate all these dating going on around? aaah. the beauty of humanity.

        • DaveInLA March 24, 2014 at 12:27 am

          Not for you to judge, is it?

  • Christina March 18, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Dear Steve,

    On the day I was committed to joining eharmony and giving technological a chance in my love life I got a phone call from my ex. Actually just as I was punching in the credit card numbers he called. We’ve been broken up for over a year and had dated for 8 years, so we still talk sometimes. Lets be honest he’s my best friend for life (with limited communication).

    He called drunk because it’s St. Patrick’s Day and proceeded to tell me he still loves me and maybe somehow in this world we could get it to work again, even with our ever constant moving locations. Normally drunk talk wouldn’t detour me from a commitment but there were a lot of nice txts and another nice phone call (sober) the previous week. Plus drunk man tears always get me.

    After I got off the drunk call with him I wondered if God was trying to tell me something… since I can’t ask God I asked Google instead. “Is God trying to tell me to get back with Steve or try eharmony?” Your blog post was the first one that popped up. I’m now pretty sure from the way you write I’m in love with you and that I’m not suppose to use eharmony but… it’s 50% off which is pretty tempting. Ugh. Decisions, decisions.

    Thanks for the informative blog about how eharmony is a pile and pointing me in the right directions. I wish you the best out in the real world of dating.

    Thanks for the entertaining rant,

  • PJ March 21, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    We’ll Steve, at least you got onto the site. I was rejected at the setup/question stage. It would seem from this, I am lucky??

  • Tony Hunt April 26, 2011 at 2:59 am

    I met a few mugu Nigerian scammers posing as hot girls on eharmony. Had a few fun weeks baiting them and wasting there time but other than that, no real action on eharmony.

  • Pete W May 7, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Half of it is eharmony matching you with inactive members, half of it is the attitude of women on dating websites. A women who is a 6/10 in the real world is about a 9/10 in the online world, just because guys are so less selective than women when it comes to online dating. Without fail, if you are a guy doing online dating you will only go on dates with women less attractive and less intelligent than you, that’s just how it works. I did eharmony for 6 months, I got tons of matches just like you, I tried communicating with women, but very few of the ones that I contacted got back to me. It got so frustrating that I started communicating with women that I wouldn’t approach at a bar, but even they weren’t getting back to me. I’m not a ugly guy either, I’m a fairly good looking, 26 year old architect, 5’10”. So then I just started contacting anybody and everybody. Finally getting responses from some women who I wouldn’t set up with my worst enemy, but went on a bunch of dates anyways just a complete waste of time. In conclusion, men in the online dating world, don’t expect to date attractive intelligent women, don’t even expect to date women who are on par with or slightly below your attractiveness and intelligence. Online dating is a bunch of bull, I’m done with it.

    • Kurt September 19, 2011 at 7:26 am

      You are correct! This is even more true if the women is relatively young. An average-looking woman in her late 20s who does on-line dating often thinks she can get a much-better looking man than herself. All of the communications she receives from “average” men only fuel her ego as she limits her options to guy out of her league.

      • kadycee July 31, 2013 at 6:21 am

        What are these “leagues” you speak of? Sounds like high school. Given the fact that tons of attractive women seem to overlook bald heads, short stature, small paychecks and large noses, I’m not sure who is observing the “league” thing. Maybe this is entire problem with dating sites — people are judging others, constantly. It really is unnatural.

    • Kayci August 2, 2013 at 7:53 pm

      Hmm, I might disagree with you on this one. After all, I am a 24 yr old female, school teacher, and working on my second Masters. I would say I’m attractive. I get plenty of offers, but mostly (OK, all the time) am matched with unattractive 40 somethings and up. Wait right here, we’ve got someone JUST outside of your match preferences (53, the age of my mother?) that we know you’ll just love. I’m afraid they forgot to mention that you’d have to put a paper bag over his head and deal with his sub par intellect. I’m sorry, but I think mostly women do the settling on these awful sites. I haven’t gone on one single date, and it’s because not a single match was really a true match.

  • […] way, which is why I wrote a sample recommendation for my friend, SingleSteve. (Feel free to use it if eHarmony ever let’s you back on their site, […]

  • Boring Dave May 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    My eharmony experience was much more brief than yours.

    I completed my initial survey, wondering if I’d bother to pay after my free weekend, but my wondering was cut short by their response.

    They couldn’t help me.

    Apparently I’m such a freak that I don’t fit into their personality profiling systems… Or, looking at it from another point of view, their profiling systems are stupid, narrow, shallow and limited.

    Well, whatever. I was only trying it ’cause friends said I should, frankly I found the idea unpleasant to begin with.

  • Unlucky Andrew May 22, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Ok… I’m thinking I should’ve looked into this a little more when I signed up for 3 months exactly 2 weeks ago. I’ve got a ridiculous amount of ‘matches’, I’m a good looking guy, my profile is normal with a tad bit of humor, and I’ve sent out the first round of questions to almost every girl. I haven’t received one response. Wtf. Why waste my time sitting in front of a computer screen when I know it’s leading nowhere.
    And I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of responses females get on EH. I don’t know what they’re even complaining about in the earler comments. I wish my problem was being exhausted sorting through all of the responses I received. So 50% of the shitload of responses you get don’t really work out. I’m $75 bucks in the hole and I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get ONE response.

    • Mike A July 4, 2013 at 3:10 pm

      Ive had the same luck with Eharmony. I thought I was an average guy and could find and average girl, but after 3 months of no responses from women, my self-esteem has hit rock bottom. WTF! Am I too old, too short, not rich enough? F-ing Eharmony! Lol.

    • TheWiser June 14, 2015 at 7:02 am

      It’s funny that men think that women are getting this massive flood of messages. I am 32, Canadian, and I’m a makeup artist/in sales and I would say I’m good looking enough in an exotic sense to at least get messages sent to me. Since joining in March I have only had about 6 guys message me. Most have been completely awful looking/not my type at all. One guy out of the ones who initiated contact with me, went through the stages with me, and we went on a couple dates because I found his profile cool and his pics good too. He was a complete weirdo. He would reply to texts with “rawr”, ask for pics, and reply in pics, plus I’m pretty sure he just wanted a lay.

      Since then I have only gotten a couple messages from other guys who again, were not for me. I am a pretty forward person so I sent out the 5 questions to over 70 guys. Only 3 messaged me back. I messaged guys in my “league” so to speak, and some who probably think of themselves as super good looking. Some were completely average. And still, only 3 messaged me with the 5 questions. I would like to say I’m easy to talk to, my profile is fun/funny and I give a lot about myself and my personality. Out of those 3, one dropped off during the steps of communication, only to come back a month later, send out “Makes and Breaks” and then drop off again. The other two: one I went on 3 dates with, probably more because I’m too nice and go on dates even when I sense the person isn’t right for me. He ended up being too busy to pursue anything and I got fed up. The second I texted and he also was too busy to meet, didn’t want to text or msg on the service because he considered it bs. Basically, neither was willing to communicate and get to know me.

      So my point in all this, don’t think that just because you’re a guy you’re the only one getting rejected. Girls are getting “rejected” just as much, and when they do respond to you, they are lazy and don’t want to do any work to pursue. They pretty much text you as if you’re a friend. I’m getting matched to about 15 guys a day, and I guess on the mobile app it doesn’t show when they were last active but does show you if they have moved on/or blocked you.

      My frustration in all of this is I don’t understand why people are paying for the service and not putting any effort into it at all. I went to cancel and then realized they probably wouldn’t refund me so I’ll stick in for the year I signed up for.

      I’m trying to take a break from online dating because I tend to get really emotionally drained from the experience.


  • Johnny June 22, 2011 at 6:27 am

    Dude, I totally agree with you. I am currently waiting on 60 or so matches to effing respond! Are these even real people in the profiles? The EHarmony interface sucks too, they need to implement AJAX or something, it’s slow and painful to use as each click requires a complete refresh of the page.

    Needless to say I will NOT be renewing my membership.

  • Elle June 23, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Oh my fucking god. This is gold. I remember reading this a while ago, but now that I’ve actually experienced some of the online dating world it makes it that much funnier!

    The fact that you got booted off makes it 100000000 times better!

  • Ron June 25, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Damn Steve! You have all kinds of women coming in here, looks like you got all the girls after all. You know….. You too could become a millionaire, if you manage these resources carefully.

    I went 6 months trying to get them to stop taking money out of my account, even cancelled the card, (my bank said “that should stop ’em.”), didn’t so shit! They still kept coming for it. A smart attorney would start a class action against them. I’m sure they would have no trouble finding people to sign up.

    Good job Steve, maybe I should have started a blog, then maybe they would have cancelled my account! Words of advice….. Watch your bank account brother!

  • Bryan July 1, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Dead on Steve….dead on. Wish I’d seen this earlier, otherwise, I wouldn’t be in the midst of waiting out another month in Eharmony Hell

    I think they’ve made recently made mistake in now showing how active a prospective match is. Though the time lines are intentionally vague – “Less then two weeks ago” or “Within the last week” or “More then three weeks ago”- it does help to show how full of shit the system is and how many of those 100 matches are “dead” members. 100 matches, and I might be lucky to get 3 or 4 replies, and ultimately maybe ( if I’m really lucky) getting one to open convo.

    It’s all ultimately frustating….thanks though for expressing the frustrations many of us go through because of that place.Bonus points for allowing us a good laugh about it as well.

  • donna July 1, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    I hate eHarmony too. I heard (not sure if it’s true or not) that they will match you with people who have cancelled their accounts or haven’t been active in ages. So you could be sending those questions to women who don’t even use the site anymore. Bastards.

  • Brent July 11, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Ah yes, I came searching to be comforted from my last eHarmony dating debacle and here I have found it!

    I went on a date with a woman I met on eHarmony last Saturday. The conversation was quite tortured throughout the entire date; so much for eHarmony’s compatability matrix… By the end of the date I really glad it was over and had serious doubts about any future dating potential.

    I slept on it, chalked it up the to first date jitters and decided to contact her again. The response I received from her was that she was still getting over her divorce, had just started a new job and was not ready to date again.

    Really??? Then why the fuck are you on eHarmony you fucking flake???

    • Kurt September 19, 2011 at 7:23 am

      Come on – she just told you that lame excuse to blow you off because she wasn’t interested!

  • Sylvia July 15, 2011 at 4:48 am

    I signed up for eHarmony about two weeks ago and already want to light someone on fire. I realized after about a week of sorting through the obscene number of matches and communications I received that, despite having taken the bar exam of dating to sign up, eHarmony doesn’t know dick about who I am or what I want. I went on one really awful date, communicated with a handful of douchebags and then pretty much gave up logging in altogether. I wrote their customer service to complain, suggesting that they refund my money. Well, you can guess how well that went over. I guess if I use my blog and provide some screen shots where my identity might be uncovered by their technical department they may let me off the hook?

  • Margo July 28, 2011 at 1:25 am


    That blog is absolutely hilarious. Haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. I filled in that long, laborious questionnaire tonight and at the end of it they couldn’t match me with anyone in the world, never mind in Scotland where I live. Total waste of time. But it looks like I’ve had a lucky escape anyway, if Eharmony is that bad!

    • Joy July 26, 2012 at 6:34 pm

      That happened to me too! Right after I finished my questionnaire, EH said “No matches found.” But then the next day I had 20. I just signed up but I haven’t paid yet… Maybe that’s why people don’t respond. They just sign up but don’t pay. EH should start deleting accounts once they’re inactive for awhile. I am planning on paying though. I was just checking it out to see if it’s for me. I’m female, and I’ve received some requests. I’ll give it a go. Why not?

  • Dees August 2, 2011 at 8:33 am

    That FCKN sux single steve… I like your blog better. At least I know I’ll get a laugh versus being ass raped by some stupid online company. F them.

  • Linda Method August 27, 2011 at 3:15 am

    Dude!! It’s probably discouraging to think how much men outnumber the women on most dating websites. Me, I’m fortunate for having found a mate on OKCupid.com, which is a free dating websites, and off all the ones I checked out, including the ones that make you pay, it is by far my favorite. I found extremely intelligent promising accomplished men on that site. In my opinion, the paid ones are no better than the free ones, the only difference is you don’t have to look at ads, plus the free ones give you the option of ‘gold membership’ and stuff, so you can ‘upgrade’ for a price. The problem with a computer software program matching you up is that it is totally ineffective. I had people sent to me in my ‘quiver’ that were of a higher percentage match than the man I ended up marrying. Most of those ‘quiver matches’ were not particularly attractive to me, because just answering a question the same way doesn’t mean I’m going to be compatible with that dude. What I looked for was a man with a different sort of look….not the ‘best-looking’, or the highest income….I was looking for off-beat, intelligent, quirky, sensitive, honest….and I sure did find him! Mostly I ignored who the computer matched me up with and just browsed the dudes. If someone looked or sounded interesting, I messaged him right off the bat without waiting for him to come to me.

    • Linda Method August 27, 2011 at 3:29 am

      Dude!! It’s probably discouraging to think how much men outnumber the women on most dating websites. Me, I’m fortunate for having found a mate on OKCupid.com, which is a free dating website, and of all the ones I checked out including the ones that make you pay, it is by far my favorite. I found extremely intelligent promising accomplished men on that site. In my opinion, the paid ones are no better than the free ones; the only difference is you don’t have to look at ads, plus the free ones give you the option of ‘gold membership’ and stuff, so you can ‘upgrade’ for a price. The problem with a computer software program matching you up is that it is totally ineffective. I had ‘quiver matches’ sent to me that were of a higher percentage match than the man I ended up marrying. Most of those ‘quiver matches’ were not particularly attractive to me — just answering a question the same way doesn’t mean I’m going to be compatible with that dude. What I looked for was a man with a different sort of look….not the ‘best-looking’, or the highest income….I was looking for off-beat, intelligent, quirky, sensitive, honest….and I sure did find him! Mostly I ignored who the computer matched me up with and just browsed the dudes. If someone looked or sounded interesting, I messaged him right off the bat without waiting for him to come to me. Guys love that.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:14 am

      Linda- you are awesome!!! I just disabled my OKcupid cuz the high percent guys- no go. But hey, you looked outside the box and found the man of your dreams… guess I should do the same. I do message the guys that arent a match to say what I like… maybe I should message them without the mindset OKC says we arent a match. Go you! Changing minds across the dating sites!!!

  • Sharin August 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Hey, I understand your frustration and how you’re making urself feel better with the website. but i met the guy who made eharmony and read a couple of his books, and he’s a really nice guy. He was just trying his best to make people find their true love. He didn’t mean to make people upset. Actually, i agree with you, its not the best website-but u should at least give the guy credit for working hard to try to help people. If you don’t like the website, try the books. they are understandable and reasonable. or if u dont read, go out in public and have fun. maybe go somewhere so far away, there isnt any websites or internet. just a suggestion.

  • Sam August 29, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    I just ended my three month subscription to eHarmony. It was exhausting. There were a lot of guys that I wouldn’t be attracted to in the dark (not trying to be mean)..but I think it’s interesting that (basically) unattractive men have no problem communicating with me online but in real life, they would never actually walk up to me.
    I did talk to a lot of men but ended up only going out with one…whom I am still going on dates with. We’ll see. An interesting experience none-the-less.

  • NoNamesPlease September 3, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you. You’re right. EHARMONY SUCKS THE BIG HAIRY ONE.
    FUCK YOU EHARMONY. You are not harmonious for me. I am a winner and Eharmony is obviously for losers. In fact, if I ever find out any of my dates have EVER been signed up for Eharmony or even THOUGHT ABOUT signing up I will drop them immediately.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:17 am

      Ha ha, come on dude! You learned EH sucks by experience right? So dont close doors on people who have tried it! Ask them what they thought- you might complain together and fall in love. 😉

  • karen September 5, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    I wish I had investigated further before dropping $120 for a subscription :(
    I’ve only been on a short time and I already have determined it’s Bullsh*t, I’m 41 and don’t mind maybe a five yr difference, but they sent me matches that were well into their 50’s and FAR away, even though my setting is at 60 miles. No one writes back and everyday I check and I have NO MATCHES!
    I’m a nice humorous girl, level headed and have a healthy sense of self. I’m in college and enjoy my life, those things come across in my profile. You’re telling me there is no one in the State of MA that would be compatible with me?!
    I know I won’t get my money back, I have to chalk it up to a lesson learned. I’ve had many more communicators and dates on the free sites! Lots of weirdos on there too LOL, but I didn’t lose any money.

    • Louioe February 3, 2013 at 5:56 am

      Caren, I know this reply is very late, but I’ll take ya out I’m 44 are you ok with it?

    • Louie February 3, 2013 at 5:58 am

      Sorry name was a type-o It’s Louie

  • Pete September 5, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks for the great laugh Steve. I just cancelled my ehaarmony account apparently since I don’t have a chiseled chin,a flat stomach and bulging muscles eharmony couldn’t match me. I actually stopped getting matches for about two weeks then got random ones. Out of all the communication requests I sent out only 1 replied, and her free trial expired so that was a bust. At least you got some dates out it.

  • Richard September 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    I joined last May 2011 and took advantage of the free weekend. I received over 220 profiles and experiences the same bullshit of having a few start stage 1 or 2. After the free weekend ended, no a one continue the communication stage. Fast forward to last Labor Day weekend when it was free and I had a total of 721 profiles in my inbox! And I don’t need to tell you what happen. I believe many of the profiles are actually from eHarmony trying to sucker you into becoming a member. Total scam of a company!

  • Kevin September 16, 2011 at 4:14 am

    fuck this was my last resort… i live in san diego too, and im so flippin over hitting on dumb girls in gross bars. whats your/my next play?

  • Kurt September 19, 2011 at 7:19 am

    I also have an account with eHarmony and think it sucks. I rarely bother initiating communication with women because they rarely respond. I have much better success with responding to their initiations of communication. However, most of the mid-30s women I have met look much larger or older in person than they do in their photos. I guess these women are using old photos to lure a guy in and then hope that the guy won’t care about the weight gain/age lines that were not evident in the photos?

  • Dan September 22, 2011 at 6:35 am

    Well, Steve, I think you have exposed a scam. Those women on Facebook were total morons. One at a time… really? Trolling… really? The commercials seemed good so I thought, why not? But again, nobody responds. I will never again have sympathy for any woman who says “there are no good men out there!”. They are out there, you just aren’t smart enough to talk to them. And the women here on your blog that are complaining? i don’t buy it. For something that both sexes want to do, it is astounding that dating is so hard.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:24 am

      Ha ha Dan!! You are right… there are ALOT of good men out there actually… but their all married. ;D Ok, not really but dang, I see a dude, talk a bit and think “Wo-ow!” and then finally remember to check his finger… whoa! Married. Next. Nice chatting, maybe we can double date when I find a guy. 😛 Or, eventually I learn they are engage… hey, chance they might break up? No, not wasting my time. Lol.

      So, its not that there arent any good ones left, they are just hard to find or not a match. My ex is brilliant! Not that attractive, but intelligent, giving, always helping people, just has a great heart! And he says the same about me, I like to take care of my guy. Make sure he’s happy. We are both good people but after a year realized it wasnt gonna work. Its ok. Yeah, some gals are dumb and not looking but some are smart enough to search and wait patiently. I know a good guy when I meet him… his heart works like mine! 😉

  • Bill October 1, 2011 at 8:40 am

    I found that most of the women they(E-Harmony) matched me
    with were women I had seen on other dating sites. I didn’t have anything in common with them there yet they were a match on e-Harmony.
    You are right Steve. E-Harmony is a scam. You can find the same matches on POF…. lol

  • GINA October 12, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Steve……..That was one of the most funniest fucking things I have ever read!!!! I actually was on line trying to figure out why my fiance who has not been on EHarmony just got an ICEBREAKER…one of my girlfriends said its a scan to make him try and open up his account again…I was like WTF is this LOL…and then I was like whatever..but they send me ads etc all the time too and I never signed up .. I was on Match for a while however it seemed as though alot of dudes with no car no home and no teeth were contacting me so after a day I was off that site LOL
    All the best

  • Jane November 1, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Steve, I LOVED your blog. And I hear ya;
    I have been on eHarmony for a couple of weeks. I have no messages. From ANYONE. Not even an ‘ice breaker’. On OkCupid (which is FREE), I get on average 26 messages a week and go on at least a couple of dates a week, with some of them turning into ‘more’ for a few months (before the guy in question wises up and realizes that behind the pretty face, I’m really quite horrible). But that’s besides the point; the point is that I am a 36 year old college professor with a PhD, and just today, eHarmony produced a supposed ‘perfect match’ for me (a bald 56 year old Christian construction worker from New Jersey who has ‘some high school’).

    It is a total rip-off. There is no ‘chemistry’ or ‘secret science’; they just ‘match’ you with people in your area, regardless of who you are or what you like.

    I still have two months of my subscription to go, and every day I keep resenting the forty something bucks a month I’ve been suckered into.

  • weharmyourmoney December 15, 2011 at 2:02 am

    Oh my god! You’re all complaining about being on eharmony for a year and not getting any dates!!!??? I’ve been on eharmony for three years and not had ONE DATE because the conversations stopped at step 2 or 4. 9 out of 10 times it was step 1 or 2 actually. eHarmony is worthless! I could careless if the guy who made it is nice, I’m paying a SOB shitloads of money every 6 months for a service where I have had no dates and their only response is, “It takes time”. I’m 26 years old and I DON’T want to fall in love when I’m in my 30s or 40s! I’m ready now and I want to start a family. As Monty Python once said, “Say it loudly and proudly…….. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!”


    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:39 am

      Duuude!! 3 years!!! I did 3 months, I just dont think I could have lasted 3 years. When I met 2 guys, no dates in 3 months I realized my money was better spent elsewhere.
      Honestly, I half feel sorry for you and half think “Suuuucker!” I mean, you could say thats commitment but after … a year at most, if its not working- logic buddy. Better luck this year if you are still on… a year later… but I really hope you wised up and got off. Good luck.

  • Whatda F...? December 17, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    Hello Steve, I thought I’d try e-dating which is more like e-hating it! The guys I’ve been match with are not compatible with my interests – are the wrong age the wrong everything.
    I was about to give up when I started chatting with a guy I thought might be a real person after being e-dumped too many times to count, and why? I never met the (I’ll be nice ) matches – not even a stinking icebreaker just blam! match closed! Anyway, so I’m chatting with this guy for a month and we move to secure phone calls and then I had some techinical difficulty getting through to him – and without any goodbye he just blam! closes the match with no explanation. So, how is this an environment that fosters love? IT’S BS! It’s expensive and I hate getting winks. Grow up people and communicate with words, like “Hello, my name is … I will never try e-dating again. Total waste of time – except I found you, Steve and that’s a good thing.

  • Edissonance December 20, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Steve, no idea who the hell you are, but mad props for the killer blog. I’ve noticed in my tinkering with various dating sites that most seem to use a method of marketing that in real life would be called “lying through your teeth” but in the online dating world is referred to as “you’ve got mail.” Basically, there are thousands, if not millions, of bogus profiles on dating sites. Some are created by spammers. Others are created by the companies. (And yeah, there’s those legit but abandoned profiles, too–the more the merrier!) You’ll immediately start getting emails claiming you have a match or someone is interested in you and wants to talk or wants to see a photo.

    But what’s really going on in many cases is plain old deceptive marketing: a computer- or employee-generated series of messages that gets sent to you to try to convert you from a free member to a paid member. (Aka, from someone with money to someone who just gave all their money to the dating site.) It’s basically like Wall Streeters that promise people they’ll make them rich, then rob them blind, go “bankrupt”, and open up a new “business” next door. Anyway, as an experiment I paid for one a few years ago, but since it clearly failed, I didn’t spend another dime.

    As an aside, a fifth grader could write the computer program behind eharmony’s “29 dimensions of compatibility,” which is nothing more than a tagline some likely overpaid copywriter is probably still collecting royalties on since apparently a lot of people fall for it. You can tell by the fact that it’s a completely meaningless, large, odd number–copywriters love odd numbers, especially big ones, especially if there’s no rational way to explain the significance of them. (Why not 28? Or 27? Or maybe just 6? “No, it’s 7 minute abs!”) The principle behind the marketing is just like convincing people that 2 plus 2 equals 5–repeat it enough times, and eventually they’ll believe anything.

  • dee December 31, 2011 at 4:49 am

    don’t fret stevo,women are hardwired to be spectators ,& rarely initiate anything in life…which is why it will always be a mans world !

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Ha ha!! I grew up with guys and I learned to initiate, take the lead… I spend years doing that… and spent years with pansies who could make decisions plus enough close guy friends told me I should back off and wait for the guys to come to me… so, its ok that guys initiate, if I see someone amazing- I’m gonna say something but till then patience, not a big deal. Then a guy, I’m also told a guy who pursues me in the beginning will pursue me for life… huh, dont know but its worth giving a shot. Might as well take a road I havent tried, I might have an life time of adventures. ;D

      • Amy June 16, 2015 at 2:01 pm

        Have you had a lifetime of adventure yet ???

  • Christina January 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    I just joined Eharmony for 15 bucks a month for 3 months. I know 2 people who met their fiances on Eharmony so I gave it a shot. Wow. Every guy on here was either fat, ugly or seems too good to be true. Some of them have such awesome profiles I’m afraid to go meet them because why would a rich handsome guy have any trouble meeting women? Still though I paid so I might as well be entertained by it all. I respond to the silly multiple choice questions and send my must haves and can’t stands. I’ve only reached the email stage with one guy but he’s kinda creepy so I’ll probably just close him soon. I agree the forced communication is retarded. I think that’s the whole problem with the site. But as a newly single woman, it at least provides for some entertainment on a lonely night! Although its not nearly as entertaining as this blog…which I kinda wish I had read BEFORE I gave them my credit card info…

    • webbi June 19, 2012 at 8:36 pm

      its easy to answer rich men finding good women problem…. coz the good women are your secretaries, ypur employees,your clients, your suppliers and your insurer.the cute girls in your clients office….. and you cant date there without messing. so we try online… and you find sociopaths in abundance…. we think ok eharmony… at least there you pay you way through so freaks out… and then we end up with all these rantings here . god. will ever get marred.

      go try that handsome man… he dont have any other choice.

  • Brian January 8, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Signed up last March to review my matches for free. Got the 7 daily matches then a woman sent me her questions. In order to answer her questions and find if she was real, I had to pay up. Went through all of the levels of communication and finally on a date and all seemed to be just as advertised. But wait!! It turns out the bitch was still married. Three kids, bankrupt, and looking for some dumbass to get them out of it. Background searches are worth every penny! Went downhill from there for the rest of my subscription. Went on a number of dates, but none were any where near my type or was I theirs. The 29 levels of compatibility it for sure a crock of bullshit. Sort of hard to believe there were nearly 400 single, middle age women within a 30 mile radius of me in DFW. Loved getting the “Flex” matches that were over 100 miles or more away, or nearly 20 years younger. It did me a favor though. It put me in front of a lot of what I don’t want. Made being middle age single not so bad after all. I agree Single Steve, Fuck eHarmony! Save your money.

  • […] a guy named Steve who has (what I think) is a dating blog (and who seems much angrier than me).  Here you can see how Steve does his thing.  The sad news for me is that Steve is FAR more successful […]

  • M January 12, 2012 at 12:32 am

    It’s not just men that have these issues with eharmony, women get them too. I signed up a couple of months ago, hoping to find a nice guy since my schedule is always packed (work, school etc.), so I don’t really have time to go out and meet people, let alone a guy. I’m 26 years old by the way – I don’t think I look “hot” or anything but I always get compliments from people, men and women, on how beautiful I look. I used to be a model when I was in my teens so I don’t I’m so ugly that no guy wants to chat.

    SO, I thought maybe I’d have a shot at this online dating thing – I wasn’t looking to meet “hot” rich men, I actually like geeky-type of guys but I had no luck at all. There were several men who I was connecting with through the GC but once we hit OC,POOF! Gone! I sent my questions to about 15-20 guys over the past couple of months and I’ve only received 1 reply. ONE!!! I’ve also been using match with no luck either. I think I’m just going to give up on this whole online dating thing.

    I’m thinking it might be some ethnicity thing because I’m mixed and maybe guys don’t like that?

  • Dawn January 13, 2012 at 5:30 am

    I agree, Eharmony sucks. How degrading is that? GAWD! I want my $$ back!

  • Andrew Franc January 14, 2012 at 2:55 am

    well my life has been upside down and i decided to go to eharmony and u know. Hmmm ….LOL .. i have found 0 matches. great site, really really great site. i trully hate social sites like fb. so Kudos steve. trying this but its pure fail , so im social but man i dont think ill try this sht again. steve u are a bro.

  • Summer January 18, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Love your rant. I experienced all the “dead profiles” myself. In fact a solid 75 percent of my matches didn’t even have their profiles filled out aside from a single sentence. They browsed during a free communication weekend never to return. I’m guessing the bulk of my matches were simply smart enough not to be suckered into signing up for an account! Thing is, I’m an attractive girl… I doubt I’d have issues with non-responders, but it was constant. So… it’s not you! And I’m shocked at how many matches you received. I’ve had weeks where I only got like two or three total… and they were all inactive!

  • […] doing my little review of online dating sites yesterday, I came across this guy’s blog article about how much eHarmony sucks.  He couldn’t have said it better when it comes to […]

  • JAMES January 24, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Oh man Steve, what a great article! Funniest thing I have read in a while.

    I’m a grizzled eharmony vet. My tour of duty of duty has lasted 2 years. I will tell you what led me here: Today I was going through my own pathetic list of non-responding women under the “communicating” tab and closing them out (if they don’t respond in a month, they ain’t gonna respond). So I click on another profile to close it, and I see she added a complaint under “additional information.” She said something like: “…and I don’t understand why I’m only getting these ‘silly questions’ and not real messages.” Some small part of me lost it when I read that. Do women really think that each man should write out personalized novels to her? I think most guys who get into online dating try that at first. They think, “man, this girl is the PERFECT match! We like the same stuff, we have the same ideas! I’m going to write her a really great message!” And you do. And nothing happens – she doesn’t respond, at all, and you never, ever find out why. After a while you start to realize the futility of dumping energy into these messages and just stick to the canned questions or icebreakers.

    It’s so bad that on free sites like “plenty of fish” women add things to their profile like “please put the word PEAR into the subject of your email so I know that it’s a real message.” You see, men have taken to spamming as a tactic to get around women ignoring messages. It makes sense – why waste all that time? Just write one clever canned message, send it to every single woman on the site, and see who responds. That’s called fishing with a net!! So women get bombarded with bullshit and decent guys get lost in the shuffle. As an aside, that is why eharmony is at least better than free sites – everyone has some skin (ie money) in the game so both sexes take it a bit more seriously. A bit.

    I’m a decent looking guy (not the tall-dark-chiseled face type women seem to like, but far from ugly), physically fit, intelligent, successful (my job is a project manager), well traveled, well read. On paper, I’m what women want, but on eharmony? Not a chance. I have had some dates over the two years, and one semi-promising fling that fizzled out, but on the whole I was only ever able to get women that I was marginally interested in to respond. The profiles that really excited me, the ones I thought were the best matches, I never get a response from.

    The #1 most common reaction to my 5 questions from women is… nothing. They don’t close me, but they don’t respond. I don’t really understand this reaction. Isn’t it one or the other, you like me or you don’t?

    Or maybe these women really are expecting personalized messages…?

    Women, for the love of god, please start making eye contact and smiling at guys you see in real life. Most women where I live seem to TRY to avoid all contact with men when they are out and about. They just scream “don’t even think about talking to me you CREEPS!” with their body language. How it’s supposed to work is that you smile at me, then I come over and talk to you, we flirt a bit, I ask you out, then we live happily ever after. Instead, we are all stuck in eharmony HELL because you refuse to play by the rules!!!


  • K31472 January 25, 2012 at 6:45 am

    I have had the exact same experience as you. Except all the matches I get have no pics. And the ones that do never respond to my questions I’ve sent. Huge waste of money!!!

  • corina January 25, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Love this!! It came up when I Googled “eharmony stage 1” haha!! I have 7 different “matches” that I answered their questions & had NO idea I was supposed to respond back with my own questions after answering to “move on”!!

  • Whatever95 February 2, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I signed up with the hope of finding a serious relationship. After a week of sending messages to girls (50+), none of them answered me and some even closed the conversation. I’m sorry but I know for a fact that I do not look like a piece of garbage and my personality is sure to please someone out there! I’m starting to think that maybe this site is filled with fake profiles… I honestly have a better chance of meeting girls by just walking up to random ones on the street and starting a conversation. Save your money!

  • Jack February 4, 2012 at 5:49 am

    If you ever get the means to, you should use FuckEharmony.com to host porn, just for fun.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 11:50 am

      Major LOL!!!!! Yeah, I wanna see those “success stories” Buwahahahahaha!!! Nice.

  • gentleman February 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Wow, this is like watching a gathering of the “bitter and burned by life club”, only worse, it’s permanently recorded in text. Maybe all your matches were turned off by your neurotic, cynical, creepy, obsessive personality? I think, with this article you’ve just shown all your future potential partners how you react in a relationship that isn’t working for you. And they definitely know how you behave after a breakup. Without using a dating service how many single women do you meet a day for whom you pass even the most rudimentary of standards? Probably none. If you can’t cut it with a service that delivers potential partners to your laptop on a daily basis, good luck out in the “real world” buddy.

    • Brian March 21, 2013 at 6:59 am

      What are you talking about? Nothing he wrote has any bearing whatsoever on his actual relationships, never mind how he behaves after a break up. He’s complained about a business, not an ex-lover. This is a blog about dubious business practices, namely, keeping profiles of people “active” who are no longer paying for the profile to be kept up (or worse, never paid for it). Everyone who has ever set up a profile with Eharmony but did not follow through, like myself once upon a time, knows that is what they do. They keep matching you until you tell them to stop, they keep the profile up till you tell them to take it down. Arguably most of the profiles being matched in any given instance is a case of one inactive account being matched with another by the computer in a weird act of auto-erotic algorithms.

      • Sue S. August 7, 2013 at 1:39 am

        “auto-erotic algorithms.” I think I love you. Where do you live?

  • Henry February 9, 2012 at 4:09 am

    I wish I saw this site earlier. It’s true EH is a pile of dog shit. Wait, that pile pile of dog shit would have been more useful than eharmony.

  • Ms. G March 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    True. eHarmony sucks.
    They matched me up with my abusive Ex-Husband.
    When I cancelled my membership, which I’d had for less than a month, they refused to refund my membership.
    I deleted my profile immediately, cuz I didn’t want my ex to see my pics and profile.
    Assholes continued to charge me for the full 3 months…

  • Annalise March 4, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Eharmony sucks. Check out this discussion (scroll to bottom and work your way up):
    Discussion Thread
    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for your response.

    I am sorry to hear that you are disappointed with the suggestion provided to you. Please note that if you initiate communication with your match, he will be prompted to view your profile, before initiating communication with you, this is why we encourage you to initiate communication with your matches.

    Further, I will like to let you know that refunds can only be processed within the first 3 days of an initial subscription. Thus, we are unable to process your request for a refund. For further information regarding your subscription, you can reach us at 800-707-894. Our Phone Representatives are available Monday through Friday, 6 am – 8 pm and Saturday, 9 am – 3 pm AET.

    We look forward to helping you find your special someone.


    Yvette M.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Email (Annalise Tindal)
    Yeah, I don’t think you do understand because you’re not listening to what I am saying and just sending your standard replies. I am a professional and certainly understand that people have unique situations and travel etc, but if you expect me to believe that all the matches online are away for 3 weeks and no one is looking at my profile then I think this whole thing is a bit of a joke.
    I have updated my profile and the notifications in the activity section of the matches has not prompted anyone to look further. Regardless, no one has viewed the profile at all for weeks, which is just odd and means I am not being matched with anyone. Additionally, I have previously read your advice- taking on board the tips to create a stand out profile. It isn’t much help when my profile isn’t being seen by anyone. I accept that I also should communicate with matches but that doesn’t really have anything to do with the point I am making about not being viewed at all.

    A friend of mine had the same issues with you as well as being matched with completely random people and I wish I had spoken to her before I paid $240 for 12 months of useless service. I propose a cancellation of my eharmony account and a refund for 6 months. You win because I have only been online for 2 months but am willing to pay for 6 months. I just do not think continuing is worth the frustration- it certainly is not worth the money.

    Discussion Thread
    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    I can certainly understand your frustration in regards to the lack of views from your matches.

    I encourage you to keep in mind that the length of time someone waits to view your profile is not always a reflection of their interest and we want to be sensitive to their unique situations. People go on vacation, travel for business, work long hours or just check personal e-mail sporadically. We ask our members to try to be as patient as possible.

    I would suggest you to go ahead and initiate communication with the recent matches you have received. Doing so will trigger the system to send an email to them. Encouraged by the email, the matches will certainly log into their accounts to view your profile and respond to your communication.

    I would like to help you understand how this can help increase the number of views from your matches. I’m sure whenever you receive a notification on your homepage under the “Activity” section that your match has updated his profile, you are prompted to go through his profile and view the updates.
    Same thing happens when you update your In My Own Words section or post new photos, all your matches receive a notification on their “Activity” section on their homepage that you have updated your profile and this encourages your matches to view the updates in your profile.

    To help ease the eHarmony process and allow you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and creating healthy relationships we have a fantastic Advice section that I would love for you to take a look at. You can go to http://advice.eharmony.com in order to view this great resource.

    We look forward to helping you find the special someone of your life.


    Bret M.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Email (Annalise Tindal)
    Thank you for your reply.
    In reviewing my account you may have noticed that I updated my profile
    (again) about 2 weeks ago, adding a new photo and updating all of the sections of the ‘in my words’ section. I already know that my matches receive a notification about the update- that is one of the reasons I did it. I have actually updated my profile and tweaked things a few times in the last two months since being a member. It is only in the last few weeks that no one has viewed it. I find this very strange, especially since I updated the profile adding a new photo around the 15th Feb – and not one hit to look at my changes.

    I know it should not be all one sided communication. I have communicated with one match who initiated communication. I do prefer men to initiate conversation, but saying that, I intend to communicate with more matches further down the track. My strategy was to test the waters initially and see who might initiate a conversation without me prompting them in the first few months. and then start a few communications. Wouldn’t you agree that it is difficult to smile at someone or initiate a conversation if you can’t actually have no one looking at your profile? If no one is looking at my profile I have no indication of what people are thinking.

    I get the sense that I have exhausted potential matches and my profile perhaps is not being sent out so much. I only express my disappointment at becoming a member because I really debated paying for 3 months of this year and I wrongly chose to pay for 12 months. I don’t think it is worth the amount of money I paid, despite the success stories you throw at me. I’m actually really disheartened.


    Discussion Thread
    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for contacting eHarmony Australia Customer Care.

    I understand that you have not received any views since a number of weeks and I will do my best to assist you. I have reviewed your account and can confirm that it is working properly and there is no technical issue. With regards to this, I would like to share a suggestion which can help to increase the number of matches to view your profile. I would suggest that you keep on updating your profile information in your In My Own Words section or to post more photos even if you already have 6 great photos posted. In fact, once you update your profile, your matches will receive a notification on their Home page that you have updated your profile. This notification will prompt them to view your profile.

    Further, while reviewing your account, I see that you have received many matches and you have not communicated with them. These matches are displaying under your Archived Matches section. We understand that some women prefer men to take the initiative in dating situations. However, it’s important to remember that when you initiate communication with a match, you are simply initiating a friendly conversation and being proactive with your eHarmony membership. To make the most of your experience, remember that the more conversation you create, the better your chances for success.

    Keep in mind that any one of your matches could be the person you have been looking for. We do not want you to miss out on the joy that a relationship like that can bring.

    I would like to direct you to a link with stories about members who did not give up and found the love of their life. You can read what they had to say by going here: http://www.eharmony.com.au/success

    We look forward to helping you find your special someone.


    Harry J.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Web Form (Annalise Tindal)
    It has been a number of weeks since anyone has viewed my profile and I’m just wondering if there is a technical issue? People have to open my profile to see who I am, so I am not sure how it is possible that no one at all is doing this? I’m paying quite a bit for this service and after two months am regretting it . . .

    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for contacting eHarmony Australia Customer Care.

    I understand that you have not received any views since a number of weeks and I will do my best to assist you. I have reviewed your account and can confirm that it is working properly and there is no technical issue. With regards to this, I would like to share a suggestion which can help to increase the number of matches to view your profile. I would suggest that you keep on updating your profile information in your In My Own Words section or to post more photos even if you already have 6 great photos posted. In fact, once you update your profile, your matches will receive a notification on their Home page that you have updated your profile. This notification will prompt them to view your profile.

    Further, while reviewing your account, I see that you have received many matches and you have not communicated with them. These matches are displaying under your Archived Matches section. We understand that some women prefer men to take the initiative in dating situations. However, it’s important to remember that when you initiate communication with a match, you are simply initiating a friendly conversation and being proactive with your eHarmony membership. To make the most of your experience, remember that the more conversation you create, the better your chances for success.

    Keep in mind that any one of your matches could be the person you have been looking for. We do not want you to miss out on the joy that a relationship like that can bring.

    I would like to direct you to a link with stories about members who did not give up and found the love of their life. You can read what they had to say by going here: http://www.eharmony.com.au/success

    We look forward to helping you find your special someone.


    Harry J.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Web Form (Annalise Tindal)
    It has been a number of weeks since anyone has viewed my profile and I’m just wondering if there is a technical issue? People have to open my profile to see who I am, so I am not sure how it is possible that no one at all is doing this? I’m paying quite a bit for this service and after two months am regretting it . . .

    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for your e-mail.

    I can certainly understand your frustration in regards to the lack of views from your matches.

    I encourage you to keep in mind that the length of time someone waits to view your profile is not always a reflection of their interest and we want to be sensitive to their unique situations. People go on vacation, travel for business, work long hours or just check personal e-mail sporadically. We ask our members to try to be as patient as possible.

    I would suggest you to go ahead and initiate communication with the recent matches you have received. Doing so will trigger the system to send an email to them. Encouraged by the email, the matches will certainly log into their accounts to view your profile and respond to your communication.

    I would like to help you understand how this can help increase the number of views from your matches. I’m sure whenever you receive a notification on your homepage under the “Activity” section that your match has updated his profile, you are prompted to go through his profile and view the updates. Same thing happens when you update your In My Own Words section or post new photos, all your matches receive a notification on their “Activity” section on their homepage that you have updated your profile and this encourages your matches to view the updates in your profile.

    To help ease the eHarmony process and allow you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and creating healthy relationships we have a fantastic Advice section that I would love for you to take a look at. You can go to http://advice.eharmony.com in order to view this great resource.

    We look forward to helping you find the special someone of your life.


    Bret M.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Email (Annalise Tindal)
    Thank you for your reply.
    In reviewing my account you may have noticed that I updated my profile
    (again) about 2 weeks ago, adding a new photo and updating all of the sections of the ‘in my words’ section. I already know that my matches receive a notification about the update- that is one of the reasons I did it. I have actually updated my profile and tweaked things a few times in the last two months since being a member. It is only in the last few weeks that no one has viewed it. I find this very strange, especially since I updated the profile adding a new photo around the 15th Feb – and not one hit to look at my changes.

    I know it should not be all one sided communication. I have communicated with one match who initiated communication. I do prefer men to initiate conversation, but saying that, I intend to communicate with more matches further down the track. My strategy was to test the waters initially and see who might initiate a conversation without me prompting them in the first few months. and then start a few communications. Wouldn’t you agree that it is difficult to smile at someone or initiate a conversation if you can’t actually have no one looking at your profile? If no one is looking at my profile I have no indication of what people are thinking.

    I get the sense that I have exhausted potential matches and my profile perhaps is not being sent out so much. I only express my disappointment at becoming a member because I really debated paying for 3 months of this year and I wrongly chose to pay for 12 months. I don’t think it is worth the amount of money I paid, despite the success stories you throw at me. I’m actually really disheartened.


    Discussion Thread
    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for contacting eHarmony Australia Customer Care.

    I understand that you have not received any views since a number of weeks and I will do my best to assist you. I have reviewed your account and can confirm that it is working properly and there is no technical issue. With regards to this, I would like to share a suggestion which can help to increase the number of matches to view your profile. I would suggest that you keep on updating your profile information in your In My Own Words section or to post more photos even if you already have 6 great photos posted. In fact, once you update your profile, your matches will receive a notification on their Home page that you have updated your profile. This notification will prompt them to view your profile.

    Further, while reviewing your account, I see that you have received many matches and you have not communicated with them. These matches are displaying under your Archived Matches section. We understand that some women prefer men to take the initiative in dating situations. However, it’s important to remember that when you initiate communication with a match, you are simply initiating a friendly conversation and being proactive with your eHarmony membership. To make the most of your experience, remember that the more conversation you create, the better your chances for success.

    Keep in mind that any one of your matches could be the person you have been looking for. We do not want you to miss out on the joy that a relationship like that can bring.

    I would like to direct you to a link with stories about members who did not give up and found the love of their life. You can read what they had to say by going here: http://www.eharmony.com.au/success

    We look forward to helping you find your special someone.


    Harry J.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Web Form (Annalise Tindal)
    It has been a number of weeks since anyone has viewed my profile and I’m just wondering if there is a technical issue? People have to open my profile to see who I am, so I am not sure how it is possible that no one at all is doing this? I’m paying quite a bit for this service and after two months am regretting it . . .

    Via Email
    Dear Annalise,

    Thank you for contacting eHarmony Australia Customer Care.

    I understand that you have not received any views since a number of weeks and I will do my best to assist you. I have reviewed your account and can confirm that it is working properly and there is no technical issue. With regards to this, I would like to share a suggestion which can help to increase the number of matches to view your profile. I would suggest that you keep on updating your profile information in your In My Own Words section or to post more photos even if you already have 6 great photos posted. In fact, once you update your profile, your matches will receive a notification on their Home page that you have updated your profile. This notification will prompt them to view your profile.

    Further, while reviewing your account, I see that you have received many matches and you have not communicated with them. These matches are displaying under your Archived Matches section. We understand that some women prefer men to take the initiative in dating situations. However, it’s important to remember that when you initiate communication with a match, you are simply initiating a friendly conversation and being proactive with your eHarmony membership. To make the most of your experience, remember that the more conversation you create, the better your chances for success.

    Keep in mind that any one of your matches could be the person you have been looking for. We do not want you to miss out on the joy that a relationship like that can bring.

    I would like to direct you to a link with stories about members who did not give up and found the love of their life. You can read what they had to say by going here: http://www.eharmony.com.au/success

    We look forward to helping you find your special someone.


    Harry J.
    Customer Care

    Customer By Web Form (Annalise Tindal)
    It has been a number of weeks since anyone has viewed my profile and I’m just wondering if there is a technical issue? People have to open my profile to see who I am, so I am not sure how it is possible that no one at all is doing this? I’m paying quite a bit for this service and after two months am regretting it . . .

  • Patti March 8, 2012 at 4:59 am

    I’ve unfortunately tried a couple of the highly advertised online dating sites, including e-harmony. I’d have to say that it was the most humiliating and depressing experience I have ever had.
    According to e-harmony I am compatible with emotionally stunted, sexual deviants. Yay…I give up. :/

  • Josephine March 13, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Steve. I think I love you. I have had the SAME FUCKING problems with that dumb site. And you’re right about how you log on all excited and then you are stuck in phase one for ages. I’ve also noticed that I can click on “what ifs” and if I don’t choose them then they show up two days later in my “matches.” What annoys me so much is that my matches are NOT within 30 miles. WTF. I’m also starting to get a complex that I’m some hideous troll that belongs under a bridge. I never thought I was that bad looking, but man I must be. No one wants to talk to me. I haven’t logged on for days. Why bother? I can get cheaper rejections in a bar and I might get a free beer along the way. I feel like a total tool for joining. But I feel better that I’m not the only one having this problem.

  • iyan March 14, 2012 at 1:21 am

    Single Steve, YOU ROCK!!

  • Josephine March 17, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    For the past two days they have been giving me matches with NO PICTURE. The free weekend is going on, so I assume they are not full paying costumers. ALSO, I look through my “what ifs” dont like them. NOW they are being added to my matches the next day. WTF. I seriously hate this piece of shit site.

  • larec March 18, 2012 at 6:08 am

    I’m hoping you aren’t single still, Men dont get nearly as many hits as women do. IMO adding photos reduces the chance of a response.

  • No FatChix March 20, 2012 at 4:48 am

    eHarmony sucks ass.

    Matching you on “dimensions of compatibility” is code for “we have fat chicks that want to marry you.”

    When I asked why I couldn’t specify body type, I was told they don’t discriminate based on body type.

    Bulllll shiiiitttt.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:00 pm

      I think you are right, but you can substitute “fat chix” for anything. I have a guy friend who actually loves curvy thicker gals, not obese… the problem, half of them are people you meet in trashy trailer park neighborhood (not saying all trailer parks are trash, I havent experience all… just specifying.) Drama, slobs, dropped out of high school freshman year (9th grade couldnt hack it!! Ok then, at least go back, get your GED!!). One girl he was into, fairly nice curves, blonde, blue eyes- manipulative, drama starting/thriving, poor, smelly, desperate girl, had him hanging on for months! Thinking she was the marrying type. He goes to her house and its gross,smells like cat piss and other reeks that he smelled down the hall before coming to her door! He was polite enough to finish hanging out, but he quit talking to her after that night. He is constantly getting emails from these redneck type girls. It makes me sick to witness.
      Oh, and maybe I should add… he makes BANK and girls know that- I keep telling him not to say where he works and see who actually shows up… [shaking head]

  • Z March 22, 2012 at 1:52 am

    I just signed up and have gotten matched up with nothing but fat, old, unkempt, and bald men! I’m 29 years old and am not interested in a 39 year old paintballer with a weight problem! Wtf? I dont know what question I answered “wrong” but all my matches seem to be variations on the same basic guy! Not happy with them as of now…

  • Brittney April 1, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Dear eharmony, Fuck you is right! I hope mine gets deleated… It’s the biggest joke ever! You’re so right that the beginning it’s pretty exciting. I think they do that on purpose… And I’m also pretty sure they have no rhyme or reason to how they choose the matches for you… Most of my mathes dont even have a picture and one of my matches profile literally said “I have a girlfriend so I’m just on here for sex” annnd he did t have a picture to top that one… Really? Oh I’m sorry, so
    Somewhere in the millions of pointless questions did I answer I would love a guy whose a complete tool? Apparently I did… So I called them about that and they said they would. Let that happen again… So instead I now get matched with guys who play Pokemon and are obsessed with anime and don’t even know wht sex is… Efuckingharmony… And also I guess they match you based on appearance and attractiveness as well… Oh ok thanks, I guess I must look like Louis fucking Anderson in that case based on my matches (no offense)

  • Brittney April 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    Brittney April 1, 2012 at 7:24 pm – Reply
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Dear eharmony, Fuck you is right! I hope mine gets deleated… It’s the biggest joke ever! You’re so right that the beginning it’s pretty exciting. I think they do that on purpose… And I’m also pretty sure they have no rhyme or reason to how they choose the matches for you… Most of my matches dont even have a picture and one of my matches profile literally said “I have a girlfriend so I’m just on here for sex” annnd he did t have a picture to top that one… Really? Oh I’m sorry, so
    Somewhere in the millions of pointless questions did I answer I would love a guy whose a complete tool? Apparently I did… So I called them about that and they said they wouldn’t let that happen again… So instead I now get matched with guys who play Pokemon and are obsessed with anime and don’t even know what sex is… Efuckingharmony… And also I guess they match you based on appearance and attractiveness as well… Oh ok thanks, I guess I must look like Louie Anderson in that case based on my matches (no offense)

  • Idiot April 5, 2012 at 1:50 am

    I wish I read this before signing up for eharmony! I’ve been a subscriber for 3 days, and already my closest match today was 100 miles away. And I live in one of the biggest cities in the country! I guess I’m not compatible on any level, let alone 29 of them!

    The biggest problem with eharmony is their business model is screwed up. It makes no sense for them to match a subscriber with a subscriber. They already have the subscribers’s money, there’s no new revenue! What they try to do is match subscriber to non-subscriber (or better yet, non-subscriber to non-subscriber) and then they get new subscription fees.

  • Josephine April 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    So its April now and I no longer get any matches. NONE. ZERO. I complained on their message board and a mod was like “let me look at your account and help you.” Um, FUCK YOU. What are you going to do? If I were you Idiot I would cancel. Its only been a few days. I’m so glad when this stupid subscription is done in 2 weeks. A waste of TIME and MONEY! HUGE WASTE.

  • John Holmes April 17, 2012 at 12:33 am

    I live in Norther virginia, right outside the nations capital.
    Eharmony matches me up with people who live in PA. WTF? I have the distance setting correct. Another bitch I have is the matches that i was lucky to get in this area, you jump through all of the hoops, hell, I go to email communication to by-pass the canned questions, get a phone number, but the matches are too busy to go on a date!
    I know that the majority of matches have been offline for weeks.
    Eharmony is some kind of sick joke.

  • Michaela Holmes April 19, 2012 at 2:17 am

    OK EVERYONE…let me set you straight. EHarmony is a FRAUD. I was matched NOT ONCE, but TWICE with my ex-husband. We have NOTHING in common. When I sent an email expressing my concern about their matching criteria, they admitted that sometimes matches are based upon distance and not compatibility!!! They gave me a one month free membership.

    After a two year hiatus I tried them one more time. What a waste of time and money. A well educated, attractive female entrepreneur woman gets matched with an uneducated, unemployed man that won’t post a photo???

    ENOUGH! We should all file a lawsuit. What a SCAM!

  • Dulcima April 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Im a 31-year old female (somewhat attractive but no supermodel) who is actually really pleased with EH! After only a week of paying for service (and searching through my roughly 200 matches), I found a guy who seems to be perfect for me! Respectful, chivalrous, good looking, hard working, and kind. Were the same age, look alike, and have the same favorite bands. We’ve been on three amazing dates and we keep tripping on all our similarities and parallels. It’s almost bizarre, So that has made me a believer in EH! That being said, I had to weed through a lot of other “matches” to know he was the best for me.

    For those not receiving matches, maybe you specified too many criteria? (example, you want a Buddhist who makes 150k+/year who enjoys ice hockey and polka dancing). Maybe try “stop matching”, change the criteria and start again?

    Also I think sometimes people are too shallow and picky. Sometimes when you have a lot to choose from, we tend to get more selective. Try to be open minded and go on a date with someone who isn’t “perfect”, they may end up your soulmate!

    Also, guys, I would suggest skipping step 1-3 and just writean email (stage four). My dream match emailed me first and never sent the guided communication questions. This was cool because he cut right to the chase.

    Good luck everyone I hope you can have as good an experience as I’ve had. Dont lose hope because new people sign up every day.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:05 pm

      I hope it honestly worked out for you!! One of my exs, same story… but 3 months into the relationship I realized he lied about most of it and we really didnt have much in common… thanks for getting my hopes up, douche. Anywho, hope yours was all you dreamed and didnt lie just to get you. Good luck!!

    • Dan June 16, 2013 at 8:52 pm

      Everything reads promising up til you said “For those not receiving matches, maybe you specified too many criteria? (example, you want a Buddhist who makes 150k+/year who enjoys ice hockey and polka dancing). Maybe try “stop matching”, change the criteria and start again?”

      Comon now, crazy EH telemarketers! Do you realize even a little kid you has made it through the 8th grade can sense the BS? You lost all credibility right there, pal!

    • joe June 16, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      Everything reads promising up til you said “For those not receiving matches, maybe you specified too many criteria? (example, you want a Buddhist who makes 150k+/year who enjoys ice hockey and polka dancing). Maybe try “stop matching”, change the criteria and start again?”

      Comon now, crazy EH telemarketers! Do you realize even a little kid you has made it through the 8th grade can sense the BS? You lost all credibility right there, pal!

  • Angela April 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    I completely agree! I really think they’re sending out “matches” of profiles that are actually inactive. It’s only my third day on eharmony and I already hate it. I am SO glad I only signed up for a month! I will not be continuing my membership…Oh, and just today I got matched with some in Washington state. I live in So Cal (not too far from San Diego, actually, and I have my settings at 50 miles)! Thanks for the halirious post. Sorry they canceled your account, but I kinda wish they’d cancel mine too!

  • ginalove May 2, 2012 at 2:26 am

    You are right nothing has been more miserable than managing Eharmony account. It’s it the poorest software. The email is also so behind. I hat the stages and i hate everything about it… i just have to say the TV advertising company just did a great job other than that. It is so pooorly managed.

  • Leeroy Brown May 13, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Steve- you are such an ass – no wonder no one wants to date you.

    You truly need an ass kicking and I would be happy to oblige, you despicable sack of monkey shit.

    • anemari September 30, 2013 at 5:00 pm

      It’s YOU that’s the arsehole, Leeeeroy

  • Teddy May 14, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Well, I have noticed also that every time my subscription is about to expire, the number of responses increase. And once eharmony withdraws the $$ for next months subscription, the matches disappear. So, from what I could tell, those are zombie accounts and eharmony employees are sending you the ice breakers, or responses to your first questions using those accounts which no longer have active users.
    I have been a member for a little over six months and I am now feeling like I am being duped.
    I am pretty sure that over 90% of the matches they sent to you are no longer active members and the other 5% are created by eharmony employees. I don’t even know the one date I met isn’t working for the company herself. LOL!!

  • Keith May 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Steve, I’m with you 100%. I signed up back in January when I was feeling particularly lonely due to the recent marriage of two of my newly acquired friends in my new area TO EACH OTHER… That was a different one, but hey, what can you do? Anyway, through March, I’d had a total of 3 girls respond out of a potential pool of 583. I closed or archived 242 for various reasons, while the rest I attempted to communicate with. I haven’t been on a single date. Now, they don’t even send me knew matches. I tried increasing my radius to the max, but they still don’t send the matches. I’ve decided to start spending every waking moment at bookstores. Maybe that’s a good place to meet girls. Maybe it’s cliche, but it’s worth a shot.

  • George May 17, 2012 at 2:27 am

    I spend 1 hour filling all this questions and finality…after the 100% a screean appear into my face.. ” sorry you can’t be a member because you are separated”!!!!!!!!!!Something, which I answered at the first question… They are really stupid idiots and i had been spent my time this way..

    • claire May 24, 2012 at 4:56 am

      I have recently met the man of my dreams on freedating.co.uk and it cost me nothing but internet access. There are enough free dating sites out there with more active users use ad block and you are all set to go. Okcupid and tagged is alright too – although the sheer amount of correspondence made me leave. I just couldn’t possibly keep up with it!
      Stay clear of POF – the clientèle are on the rough side.

      I haven’t had a single match on Eharmony, maybe i am that weird…

  • Jack May 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    It’s “shouldn’t have,” not “shouldn’t of.” You’re confusing the sound “shouldn’t’ve” with of. You mean “should’t have”

    And Amen, eharmony is a bunch of crooks who treated you terribly. The junk science they claim to use to match people is an astounding rip-off. I can’t believe they get away with it. You’ll save a lot of people a lot of money with this blog!

  • Rizo May 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Single Steve & other pissed off bloggers,

    I was going to say (SS) but didn’t want to offend if you were Jewish or not of Nazi Party decent ha. How I couldn’t agree with you more! I’ve been with eharmony 3 months and I’m ready to call it quits. Was ready to the first 2 weeks in, but wanted to have an open mind. Like everyone before, not only is it a huge waste of money but the matches are complete bullshit. I’m an above average looking guy, and not cocky by any means but some of the girls on this site are just not at all what I’m looking for. I’ve recently noticed that under the “what if” section; I find a few good looking ones here and there start a guided communication and move on.that But eharmony has provided us with this “maybe” button (which I don’t understand). For my (7 new matches ) of the day, mind you i only get around 4 or 5 they’ve started sending me as my new matches the ones I’m saying maybe too which for some reason they think I won’t notice. maybe most nearly means NO in my book. I could say maybe to girls for less than $30 a month…I’ve never tried the online dating thing and eharmony is def ruining my experience! I saw someone say, at least ‘match.com’ shows you their “active date”. Eharmony does the same but they match you with people who haven’t been active within 3 weeks…how in any way does that help me out. I’m not happy at all, and well it would be nice to shut this site down but as far as giving them money without being active is more of a waste to me. I understand it all about personality and taking an hour long test before getting to do anything else…but can you really be matched or “fall” for someone you aren’t attracted too..? In my world, no! Like I said before I’m not shallow and will give anyone a chance it’s just when you have hundreds of people you’re “communicating with” who don’t respond, ever…then where do you go from there. So in conclusion, anyone looking to purchase a subscription, don’t waste your time or money!!

  • Jonathan May 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm


    This blog is awesome!

    It’s totally true – but what tops the cake, is those douche-nozzles canceling your account!

    I have been duped once into a short term sign up – after email after email of discounted offers to sign up…
    I think I had responded when I got an 80% off 3-month deal…

    Waste of my money for sure.

    They send you matches that seem to have almost zero bearing on what you rate as most important…
    what’s worse, is there is no indicator if the match is someone who has a current subscription (which is the main way anyone is able to communicate btw)…
    the only exception to communicating and not being a paid member is for the free weekends… but I don’t know if any happened in 2011 ~ while there was one pretty much every long weekend in 2010.

    I definitely didn’t have the same ratio of communicating past level 1 versus stuck at level one as you – but I was quick to close matches who I thought were not actually a match…

    And even then most of the women I got to open comunication with seemed to be some sort of recluse who were too afraid to physically meet ~ or wanted to carry on EH messaging for months before considering meeting… NO THANKS.

    online dating is a necessary evil in our day and age of ever increasing reclusion…
    but in my humble opinion, EH is about as bad as it gets.

    I liked the old system which a site (whom I can’t remember right now) had;
    They used “credits”;
    you paid for credits…
    you used varying amounts of credits to do different actions…
    your credits used to message someone guaranteed their ability to reply to you.

    I left that site when I started seeing them go in another direction which I didn’t want to support.

    So for now, I troll CL, and message (with few responces) on POF…

  • Isa June 11, 2012 at 4:13 am

    I literally only have had 12 matches in the past week of me joining. 12 shitty matches.

  • frank June 13, 2012 at 12:19 am

    I love this website. You’re awesome Steve!

  • Terry June 15, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    I signed in for e-harmoney’s stupid test. I passed but because I wasn’t a blond with blue eyes, (check out the ads sometimes) I was going to be put in the ugly catagory! But I got even! My cousin works for the California State Attorney’s office, when the so-called customer service was informed, she said,”I wish you wouldn’t do that,” and I told that person, that I wish you didn’t call me ugly (I have black hair and eyes) and discriminate against me either, and what’s more my cousin has black hair and eyes too. So don’t get mad, contact the BBB or your attorney general’s office they’ll be really happy to do something about this. MAY E-HARMONEY ROT IN HELL!!!

  • Pat June 16, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    Weird! I met my last girlfriend off EH. My best friend and my housemate also meet great people who they are in relationships with. I jumped back on after my girlfriend and I broke up (we wanted different things). In two months, I’ve dated 6 different girls, all lovely, and a third date with a great girl coming up… Maybe its different in Australia.

    The reason I ended up here is that I got a few hits over the FCW and one of which I think might be a scammer and was doing some research.

  • webbi June 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    wow. u loosing eharmony business. was just about to pay for special promotion n had set up all. now deleting pictures. then cancel.
    any level headed woman in ur blog.want to try international…..websay at yahoo.com n refer eharmony steve on subject line. thanks bye everyone. nyce humour from all. thank you.

  • Graeme June 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Damnit Damnit Damnit! Why didn’t I do this before signing up to eHarmony for 3 months. Thanks for the great advice guys, I may have wasted my money but I know I am waisting my time there now.
    A huge thanks to you all for saving me from the continued frustration and sleepless nights wondering why I’m not getting any responses at all. I don’t expect there is even any point trying to cancel my subscription but at least I know that this is just the most depressing version of the Sims I’ve ever paid to play.
    I guess it’s back to hoping for a random chance encounter, the woman at the shop to notice me or the laws of quantum physics to allow the spontaneous creation of a single woman.
    Sounds like all three are more likely to happen before eHarmony is if any help

  • Glenn June 24, 2012 at 12:45 am

    Thank you so much! I really needed a laugh a eHarmony and you’ve just turned me from a rage machine into a far more giggly, placid person. You see I’ve just spent the last 45mins doing the stupid compatibility questions, got right to the end… eventually, after loosing the will to live on more than one occasion and guess what I’m not eligible for an account. It seems that if you choose the ‘separated’ option they won’t let you have one. Why on earth they couldn’t tell me this before wasting my time! I’ve been separated for over 6 months now, my wife left me after deciding we weren’t compatible, well her and all men, and I can’t afford a divorce. But it’s ok because eHarmony has now judged me unsuitable to date, cheers for that. But having read your blog Steve I feel like it was a near miss, my thanks.

  • Janet June 29, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I agree with everyone. EHarmony sucks. I’m stuck paying for 3 months of this garbage and I don’t bother to even look at it anymore. Now I am trying Match.com and am having much better results. It’s much easier to navigate on their site. My matches which are more than I can handle sometimes are alot closer to what I’m looking for. Don’t waste your money and time filling out their ridiculous, time consuming questionaire. Ever try to find their phone number?

  • SJD July 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Wonderful Steve. Sadly, this is an easy one to figure out. I’m a hard-nosed stock analyst and have made a handsome living understanding how companies work. First, it’s important for any subscriber to Eharmony to understand that they only get paid if you subscribe. The longer your subscription, the more they get paid. Get the idea? The last thing they want is for you to check out early for any reason. Soooo the primary thing that anybody, male or female, uses to determine if they’re interested in is nowhere to be found on Eharmony. Yep, you guessed it: physical attraction. Match.com (and I’m no shill) is infinitely better in that both parties get to have that number one consideration right up front. Saves everybody time. Eharmony’s system is designed to drag out the process of meeting someone that you’re truly interested in as long as possible. I was on eharmony for a week when this dawned on me and I contacted them to say I was getting “matched” with women that had no appeal to me. They then offered to give me two more weeks for free and I could cancel if I was still unhappy. It took me 8 days to confirm the scam was never going to work for anyone but eHarmony. I called them up and got a full refund.
    Everybody reading this, please think about the eHarmony model before throwing away your hard earned money. It simply doesn’t work and that says nothing about you and your attractiveness to others or your value as a human being. Nothing, ok? This dating stuff has its ups and a lot of downs, but there’s no point in making it harder on yourself by thinking that eHarmony is “right” about you and that you aren’t a neat person that there aren’t many people out there who would do anything to be with you. You are cool and there are many men/women who you’ll be happy with. EHarmony is NOT set up to make that happen. Onward, veterans!

  • Frankie July 9, 2012 at 3:11 am

    OMG dude I keep saying YES ! to every single complain you had about it ! its so true ! tons of matches, some of the girls haven’t logged in like 3 months, or matches are out of the radius ! its ridiculous worst dating site ever !

  • Single Sky July 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Ok.. I love this site! With that I gotta share my story. I’m a white guy, 6ft4, 200 lbs and fairly athletic. My state I was searching from at the time was Texas I believe. I was just looking for some fun girls to hang out with because my job is so transitional. Well for months on end I got matched up with extremely overweight black girls from the east coast when I set my radius for like 10 miles around me. I started to honestly believe that eharmony was just messing with me. But every day there was another 5-6 very large black women supposedly wanting a 6ft4 200 lb fitness guy from the west coast burbs. Eharmony blows.

  • Greg July 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    I haven’t paid anything to this site cause even before reading all your comments, I kinda had a feeling it was a scam but as bad as you guys make it seem. I didn’t know they keep unactives around. I figured they make a lot of fake, sounding great profiles to suck you in cause you can’t communicate till you pay.

    But nobody has considered the fact to use the old adage….if you are looking to hard, you will not find love but if you don’t try and just relax and go about your life, you will get lucky and meet someone without thinking about it. Well let’s figure out why are we all on dating sites? Cause we are all looking, so right there, that one fact just kills any chance at finding love or relationships. But if both the male and female admit they are looking, doesn’t that cancel out that old adage? You would think but it doesn’t. All it takes is one of the two to sound somewhat desperate and the chemistry is shot. “somewhat desperate” is putting it mildly cause if you are paying to be on a dating site, you are DESPERATE. Even if you are a great guy/girl. Yes some can get lucky but that is a slim chance.

    Even without the scams of fake profiles or profiles inactive, dating sites are still not worth the time and effort. Guy will still get 1 response out of 100s he messages. Girls with decent profile will get 100 messages a day and get too overwhelmed to even read many. bla bla.

    I will never spend a cent on any kind of dating site ever. Yes it is still hard to find someone in real world but the online dating scene kinda just adds insult to injury if you get excited and start believing the hype.

    Just my two cents…..

  • Mike July 15, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Eharmony does SUCK! The new format that just came out (July 2012) is horrendous!!! Seriously, how hard does this stupid website have to be??? NOW when you don’t want to receive someone’s request for communication you have to be a total ASS HOLE and “BLOCK” them!!! That’s right, simply closing communication is now gone because some fucking jerk off computer fuck came up with this new brilliant idea. You know what was nice about the previous format? IT FUCKING WORKED! MY god, isn’t anyone else out there with half a brain willing to start a new website to compete with eHarmoney, it shouldn’t be too hard to out do there stupid new idiotic approach…

  • Amanda July 24, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I’ve been on eharmony for a couple of weeks now and I am getting the same thing as you, tons of “matches” none of whom answer me back after “stage 1” and I’m a girl, so it works both ways. Frustrating. Why do people open (let alone pay for) a dating site profile, then do nothing with it?

  • Michael July 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    The claim that nearly 1 in 5 relationships begins online. For those paying attention this = <20%. Please give us your money for a less than 20% chance of actually going on a date.

    For half of the e-harmony cost I can give you a less than 20% chance of meeting someone with whom you can go on a date.

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      Ha ha!! Lets work together cuz by my intuition, so far everyone that I see dating long term or marrying actually does… now, I’m not cupid… but I knew enough about these people or I just saw how they looked at each other as “just friends”, well plus a number of calculations… 7 years ago, I knew by looking at a guy that he’d be marrying my friend. First time meeting him and she thought he was ugly… a year later, they married and 6 years later still act like it happened yesterday. Offline success stories! I got you beat Eharmony!

  • James July 28, 2012 at 2:44 am

    I’ve been on eharmony for over a year and I hired a professional dating coach to write my profile and set up my pics. I was getting 2-3 dates a month. My account is still active but I don’t even bother with this it anymore. The girls on this site are crappy as hell. If you’re a self respecting dude, don’t do online dating. The girls are users and will milk you for free meals and entertainment. Don’t fall for this turd they sell you on this site.

    I could show anybody how to get dates on this site. Steve is probably doing a ton of things wrong. But the question is do you really want to meet these girls. Most of the supposedly compatible matches are not very attractive. If you’re a minority, forget it. I went out with 2 white girls during that whole time and they were both overweight but posted skinny pics…awesome. Just be glad you didn’t get milked by these tricks. I wished eharm would kick me off. I don’t want to pay them anymore for their automatic renewals every month.

  • ChrisJ. August 12, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Sir, you proved your point with concrete evidence and what does Eharmony do…invoke their “you violated TOS” bullshit and closed you account. Congrats for spitting in the face of the corporate juggernaught and revealing the truth of this despicable industry.

    Course, I was one of those select few that didn’t qualify for Eharmony; ~1 hour of my life I could’ve spent at the bar having a schooner and watching a game.

    Online dating just plain sucks; don’t give me your testimonial success story nonsense…it’s all bullshit. Thanks for speading the truth and calling out these asshats for what they are.

  • Suzanne August 12, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Steve, I came across this blog by accident but read it and now know why I prefer to meet people in the “real world” You are an intelligent, articulate guy and I hope you have found your “match”, if not, Im not that far from San Diego.LOL.

  • Erika August 18, 2012 at 5:56 am

    I met someone on eharmony after only being on there for 3 weeks.
    We hit it off immediately, and have great chemistry. Lots in common.
    He was the first (and only) person I met off the site.. Most of my matches were either unattractive (seriously not on the same level, it IS important) or seemed a bit strange.
    I think it does help that I’m an attractive 25 yr old woman. He said he met someone previously and they dated for half a year.
    I don’t think eharmony is all bad! My matching was also set to anywhere in the world, and the man I met lives 10 mins away!

  • Emilie August 25, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    I found this site through an obvious search… I am having the same issue and I find it ridiculous. I would rather be on okcupid where I get responses or maybe even match where you can do your own searches. I took someone’s advice and just sent questions to most ppl that i like what they said or that had potential. So I sent 5 stage ones/day and have yet to get a response. It’s a waste of money. And since I am a “minority” it’s an obvious waste. My range is also in the US, not just in my city. I am going to cancel my renewal because it’s BS and a waste of money!

  • IB September 1, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Just in time. I was about to pay. I thought they were different from the other dating sites. Nothing beats the old good face to face techniques. Leave the computer and go to parties, church etc.

  • Meghan September 19, 2012 at 7:21 am

    oh. em. gee.

    I was “bored” (sad/lonely) so I went on E-Harmony just to check it out right? I created a profile and answered allllllllllll of the personality questions. Do you know what these fuckers told me?!?

    “We’re very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you.

    eHarmony’s patented matching system was developed after extensive research into marital satisfaction. We use each person’s responses to our Relationship Questionnaire to predict the pairings of individuals that are highly likely to result in satisfying long-term relationships, based on what we learned through our research.

    Unfortunately, based on responses to our questionnaire, we occasionally find situations where our matching system cannot identify high quality compatible matches, and this has happened in your case. Please understand that it is a result of our matching process and in no way reflects on you as a person or your ability to be in a happy relationship.

    We apologize and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights.

    We wish you all the best in your search for that special someone.”


    Words That Describe You:


    FUCK YOU E-HARMONY!!! Im seriously going to be alone forever. sad face.

  • Chris September 24, 2012 at 12:46 am

    I am from Australia, eHarmony claims to have over 1 million Aussies online. Australia has a population of 22 million people total that is close to 5% of the population. If you take out age groups 0-18 and 50+ which you would have to assume that not many of them would be online dating, it is over 10% of the population. This 10% includes people who are in relationships or married aswell. Statistically impossible.

    I have sent messages to matches and the responses are clearly written by people not from Australia, and they give vague details when you try to arrange a place to meet up, somewhere around this area, one of the cafes along such and such. I tell them I don’t know much about the area so you pick one and I will meet you there? No response.

    I have two friends that have meet people through eHarmony so it can work but they tell me it was nothing like the nine matches a day, and at least 4 girls sending icebreakers or questions every day. This site may have once been but is no longer about helping people find love, it is about profit, even if that comes through deception.

    One thing we can all learn is to turn the computer off, put your smart phone down, overcome those nerves and just talk to the opposite sex (or same sex, I’m not judging). It won’t work all the time, it won’t work if it is not the right person and that is a good thing. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Keep it up and eventually your efforts will pay off. There are a lot of genuine people out there, you only need to find one.

  • Rick S. September 25, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Thanks for posting this you have restored some of my self esteem, but unfortunately I read it too late to not sign up. I was not sure how to feel after getting a single response (pun intended) out of over 50 requests. I actually have a date with the single response this weekend. Hope springs eternal.

    BTW – How do you tell if an account is inactive?

  • dave September 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Dating sites are the most idiotic, worthless crap ever invented.. I actually did meet 2 past girlfriends online but that was a LOOOONG time ago back in like 1998-1999 when America Online was the main ISP around…. and online dating consisted of typing a/s/l (age sex location) checks in online chat rooms…. and most people did not even know how to get their picture online..

    Dating sites seems to be dominated by fat chics for some reason.. or chics with kids… or just ugly chics… or fat ugly chics with kids…. Not to mention the male to female ratios are laughable.. there’s like 100 guys to every 10 femals…

    To all the single bachelors. do yourselves a favor and head over to thailand for 2 weeks.. you’ll be in heaven like you’ve never dreamed could exist… either that, or book a trip to Europe for a week or two and rent bikini model escorts..

  • Rebecca Fenley October 1, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    I do not know you, but I love you! eHarmony sucks big time. My last ‘match’ could have not been any more opposite of
    who I was looking for if I had tried.
    Love your blog!

  • alcinoe October 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I’ve been on eHarmony for a while and cancelled any further subscription. I’ve never had a date. I’ve only had one person message me that was even partially compatible, but because of my personal circumstances I didn’t really have time to pursue that at that particular time.

    What really gets me is that lately I don’t even get any profile VIEWS, well maybe one a week. I think I’m only being exclusively matched with inactives.

    I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, for sure. But not even any VIEWS?? I at least look at who I’m matched with.

  • I Agree October 6, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Steve, I sorely wish I had read your blog BEFORE joining FUCKING eHARMONY. I, too, agree, it completely and utterly sucks (for all the reasons you listed). I’ve only been a member for a couple weeks, but already I am sick of it and want my $ back! (PS-Too bad you are all the way in San Diego!!!) 😛

  • I Agree October 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    HA! You really did buy fuckeharmony.com! I LOVE IT! (PS, if you ever decide to put a real site up there, I am a web designer and would happily donate my time to the cause of getting word out that eHarmony sucks!)

  • Julie October 12, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Yeah. Online dating is hard for all different reasons. Good for you for being persistent with 748! I get overwhelmed with just 2. Since I’m a somewhat cute girl, I used to be overwhelmed with all of the messages and didn’t know where to start or how to weed out the good from the bad. There is just so much you just can’t tell from online profiles. And girls have so many more reasons to be careful than men. Now that I’m older, I don’t get near the volume of requests and can actually go weeks without hearing anything. Balances out, I guess. Dating is just hard. Period. Good luck!

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:22 pm

      I understand this!!! I feel like I’ve been on dating sites for years but in reality the whole time span I spend on them is probably 6 months cuz I get soooo overwhelmed by all the emails, weeding out, small talk to find greater, ect…. UG! Exhausting. I’m sure there is someone great in all that but by this point I take so many “breaks”- disable my account or ignore it for awhile- that I probably wouldnt know. I just keep telling myself- everything happens for a reason and its all leading up to meeting him. Meh, it helps me keep going with patience. But yeah, its def way overwhelming (and honestly, I’m not ugly… but I didnt think I was hot enough to receive several messages a week from so many sites!! Except eharmony of course, cuz thats why I’m here, lol) Hopefully you found someone!!! Good luck!!

  • jerad October 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

    This Tuesday evening , a free unlimited chat. The catch is; no photos to enable you to see who you’re trying to get to know.
    Anything to try to extract a dollar out of you. People just don’t care, even if its close to stealing.

  • Me October 21, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Have any of you thought to just skip the stage one questions thing and just send a message? I get 1 in 5 maybe 1 in 7 response rate…. something to think about …

  • elizabeth October 22, 2012 at 4:29 am

    What I don’t get is how EH shows you guys that are looking at your profile. So I see someone who looks interesting and notice they have checked mine out multiple times. I go ahead and skip ahead to messaging them and then they block you. If they weren’t interested, then why didn’t they block me to begin with. I still think messaging ahead saves you time and energy in the long run because then they block you and you can move forward. But yeah, EH blows and I won’t waste my money with it when the subscription is up. I think I’ll spend that money on an Aikido class or something.

  • Nicky October 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Being an online dating skeptic but single for way too long….I was just about to sign-up when something told me to google “Does eHarmony Work” – yours was the first result :) Love the post and needless to say I will stay single for however long I’m meant to be now! If I lived on your side of the world I would happily have invited you for drink with the money I’m saving and to say thanks for the laugh :)

  • John November 13, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Whilst I agree that eharmony is not the best, some of the reason for lack of responses is online dating itself. Men outnumber women, which makes it harder for guys and this basic problem of ratios acts as a multiplier that allows many women to indulge in their picky sides, even beyond what the initial forces them to do.

  • Anna November 25, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Lol! And I thought there was something seriously wrong with me! What a relief to see that others had similar experience with eHarmony!

  • Steve November 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Mate, I’m sorry to hear you have had a negative experience.

    I am averaging a new date every week or so. Many of my matches are clear misses, but quite a lot are good prospects. Perhaps (if eHarmony allows you another shot it) you need to re-think your profile, your pictures or even the first up questions you ask.

    I understand that I may be one of the luckier ones, so I’m probably not the best guy to comment on this. However, I think it important that you are aware that eHarmony can work for some.

    Try something else. Perhaps speed dating. Invest time and money into a gym and your health and wellbeing, and spend some money on your look/clothes. You may even want to spend some money on a stylist who will sort out your hair, style, grooming and wardrobe. Girls respond to guys that take care in their appearance and show it through confidence. Girls can also smell resentment on a guy – you need to clear your chip off your shoulder.

    Best of luck

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:30 pm

      Meh, everyone has dealt with/ learned something from bad dating experiences and its brought into the next one… Everyone has baggage, its just a matter of whos baggage you are willing to deal with and be patient as they get thru it. I grew and changed alot as a person when I was honest with a guy about my baggage and he said “I’m different then any guy you’ve met, if you give me a chance you’ll see and I can be patient”. At first I thought it was a line, but no he was honestly patient. We never dated, but we are still friends and if he hadnt accept my baggage, I might still be stuck suffocating in it. I was honest and myself, if he could sense bitterness… it didnt stop him and I think some people are real and human enough to realize it… I mean, really… how good does your shit smell??

    • rick June 10, 2014 at 4:46 am

      fuck you

  • Aarin November 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Steve, I have never ever responded to a blog, but I read this this morning and felt compelled. You are a very funny guy and this blog is halarious. I had to stop reading a couple times to compose myself. I tried eharmony for a period with no luck, so I can totally relate. I was on eharmony for 6 months and never went on a single date. The eharmony set up makes the matches so untouchable. Anyway you seem awesome and I hope you’ve found someone who compliments you.

  • Daniela December 1, 2012 at 3:41 am

    whoooa! I’m glad I saw this before I subscribed. Your blog gave me quite the laugh, you’re pretty awesome!

  • Karen December 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    I didn’t take the time to thoroughly read all the posts, etc., but Steve I so understand what you are saying. I canceled my membership after 3 months and had maybe 2 or 3 responses. And not one “match” ever sent me questions. I was the one sending them.

  • Karen December 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Oh and I match had a bottle of Drano for his profile pic.

  • Stella December 9, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    This was the best read of the month for me. Online dating does suck for women, too. We get all sorts of nuisance mail. I had to tell somebody to take a hike or I’d report them lol! Though that wasn’t on eharmony…

  • Maria December 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Hahaha! I don’t think I have ever responded to a blog but after one week on this stupid site I am already sick of it. I wish I read this before. The site totally sucks and as a girl on it, I only seem to get super creepy guys sending me stuff or men who live three states away. I was hoping it wasn’t me and your blog makes this whole process so much funnier. Thanks for that.

  • Jason December 11, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Thanks man. You saved my ass right before I sign this shit up.
    Glad that your blog popped up first on google search.
    I truly appreciate your brutal honest review/experience with eharmony.
    Thank you and happy holidays!!

  • Keegan December 14, 2012 at 7:38 am

    well said, I just tried it today and it was so stupid how I can’t even see the pictures of who I was looking at until i subscribe. Seriousely eharmony? Why call it free when you can only do 5% of the “free” part. So I was pretty frustrated, looked up a few random things on google about frustration with the site and I landed on this. Great job!

  • Anonymous December 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    So glad I found this. I signed up with eHarmony for 12 months and basically got very few good matches – well there was the Middle East arms dealer (delete), the guy who sounded to good to be true (apparently he was as I got notified his account was cancelled), travel was important to me (hunting and fishing were not what I meant, and if you went overseas once in the last decade, that does not really qualify). I widened my search from more than San Diego. Then a month before my membership expired I had nearly 5 matches a day! Had given up by then. And my profile must still be up as I keep getting matches – am sure the men must wonder why i do not reply – account is not active so cannot reply and am not wasting more money.

    In fairness met a nice man from Northern CA, and another nice man from San Diego.

    So have decided there must be a better way to meet straight, single men, without mother issues, interested in a loving, committed, faithful relationship with a normal 50 year old lady….just not sure what that avenue would be….

    Any ideas, except on-line dating, are welcome.

  • steve December 20, 2012 at 2:14 am

    dude, i have never been so entertained by someones blog about what pisses them off, thank you for posting this i laughed my ass off lol

  • steve December 20, 2012 at 2:16 am

    you are a funny mutherfucker lol

  • KinseyNicole December 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Hey Steve,
    What a great read. I’m actually in the process of writing a book about similar ideas you have expressed in this blog. I’d love to pick your brain. Feel free to email me. :)

  • Jet December 27, 2012 at 4:46 am

    It’s all a scam. All the sites. You are better off living life in the real world, not online. Go to Starbucks or the grocery store or libraries, or even bars. Talk to 100 ladies and you will end up with a girlfriend. It’s all timing. But at least in the real world, you’ll keep your dignity. That compatibility testing crap is just a scam, tricking you into thinking you are not a number. To dating sites, you’re a number, a dollar $ign.

  • Angry December 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm

    You are right, eHarmony sucks. I was “compatible on 29 different levels”. Thought he was great. We were together 6 years, had a daughter, got engaged, made 2 cross-country moves for his job, and he dumped me 1500 miles away from my family. Come to find out he cheated on me constantly and was on several adult hook up sites. So much for compatibility. I realize he likely lied on his profile, but I am still quite bitter with eHarmony.

  • Gabrielle January 1, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Here’s a thought…you might be a creep.

    I don’t respond to guys on any dating site who are obviously creepy. I wish I could say that number is small, but their are apperently a whole fuckton of unpleasant dudes out there. And honestly, it’s only gratifying to reject guys for about a week before it becomes too much bother. Rejecting them in person is slightly more fun, but eventually that gets old as well. Why should I waste precious moments of my life responding in any fashion to a dude who clearly needs either a stylist of a therapist (no sorry, those serial killer glasses are not “hipster”, they’re just weird).

    Here are some tips for your next foray into online dating:
    1) don’t indiscriminately photo. That is to say, blurry photos with bad lighting in which you’ve artfully hidden the ketchup on your shirt with a Napoleanesque draped hand are not going to win you any responses. Maybe brush your hair first.
    2) don’t try to come of as brilliantly witty but cutely arrogant and fashionably non-conformist. Chicks just think you’re a dick.
    3) remember that chicks have a very different experience on these sites than dudes. Chicks get inundated with responses and you really have to stand out from the crowd to be worth any amount of effort.
    4) accept that you might just set off the inherent chick creep-o-meter. In which case, your best bet is to date alcoholics, drug addicts, single mothers, or other women whole are desperate with lowered standards (including every one of these preening whores who have posted verbal hand jobs regarding your whiny post’s amusement factor).

    If all else fails, my vote is sterilization. Clearly if so many females refuse to even waste the time to reject you then Mother Nature is sending you a pretty clear signal that your genes would be harmful to the advancement of the human race (Aka Mother Nature thinks you’re a douche as well).

    • Jack February 2, 2013 at 5:09 am

      Here’s a thought Gabrielle … you just might be a creep.

      Seriously, re-read your post … makes you look bad babe! Not so surprising you’re a single chick trolling ’round dating sites. Hey, maybe it’s just Mother Nature’s way of telling you that you’re a douche.

      • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:33 pm

        Amen Jack!!

    • JW July 27, 2013 at 12:13 pm

      So it seems as though the females who are accusing Steve of being ugly thus making baseless accusations against eharmony are the one’s experiencing the same thing as Steve (they send out hundreds of messages to guys who are handsome and don’t get any responses back because they aren’t pretty). When you aren’t beautiful it magnifies the content of the message, and that becomes the only selling point to entice a guy who isn’t physically attracted to you (long shot but possible).
      I’ve never received a message from a girl longer than a short sentence, and most of the time its “Hi.” Now these girls are often times very beauitful & they know it, so spending 10 minutes on a short personalized message to me doesn’t seem necessary, which it isn’t! However to get to the point in which you meet in person requires a whole bunch of variables to go your way, the first being it be a girl whose actually interested in meeting in person. By far most girls on a dating site are there strictly for the tremendous ego boost getting showered in compliments daily brings (I don’t blame them!)
      To argue with this man’s detailed, succinct article that is filled with with solid well documented fact is to take it too personally.
      The only useful thing I’ll say in this whole post is next:
      okcupid.com is the only site that works how the dating site of your dream should work, and the price is very affordable at a whopping free (born of a harvard student project in the sociology dept.)

  • james January 2, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I’m unfortunately about 2 months into a 12 month subscription with 100 messages sent and probably 300 in closed because they were clearly not a thought out match in any sense. Be it that they are simply not compatible in terms of the answers I gave, the specifications that I set or outside the geographical location I specified by a ridiculous amount. An interesting read is an interview given by the CEO of okcupid where he mathmatically sets out the utter failings of this company as an enterprise which simply exploits the hopes of single people who most likely have little time to meet people in real life due to other commitments.

    I’m strongly considering writing a detailed report to UK trading standards now that i know that I’m not the only person being milked for money for a service which essentially lacks any sort of real returns.

  • Bill January 6, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Steve, what can I say you are the man. Spot on with all your views. Six months and money I may have well pissed up the wall. You do feel used and ripped off, and rejected. It’s a massive pile of shite. I had six dates in six months. None in my area, all had so much emotional baggage, I am amazed they could move under the weight. I could not bloody wait for my subscription to finish. And I have tried other sites, and had better results and worse (put it this way there is a much wealthier lady out there because of me). Anyway I too wish I had read your blog. More power to your arm my man. A lot of ladies looking for Mr Right out there, we don’t all wear armour and ride white horses.

  • chrissy January 12, 2013 at 5:18 am

    I am so glad I am not the only one to have this experience. WOW, I have about 200 matches and I am waiting for their response.

  • Eliot January 13, 2013 at 2:42 am

    Dating profiles explained:

    – Tired of the bar scene, want to find someone nice (Translation: I’m 31 and realize I’m past my expiration date and I am tired of being a slut, night-in and night-out)

    – Love long walks on the beach or through a park (Translation: Actually, no I don’t, but it makes me seem like I am a romantic at heart. Buy me stuff)

    – Want a nice guy (Translation: Treat me like dirt, I do Mexican hat dances all over nice guys)

    – NO GAMES (Translation: I’ll play games, but you better not.)

    – No players! (Translation: I’ll be dating 6 men from this site, I better be the only woman you go out with)

    – If you don’t like kids, then don’t talk to me (Translation: I made a poor judgment of character with my ex and have a kid by him which I expect you to foot the bill for eventually)

    – Tired of having my heart broken (Translation: I probably do all of the heart breaking)

    – Interested in a man with his feet on the ground and with a steady career (Translation: Cha-CHING!)

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:37 pm

      Ha, this was a bit funny and a little offensive (about single mothers, I’m not one but I work in child care and see it all, some are great gals and their husbands/boyfriends are douches). But I honestly hope you are joking here otherwise you’ll have a hard time finding someone decent, I dont use any of those lines but I agree- no players, ect lol. But I dont need to say so in my profile cuz I’ll spot them when messaging. Some girls just feel the need to protect themselves by saying those things, some girls dont have a great sense/perception about guys and need a header to keep douches away…

      • JW July 27, 2013 at 12:41 pm

        Irene, I really respect your understanding of human psychology as I feel comforted reading explanations of people and the reasons we do the things we do! You’re concise, straightforward & unpretentious — which makes me assume you’re simply an intelligent person whose blessed with an ability to apply logic and knowledge of human behavior to any situation, thereby revealing the motivations and reasons behind the actions of people. I enjoy reading your comments because not only are they precisely what my brain arrives at, but you seem to also explain it like a good teacher (which I pride myself on as well).

        Why the long sentence seemingly about nothing? I must know if you are a psychologist, therapist, teacher or just someone who can explain man’s choices because you’re able to observe the world around you? (By the way my bet is one the last one)!

        Declaring my major next week is why I ask, if you have the time to respond it’d be appreciated so much! – Joe W. Shapiro

  • Penny January 24, 2013 at 4:36 am

    Eharmony does kind of suck. I just read this blog after paying for a six month subscription. Doh!!! I now have so little confidence in the process. Also I had to pay for six full months in one payment. That should have been a big red flag. Lessons learned…

    I must say however that I take offense to the comment about single mothers being desperate. I am certianly not desperate. I have a great job and rely on zero assistance from my ex, I take care of myself and I am not looking to be saved because I never feel lonely. I also have two amazing kids for whom I am not shopping for a new dad. To group single moms with alcoholics and other undesireables is not only insensitive, but flat out untrue. I realize that I don’t have the pick of the litter, but I would like to believe that I can eventually find a quality partner. Until then I plan to continue enjoying my life. End rant.

  • Alicia February 3, 2013 at 6:04 am

    True Eharm story. 5 years ago I was a member for about a year. Every time I tried to cancel they’d extend me for free because my complaint was all the inactive profiles. So I ended up using the service for about a year.

    In that time I had 578 matches that I initiated communication with. I tried to be as open-minded as possible and only closed out the ones that had total deal breaker stuff listed up front. So I had taken a pass on maybe 200-300. I also would go days without getting any matches at all.

    Of the ones I initiated communication with only 3 got to open communication. Even in open, free communication these guys were boring. But I figured I’d at least see what happened after a first date.

    Two of them dropped off after 2 or 3 emails. OK..no problem. Part of the process right?

    The last guy seemed pretty cool. Intelligent conversation if a little dry. We exchange emails for about 2-3 weeks. He alludes to meeting for a date. He was about 4 hours away so we emailed for probably longer than most in the same city would have.

    The emails were OK. Cordial, interesting. We had enough in common so that it seemed at least one date would have been a good idea.

    All of a sudden he just stops responding. No warning. No hint that he’s lost interest. He just stops replying.

    Then about 6 months later he emails me out of the blue. He apologizes for “disappearing” but he explains that he felt we had a deep connection, and he knew I felt the same way..(huh??)….but it was just all moving too fast for him, so he decided to cut it off before making a huge mistake. What!?!


    This one guy out of over 500 turns out to be the kind that plays out a whole fantasy relationship in his head but then wants to tell me about it afterwards. As if I was in on it too.

    I was totally creeped out and thankful all this happened over hotmail.

    So now years later I’m thinking I may try again but I decide to do a little research, but I see that Eharm still likes to match paying customers with inactive profiles and leave you wondering why no one is writing back.

    I can’t believe they’ve continued to get away with that shady practice for so long.

  • Louie February 3, 2013 at 6:08 am

    I was going to join e-harmoney get it? but after I filled all the 1/2 of day surey the cost of joining knocked my off my feet,,, forget it! Afdter reading this post I am happy I didn’t waste my money.
    Hey any ladys like to meet a nice guy from Queens NY/ 😉

    • Irene February 16, 2013 at 12:39 pm

      I’m not in NY, but I sure like New Yorkers!! Blunt, to the point, and talk fast!! Thats me!!! I should move there, lol. But hey, who knows who your post may lead too… if I lived in NY. 😉

  • […] The Dating Gurus were researching eHarmony’s successes and failures, we stumbled across blogger Single Steve’s open letter, blasting eHarmony.  Single Steve expresses–in no uncertain terms–many ex-member’s frustration with […]

  • Jimmy February 11, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    Maybe you’re just a bitter asshole. At least that’s the way it looks from this blog. No wonder you never get any…

  • Jami February 12, 2013 at 2:42 am

    Really wish I had seen this about a month ago. I have matches that I can’t close out because the “x” to close them doesn’t show up on any of their photos. When I emailed eHarmony about the issue, they basically told me I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out and to keep trying. I have a graduate degree and am working on a PhD, so this offended me a little bit. Also, I have my search radius set to 120 miles, and I live just south of Chicago. However, all of my matches but 4 have been from out of state…way out of state. I’m also a very liberal, atheist. Today I was matched with a very conservative, Baptist minister from ND. Go figure. Well done you Steve!! Great blog.

  • chrissy February 12, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Steve, l was just registering on harmony and found your comments elsewhere, l live in England. You are so fucking funny.I love you!

  • stephanie Hughes February 13, 2013 at 12:24 am

    Hahaha This is amazing, I am sorry for your wasted time & cash, but I have really enjoyed reading about your issues. You actually had me laughing out loud on several occasions!

    Myself & another single lady are just about to launch an amazing dating site. This article is all we need to know what we are doing will revolutionise the way people date online!

    Thank you Steve for your insight x

    We will be using actual people to matchmake, face to face meetings but online its all very exciting.

    I have had bad times on the current sites they are shocking and we intend on changing this !

    Thanks again & good luck !!

    http://www.confidentialmatchmaker.com – launches Valentines day !

  • Laura February 13, 2013 at 1:35 am

    Dear Single Steve,

    I think I love you. This was hilarious.

    That is all.


    PS – I’m at work right now.

  • Johnnny February 15, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    I’m a normal white guy in a large Canadian city and kept getting matched up with black woman in the UK …They might be very nice women but it’ would be hard to heep a relationship going after funds run out after a dozen cross Atlantic flights.

    OK..the process…? ‘Our supercomputer based on Quantum mechanics and particle physics has matched you with women 5 time zone away.’ WTF… did someone forget Shreodinger’s cat…I’m ‘here’ (Western Canada) and ‘there’ (in the UK) at the same time…The Heisenberg UnCertainty Principal is the logic of eHarmony matche ups?

  • Irene February 16, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Ha ha!! I dont think its cuz you know about cumulative binomial probability!! I read all that and thought “Thats so hot!”. Smart/nerd guys are so much more fun! I love ’em!

    Thanks for all this! I’ve tried them before and the only guy I talked to in 3 months actually believed two people can make themselves love each other even if they arent a match, that there isnt “the one” or anything close. HA! What a joke! And really, maybe that is what eharmony thinks…. so come on Steve, just make yourself love one of those blah dates. 😉

  • Irene February 16, 2013 at 10:38 am

    Wow, reading comments on here, its hard not to get pissed off at some people. Like seriously, I dont think Steve is some creeper, or the problem is him, ect. Like some people just dont have luck… but the bigger picture here is EHARMONY!!! Not the person.
    2 reasons I’m single-
    1- I have high standards- sarcasm(aka no pervs, flakes, ect) Really, I dont have ridiculous standards, I did 5 years ago but its come down to honest/genuine, loyal, doesnt smoke (cuz I dont want to start again), and yeah I want a Christian (not up tight religious, like come on… we are all sinners, get over yourself)
    And 2- I want to adopt. I dont want to give birth, I dont need a mini me cuz to many kids need a great mom. (apparently most guys want a mini them- at least they are honest)

    So, I know the reasons I’m single and willing to hold out- (PS- otherwise I’m told I’m gonna make a guy happy someday ;D ) I’m not gonna complain about being single or put someone else down cuz everyone has their reasons. The only thing to complain about is the crap ass job of eharmony!!! And other failure sites which scam for money.

    So for all you assuming… quit making an ass of yourself… at least Steve is honest. A creeper doesnt spend time on a lengthy blog cussing out/about a site that ripped them off… think about it.

  • Nic February 23, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    I just started on eharmony a few days ago (fortunately only signed up for one month) and even though I’m female, employed, with a graduate-level education, and certainly don’t get the impression from men in public that they think I’m a troll physically, I have gotten ONE response. Maybe it’s because I’m “old” (47). I’m not really sure if I’m ready to date yet anyway, but so far this brief foray back into online dating (my last disastrous 7-year relationship was a product of match.com) is leading me to believe that when I am, I’ll just try to meet people the old-fashioned way, and if I don’t, oh well.

  • Eric February 24, 2013 at 1:46 am

    I like Meghan.
    Sort of. I am about all the me I can stand.

  • Karl Yetter February 24, 2013 at 8:01 am

    All dating sites suck the big one. I have found out if I go to real places. I tend to not to not go home alone. The money and time I save in not dealing with these stupid sites. Saves me money that could be better spent on real fine woman` that I tend to meet in the real world out there.
    Being a former highly decorated combat veteran of Vietnam gets me positive responses. Even though I`m disabled do to savage combat operations that I have been on. from contact with Agent Orange. So you jerks that try to feed me your crap. That I`ll have better luck in connecting to one of your choices that you will provide me with Is a lot of Hoarse shit. Your woman think their going to find prince charming on your site. Better get a grip on life. The only good thing I can say about the computers rel value is. That it makes me a good living with my business dealings that I have on line.
    Karl USMC retired…

  • Sarah February 24, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    Wow. These comments are sort of unreal. First, I think it’s funny how totally average looking guys only want to date hot, supermodel types. Most people are average looking. I can pretty much guarantee that all your grumbling is due to the fact that you don’t contact normal, average looking women. I’m not supermodel, but I’m not hard on the eyes. Men need to grow up.

    • Sandra May 4, 2013 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Sarah,
      I agree that guys are looking for supermodels. On other dating sites they ask you your body type and no kidding 98% want slim or fit and trim. I’m sorry to say I’m a middle aged woman with just a few extra pounds. The guys on these websites are superficial and narcissistic. What does body type have to do with personality. This whole thing is discouraging and I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’ll be alone the rest of my life and that sux.

  • sarah February 25, 2013 at 1:57 am

    It’s pretty obvious “Single Steve” can’t handle a woman disagreeing with him (my original comment was not approved…how ironic). I echo above comment “No wonder you never get any…” Whiny male expecting hot women/everyone to agree with him. Yawn.

  • Eric February 27, 2013 at 7:29 am

    Dude I’m in the same boat, just not as far down the hole yet, I decided to give match and eharmony a try for 1 month, I have no email responses on either accounts. So far I’m gonna say stick with this blog man, it’ll probably get you a lot more women. This post had me laughing out loud.

    I really hope both sites prove you wrong though, for my sake and the 100 bucks I spent between them that could have been spent on a night out on the town.

  • Rose March 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    I was going to sign up for eharmony as well but read this blog and comments and saved myself some money..YAY!!…I’m not sure what the answer is to meeting a compatible partner in life but I think its as simple as getting out into the real world and making connections. The question is where to go? I will leave that your imagination :)

  • Ren March 10, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    I am 26 from Australia, I’m attractive, nice, very easy going but I keep getting matched up with 39 40 year old guys why?? :( I just want to meet someone who is funny and carring and is 31 or under . Im not even fussy with looks or how much they get paid very disapionting .

  • anna March 11, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    abrewer@aol.com of course picked the stalker. He hid the crazy while we “communicated” but in person….could not. I had to involve the police , change my phone number and when I called EH to cancel and tell them about this whackadoodle the stepford operator said “Sorry about that, how about joining for another 3 months.?!” Whaaat? No! In my 3 month trial I found Jack the rippers nephew! No fucking way!

  • Johnnny March 21, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Re ‘all dating sites suck’

    No they don’t. I met my gal on Match in less than a week. Love of my life. The difference with Match was I could review a thousand plus profiles and target her. In contrast, Eharmony’s Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle of personality matching just didn’t provide this option.

    Match is active…Eharmony passive. if you have a brain try Match …if you want to depend on a computer’s brain…go with Eharmony.

    • Jerome May 13, 2013 at 3:37 am

      I had tried for years with match.com, and eharmony.com and not one date.. in over five years. Aside from just the hurt of not being “good” enough to date, it was also a spectacular waste of money. And the only woman I did ever go out with for any length of time went back to her old boyfriend who I found out beats the hell out of her for the fun of it. I guess that says something about me when women would rather be beaten to a bloody pulp rather than be with me. I get it.. Don’t treat women with decency, respect, honesty, and kindness… BEAT THEM!!! If that’s what it takes.. I would rather be alone.

  • Bob A. Palindrome March 22, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    You’re a fouled-mouthed man-whore, and the most objective journalist in the blogosphere. Thanks for kicking Neil Clark Warren in the nuts for me! I love you …

  • Dave March 27, 2013 at 3:11 am

    eHarmony cant grasp the concept of an international border. Living here in Upstate, NY, a 30 mile wide lake, a 200ft deep gorge and an international border doesn’t stop Dr Neil from presenting you with love. How hard is it for their programmers to add dimension 30 called COUNTRY CODE CA = NO MATCH. Retards. Online dating is going to fade away soon. It might have worked initially but now theres so much distrust and so many with terrible experiences…and so many sites (i mean really, cougarlife.com? Gimme a break) that it’s just becoming a form of entertainment and a curiosity for people. Just like it boils down to statistics online…meeting someone is just fate. Maybe the problem with online dating is too many choices?

  • Adam March 30, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    Steve thank you for this blog, I was about pay the money and get verified and loose both my time and money. You saved them.

  • molly April 2, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    I found this blog trying to fidure out how to respond to the matches questions. I recieve matches and notices letting me know matches have sent me 5 questions (step one), “click here to respond” and move to step two. I click that, and nothing, I tried everything! urgghh. So now I know, these guys are on the other end thinking no one is responding, and I’m over here trying my damndest to answer the q’s and respond. Thanks EH, we can’t even complete step one. Wow way to Block people from meeting.

  • Randy Savage April 3, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    I just got reamed by Eharmony. My account automatically renewed, I’m one week into the new period, and they would only refund me 50%. Yeah, it’s in the legalese, but it’s still a crappy way to treat people. I wonder if they steal from the homeless in their off time.

  • splooky April 8, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    I feel sorry for you, so I will go out with you. But I’m a dude. No homo.

  • Adrienne April 9, 2013 at 6:50 am

    Read your blog, It didn’t take much to convince me NOT to sign up and waste my money, what a crock of shit I say, I should send you the 280 bucks you’ve saved me!

    Nice one, single Steve, and good way to meet people, this blog!
    Regards, Adrienne
    Sydney, Australia

    PS: I just dated a drug-fucked idiot called Steve from an site here in Oz called RSVP! Needless to say he is history, I think I am done with online dating for the time being!

  • Jay April 10, 2013 at 7:55 am

    I just got cancelled by eHarmony. I’ve no idea why. I’m two months into a twelve month subscription that I paid for in advance. Upon disputing this I received an email back saying the decision stands and that my subscription dues have been forfeited. Basically, they’ve just stolen about $200 from me. You’re right Steve. Fuck eHarmony.

  • Leslie April 11, 2013 at 11:57 am

    Steve, I am glad I googled eHarmony and found you. I am older than you, I think, have recently lost a ton of weight, so my skin just hangs on me, and can’t keep a job. Oh, and I live just under the eHarmony version of 60 miles away from you, in Jacksonville, FL. Please send me your list of Step 1 questions. I promise not to respond. You can send your annual fee to me, and not eHarmony.

    I am kidding about most everything. Feel free to imagine which statements are bs. It’s too bad we will never actually meet, because I really do like people smart enough to know when they have been taken, and still be able to laugh at the situation. To top it off, you found a way to share it with anyone interested (or not, for some reason).

  • Dane April 14, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Although this is old, my god is it still relevant. My experience is the same although the numerical factor is probably 1/10 of what you experienced. I am noticing a lot of my matches are no longer active…. Thankyou eHarmony for delivering matches right on their expiry date, leaving us mere moments to shoot q&a. I have been on a couple of dates which is great, but i simply cannot believe women pay the same as a man to get on this site, then don’t bother to respond at all to any half decent guy showing interest… even just for the fun of it? something in the system is fucked. Total nightmare this site, each day i get reminded how fucking shit i am by way of being totally ignored by another 10 matches lol

  • Beth April 18, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    thanks for this. I have been matched with men who ” are a great match just outside of your settings” Then why is he a great match? They have sent me matches that when reading the information seem like a nice person but we dont have anything in common. I tried to cancel and got the run around.
    I have used another dating site and actually met several nice gentlemen, one of whom I am seeing now. My girlfriend is on Match and has had much better luck.
    The funniest thing is that the man my girlfriend is seeing steadily from Match was also on eHarmony. He was sent to me as a match from eHarmony, before they met. He’s a nice man but us seeing each other would never happen. Gave us all a good….albeit expensive laugh!
    EHarmony has great marketing with pitiful results.

  • Ashley Mascarenas April 20, 2013 at 2:01 am

    Steve, your problem is you’re too perceptive, intelligent and funny for the world at large, nevermind eharmony. Yeah they ration out ‘matches’, and collect on the time we spend getting caught up in all of it.

    I’ve been on eharm for about 2 years now… lol… enabling them clearly, and perhaps I’ve got issues, one of which is thinking that the alternative, bars and clubs, is worse than browsing and meeting singles who, like me, are putting themselves out there online. I take eharm with a huge grain of salt. I know my ‘matches’ arent based on anything other than the preferences I set, and that communication can take ages, so I;ve used the writing space in my profile page to address those things. I’ve met some decent women, invariably they arent my ‘type’. But so it goes.
    Eharmony, dont boot me off the site for posting this, I’m a good customer. And besides, we dont want to see another website like this one cropping up titled eharmonysucksass.com, do we?

  • Chinos April 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    Steve! Wth! I just paid eharmony’s 3 month subscription because I figured you can’t go half way when looking for love and now I want to kick myself!!! Are you saying that these 29 levels don’t exist!?!?! Damn……guess I’ll stage 1 all these guys and see what happens. Gotta get some money’s worth.

  • Amy April 23, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    I would say eHarmony is a turd. But that would be offensive to turds.

    Me and my best friend signed up for it for a laugh after months of being single. We weren’t expecting much, but finding a match online sounded fun.

    Well, after a week I had over 200 ‘matches’. Most were inactive profiles, didn’t have photos, or didn’t even remotely fit my criteria (I asked for men who live within a 50km radius of me…I ended up with guys in America being ‘matched’).

    So I emailed my matches with those ridiculous “Getting to know you” starter questions. I got maybe one or two responses. After repeating the process for the next few weeks, I FINALLY got to stage 3 with a few guys and I set up some dates.

    – First date was a criminal who bashed his previous wife. NO THANK YOU!!

    – Second date was dull as dishwater and barely looked like his photo (I have a feeling he probably used a more-attractive brother’s photo).

    – Third date was a creep who only wanted sex.

    – Fourth date was a creep who only wanted sex…and became quite aggressive and intimidating when I refused.

    – Fifth date was a lovely guy…who had absolutely nothing in common with me.

    – Sixth date was so boring and uncomfortable to talk to that I ended up leaving earlier than anticipated.

    So much for eHarmony finding my “perfect match”. Apparently I’m only suited to criminals, sex-fiends and men who are as dull as dirt. :(

  • julia April 30, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    Steve, you reaffirm my faith in your generation. Go sit at a decent bar and snag a quality woman. (They are there.) If she can’t appreciate your wit, she doesn’t deserve you.

  • Sandra May 4, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    Steve, you are hilarious and you’re right. At least you’re getting matches. They send me non paying matches with no pictures. I’d rather get no matches than non paying matches. Eharmony’s response is that they can’t do that. That I’m so “special” that these people matched me on the testing and they’re “hoping” they’ll join. I emailed them “am i so special that my testing only matches non paying members. They suck and I’m sorry to say I joined for a year and am into it for 4 months. I want my money back. You can’t search for anyone, u have to wait for them to come to you. I “liked” someone’s picture, they responded, he said he couldn’t see my pics but I could see his, I asked if he was paying, he said no, we emailed further, were getting along really well bantering back and forth, he said send me pics, i did and never heard from him again. They suck.

  • Janet -- from Aust May 12, 2013 at 3:20 am

    Its not just the men. I must be female troll .. Was chatting daily to 4 men. Had been for a couple of days + they all decided on exactly the same day to stop emailing. Eharmony doesn’t find that strange. Since then not one person has contcted me. Eharmony tells me it is my profile.. Sorry I didn’t find your site earlier.

  • Carrie May 15, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Hahahahahahah!!! This blog was so good it just got benchmarked in my phone! Alright so yeah, I wouldn’t have even found this if hadn’t actually typed “eharmony blows” into my google search engine. I live in a small town, as George Clooney’s character from ‘O, brother where art thou’ would say, “It’s a geographical oddity”, 30 minutes from anywhere. People ask me, “do you make it a hobby to dat guys long distance?” and I respond, “No, I just make it a hobby not to date anyone from around here.”. ANYWHOoooo…. I try eharmony because I figure with the HUGE start up fee that only serious inquiries need apply. You get 10 matches a day? I get one! I get one lousy, nothing I asked for matches a day. I am a single mom with 3 kids… I realize this is tricky, but Im still hot! So it may not be commitment, but I could still get a date ;). Yezzzzirrrr (I digress). But they pair me up with guys that “want kids”… There is a difference between guys saying “I want kids” and “I want YOUR kids” or “I want MY OWN kids”…. So whatever, no option to be specific about what you want, no option to change a search…. At least m

  • John May 21, 2013 at 5:12 am

    I agree Eharmony is totally worthless. I spent a year on there and want my fricking money back. Recently, I found a dating network called FriendsWorldwide.com. Seems like it may be the new thing so I gave it a try. Since I am in the military I went this site USMilitarySingles.com which is one of many in the Network for military personel. I couldn’t believe I can actually can reply for free. What a revelation. A dating site that actually has some value and gets results. I have been on 2 excellent dates and 1 average, but it is really cool to be on a site which actually caters to my specific lifestyle. I am never going back to Eharmony.

  • lynn May 24, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    I have to put my two cents in. I’ve been on this sight less than two weeks and regretting I signed up. Will not be renewing. Also they make u believe you can pay monthly but charge the whole amount at once

  • bubby May 26, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    i think you never got any replies because while being a grown man you act like a 10 year old fgt. maybe act like a man and women will come to you, you’re not funny, insightful, clever, or anything that would attract anyone of maturity, let alone a woman seeking a serious long term relationship. what makes you think that a woman looking for a real lasting relationship would wanna settle for your dumbass? i can only imagine the stupid shit you put on your profile because you are obviously an idiot who never grew up. there’s alot of fish in the sea for both sides, and clearly you’re a small fish, the way you responded was also pathetic. instead of looking for what you could have done better or differently, you automatically assume the site is broken and hurl insults and make faces like a child, it’s no wonder you’re single. women want a partner not a manchild to take care of.

    • Akisha June 10, 2013 at 7:58 pm

      I couldn’t have said it better Bubby… I did find love on eharmony.com.. a very good catch indeed. I cant wait for the rest of my life. This guy seems like such a jerk and loser… who has 740 something matches…. I call that desperate.

  • […] Single Steve’s diatribe on eHarmony (NSFW) […]

  • Ocean June 18, 2013 at 1:40 am


    I signed up during one of those free weekends…and they matched me up with a guy who had no legs.

    While it is totally cool to have no legs, I ALWAYS wear high heels and I like to go out DANCING. Uhm…dancing and no legs aren’t really…yeah.

    I think the computer they used for ME must have been a can opener.

    • Amy June 16, 2015 at 1:19 pm

      Awesome comment !!!!

  • Jen June 19, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    If you’re still single, I’d totally marry you. If I’d have known what a crock this site was, I never would have joined. This site doesn’t give anyone any insight into who you are as a person.

  • Chrissy June 19, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Hey Steve, I am feeling your pain. I subscribed two months ago, and their so-called matches for me looked like drug addicts, alcoholic old men,serial killers, or mamas boys.My criteria was very specific, NO KIDS!, ages between 45-52, non-religious, white. Instead , I was matched with men who looked like they had one foot in the grave.All I want now is to be free of eHarmony, but I can’t until July 24th,2013. I have been trying to find the “shut off auto-renewal” or the “unsubscribe” section, but it doesn’t show up anywhere.HELP!!!! I HATE EHARMONY!!!!!!I’m afraid that if I don’t figure out where the shut off is I’ll be stuck paying for another 3 months.or worse, eternity. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you can help me, I would appreciate it. P.S FUCK YOU! EHARMONY…..YOU SUCK!!!!!!

  • dave June 20, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    the problem my friend is you are in america. Women are put on a pedstal here. They carry all the cards. To date a woman thats even the slightest bit on the fit side means you got a hottie. Forget the bad attitude, the narcisisstic personality, the entitled minset, just to meet one thats fit and not a fat lard ass is asking for a miracle. If you are a fair looking guy, nice.. but perhaps not the big hunky 6-5, tough guy that most women are looking for.. you are screwed. Best bet to all you bloggers out there.. go elsewhere. If you want to meet a lady who would worship the ground you walk on, one thats perfectly trim and fit and cute too.. go overseas. American women are the worst in my opinoin. I Have been all over the world. I have met ladies who walk right up to me and say hello and ask for a date. Amazing. This place SUCKS big time. F these bitches who have all their botox, fake tits and FUCKED attitude. Kiss my ass. Yes.. we are all probably angry horny guys who like living in the US.. just hate the ladies. so there ya go. Look up the statistics.. its a fact.

  • dave June 20, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    and.. yes the dating sites are a game too. There is no magical matching going on. It would mean you got 2 hits a year. nobody wants to wait that long. I mean if i thought it would be the real deal I’d try 2 hits a year. But.. in reality they have to sell you excitement. Keep you interested and paying. So.. you get the same dumb ass bitches over and over. Again. if your not 6-5 and a tough guy body builder.. forget it.. Even the fatties know that

  • Sue she June 20, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    Men, here’s the secret to a happy life. Find an ugly girl and treat her right. That’s all you have to do. Too many men thinking they deserve too much. PS eharmony sucks, no doubt about it.

  • Jack June 24, 2013 at 2:05 am

    Dude if you’re waiting on 748 women to respond to your 1st round of questions, maybe you should look at yourself instead of blaming eharmony. I’m guessing your fat/ugly and live in your mothers basement. At least that’s what I get from your rant of a post. You sound like a 10 year old playing call of duty. I tried eharmony for 6 months and I went on a few dates with some not so great women sure but I did end up finding a girl who’s perfect for me though. So maybe you should simply not use the site until you become a man, and stop turning people away who might actually like the site from trying it for themselves.

    • JW July 27, 2013 at 1:31 pm


      Hey Happy Jack,
      You shouldn’t admit that you live in your parents basement struggling to get from couch to the fridge if you don’t want people to know about your weight issues/and unemployement. If you think Steve’s situation is that, stop for a moment, and really give some thought as to why you came to that conclusion about Steve, the architect of this entire site & it’s content. Could you be projecting? Or maybe you thought it was a clever insult to call the man who made the website you’re spending your time on a 10 year old kid who plays video games, and then proceeded to read an article he wrote that you were made furious by.
      You ended up making up a bunch of guesses about Steve’s messages that are interesting in regard to what your messages must look like, however you end up blaming his receiving no responses on his physical looks and lifestyle!? I was gonna call you out as an eHarmony rep, but that’s doubtful, and now I don’t have to think of you and your literary pollution ever again!

    • Amy June 16, 2015 at 1:15 pm

      Fuck you Jack….

  • Dave Smith June 26, 2013 at 6:13 am

    Dude, I understand your frustration. The one thing I was thinking all the way through reading your blog is “Why didn’t he just skip the questions stage and go straight to sending a message?”. You know you can do that right? I’ve always gone straight to messaging (I hate the questions stage…find it pointless) and have had a reasonable response.

    Plus, if a girl sends me questions, more often than not, I’ll not reply. I find it a lazy and impersonal way of introducing yourself to a potential partner.

    I wish you luck in your search (if you’re still looking).

  • Michael June 26, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    Your expectations for a dating site are a bit high. It’s like playing the lottery, and the odds aren’t much better. You might win, but you probably won’t Get a grip on reality.

  • Madai July 13, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    That happened to me too, your not the only one. I guess we’re just too good for eharmony 😉

  • cris July 14, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    I think this is hilarious!!! But, you may be right Steve. How many people out there reading this actually found someone and after how many matches? After all this time, did you finally find someone?

  • StorminCorpsman July 16, 2013 at 8:14 pm

    Why could I not have found this blog 2 weeks ago before I signed up for a “deal of a life time.” 12 months for 3 payments of 19.99. Sure financially it seemed fairly fiscally responsible. But damn it all if this is going to be the longest 12 months of my life along with the worst 60$ I’ve spent on women. I too am having a distance issue. I’ve got my range set to 150miles, which is a reasonable distance, but when they match me with people in different time zones, there’s a break down in their fucking system. What I hate most about it is if your settings are to strict you don’t even get matched up, fuck that shit! Just bc I don’t want to take a mini fucking vacation to meet a woman, doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty within 150 I agreed to. Using other sites I’m getting matched with 10+ women a day, all in my state and no farther that a few zip codes away.

    Thanks Steve reading this at least informed me enough that my experience is the only exception.

  • StorminCorpsman July 16, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Isn’t * the only exception

  • jessica July 18, 2013 at 12:58 am

    I’m 30 never tried eharmony but don’t want to now I’m single and if u want email me maybe we r a match

  • Heather Baxter July 20, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Hi Single Steve. Can we talk? I am going through the very same thing right now. I purchased a one-year membership and I am in month one. I love your article by the way. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. It really made me smile. Would you mind sending me an email if you have some time? Thanks for posting this article Steve. You are a brilliant writer.





  • Heather Baxter July 20, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    In Steve’s defence, what he is saying is true. I am experiencing the very same thing. One thing that strikes me as odd though is that I never get stage one questions from anyone. It is always me reaching out to someone. I have been on a couple other sites and I would get 20-30 messages per day from men. I never had to search through new matches because I didn’t need to. I just find it odd that no one messages me first on eHarmony. I signed up for one year about a month ago. After week two I said to myself this is BS and contacted eHarmony via email to cancel my subscription. They said I have to pay the total balance owing and then I can delete my profile. They couldn’t be decent and just charge me for the month since I am a dissatisfied customer. They are actually making me pay for the entire year. A total and complete waste of money. So thank you to Steve for posting his article about his experience because I was beginning to think it was just me. But it isn’t, it is eHarmony.

  • supershadowwall July 24, 2013 at 12:59 am

    I just went on eharmony.com and I took the test and shit well when I finished it said sorry we could not find any matches and it then kicked me off the site and every time I try to get back on it shows me a white blank screen.

  • […] saw this on (Link): Single Steve’s blog – he had an unfortunate experience with […]

  • Sean August 1, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    I don’t even have matches!! I’m so pissed off. I guess there is no girl for me out there. 😛 I agree. Fuck you e-harmony.

  • Hallie August 1, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    Every word you sad is true, I am soooooo sorry that I paid my hard earned money for this crap!!!! Their process is stupid, and that 29 dimension of compatibility clearly does not work, my very nosey , when are you going to settle down, have I got the perfect guy for you, I’d like you to meet, how old are you now, am not gonna be around forever, grandmother has made better picks for me than e Harmony has, it should be called edis-Harmony. On the plus side my subscription ends in October 2013. e Harmony is CRAP…there I said it! I said it and would say it again..e Harmony is CRAP!…oh that felt good.

  • Natalia August 6, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    I wish I would have read this BEFORE I joined. Arranged marriages are starting to sound really good right about now…

  • Sue S. August 7, 2013 at 8:36 am

    This all makes sense now because for the first 3 days on eharmony I got a ton of matches and now nothing. I learned from reading these responses that you can only cancel in the first 3 days so that makes sense. EH has apparently fixed its bots to show that all the matches have viewed my profile. So now it looks like they have indeed viewed my profile and ,,, done nothing about it. At first I sent the questions to the two guys who looked like a possibility, had pictures, were within 10 years of my age, but they have not responded. Two guys outside my area, the two ugliest ones!!! sent me questions. And that’s it. I guess I should “block” them since I’m not interested. I think I paid with paypal so I probably can cancel the automatic renewal through them. Meanwhile I feel much better after reading this blog that I am not totally unacceptable in the dating world and can hope to not die without at least one more shag in this lifetime.

  • Sue S. August 7, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Oh and hey guys if you want to meet chicks try going to yoga class. Its full of chicks and you can check out their fitness level pretty easily. I’m a chick and I’m telling you I wish some guys would show up at yoga.

  • Vinny August 11, 2013 at 6:11 am

    I’m starting to hate eharmony for the opposite problem: too few matches! They sent about 9 potential matches on first two days, which ranged from Ontario, Canada (not even same country) to west cost (even further away from Ontario). Some have no pictures, most of them with painfully incomplete profile to even make random guess, and some have badly cropped picture of themselves with their ex’s (or their brother, not sure). Then came third day of my account and…. Nothing happened. No new matches, no new “what its”, Nada, zilch. As Steve pointed out, filling out step 1 leads to nowhere. And still no new matches after day 14. I even expanded radius to 120 miles. What went wrong? Does this mean eharmony deemed that I’m unmatchable? I didn’t expect magical match right away, but completely shutting me out on day 3 is just too damn cruel. Sigh…

  • Myst August 11, 2013 at 3:05 pm

    I believe there’s something wrong with EHarmony. As per my experience in about 4 months I noticed that my matches don’t even bother to look at my profile! I didn’t receive any message at all and if I send a smile/message 99% of the times no reply.
    I’m not expecting EVERYONE to like me but on OKCupid I receive messages every day worst like spam and I reply very selectively…

  • Jay Stanley August 11, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    So true Steve. Don’t forget about all of the technical glitched.

    Report the misconduct to the Federal Trade Commission
    the BBB
    the State Attorney General in your State and the State EH is domesticated in. Be sure to include Dr. Warrens prominately in the complaints.

  • Lee August 11, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Haha this is the funniest read I have ever had. I was only trying to find out the age of the British eharmony commercial girl (her daughter recommended eharmony to her, and she’s now recommending it to her mum) this girl looks no more than 35.

    anyway, fuck eharmony came up on google and here I am, take no notice of Jack, from June 24th, clearly a numbers man

  • Tom August 12, 2013 at 5:12 am

    Anybody ever considered eharmony might be denying new accounts for troublemakers (people who demand refunds, who will not put up with the BS for very long, and or who will come and comment on a page like this). It would be very easy for them to screen for psychological characteristics of such people.

    Yes I have been rejected (no matches for you, thanks, logout) after the question stage and was wondering as to why. I live in an area with a population of millions.


    It seems that paying members are made to do free marketing for eharmony when they spam inactive accounts. This is evil.

  • Jay Stanley August 12, 2013 at 7:05 am

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    are you kidding me. How many tiems have I complained?

    I hmay times have I brought issues to your attention – and how have responeded.

    Maybe a class action suit?

  • Nikki August 20, 2013 at 2:34 pm


    I feel like ‘yes’ encapsulates all I need to say but I should probably expand…

    I totally agree! I have just started my second subscription with eHarmony, the first was only for one month and I thought much the same as you did so discontinued my subscription… yet for some reason, after a four month break I thought it would be a fantastic idea to try again and the shortest membership I could get was 3 months so I decided to do it… then remembered why I stopped it in the first place.
    None of the matches seem to actually match my criteria, and most of them are the same matches I received the first time around. I too am a ‘closer-outer’ yet all I ever seem to be doing is closing out matches or wondering why the one and only match I’ve communicated with can’t actually be bothered closing me. I’ve been told I’m a fairly decent package in real-life (well educated, financially stable, funny, tall, blonde blah blah blah), so I was thinking perhaps I don’t translate well online… or it’s just that eharmony is a total crock.

    Even though it takes a million years to fill out their questionnaire, you still can’t specify simple criteria like height for example. I’m 6ft tall and prefer my men to be taller than me (eg 6ft3″ and over) but as I can only give my height and how important height is to me on a scale of 1 to 7, I get matches from 6ft upwards. Dude…that means I can’t wear my hot hot heels!!! But more importantly… what if I preferred shorter guys (god knows why but go with me here) and that’s why height was high on my importance list?! fail eharmony. it totally misses the point, and hence we all get total dud matches.

    anyhoo… the crux of my response: yes.

    Dear eHarmony, fuck you.

    (waiting to see whether they now cancel my subscription!!!)

  • KT August 27, 2013 at 3:13 am

    Hey Steve ! i’m fucking with you ! they are a wrought ….. bad customer service, bad service bad everything. i tried eharmony and got wroughted 210 for fuck all. cunts…

  • Kara August 28, 2013 at 5:51 am

    Have to play devil’s advocate here. I joined at the cheap rate too and have kind of enjoyed it

    I’m a girl and have not initiated contact as a bit old school, but I’m in the talking to stage with several guys in the email stage.

    Full disclosure I’m 34 and think I’m pretty attractive, but I used some of my less attractive pics because I didn’t want any chance of misrepresentation. I’ve had on average 2 to 3 guys sending me 5 questions a day and I would wager I respond to 40%. But you have to be open minded. And guys…a shitload act like they’re professional rock climbers which seems boring. It’s a dime a dozen.

    I think what interests girls is a lack of sarcasm, a nice dose of confidence, and an ability to have a funny, real conversation. Don’t be afraid to move to final stage and explain why. A guy did this week and it was witty and funny and hell yes I responded.

  • Adam August 28, 2013 at 6:38 pm

    Well if you thought the old website was bad, you should try the new one. Please blog about that one too, as it sure is s**t! :(

  • fml September 6, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    FML all I got out of this is women hate me because I am short. At least if I was fat, I could look forward to losing weight… I have no hope of ever being taller, thus no hope of ever finding love. “Am I a troll” is pretty funny until you realize the world really does see you as a troll. I will be in the garage with the truck running, if anyone needs me…

  • Betsy September 13, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Steve! I laughed my ass off reading this! OMG! You are hysterical!! But… Damn it! I wish I would have read this HYSTERICAL blog 2-weeks ago! But because I didn’t, I signed up for the most minimal time offered, 3-mos. (most minimal… poor English, but couldn’t think how to write that differently… any….) I already have a note on my phone a few day before the official 3-mo is over so I call and cancel! NO WAY am I going to allow them to automatically enroll me! Apparently there is somewhere you can “check” that states that you do not want to be re-enrolled… I can’t find it! eHarmony???… what the fuck was I thinking? Obviously I wasn’t… Ugh! I guess I will go back to the way I hope to meet someone… a friend of a friend… although over the 8-years I have been divorced, I have met 3-4 people (friends of friends)… and that’s all. So, I thought, what the heck… I’ll try eHarmony… I know that is/was a mistake…. now I will just wait it out and CANCEL the first of December!!! Steve…. Great, funny, witty and completely hysterical blog!!

  • Jessica Bosari September 14, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Steve, you finally figured out how to get your money back from eHarmony. I see tons of complaints about how they refuse to refund unhappy customers. If you cancel them, you’re SOL.

    But if you write a big “fuck you” post, you can get cancelled by them and get your money back. Way to go, man!

  • Susan Vergeryk September 14, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Nobody should date online until they have read http://datingskills.weebly.com

  • PhuckEharmony September 19, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    Was on email a year ago. After taking their phucking long as shit entrance exam, I was excited to see my matches. Little did I know that me…an athletic 6’1, 190…would be matched with fat heifers that I wouldn’t be seen dead in public with. And yes, then there were the matches from every phucking city in my state expect the city I lived in. Every time I see an EH commercial on TV, I want to punch that old dude square in the mouth, stomp a mud hole in his ass and walk it dry. How they stay in business is beyond me.

  • max September 25, 2013 at 12:07 am

    Thank you Steve, finally a moment of truth. That EHarmony should be re named “No Harmony”. I got as far as speaking to a couple of people on the phone but that’s as far as it got. You respond to these so called “matches” and you get somebody 3 states away. Yeah thanks Eharmony for taking my money and wasting my time. What a racket.

  • Tammy September 30, 2013 at 6:53 pm


    You are hysterical…Thank you for blogging about your experience!! My experience with online dating has been similar.

  • Tara October 4, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Yeah I have tried match.com, eharmony and plenty of fish. I actually met someone on match.com and we dated for a long time. I was honestly expecting more from Eharmony, but oh well. I am just happy I am single and don’t have to be locked down to someone with problems :)

  • Tara October 4, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Lol someone’s post on here made me crack up. She is 25 and met someone on Eharmony and it doesn’t help because she is a hot 25 year old. That is the same mentality I had at 25. Did I meet someone online at 25. Yes since I was a model i thought i was the shit. Guess what? when i started getting to my mid-thirties he went online to find another 25 year old! His friend even bought one from Russia. Looks and money sure go fast. But the heart and character last for a lifetime. This will be my last year of online dating. I would rather be single and save money for the Porsche I wanna buy and move out of my condo;) into an awesome small house just for me and my mini bull terrier!

  • Bettina October 9, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    OMG eHarmony Fuck you had me laughing so hard out loud i i had tears running down my cheeks!
    I went online to try and work out why 0 of the 84 men I’ve “your profile made me smile”-d in last week have responded.
    I see now I’ve still got atleast 800 more silent rejections to go before I start ranting like that 😉

  • robert October 11, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    I joined ehormony for shits and giggles, never thought it would actually work. I got 0 matches in two days and I had a nice time reading your blog, because I know you aren’t lieing ^.^ you should make your own dating website thing, I’m sure you’d make it work!!!

  • Diana October 14, 2013 at 3:55 am

    I am a firm believer that out of every negative experience….comes a positive life lesson. Single Steve…your experience on Eharmony may have been a colossal failure (that would be the NEGATIVE experience), HOWEVER….through writing this blog (which shows more of your true spirit than ANY generic redundant questions ever could), I suspect that you have a better chance to meet a REAL LIVE WOMAN, whom you have something in common with (that, Single Steve would be the Positive life lesson). So…don’t despair, I do, however have 3 pieces of advice to give you.
    1) Don’t ‘limit’ your choices by geography. The two greatest loves I have had in my life so far have been men I have met from Italy & Eastern Canada (I live in Central Canada)
    2) Love has a way of finding you when you aren’t necessarily looking for it. (spend your time doing the things that you enjoy doing,or join groups/clubs that help you focus on those interests….you have a better chance of finding someone that way)
    3) Don’t EVER give up on love….but just keep in mind sometimes you have to ‘change it up’ how you go about/where you go about looking for it!

    Best of luck to you!

  • Brian October 18, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    Great post! I am in the same boat, I am “communicating” with over 200+ matches. I’m a 28 year old pilot who makes decent money and isn’t hideous looking, obese, or anything like that. Pretty sure if I walked into a bar and talked to 200 women 1 of them would go out with me. On eharmony I cannot even get 1 to answer a few multiple choice questions.

  • Kim October 19, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Hey Steve…I love your blog site and you are right about how online dating sites work. I have been scammed and had others try time and again since then. I believe it is just best to meet a person IN person and that way you can see things for real. It’s WAY too easy for people to invent who they want projected to others online because too many people create fake profiles anyway. Keep it real…

  • Susan October 22, 2013 at 6:21 am

    My my my
    Ditto everyone!
    So happy to see a blog because I wanted to write one myself.
    Here’s the deal:
    They are ALWAYS slightly outside of my settings, but apparently the definition of the word “slight” is more than slightly off base.properly I requested a range of a couple hundred miles. I got the east coast, when I am on the west. I have received the same people muliple times over again. My friends have received about thirty percent of the same ones. I have received trolls for sure, guys lying about their age up to twenty years off…and if one more man thinks that a photo of his stupid motorcycle suffices for a profile picture, or posts the requisite picture of him with the big fish, or says that he wants someone “active” when he should just come out and say just don’t even try when you are fat.
    Then there are the creepy fetish guys, apparently did not know THAT shit was part of the whole intro-teregration process. Really? Six inch heals in a halloween costume but we have to make sure we go see Jesus first?
    Or have your profile-suggested sexual experimentations twice a week, partially exclusive-what the hell is that?- and eat only vegan.
    Shoot me now.
    Okay, Steve, so let’s just get married and get it over with.

  • Amanda October 27, 2013 at 12:22 am

    Steve, I wish I would have read this prior to signing up for eharmony because i’m experiencing the same problems you were and i know I’m not a troll. However I did find your blog factual and hilarious. If eharmony matched me with more people like you I would ave no complaints … Just sayin

  • Kim October 28, 2013 at 7:41 am

    Let’s face it Steve is right on the mark here and his site ROCKS…I think Steve should start a for real dating site himself. I for one would be interested to find out more about some of these free speaking men on here. It is really refreshing to read the feedback from others who are experiencing the same issues when all we are looking for is a real and honest person to get to know and see where it may go…

  • Ken November 1, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    I bought this scam site for 1 year… Its been 9 months and not 1 date. Other sites I get many dates. I have no dought that Eharmony has fake profiles and contacts you to look like there is activity.. I go through the whole question process with other members and once we go to eharmony mail we have nice exchanges until I ask for a phone number… then I don’t hear again.. Other sites like jdate and match the other interested girl can’t wait to give number and stop communicating on the site. Not Eharmony. Total fraud.

  • Alicia November 4, 2013 at 10:47 pm

    Hey Steve, I don’t know where to begin,, I think FUCK E HARMONY would suffice first..lol. I was on it about ten years ago and thought I would grow old before finishing the quesstionarre . When I started getting hundreds of mail a day I thought omg there is hope after all and I don’t need to jump on a plane back to NYC and throw myself in front of a bus after all…lol.. Yea right!?!?! I respond to PHASE 1 then don’t hear back cuz maybe the dude gave up. I know I’m pretty hot…lol… His loss, right?!? Anyway, I went on three dates which all three should have signed in a mental institution rather then a dating site…lol… So, with that said and a lot more I will leave out, I quit e harmony one month later still single. I since then went on my own…market,clubs,etc. in and out of two relationships. So, I said to myself last night ” it’s been a while, I’ll try e harmony again if it’s not like before”. Lmao Steve, when I typed the URL your blog came up…HaHaa lmfao they are still operating like this!!! Well, looks like I’m gonna start shopping for caskets instead of men…lol..or perhaps book that ticket leaving Vegas to NYC ..lol.. Thanks Steve and FUCK YOU E HARMONY…LOL. ALICIA. Foralicia72@gmail.com and we can pound a few shots drowning in our tears together…lol. Good luck Steve.. Thanks a lot … I think your site is more happening then e harmony anyway…lotsa luv…Booya

  • Alicia November 4, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    I agree with Kim above..lol
    and btw, Dianne can cop a walk beotch!, good luck Steve. Left my comment previously^^^^^

  • Jeannie November 5, 2013 at 8:01 am

    Oh Steve 😉 that was the best read I’ve had in like forever it was so hilariously true I’m on eharmony getting ready to get off and no not in a good way. It was very lame and your right you get past the stupid first question and then nothing but you see they have looked at your profile a half a dozen times geez either respond or move on already. Well if you had sent me a request I would have responded or I would have moved on but I’m not one to sit and do nothing. Best of luck to you :-) it looks like you got lots of responses now :-))

  • Rob November 5, 2013 at 11:04 am

    My comments apply to eH in UK which may differ in some respects from the US version. I am disappointed with the site and seems that I am not alone, but often confused when criticisms on the internet don’t seem to address how the site works. I often see people talking about searching the site, but you can’t do that (at least eH.Uk) you get matches each day and that’s your lot. My main disappointment is that the site could be so good but just seems to want to rip people off – often in a very blatant way.
    I’ll give some examples – even if matching algorithm based on the personality questions was not nonsense, as I suspect it is, then there are many questions which over ride any similarities the test brings out. If I don’t believe in god and the match has an answered question saying she would not date someone who did not believe in god then I don’t think that is a viable match. This is a real deal breaker between individuals who might otherwise share many other values. Folk might get around the fact that one prefers Chevy Chase while the other likes Bill Murray but not likely when the difference relates to spiritual beliefs. I see many matches where this disconnect between my beliefs and those of the matches (as evidenced by their answers to the relevant questions) would make any attempt to pursue the contact quite ridiculous, attitudes to religion, acceptance of children, ethnicity of partner, attitudes to sex. EH is simply being dishonest in not factoring in such cut and dried life choices in order to inflate its matches.
    Second, the site is full of empty profiles. Not all of them sinister admittedly, I have in the past tried dummy set-ups to test out the system, but all of them irritating for the other users. It is very hard to eliminate these. I have experimented by closing them down and then creating new persona likely to be matched with the old ones and sure enough they are still live (not active this month as eH puts it – in reality gone forever or never existed). Yes, I have no life and carry out these expts, but I am seriously disaffected by eH now and want to examine how far the rot has set in. Note also that eH could look at ISP numbers and tell that multiple profiles have been set up at the same address. Truth is, they don’t care as it saves them the trouble and embarrassment of faking their own.
    On the UK system it is dreadfully hard to close (block) matches. You have to first hide them and only then after a further access of that profile be able to block them. Be away from your system a few days and these mount up. Also, when I open a profile, with no picture, active a month ago, one word completions of sections and no questions answered at all I just want rid of it straightaway. BUT it suits eH to have these open. This difficulty is particularly annoying as a man. I send questions to women, who I can see look at my profile, and then … nothing. If they looked t my profile and closed me down that would be fine, I can move on to the next prospect, but it’s work to close a match so they don’t bother. I am a man so I kid myself they are still thinking. This only suits eH not their customers. Also, I have had ‘friends who are girls’ set up profiles to experiment with and we find lost more communication from men to women than the other way around (as one might expect) so it becomes even more of a burden for appealing women to bother to close down matches. This suits eH.
    On some days I have had no matches at all. OK, sounds bad, but it’s kind of curious, if no one matched me today then how can anyone match me tomorrow? What’s that about? Did they all join the following day – no they did not, you can tell.
    Furthermore, in the UK system it only tells you about the last activity of the match if you are a paid subscriber. If you are on the system for free then this info is hidden. I find it impossible to conceive any reason for concealing this info that does not serve eH’s interests and not the customer.
    Indeed, it makes me very cross that it is hidden from even the paid subscriber whether the other person is a paid subscriber or on a free trial. It seems a deliberate ploy to inflate the level of opportunities available
    eH seems all about deceit at almost every level.
    At the start of this rant I said I was disappointed with eH because it could be a good way. I don’t fancy putting my face on a gallery site for everyone to see, I would prefer a few introductions with roughly like minded people to see how we got along, I don’t even mind the idea of paying if that meant I was being linked up with others who were serious about the process too, but eH cheats its customers when it comes to that too.
    A final comment for those who will say, I met my husband/wife etc on Eh. I am very pleased for you, it is good that the system is not failing everyone. My point is simply that you are probably the exception rather than the norm.

  • Melody November 6, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    WHY do I always read these things AFTER I decide to go ahead and try the thing I’ve avoided like the plague?? I guess I can hold out hope that I’m the lucky one who actually scores a decent date out of this within a reasonable amount of time. (Stop laughing.) Like most of you, I’d sworn off of online dating and then when three good friends couldn’t come up with a blind date for me, I thought, well…why the hell not? THIS is why not. Sigh. I don’t know where to turn now, since I don’t do speed dating or bars. Maybe if I bribe my friends to come up with dates?? It would be money better spent than on 12 months of eHarmony by Steve’s reckoning!

  • Harvey November 11, 2013 at 8:20 am

    I agree, I agree, as for the questions that you are requested to fill in, I have heard they are not real people but are made up be a computer.

  • Olu November 16, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    On the 8th of July, 2013, I signed up for a six month subscription worth 76.40 pounds on eharmony which was paid for in three different instalments. Shortly after eharmony took the last payment instalment from my bank account, the company sent me an e mail telling me that they were closing my account because according to them “I had breached their terms and conditions”.
    I e mailed back, asking for the reason why my account was being closed and e harmony responded back by telling me “As a practice, we do not elaborate on the specific reasons as to why an account was closed” and they also told me that the subscription fee of 76.40 pounds that was taken from my account is not refundable . This in my view is a scam as I am a 100% sure I did not breach any of their terms and conditions.
    After I got this shocking response from e harmony, I went on-line to find out if this was a recurring practice at e harmony and I was shocked to discover that this wasn’t just a one off incident. There are several horror stories on the internet of e harmony subscribers who have gone through this same kind of ordeal.

    • Rob November 22, 2013 at 2:12 am

      How can that be legal? If they wanted to exclude you for reasons of their own and so simply refunded your money we might think that in itself was ‘shady business’ but to take your money and still not specify how you have broken the rules seems plainly crooked. You should threaten legal action and see if that get’s you any offer of a refund.

  • Monica November 24, 2013 at 8:26 pm

    Love it . Its all a scam.

  • artgirl November 29, 2013 at 3:07 am

    This is hilarious- I love hearing about all these girls that sign up and get hundreds of men vying for their attention. I am a reasonably attractive woman in my mid 30’s – I have plenty of good photos and a thorough profile- I can go for weeks without a single man contacting me. 90% of the men that I contact do not reply- some of them look at my profile and then don’t reply- I know what you are thinking- I’m not as attractive as I think I am- sometimes these dating sights put that thought in my head as well – lol – I’m pretty sure that’s a Seinfeld quote too…
    and yet they hardly ever reply…even ones that I wasn’t really particularly interested in…wtf? My favorite is when even after you go through the endlessly painful “guided communication process” and you actually get to emailing, decide to finally meet- many of the men just can’t commit to setting a date- so after 2 months on EH I have only had 2 dates…

    • Ken w November 29, 2013 at 4:44 am

      Because most of these profiles are fakes. I am pretty sure the owners of the company crate fake activity until the final meeting question,then bye bye ..can’t fake the meeting

  • Sharon November 29, 2013 at 9:39 am


  • Tiffany December 15, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Hi there Steve. Did you ever find your true love?

    • Single Steve December 20, 2013 at 6:26 pm

      I haven’t….yet

  • Neo December 20, 2013 at 7:55 am

    E harmony didnt even want me to join, i filled out the long tedious iq personality test honestly (although a few questions didnt apply since i had to idea how to answer because of lack of experience) needless to say after all that i get told they cant find any matches for me within the state i live in, with no requirements other then she be female, childless, not a religious zealot and between the ages of 18 and 30. and they must have felt i was truely undateable because they sent me away forever.

  • Annie December 24, 2013 at 9:54 am

    I joined eHarmony about 10 years ago and found a terrific man. We married and celebrated several years of happiness before he died a couple of yrs ago. I recently reached out to eHarmony again. I have had plenty of communication from Nigeria/Romania/Iceland, etc. Also, evidently there is NO one in a 100 mile radius who matches me in any way. But the real kicker is that my husband’s account is still showing. It DOES say that it’s been over a month since he’s been active. Technically, that is true…

  • Brat December 28, 2013 at 1:40 am

    So far 77% of my matches have been inactive. So yes, Eharmony has got to be one of the crappiest dating sites of all times. Steve, you nailed everything right on the head. I wish they would cancel my membership!

  • Mike December 28, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    Yeah Steve, I hear ya. I’ve been on all the sites before, including eHarmony and found the same thing. I’m on eHarmony now but a friend of mine did find is wife through eHarmony so I thought I’d give it another try. I’m not sure how he did it but it happened. Like you, I get my batch of matches and you start sending questions out. It’s all very exciting the first 2-3 weeks but after that I start to see the pattern you describe. Nobody is getting back to me. Some of them I get up to the open email and…nothing. Or I’ll get a response for the next step several weeks to a month later. It’s very frustrating. I’m sure many of these woman are fishing like the men, will go on a date or two, doesn’t work and then will respond to me. I get that, but it’s no less frustrating because by that time the excitement has pretty much gone away and your like…ehh ok well, I guess…Anyway I’ve got time on my membership…see what happens. But I’m already getting a bad taste in my mouth about the whole experience or else I wouldn’t be reading your blog..lol

  • Steve December 29, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    I did not subscribe but have been getting lots of matches. I have non-eHarmony email exchanges with several women. I thought this was the typical response. Sorry to hear your responses were not so good…ok, crappy!

  • John Daniel January 1, 2014 at 1:28 am

    dear Steve.. I am with you 60 days now no response 3 days they send me girls I would not let you date so what’s a nice guy to do ?also
    e harmony I want my money back…l will be calling you on the 2nd of January be ready!!

  • Jamie January 6, 2014 at 4:19 am

    Thanks Steve I got my asp skills together and $54 and I’m making a dating website. It’s working very well but it’s not up just yet. I enjoyed listening to all the comments so I could figure out how NOT to make the website. Getting matched with people who are not active is crap. Taken on board. I also don’t like the ridiculous initiation process. As for the hundreds of no replies I’m stumped to be honest.
    Kindest regards.

  • Sally January 12, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Well at least it gave you some matches. My attempt says i wasn’t matchable, they wouldn’t even take my money. They are ‘unable to find the right type of person for me’. which i interpret as you’ll die sad and alone.

  • Patty January 14, 2014 at 11:26 pm

    OMG… lol I totally wish I had seen this prior to giving my money away! Reading everyone’s postings has made me truly laugh out loud and feel normal again. I thought I was losing my mind. I have experienced all of this shit also. I get more out of state matches then in state! I live in IL…I call bullshit! I also have a handful of poor guys that don’t think I have given them any response nor the time of day. I see them continuously looking at my profile seeking a response and there’s not a fucking thing I can do. EH should be sued for false advertising. This site is suppose to make us excited and get us out there to find the right one….instead it has made all of us feel like shit to some degree. Did any of us agree to pay for feeling like this? I have sent EH a couple of emails stating that they have a glitch and my emails are not getting through….they won’t even reply to me. At least some of you have gotten some BS reply. But all in all….Dear eHarmony…FUCK YOU!

  • Artguy January 15, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Dear Art girl.. .Ditto on what you said !!!!!…..did you say two dates..wow ..Ive got NONE,not even a no thank you…this cyber love is BULLSHIT.. Would you like to go to dinner and bash E-not-Harmony….?? The super market is looking better that EH…at lease its a real live person..yea

  • Rachel January 22, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    They are totally s**t I’ve asked them to remove me several times and they’ve not done so. Apparently they’re not very gay friendly either.

  • Brenda January 23, 2014 at 2:15 am

    You guys out there need to know that eHarmony is just as shitty for girls as it is for guys. In the one-month subscription I have, I’ve never received a response back to any of the stage 1 questions I’ve sent out. And the matches I get are horrible (completely opposite of the answers to my 29 compatibility questions). Plus, the website never works if you want to change any settings. It’s a complete scam!

  • John Daniel January 25, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    So… I have to tell you ALL ,I did get a hold of E NOT HARMONY, they told me I am out of luck to get any money refunded..I told them I have not got any people sent to me in 2 to 3 weeks…then shortly after that i did get one…she looked like she weighted 300+ lbs….a nice girl i am sure, but NOT FOR ME, E-FUCKING-HARMONY…..I have told you from the beginning what i am looking for. I told them to take the balance of my subscription..$$$ and divide it to the C.E.O.s of E.H.
    and they can STICK IT WERE THE SUN DOES NOT SHINE….YEA MAN, use your money to pay your real BILLS. Also i just saw a television commercial where they use some little girl to say E.H. is the place to find your future wife or husband…..I wanted to kick my T.V……but its not its fault.

  • Ken w January 25, 2014 at 9:05 pm

    My 1 year sub finally ended and guess what.. I’m now getting constant connection request every day. What a scam.

  • robbie February 4, 2014 at 1:31 am

    2nd time on Eharmony, and total waste of time. The only reason I resubscribed, is because my membership was about to run out, and I’d seen a profile I was really into.

    I had a problem with my payments, and so I emailed them, and they told me the only thing they could do was give me a discounted 3 month membership. I forgot about the 3 months ending, and then without notice, they continued to billl me one month at a time at the maximum rate. So I coughed up about 4 months at the maximum rate, as mentioned above I added 6 months to that. Needless to say I’m not going to renew at the end of this.

    On the matching, I’ve had about 5 women in 18 months send me smiles, or questions, but every single one was completely unsuitable. I’ve sent about 30, I’m not overdoing it. I’ve carefully selected women who i think i’ll match well with. only 3 of that 30 responded, and on all occasions I went through the guided process, got to the email part, sent an email, and got no response. The email was relaxed, simple questions, nothing serious, but yet no response.

    I’m positive, educated, have goals, good outlook on life, nice photos, and yet, attract very little attention. I seriously wonder what exactly women on this site are expecting. Are they looking for the impossible man?

    Overall I’m ending the whole online dating scene, and I’m going to go out there in the real world and find someone.

  • bradley hatton February 5, 2014 at 12:28 pm

    Wish I would have seen this site earlier pretty sure I just got ripped off for 100 bucks. Unfortunatley just signed up with eharmony, I have responded to 18 matches so far and haven’t heard back from anyone. This sucks !

  • John H February 11, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    OMG Steve – RIGHT ON!! I conducted a bit of an experiment… I am a registered nurse, and indicated so on my profile. Well, I got many matches with nurses (amazing?), social workers, customer service workers, therapists, teachers, flight attendants, etc. etc… THEN… I changed my profile to indicate that I was an investment banker – not changing ANYTHING in my profile other than my occupation….guess what?!?!…. I get tellers, CEO’s, CFO’s. real estate agents and brokers….It was so fucking obvious that its all a god damned keyword search… Matched by a fucking mini-MMPI test??? – my ass!!! Thanks for listening….

  • holly February 15, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    As soon as I gave them my credit card number I had regrets….lesson learned…spread the word this site is only in it for the money and YOU CANNOT GET MONEY BACK

  • Noelene February 23, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    I wish saw this blog before I just paid a month ago. As soon as I paid I noticed there contact with me faded.
    I sent them an email to say I was not happy with
    there service and where on earth they were getting my matches from. There format
    Is so involved and depressing, I ask for a refund and to cancel my membership. There reply was to go to settings account and billing and go to unsubscribe there was no prompt until 2016 when my subscription is due again. Not happy and false hope.

  • Ford F250 March 5, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Steve–good site to warn others and kudos to you. For me, the cat was out of the bag long ago & I never got involved with eHarmony. For one, I’m in my 50s and 4 out of 5 women have kids & grandkids & I don’t date women with kids. eHarmony does not take that into consideration. I was on Match.com for 3 months & all I got was so called matches from women who in their first line say ‘my grandchildren are my life’ & similar quotes. Either that or the so-called matches were young enough to be my own kid. Both NON-COMPATIBLE. The worst thing about dating sites is that some AUTOMATICALLY renew you WITHOUT asking–they just charge it to your debit card. BUT—there’s a way to avoid that. If one has to try these sites, they should buy a $50 reloadable debit card from Wallyworld & that way if they try to renew you, it won’t go thru & your bank account is off the hook.

  • Chelle March 5, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    I can totally see the frustration, I have been on a few of the sites…both free and paid for. Some are better than others and I’ve actually met some very interesting people. And even traveled and seen gotten to do things I otherwise probably never would have, But yet, at the end of the day, while i still have a few of those guys that still text me occasionally…with something to the effect of “Good morning beautiful, how are you?” …IF I even bother to respond to the texts after a while of the same routine…I usually get no response
    (almost as if some guys …save your number and move on but then shoot out a text every month or so just to see if you will respond. Not because they’re actually interested.
    Or even better are the ones that wine u and dine you and make u feel like a queen and you are so sure that its going so great…and then out of curiosity u go back on the site to see if they are still on and it tells u that they are “online now” or “last active yesterday” …while they re tellin you that they haven’t gotten back on since they met you, because they “already found what they’re lookin’ for”. It’s so frustrating and discouraging. And actually no different than dating and meeting people the old fashion way. I think it actually just makes it EASIER for people of BOTH sexes to be players.
    Oh the worst part about the free ones… is that they are the WORST for getting messages that literally come right out and either ask for dirty pics or actually TELL you all the things that they want or can do to you “in the bedroom!!! Before I EVEN get their name!!! No introduction… no nothing!! I mean REALLY???? Is this supposed to be attractive????
    And the paid sites … Ya, u can meet some decent/nice people even people with JOBS and an EDUCATION and can for real sentences. But even these are quite often all about bragging about how much money they make and spending $150-$200 just on dinner when they take you out. And offer to pay your bills and whatever. But there’s NO sign what so ever of any chemistry. No hand holding, no romance, not even a kiss over weeks of dating. But as long as they are handing out cash on all this stuff…all is good, right? Maybe for some women. I’d rather have someone GENUINELY care and show me affection and spend TIME with me and engage in real conversation with me than to spend a DIME on me.
    I’m honestly beginning to believe I am DESTINED to be alone! I’ve even traveled from NC to DC AND from NC to Tx just to meet a man. Which like I said had plenty of money to throw around but could care less about spending ANY quality time with me.
    I’m REALLY ready to just give up!! So I DEFINITELY feel your pain and frustration!!
    I genuinely hope you find the woman you’re looking. Best wishes!!

    • 142 March 20, 2014 at 7:26 am

      Men should travel to meet you. If they don’t they are selfish and not for you.

  • Sabrina March 10, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    I live in Houston, TX – 6 million people – I said I wanted to be matched up with someone within a 50 mile radius. Those fucking idiots at eharmony set me up with people from NY, CA and FL. What a fucking joke!!!! Are they going to pay for my flight to visit these people??? Seriously, there was no one in Houston I was compatible with??? I cancelled!

  • Maria March 16, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    You fucking saved my life man, was completing my application seriously I love you man.

  • 142 March 20, 2014 at 7:13 am

    I am very content with eH. The matches i receive are just great people…a few of them are really handsome.. With most of them i am highly compatible, it is only a question of chemistry… Sometimes i get 3 replies to my icebreakers within a week, sometimes none for two weeks.
    I am surprised at how many people think negatively of eH. Some people recommend POF as it’s the largest dating site. But POF is intended for short-term dating or intimate encounters, not for relationship really. I think that the best sites for relationship are eharmony and okcupid.
    Good luck!

  • Cheryl March 22, 2014 at 2:14 am

    I have never ever ever had a ‘match’. They’re always ‘just outside of your settings’.
    What a crock of shite.
    Never again.

  • Aracely Salas March 25, 2014 at 1:20 am

    I loved this blog! The only thing is I wish I would have read it before I purchased my eHarmony profile. My friend thought it would be a great idea. She said, “you need to get out there and network,” so I foolishly spent (not invested) money on a profile. What a waste! I am pretty sure out of the hundreds of matches sent to me only three had half a brain and somewhat of a interesting personality. For the record your matches seem crazy not to have responded to your multiple choice questions (which probably takes less than three minutes to answer, if they are being completely honest). You seem like a blunt, funny, and intelligent man. What girl wouldn’t love a man who knows about cumulative binomial probability? If I was within in your radius I would definitely buy you dinner. Well best of luck finding love, Steve.

    Aracely S.

  • Justin April 16, 2014 at 1:25 am

    So I am sure if I read all of the comments there is one that matches mine. After noticing a scheduled reoccurring payment of $227 thru paypal and could not get a contact number for eharmony. I called paypal and they said that the money was not transferred and they would cancel the payment. Three days later and the payment going thru anyway, I get a contact number for eharmony and call to say that I want to be refunded and no longer want the service. I was told that is not possible and that I was clearly told when I signed up that there is a reoccurring payment when you use a credit card or paypal. I am sure it was very clearly written in one of the 20 paragraphs that I did not read!!!! I think the service sucked and am so pissed that I wasted a total of $400 specially after I met a great girl thru a friend the old fashion way and not this bullshit!! Please be aware that you will be signed up for a second run unless you cancel before. Or better yet don’t use it altogether and save yourself the aggravation.

  • patrick April 16, 2014 at 5:29 am

    Thanks Steve i was going to sign up for eharmony but googled first and read your blog. thanks for saving me money, dignity and time. im sure the owner of eharmony might have good intentions but if you stand behind your product you improve and provide a quality service. sounds like eharmony as a paid site has dropped the ball and its fraudulant the claims they make. a class action suit is whats needed. but thanks for the blog it did help others so know you are sticking it to EH

  • Ian April 18, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    eHarmony does suck. I had ZERO matches. Not a single fucking match. Match.com, at least, had matches for me, even if none of them went anywhere.

  • Margaret April 20, 2014 at 4:15 am

    I have a friend whose mother married a man she met on eHarmony so I thought I’d give it a shot. Well, There’s nothing more fun than the free weekend. i get a lot of men who want to move straight to email – a man from Oregon who looks 40, says he’s 74 and sends me an email in broken English. Then there’s the guy who says his favorite book is 50 Shades of Grey, or the old guy pictured at his daughter’s wedding who wants a woman with sexual experience as well as a few other sexual questions on the “make or Break”. My profile says I’m 55 – do I look like virgin? I love sex but prefer to discuss it with people I’ve met.
    I’m a teacher and have overheard grade seven boys giggling about their eHarmony profiles. Makes being single a lot more attractive. What a waste of my time and money!

  • Margaret April 20, 2014 at 4:21 am

    And to add to that, I have never had an actual match – they are always outside of my settings no matter how much I adjust those. And i get to tell my friends that I am so special that you have to go to another country to find a match for me!

  • Margie K April 27, 2014 at 3:26 am

    BRAVO. eHarmony sucks and your words were perfect.

  • ehsucks May 27, 2014 at 6:29 am

    I am on eHarmony and another site. eHarmony is a scam – no other way to put it. Sending me matches that aren’t even active anymore “active over a month ago” = NO LONGER A MEMBER. But they’ll send that person an email to try and get them to sign up again after you messaged them. (and they don’t)

    Sifting through the inactive/fake members and only messaging ones “active today” I’ve gotten 4 dates and none of them went past one date. Now I screen them on the phone before meeting and if she puts me to sleep within 5 minutes I don’t ask to meet. There are some extremely boring ladies on there!!

    Also ones that block you if you say one wrong thing during the silly back and forth messaging stages – that’s always nice, think you’re logging in to chat with that hot chick some more and find out she’s shit canned you..lol

    Don’t sign up to eHarmony – its a scam. I bought into the hype, paid, filled out the questions…all bullshit. They just send you whoever they can in your area. Use another dating site, most people are on multiple sites anyway…

  • Trevor June 4, 2014 at 2:42 am

    Hmm, I’m a month in to one year subscription and I”m having the same experience. They refuse to cancel my membership and I have two more payments pending. Maybe I’ll just keep making negative posts on their facebook page and I’ll get cancelled. If that doesn’t work I’m seriously considering cancelling the credit card I made the payment with. I don’t won’t those crooks to get any more of my money. I laugh derisively when I get yet another match that says they “are just outside” my search parameters and the woman lives a thousand miles away. What a joke of a site.

  • Exocet June 4, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    It would seem E-harmony’s woes are pan global since I am from Great Britain.
    Worse still, I am an idiot, because I fell for e-H’s ridiculous simplistic approach to dating – twice over!!

    Like many who have blogged here, I was in e-H for three months and after the first few days, absolutely hated it!! …Up to now, I have never met a single person, even though I have been introduced to over 1,000 women, and countless “Stage Ones”!!!

    Above all, I hated their ridiculous overly zealous control of every single stage of the introduction process. They treat their members like moronic five year old simpletons; ones who have been lobotomized and are incapable of making a rational decision regarding meeting another human being, yet most importantly, they have failed to understand one of the most elementary conditions in successful dating: Chemistry!!!!!

    Everything is soooooooooo fucking contrived and over-controlled, it is similar to dealing with one of those automated customer service lines, whereby they ask you a zillion questions, before putting you through to a live human being:
    ….“If you want me to piss you off, please press 1; if you would like me to fuck you in the ass, please press 2; if you would like me to bite you, press 3; …if you would like me to fuck-up your day, press 4 ….if you would like me to drive you fucking insane, press 17; if you would like me to help you kill yourself, press 18” …blah, blah, blah!

    …And then finally after twenty minutes of fucking you around, a live person comes on, and proceeds to ask you the same fucking questions all over again!!

    What a fucking nightmare!!!

  • Jami June 13, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    I enjoyed the blog and love to blog about this kind of stuff myself. I just signed up on eharmony a week ago and having a rough go on it. I’m a 48 year old woman which has challenges in itself. I have barely anybody looking at my profile, a lot of people archiving me and the only message, yes 1 in the entire week, was from a guy living in the boondocks, and about 40 matches. I thought I looked pretty good. I have men compliment me all the time and have had 20 year olds ask me out. I’m glad to see it’s not just me and it may be another problem than me just being an ogre. I may try to get my money back.

    • Sharon July 5, 2014 at 1:23 am

      But no one pay your money back dear. I just wanted to cancel my membership without refund but they told me you have to pay until finish your duration!

  • Sharon July 5, 2014 at 1:21 am

    I’m here to say fuck eharmony. This site the worst site I have ever seen. They renew my membership without any notification. I didn’t have any experience about renew. I’ve send several email to them but they didn’t agree to cancel my membership. I don’t want them to refund my money. I just want to stop taking money!!! I don’t want be there anymore. I really don’t recommend this website to any one. Not only because of renew, because eharmony doesn’t care about people. It’s not important to them to have many dissatisfied customer to pay money for nothing!

  • Tanya July 7, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    eHarmony sucks. “Just outside my settings,” my ass. Their customer service is also a joke – get a load of this:

    Email #1, from me to eHarmony:
    Your help page (http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/using-eharmony/unique-answers-to-generic-profile-questions/#.U1xYFF5khmg) advises “Rather than play it safe with generic answers like my iPod, food, and sleep, include thoughtful responses like ‘My fave iPod playlist that includes Gnarls Barkley, Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue, and Janis Joplin’s Greatest Hits. Some may call the playlist schizophrenic, but I call it eclectic.’ In getting specific, you’ll easily attract like-minded matches who can appreciate your uniqueness.”
    However, the number of characters allotted would not permit for anything similar to the response you give as an example!

    Email #2, from eHarmony to me:
    Dear Tanya,
    Thank you for contacting eHarmony Customer Care.
    I appreciate your concern regarding incompatible matches and… (form letter follows having nothing to do with my question)

    Email #3, from me to eHarmony:
    This form letter response has nothing to do with my question. Please try again.

    Email #4, from eHarmony to me:
    Dear Tanya,
    Thank you for your email. I apologized for the previous miscommunication. Thank you for bringing the example below to our attention. I would like to let you know that the about me section allow you to type 650 words including spaces. We appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with us. I have forwarded your comments to our development team for review.

    Email #5, from me to eHarmony:
    Getting warmer… however, my question is specifically about section that asks you to list five things you can’t live without. Your own website, which I referenced in my original question, gives an example of a response that is too long to fit in the space you actually provide.

    Email #6:
    Dear Tanya,
    Thank you for your email.
    I can certainly understand your concern about the ‘list five things you can’t live without’ section and I am glad to provide you with some clarification. In this section, you are allowed to type 50 Characters including spaces. We appreciate your patience in this matter.

    *** end of trying to explain the obvious ***
    Yes, you can only type 50 characters. That was my original point, that their website specifically advises you to write something that is impossible. Then in three rounds of email they can’t seem to grasp a simple point?

    eHarmony would suck on the basis of this customer service (or lack thereof!) even if they didn’t suck for the dozens of other reasons you and everyone commenting on this page has pointed out!

  • Yvonne July 8, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    Why did I no see this before I subscribed. I tried to cancel, but for some unknown reason they have taken another month from my account. I have tried to cancel again and don’t know what I can do if they take any more next month. I really don’t like this dating site and found it a complete waste of time and effort. Is there anything legal we can do to stop them taking money from us?

  • dgh July 30, 2014 at 7:54 pm

    You do realize that there is not such thing as twenty nine dimensions of compatibility that they are just using a version of a personality inventory and that such methods were proven to be bogus decades ago. You cannot find love with a test and Eharmony’s own statistics prove that their methods are no better than guessing or simply flipping a coin. To women and men if you want to find someone stop expecting someone to hand you mister right for a fee. Go out and talk to people. Go have fun join a club, do an activity put yourself out there and get to know people already in your life. If you dismiss other singles because they don’t fit the Hollywood stereotype in your head than you are possibly missing the love of your life. Lastly nobodies perfect we all have problems and personal flaws love is accepting someone for who they are not who you want them to be.

    • Amy June 16, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      Awesome comment !!! And so true…..I’m letting my current Eharmony membership expire. I’ve had enough…..6 months later and a couple of hundred matches who never reply. I’m over it….have joined a few art and gym classes. Goodbye Eharmony…Hello Real World.

  • Bobby August 1, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless,
    just wanted to say excellent blog!

  • Selenia August 2, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    Dear Steve, I lol’d at your post but it reflects everything I have heard about eharmony. It is likely not your blog post why they cancelled you. It is more likely your Facebook post got you an abuse of services(as many companies consider their social media division one of their services) citation because they didn’t want to be embarrassed on Facebook, which has millions of users and lots of potential views. Serves them right. Just look at it this way: you saved $30 otherwise wasted. Celebrate, don’t be mad. You ruffled their feathers and got money from them hoping to silence you.

  • chuck rock August 8, 2014 at 12:20 am

    someone probably already said this but it’s also likely they cancelled your eharmony account because of what your facebook account wrote to Diana. i can’t imagine eharmony not having a data agreement with facebook.

  • Kate August 8, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    Dear SingleSteve,
    You’re hilarious. I accidentally found this post when trying to figure out why in the hell eharmony won’t let me cancel my account. I realize this is a few years late but… still made me laugh this morning, so thanks!

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  • Jan August 10, 2014 at 2:44 am

    I just started my second shot at eHarmony in 3 years. I’m a widow, 61, petite, in excellent physical condition, attractive (I’m usually mistaken for being around 45), a retired professor, conservative, world traveler and have many interests. I have had about 25 matches in 3 weeks. I requested a 90 mile radius, but am getting matches from as far away as 500 miles! I am not looking for marriage – just social companionship, and am by NO MEANS desperate. I have contacted about half of the matches, but have not received a response. What’s up with that? Many haven’t logged on for over a month. Some were frauds and their profiles were removed. It seems most of the men don’t really exist, are looking for a nymphomaniac Barbie doll, or are clinically dead. What a waste of time and money!!!!!!!

  • Stephanie August 12, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    I almost pissed my pants reading this. If you’re ever in New York, let’s get a Scotch.

  • me August 16, 2014 at 1:56 am

    Dear Steve your an idiot! I have worked for many business, shady ones too (walmart). I have to tell you Read your terms and conditions, before you signup or even sign anything .Also read the term you are paying for , before you buy it. most online and even other places have the term, sub ,membership or what even you are signing up for laid out there for in clear English ,if you choose to read the fine print or whole page. People stop being in a rush for even thing , stop ad think. Do you ,want to pay that much , do you understand the term, have you read what you sign up for or buying in to. There is no such thing a instant gratification, be patient, patients is a virtue. Lastly just because you think does not make you entitled to have, no mater how rich, smart, angry,America, have a friend/are/pay/know (lawyer,cop/bbb/legislator/bank or what ever) you are not above the term and condition’s,other will and can not break the term and conditions for you . and the workers of the company are bound by those and do not want to lose there job for you. So stop yelling at them they are doing the best they can to help you . Also people If i work for the company in Customer service as a rep or acting sup. You can not sue me or subpoena me to test if for you. and I will not give out information to hurt me, my companies, my co-worker or family , because you got but-hurt . Take it up with your maker . sincerely, KISS MY ASS, you Customer Service/ sales / acting sup from many of your phone calls and stores. PS. do piss me off all put a spell on you.

    • TIH September 1, 2014 at 6:12 am

      Who cares about Eharmony at this point… you did not help their case, but your case could definitely use some help. Put Eharmony and Single Steve aside, please re-read what you’ve written and correct a few things. If you are going to try and tell someone off, make sure you are the one who doesn’t look like an idiot with how your word and spell things.
      Now onto Eharmony, there is indeed fine print for everything. If you read what Steve was saying, you’d know he is intelligent enough to know and go thru those. I’ve worked in sales also, and regardless of fine print or who is trying to do their job, there are ALWAYS shady people trying to make a buck by screwing others.
      So good job trying to stand up for what you believe in… but maybe next time you should read the terms or fine print before you write out an opinion.
      I don’t normally respond to most of these comments, but the way you went about it and- crap I’m just going to say it, lack of English class, I was half offended seeing someone try so hard but not use their own education as they call someone an idiot AND then half laughing because it’s always the ones that call others idiots that make the biggest idiots of themselves. Good luck in life…. I guess.

  • Clare August 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    I just discovered this post, and I was laughing my ass off the entire time I was reading it. So glad I’m not alone in my dislike for eHarmony. I decided to give it a try because my brother met his girlfriend on there. First off, I think the ’29 Dimensions of Compatibility’ is a bunch of BS meant to lure people to sign up. I honestly think they just send you anyone. I was very clear that I only wanted matches that were in MY city. I was getting guys that lived on the opposite end of the country. Seriously?! I just graduated from university and have bills to pay. Does eHarmony really think I have the money to fly back and forth to meet these guys?? Also, I would go days without receiving a match, even though my settings were set to ‘Yes, I want to receive new matches’.

    The longest ‘relationship’ I’ve had from eHarmony was a couple months. The guy was nice, but it just didn’t work out. I went on dates with a couple guys who I had absolutely nothing in common with (So much for those ‘Dimensions of Compatibility.’ I knew they were BS!). I’ve also went on a date with a guy who seemed nice at first, but once we met up, he only wanted to have sex, and got pissed off when I said no. (Dude, go to the bar for that shit. Why are you paying out the nose to get laid via eHarmony?) The final thing that pisses me off is that I am a university graduate transitioning into my career job, and I have received matches that work at McDonald’s. Is there something about me that screams ‘I want a man that can get me a free Big Mac’? Also, not to sound shallow, but I like to think I am an attractive woman who keeps myself in good shape. I keep getting sent matches that are either extremely overweight or look like male versions of Mama June from Honey Boo Boo, basically guys who I wouldn’t be caught dead in public with (I know how mean that sounds, but it’s unfortunately true).

    My subscription ends next month, and after that, I will be more than happy to cancel and close my account. eHarmony can suck a fat one! Steve, you’re the best for writing this, and if you are ever in Canada, I would totally go for beers with you!

  • Anon August 18, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    So far I am still enrolled in e-harmony and I am having the EXACT same experience as Steve. I wish Steve was lying, I really, really do. Like I could cry right now in joy if I was having the opposite experience, but I can’t. The most I got so far was someone answering my multiple choice questions during the first week and after that no communication. Over half (and I am probably understating this) of your matches are inactive accounts of people who realized that you have to pay to say “ohaider, plz respond senpai” to someone which has caused me to block over half of my matches every single day. This not only limits my pool of potential matches but the other half will not respond to you even if they were active that very same day. It’s a joke. A sick fucking joke and a nightmare that I wish I could wake up from but can’t because I’m locked into a subscription. Seriously, fuck you eHell …ahem… I mean eHarmony.

  • AprilinChi August 19, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    I agree, its better to meet someone in person the old fashion way. I believe when you least expect it that special person will come into your life. Lets face it, U could meet someone by taking out the garbage.

  • MB_cz August 25, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    eHarmony luckilly writes me constantly just Sorry, no match for you – please logout … I even did not saw enywhere page to pay.

  • dora August 29, 2014 at 4:07 am

    I feel so lucky that your blog exists. I hope you’ve found your lady love. You two will do lots of giggling. So far my message sounds 1/2 old lady and 1/2 tweenager. I’m on eH and get the grossest feeling from it, but i persist bc i am not meeting men organically and am much older than a tweenager. Godammit, why are there so many lame people out there who are married and blissful and i’m single (despite the impression this msg is making, i am not lame). In summary, thanks for your blog. I’m on eH just for the free weekend (but can’t see dude’s pictures!) and was thinking of giving them my $ (to see dude’s pictures) but am not going to do that anymore.

    • Amy June 16, 2015 at 12:20 pm

      Awesome message, dora !!! I totally agree. Save the $$$$$

  • Gear September 21, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    Steve is right on , I have been on eHarmony for about close to 6 months, i am going to cancel it any day now. I get matched with 30% matches out of my selected range, 50% are no picture profile free accounts and the other 20% belong in the dog pound. 3% out of all i described actually was truthful on how they described their figure, and looks. If I check mark the spot that describes my taste in women and how important it is , shouldn’t I be selected with that type of women ? NOOOOOO!!.. because that 3% cross their fingers when they check the selection (about average) when they in reality they are not even close to my standard..WTF is this the selective shit i pay for?, why the fuck do i need someone to pick who i am attracted to for fuck sakes!! No offence ladies , don’t lie when you fill out your beginning questionnaire.
    $ 200 bucks for 6 months down the toilet for this match making fail website, you have a better chance in meeting your match in snow storm stranded in the woods for a week straight looking in the eyes of death than you ever will on this fail match making site.

  • denverdolomite November 4, 2014 at 1:58 am

    Two days into eHarmony and my venture is laughable at best. Me : successful sales executive, 30, Denver, and well only 5’6 of athletic build. Yeah I think my parents quick making me half way through, but hey I’m really good at doing short guy stuff (i.e. grabbing items on lower shelves for people at the grocery store) and plus my clothes are usually cheaper cause I can shop in the kids sections.

    Back to eHarmony…First few things I noticed: 1.) Most matches had not been active in over a month 2.) I knew two of the matches personally and know their boyfriends as well, thus they recycle accounts 3.) none of my criteria was being matched against. (And why not have a freaking parameter for height?!) Why would I want to date a girl that I would need a booster seat to sit at eye level during dinner or ask her to get drinks at the bar since I may possibly be looked over? Short dudes and tall girls usually don’t go well together, not saying it can’t happen nor that I haven’t ventured there but it’s awkward.

    I’m an outgoing guy, never really had troubles meeting women, but thought this site would help decipher the dating game more so than dating girls from random interactions. Alas no, 50 messages or questions (which are idiotic by the way) and not a single response. 11 views of my profile and no responses nor blocking of my profile to say “not interested”.

    Lets look at the facts: eHarmony makes money on you belonging to their site, what type of business model would not want to keep customers as long as possible? Do yourselves a favor and avoid this site. It’s not a full blown kings inheritance from Somalia, but it’s a scam none the lesser. Sorry to say it, but it is. And yes, people have met on here before, but as a sales professional I can say it’s still just a numbers game and if you don’t care about paying for those 500 possible interactions for the 1 you may receive, go back to the real world.

    I also got my money back.

  • Hux-fd November 8, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Agree with every comment I read. ANyone else notice a trend…if you are getting towards the end of a subscription, it sure seems like suddenly you don’t get hardly any matches. Then, boom, subscription expires, and oh my god, I get 10 or 12 matches a day. So you bite again…and then you look and find these “new” matches have been on the site, but inactive for weeks or months. Shady business practices at best…cruel trickery at worst.

  • Kyr627 November 17, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    female Ex model turned physician in my late 20s here. I was rejected from eharmony all together for saying no interest, 0 times, or not important to all of their church questions. Not surprised the few dates some of y’all have gone out with were reminiscent of the flavor of dry toast. Now every time I see the people in those commercials I laugh and pity was a boring existence (and probably sex life) they must have.

  • Clare November 24, 2014 at 3:47 am

    I forgot to mention as well that one of my girlfriends signed up for eHarmony shortly after I did. To this day, we both laugh at how ridiculous the whole process is. From the questionnaire that takes eons to do that asks the vaguest questions, to the matching system, eHarmony is a total fail. Lucky for her, she only signed up for a month (I wish I had done that), but was still riddled with the same issues. She didn’t end up going on a single date, and she said 90% of her matches were either inactive or just plain creepy. The ones that did send her questions stopped responding at the email stage for no apparent reason. Let’s just say when we both see eHarmony commercials, we roll our eyes, and like Kyr627 said, imagine the “couples” in those commercials probably have very boring sex lives. Which isn’t a far off assumption as the majority of men I met on eHarmony had the personality of a paper towel. Sorry Dr. Warren, the real cold hard facts are that your website is a scam and a complete joke.

  • Minderz December 23, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    You’re hilariously on point. I wish I had done more research before falling into the eharmony/online dating pit. But really what are the options? church? the gym? the grocery? Sure. Off to cry into a pillow now.

  • Mairead December 30, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    very tempted by eHarmony at the mo, will definitely sleep on it after reading this blog. Hope you’ve found someone Steve!

    • trevor January 7, 2015 at 5:06 am

      Please save your money. eHarmony is total and utter crap. Furthermore, they lock you into their payment plan and refuse to let you back out and get the remainder back, they will force you into riding out the year. Their business model totally screws their paying customers by continually flooding the site with people who can check out the free weekends. This just fills the site with zombie profiles that never respond. You can almost hear the crickets chirp that’s how few legit profiles there are. Their stupid escalation system means you likely will never meet anyone face to face for a date. The closest I got was I finally got to email one woman (this was 5 months into my membership) and she vanished off the face of the earth never to reply. If you must check it out, a little known trick is to phone their customer service and tell them you are interested but the 60 bucks a month is too much. You should be able to get 3 months for 60 dollars and then walk away. Unless you are extremely lucky, you will likely never go on a date. Be prepared to be shown matches from their much touted matching algorithm who live a thousand miles away, or have absolutely nothing in common with you. The algorithm is a load of bullocks. You’re better off just using a free site and choosing who you want to interact with.

      I was so unimpressed I phoned their support line and told them to just stop notifying me of anything. This was with 7 months left on my membership. I haven’t once regretted that decision.

  • Mark & Robin January 10, 2015 at 12:00 am

    If one must try eHarmony or any of the pay dating sites, buy yourself a prepaid debit card from Wallyworld & only put $60 on it, or just enough to get thru your three month trial offer. Then they can’t automatically renew you. As I recall, unauthorized charges on someone’s debit or credit card is a CRIME. So why aren’t the heads of eHarmony in jail?

  • TenaciousT January 22, 2015 at 2:47 am

    Maybe I should be more angry about being on eharmony for 12 years without finding anyone who could have been “the one” or willing to give a relationship a chance with me after 1 or 2 dates. I guess I’m more jaded than anything. It is a lot of money that I spilled down the drain and I still haven’t pulled the plug. I probably can’t afford it, but what the heck. I do meet someone with promise once in a blue moon. Match.com has been better for me, however, I am going through a dryspell in general right now. I’m disenchanted with dating. I’ve grown to be alright on my own, even though I get an occasional phobia of truly living and dying alone.

    • Trevor January 26, 2015 at 7:58 pm

      Just use POF, it’s free. At least then you won’t be spending money. POF has a way bigger number of users. I don’t think eharmony has that many paid users. love the name btw, just watched Tenatious D and the Pick of Destiny last night, hilarious.

  • fishingforagent January 25, 2015 at 8:05 am

    I just signed up and I am very disappointed. They are trying to match me with men who live in a different country and men who are 2 decades older than me. The small handful of suitable men they have matched me with are ignoring me. Not impressed!!!!

  • Jennifer February 7, 2015 at 4:33 pm

    Awesome Blog! its is so true on every level. Never worked for me either, was thinking about re-joining until I read this blog. Thanks for saving me some cash :) I’m in San Diego so If you ever got matched up to my closed profiles sorry… :(

  • NickB February 25, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Hello – well I am from the UK and I’ve got to say that I have had a brilliant experience with eHarmony. I have been on for two months and have been on quite a few dates – with one ongoing two more lined up over the coming two weeks.

    Below are some of the reasons I believe it has worked for me… And believe me I am an average divorced 56 year old guy of 5′ 8″ not tall dark or at all handsome!!

    I worked hard at it and I chose my targets carefully – It is tempting to hit on the most attractive women that come over as matches. You really need to be realistic and work out whether they are likely to be interested in you – read their profile carefully, who they are and what they are looking for – could that be you? If not, it’s probably not worth the time and effort…
    Avoid anyone miles away – by and large, long distance relationships don’t work. If someone approached me who was over 40 or 50 miles away (and quite a few did with an icebreaker), I tended to reject out of hand! Your matches will be applying the same filter to you…
    No picture – no engagement – how can you go on a date with someone when you don’t know what they look like?
    I rejected any matches that came my way who hadn’t logged in over the last month. Over three months and they have probably left the site and you’re wasting your time trying to contact.
    At least 80% (probably more like 90+%) of matches that came my way were rejected at first look – either because they weren’t of interest to me, or too young too old, lived miles away or weren’t active on the site.
    I hardly ever used the Icebreaker feature (i.e. the smiley face or questions) – preferred to go straight to email which is an option if you look for it. You still have to wait for the match to accept and engage, but I have had a good success rate probably nearly half of women I sent messages to replied.
    Get used to rejection – don’t invest any emotional energy into anyone until they have replied – it’s not effective!
    I spent a lot of time on my profile – I thought about what women are looking for – and believe me its not how many KG you can squat or your sub three hour marathon. Being modest, honest and if possible funny/witty is really important – don’t take yourself too seriously and even take the piss out of yourself is a good strategy – well it worked for me! (PS I was told by one women who I met on the site that men that say they are “tactile” actually mean they are primarily looking for sex! FWIW I did have tactile as a feature in my profile :-))
    Don’t be overly familiar and too flirty – unless it is a conscious strategy. For guys, don’t use X’s all over your messages unless the women starts it first… Again I have had feedback from women saying they were pleased I hadn’t done this!
    Be really polite and respectful – write well, use full English grammar not abbreviations and avoid too many lol’s 😉 and :-). I got loads of positive comments on the quality of my messages – it made me realise how poorly most men must write. I even had women contacting me just to compliment me on how I had written my profile. If your struggling to do this – ask a friend of family member to help you write it.
    Lastly for me, a key thing is speed at which you can move from emails to texting (i.e. getting their mobile/cell numbers). It varies of course with every match, some were hours others days – none were weeks unless comms stalled which it did sometimes!! But again, I had feedback from women saying that some men just message for the sake of it (“endless messages”) and won’t get on with the process – which is of course to actually meet and go out on a date and then even develop a longer term relationship.

    PS The first date for me was always a meal and not a just casual drink – ideally dinner as in my opinion evening is much better for first dates. It is so much easier to talk to someone you don’t know over a meal as you have a joint interest and common goal!

    Anyway that’ll do for now – you get the picture… maybe I’m unusual, but I don’t think I am really – online dating even with eHarmony can work and be rewarding and ultimately lead to lasting relationships..

  • StudentofLife March 14, 2015 at 1:34 am

    Hi Single Steve! I know I’m really late but I wish I would have found this post before I joined EHarmony…nothing much has changed since you wrote this post…you described all your matches as “active, open matches”…does that mean you could tell they had all logged in recently? Because for me I was initially excited at the prospect of all the matches but I quickly learned to start checking their “last logged in” status…most of mine were “active more than a month ago…” So basically I was waiting in vain from a bunch of users who weren’t logging in. I started deleting those who hadn’t responded to my message after a month but if I hadn’t I’m sure my numbers would have been the same as yours. I found that my remaining matches who were actually active were either very immature (I got cursed out a few times) or had non-traditional or extremely busy work schedules (truck drivers, nurses, etc.) so weeks would go by between their responses as well. I hope you’ve since found someone…if not, try Plenty of Fish…you will still have to spend time weeding through the less desirables but at least they really are “active” and it’s free!

  • Max March 22, 2015 at 2:59 am

    I was on Eharmony (or NoHarmony as I like to refer to it) for 2 years. I was underwhelmed to say the least. I love how they match you with someone 3 thousand miles away. Also they send you profiles of people that are not active any longer or are just on for the free communication weekend. It was a big dead end for me and a wast of time. I would recommend that if you are going to spend that kind of money then go to an introduction service. At least you “will” meet someone face to face, they will have been pre-screened with a criminal background check and you’ll have a better chance of hitting it off.

  • Steve April 1, 2015 at 12:14 am

    Steve, I know I’m late to this party. Your post is hilarious but I’ve had a different experience on eHarmony. At first I was like you. I had 500 messages out and no replies. Here’s the explanation: it wasn’t eHarmony dude, it was me. So I took some time off, dropped 30lbs, learned to dress better and voila. Went back on with new pictures and a revamped profile and I would say that, if the person whom I decide to send the questions to (stage 1) has been on eHarmony within the past 2 weeks (thus an active member), I have about a 65% response rate. Are any of these women supermodels? No. Am I? No. We’re just not fat, and have careers that prevent us from going to bars every day of the week to find someone else, as if you can even meet anyone that interesting at a bar. The first dates I went on were the usual. I didn’t know about camera angles and hidden fat etc, so I figured out how to weed all those ones out and once I did, got right down to meeting some interesting people. Could I find someone on eHarmony that I could be in a relationship with? Bottom line I think for me, the answer is YES. Am I going to tell you all the things you should do to make your profile better and look better to prospective women? No. Figure it out! I want them to glance over yours and look at mine :-). It’s a competitive world!!

  • Michael April 11, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    I’ve been using eHarmony for about 1 1/2 years now. I have been on one date so far, which was a good one; we just decided that continuing a relationship wouldn’t be feasible for us. I have to say that with all of the matches I’ve initiated contact with, I’ve used the guided communication. Perhaps I should start jumping straight to the email stage and see how that works. Some women probably think that using the guided communication is lame and is the lazy way for guys to get to know them. Other women might feel that jumping right into email is too aggressive. Depends on the woman I suppose. And I tend to agree with the inactive matches thing (both those who have subscribed and have let their subscriptions run out, and those who come on the site only during the free communication weekends).

    I’m not looking for supermodels, but I will not really lower my standards out of desperation either. I try to stay in the middle with regard to my expectations. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that eHarmony is an out-and-out scam, I do feel that having inactive matches/members is a huge problem.

    And Steve, I really couldn’t care less if you’re a boy trapped in a man’s body or if you need to grow up; your post is hilarious.

  • Ashley April 23, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    Um, yes. All of it. I love this. Steve, I am canceling my subscription early because of this. That is happening and I’m not going to waste my time. :-*

  • Kevin April 26, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    I’m a guy who had been using Eharmony in the Dallas area. Honestly, I had way better luck just approaching women in person than I did on Eharmony. The only women contacting me on there are ones I would never date in the real world if you know what I mean. I met the woman I’m dating now at Whole Foods and she is absolutely gorgeous with a genuine, fun personality. Women on Eharmony with even half her looks wouldn’t give me the time of day.

    • Trevor May 9, 2015 at 4:49 am

      that’s how it is on every dating site sadly because of the law of supply and demand. Men outnumber women by a healthy margin and are therefor an expendable commodity. Women date up so to speak and often the better looking guys just use it to hook up with women they wouldn’t date normally. In the end no is happy.

  • Kim May 10, 2015 at 5:29 am

    Hi Steve, You absolutely nailed it! The first week I joined, about ten guys wanted to “get to know me” or whatever it was called. I always responded. Then they would disappear after connecting at the last step with the eh-email. they would say hello then they would disappear. The two who continued to email me did so for only a few days then they stopped as well, right after claiming they were really enjoying getting to me… I have a rule: let the guy contact me first. After that first week, NO GUYS CONTACTED ME. Period. So yeah, pretty convinced they were fake profiles intermingled with robo profiles- the few messages from the beginning sounded rehearsed and contained really bad grammar. I thought a paid dating site would offer a higher caliber pool of singles. All it did was make me feel so desperate that I was paying to hope one more robo profile would notice me and that it wouldn’t be a robo profile. Ever since I left the online dating scene, my self esteem is back where it should be, If a guy doesn’t want to come up to me in person and start a conversation then I’ll have to live with that. I refuse to be desperate enough for robo profiles with stock photos.
    PS Your blog entry was a real treat to read- bravo!

    • Francesca July 31, 2015 at 6:22 am

      Well, I do not even get views of my profile!!! And after contacting Eharmony about it, since it seems quite strange, they responded to me with a “we are happy to let you know that our members have a life: they go on vacation, spend time with their family…” are you kidding me????

  • Bryan June 5, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    First, I only came by your blog accidentally. I confess I’m plagiarizing. I wanted to copy all the adjectives from e harmony’s questions for a writing project. I’m not using a dating site. Someone as smart as you are (or at least think you are) should realize that people are naturally born liars. I’m surprised you didn’t match more girls than you did. Anyone with half a brain realizes humanity is a homogenized race. We all want a great relationship. We all need to eat, breath, sleep. The bible is right. We are ALL BORN IN SIN. Think about it. From the time you are a baby, humans rebel against everything. You don’t like the taste but cannot speak yet, you cry or throw a tantrum. You don’t have to explain to a child what “no” means, they figure it out from the parents telling them “no” all the time, and then use the word regularly. Why do you think they call it, ” the terrible twos”? That’s how long it takes for the children to learn that adults don’t like people telling them what to do. Or learn the concept, “do as I say not as I do”. People have magical ways to believe they don’t lie, don’t think bad thoughts, have prideful ego’s, hate people, etc. If we meet someone we “like” we tend to say what we think they want to hear. How many women are looking in the rear view mirror at stop lights/signs? The can use a dating site to be something they’ve never been. People write resumes and are taught to write they are a “domestic engineer” instead of a “house wife”. I’m amazed that someone who seems to understand statistics and probability doesn’t know that modern psychology and psychiatry believes there are 10,000 opposite sex on the planet we are compatible with. That is people we would marry. A dating site is nothing more than a “similarity” funnel. Everyone are asked the SAME QUESTIONS. Out of 60 to 80 million members your surprised you had hundreds of matches????? The irony is that when you read someones profile the average persons believes you’d be compatible with “similar” but the truth is not necessarily so. Ever hear opposites attract? A shy person might not survive in a world with a shy person. The percent of matches E harmony has is just about what you’d expect. Humans are to fickle to believe you can predict and whittle down who you might like and who might like you. Besides all this, many women like game playing. Both men and women are turned off by someone who is head over heels in love with someone, to clingy and to easy. The most beautiful women who are full of themselves have men paying attention to them non stop. So who do they fall for? The guy who “acts”, or doesn’t “treat” this girl like they are special. The guy isn’t rude to the beautiful woman, but he doesn’t bend to her whims like other guys do. So that intrigues her. But that girl might never sign up on e harmony. Who does then? People who find it hard to met people, men and women who cant seem to date on the outside try e harmony. They don’t tell the “whole” truth, because they want to be liked, so they answer questions based on what the “think” someone will like. The believe they can “be” that person. Did you answer 100% of you questions honestly ? Many 26 year old women think they are “old” and will “never” met someone. They don’t have a clue how young they really are. They will met hundreds of men in the next few years but don’t realize it. By the time they are thirty they will realize how silly they thought about the world when they were younger. Several points. This is all perspective. Other people with happy, understanding personalities look at the dating experience as an adventure, and fun, as it should be. Each date that doesn’t work out gets them closer to they right one. Anyone who thinks that everyone filling out a form with a bunch of adjectives describing themselves will somehow filter out all but compatible mates, well, life just doesn’t work like that. You can have 99.9 % answering every question the same but have one belief different, and that one belief causes “incompatibility” . Belief on abortion. Religious belief. etc. The point is each of us like and dislike things and we cannot explain why. What kind of women you are physically attracted to isn’t the same as other guys. And for women, looks are not as important as it is with men. You might find the perfect women in every way but she isn’t phyiscially attractive to you. The e harmony questions cannot filter out a girl or guy with a weird voice, or an annoying habit. I don’t like women who wear make up. Eventually they have to take it off, and when they do you see how fake they are. You should have had fun with your subscription. I guarantee the women you met could feel your shitty attitude, who would want to date you? People like happy people, who have a nice sense of humor. Not a negative dick. Unless two people have a compatible world view first. Basic fundamental beliefs about how to treat other humans, etc., they will never work out as husband and wife. Or if you come on to strong the first date. Or you just say the wrong thing before the get to know you. You can say something stupid after dating for a year and your girlfriend won’t flinch. Say it on the first date and they will never talk to you again. Didn’t you look up the statistics on relationships that have worked out with E harmony before you signed up??????? Its like 10%. GET IT?????? That means most peoples relationships don’t work out……..I know you think your smart but you should re evaluate what you think about yourself.

  • Greg June 6, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    I was so sick and tired of singles site, I read an article by Rabbi Shmuley,that meeting someone on a singles site doesn’t work, it is not supposed to be a candy store, and even now with all the fake profiles and scams woman especially need to be careful…the last straw with Eharmony was when a friend was my match and she told me she hasn’t signed up for months.
    But they keep giving you matches over and over 100s, just hoping the person will maybe sign up…I went away to a yoga retreat and read the book The soulmate secret ..and took myself off all the sites…and poof I met my wife, my prayers and asking the universe what I wanted worked and trust me I am not some guru just a regular guy…maybe sometimes singles sites work, but this is not how it is supposed to happen…but now because no one talk to each other…get off your phones…you can’t just look at words and pictures and expect your soulmate to be on some screen…
    The soulmate secret…,by Ariel ford…rabbi schmuley …
    Get off he sites…off your phones and electronic stuff…trust me I met my wife and got exactly what I wanted…and my soulmate…

  • Disgruntled eHarmony User June 11, 2015 at 6:10 am

    These people are fucking assholes. They changed my credit card for another 6 months of service, even after I clicked on the button to not renew my account. I logged in some 3 weeks later to find that they have charged me. I’m trying to dispute the charges, but fuck-harmony claimed that I never submitted a request to cancel my account so they quoted Terms and Conditions, saying I basically have to pay another $75 and then cancel near the end of the 6-month term. I have since wrote them back 3 times, to be ignored each time. I’ve gone as far as to cancel my credit card and dispute the charges. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES. They do not care about you as a customer. And they also keep dead profiles around to inflate their numbers. Also, if you’re Asian like me, forget it. I’ve contacted over 500 matches in the course of a year and managed to only score two dates, both with Asian girls. IT’S an INCREDIBLY RACIST GAME!

  • Amy June 16, 2015 at 12:17 pm

    I love you Single Steve, date me !!!!!!!!

  • Murphdogg July 14, 2015 at 5:54 pm

    This has been eye opening reading this. I too have had a long and “interesting” history with eHarmony.
    I am sad to say my totals are higher than Steve’s.
    It is very disappointing.

  • Chris J July 20, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    On my last subscription (a three month) and still same shitty results as my last yearlong subscription a couple years ago. I spoke to a rep and they lied to me about the “last logon” feature; its no longer included because (according to eH) people cited “privacy issues”. Then they have the stupid Incognito feature (don’t know how much that costs) so you can browse in private like a good creepy internet stalker.

    I used to post tips and issues to their Facebook page, namely the auto renewal feature or little pithey Menes (they didn’t like my Office Space inspired meme of “Yeah, if you could stop sending me inactive matches, that’d be great”) and saw fit to block me from posting comments to their page. I didn’t get canceled like you but I guess the truth hurts and they didn’t appreciate me calling them out on their bullshi .

    Got a month left then I’m making an anti eH T-shirt… kinda torn between using the eH logo with a FUCK in red stenciled type or Johnny Cash flipping the bird with “Johnny hates eHarmony”.

  • Ohpus July 24, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    I’ve been in an out of eHarmony for many many years with only 3 real dates to show for it, one of which ended up in a relationship that lasted 6 months.

    After that relationship ended I rejoined for a six month stretch (which ended up being 1 year because I missed the deactivation renewal window. I let the matched pile up for several months because I was doing other things and when i went to skim through the matches many were either out of my local area, no pictures, or “moved on”. To be expected, sure, but it seemed like the system stepped up the number of robo matches when I wasn’t looking because It wanted me to log in to look at something to show me as “active”.

    I would be perfectly happy if did only e-mail be once every couple months with a REAL connection as opposed to being spammed every day with “We have found your soulmate”. I mean really, someone who only filled out 10% of their profile with no picture is my perfect match? How do you figure?

  • Reggie July 26, 2015 at 9:19 pm

    eHarmony is such a scam. I only wanted to try I for 6 months, and 80% of the matches I’m getting are inactive accounts! What pissed me of most is that hey don’t send you reminders that the account will be renewed in a month before it expires. I tried calling them and they wouldn’t let me cancel it or get my money back. So yes, FUCK YOU eHarmony! I should make a FUCKYOUEHARMONY.COM site so they’ll ban me.

  • Jeff July 28, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    Eharmony is definitely THE WORST online dating site, but all of them are pretty darn bad. They all have convincing commercials and slick marketing that includes fake female profiles so guys won’t figure out that for every real woman that signs up, there’s 12 guys. Just like the lottery, two people will meet and get married while the other thousands won’t meet anyone. You never see a commercial featuring the lottery losers, do you?

  • Heather Egan August 2, 2015 at 4:50 am

    Funny blog! Anyhow, thought id mention that i was THINKING of signing up for EH when I read the legal disc, i.e. terms./conditions. It said, and I shit you not, that while you must follow all their insane rules – they state that:

    From time to time, eHarmony may create test profiles in order to monitor the operation of the Services.

    So, in other words they have fake profiles phishing to see if you’re lying on your profile, gay, separated but not divorced, or any other sordid flaw in your personal life!

    Just thought you’d like this info: maybe all your girls were shell profiles:~)

  • Mark September 6, 2015 at 12:59 am

    Steve, you hit the nail on the head. I read your blog post and agree with a lot of things you said. I’m a current eHarmony subscriber but I feel that I’m wasting my time and hard earned money. I actually sent them an email asking them politely for a refund or I will find a way to take down my account info. I been a subscriber since May but have yet to be on a single date on there. I keep seeing matches but when I make the effort, hardly anyone responds. I’m actually getting more dates and responses from a free site. I wish I never signed up on that stupid site!

  • Steve,

    It is excellent to hear a unfiltered review of online dating. The problem is that there is no guarantee that what the subscriber of an online dating service is paying for will occur ( i.e. dates that lead to sustained relationships, assuming that is the subscriber’s goal, which can vary greatly in the buffet of relationship options and desires of today’s Modern World). Most online dating sites feature case studies of couples who meant online, fell in love, got married, and went on to procreate and continue ad infinitum the misery that is human existence. As we all know, case studies are not representative of the whole population. And so, while I’m sure these stories did occur, they are probably not representative of the whole population’s experience.

    Assuming that at any point in time there are:

    -X number of accounts on a dating site at any given time (the advertised amount)
    – a subset of X, X subset 1 of X who fit the gender, personality, physical, etc. parameters of the subscriber
    -A subset of X subset 1 who are within a “reasonable” distance of the subscriber
    -A subset of the above who actively communicate with and engage in the online dating process, instead of being “trolls” “fakes” “catfish” etc.
    -It is safe to say from the above thought experiment that the advertised amount of profiles and the ones that may lead to an actual date vary greatly numerically, even though the conditional variables may fluctuate greatly

    Essentially, beyond the unvalidated and unreplicated bogus compatibility scales which attempt to give a pseudoscientific appearance to the matching process, you are signing up and paying under the premise that “there are many fish in the sea” and that such actions will increase your odds of landing a date through sheer probability. Even if there is a slight numerical increase on average in odds of landing a date, what percentage of these dates actually lead to sustained relationships?

    I’m not saying online dating can’t work or doesn’t for some people, especially for women and men who have great looks or wealth, but that Steve’s experience may be an unexamined and all to common experience swept under the rug by sites like Eharmony, who look for self confirming evidence. Atecdotally, my experience was similiar to steve as a young average looking male in atheltic shape with no crimiinal record, a stable job, and a graduate degree and no major persoanlity disorders beyond individual quarks. There is also moderate evidence that online dating favors women vastly over men (suprise?). The premise of online dating may have potential and give some people success, but I suspect as it is currently executed, fails most people and just reaps profit.



  • Bea September 22, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Matchmaking is really designed for people who have no people skills and can’t meet friends or lovers in the real world, AND (this is key) want to be married or in a relationship so much that they’re willing to shoehorn just about anything into the empty spot in their life. If that’s not you, then you’re stuck with trying to meet people you like at actual events or in actual grocery stores (Whole Foods really is a great place to meet singles, lol.). The reason for this is that talking about how much one wants to be married or how one would make a great mate (ha) is boring and lame, and that’s just about all one can do when one is obviously shopping for a mate. Talking about anything else, casually, in an environment with countless social cues (standing in line for tickets, for example) allows one to gently and quickly determine if the other person is at all interesting. I’m not criticizing, btw; once, after work, a nice man and I ended up chatting about Omega 3, 6 and 9’s in the flax oil section of WF. We obviously both felt attracted to each other, but were terrified to do anything about it, and soon just said “bye”. We both returned to the flax oil about 5 minutes later, and, still, standing there, so obviously, neither of us could just suggest coffee. ! ack. But, I still won’t sink to trying to be whatever the person who says online that they are looking for the right woman to “complete” them (yuck) wants me to be. What I think we need is some very straightforward lessons on how to bridge the gap between two people who both know that they MIGHT be interested in each other, but don’t want to be too obvious about that fact, in case one of them hates the other, who likes them back….and then someone has to hurt the other’s feelings. Sheer terror! I know it can be done because, another time, a very attractive older gent incredibly smoothly chatted me up about cooking in the vegetable section of another store; all I would have had to do was express an interest in cooking something together and we’d have made a date. He made it so easy and un-yucky. Ted Talk, anyone? The “Easy, Gentle Chat” guru of tomorrow stands to make millions.

  • Tom September 29, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    Well I spent 30 minutes during the signup answering questions and got….

    We’re sorry – we are unable to find the right type of people for you
    This does not reflect on you personally or your chances of finding a happy relationship. Thank you for trying eHarmony; we wish you the best in finding a great relationship.

  • Jim October 11, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    Over an eight month period, I have gone on nine dates with three women that I met on eHarmony. The site can work.

    However, I have decided to look elsewhere. My original subscription was for six months. I live in New Hampshire, and at first I got many prospects within 50 miles or so. Then they were mostly from Vermont and New York. Then from Pennsylvania, then from Virginia. With a sprinkling of women from Ottowa or Wisconsin. Then, about two weeks before my subscription was to run out, almost all my matches were from New Hampshire and Massachusetts. But they offered a one-month extension for $12 or so, and I took them up on it. As that was about to run out, they offered another month for $11 or so. However, I was having less success. I would send off my “quick questions” and she would reply with her answers, but she would not go on to ask her own “quick questions”. I would ask to “go directly to eHmail”, but get no response. I began to suspect that at least some of the responses to “quick questions” and “makes and breaks” were automated, and started requesting eHmail right away. But I got no responses. I was still seeing activity, but nothing that looked real. I even got one request to go immediately to eHmail, but when I accepted (the same day), she had “moved on”. Seriously?

    Of course, some of this could be explained by my being a loser. But please refer to my first paragraph. At the very least, eHarmony was holding out on me. I suspect it goes quite a bit further. I think a lot of the “quick questions” and “makes and breaks” activity is fake. I think some of the profiles are kept around, and included in matches, even after the subscriptions lapse. Some of the profiles may be entirely fake – particularly those with only a single fuzzy photo. All of these would be attempts to distract me and prevent or delay a successful match.

    After all, if I find a partner then I will stop my subcription. My success implies the end of their income stream. If I maintain a “one at a time” policy and wait days for a bot to answer my eHmail, then eHarmony has preserved their income stream for that many days. If I spend most of my limited time dealing with fake activity, then they have preserved their income stream. I have collected several hundred “matches”. If I confine myself to the thirty percent or so that I find most attractive, and most of them are fake or at least not currently subscribed, then they’ve preserved their income stream.

    Until I decide it’s a waste of my time and money, and I move on to another site. Come to think of it, maybe that’s the real reason “she’s moved on”.

  • Dawna Breedlove October 30, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    You have the sexiest brain, 😉
    I can’t believe you haven’t been nabbed, your a catch.

  • Alice November 3, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    HA!!! Just finished canceling my subscription and am writing on my own blog about how much I hated the eharmony experience. /high five/ We’re going to die alone! YAY!!!

  • justin November 8, 2015 at 6:12 am

    im not going to sign up, i was thinking about it but after reading your blog id rather die alone.

  • Sean November 19, 2015 at 5:55 am

    Yep, this blog hits the nail on the head…I’ve been on eHarmony for exactly one week and it’s been a fucking joke. Back to face-to-face meeting people, I guess! I found the bit about the fake profile thing mentioned above interesting…what a lame fucking site. For not doing my homework before giving them my money, I get my pee-pee slapped! lol

  • Daphne December 12, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    I only read a couple of paragraphs before I got bored Steve. You sound like a douche.

  • Candace January 2, 2016 at 4:14 pm

    Hi Steve, that’s so interesting, I feel like I’m having the same problem but I’ve NEVER had problems getting responses on dating sites. Because I’m a girl and I’m usually flooded with messages, like on OkCupid I’d get 30 a day. But the quality of the men on OkCupid is terrible and most guys I dated on there were nuts. So I tried to spend a little more money in hopes to find quality and I’ve gotten ONE guy to the final stage, and had one guy respond to my questions then fall off the earth. I’M SO CONFUSED. I know I’m not hideous and I know I’m not stupid and I know my profile isn’t insane so I just really don’t get it.

    My account ends in February. Never doing this again, it has been a complete loss of money and energy. Best of luck to ya. I just joined adult sports leagues instead to meet people!

  • Bob Joy January 19, 2016 at 1:01 am

    eHarmony knocked me off after I told them 64 and never married. Should have said never divorced , never visitation rights , never payments till 18 , never gave half my wealth away. I’m Bitchin’ Bob from the great state of connecticut. Deal with it , better.

  • Bob January 19, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    I agree with everything you’ve said Steve so . . . .


  • Christine January 22, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Well FUCK! I just signed up for eHarmony this week! Sounds like I’ll be getting screwed or won’t be! 😉

  • Frederick smith February 3, 2016 at 1:16 am

    Its a scam. The What If section is filled with tons of people that have not been on EH in six months or more. I was matched up with a friend of mine, so I contacted her separately: her membership was canceled nine months ago. EH wants you to feel like there are a bunch of potential matches when they have very few members. That’s why 95% of them never even view my profile.

  • Bob Joy March 7, 2016 at 10:08 pm

    eHarmony knocked me off after I told them 64 and never married. Should have said never divorced , never visitation rights , never payments till 18 , never gave half my wealth away. I’m Bitchin’ Bob from the great state of connecticut. Deal with it , better.

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