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Flowers I Sent To Women I’ll Never Meet

Sending flowers on Valentine’s Day is one of my favorite “traditions” that I have with this blog. In fact, it’s probably the only tradition I have with this blog. My goal this year was to send out flowers to two different readers of this blog on Valentine’s Day. One was going to be selected at random (via random number generator), and the other was going based on the “reason I deserve flowers” section of the submission form. I received over 50 submissions. FIFTY.

Incredible. Fucking incredible. Humbling, really to get that many submissions in just a few short days. Thank you.

As I started going through the submissions, it was actually kind of emotional? Like reading all of the “reasons I deserve flowers” sections, made me kind of sad. Sad because some women have never received flowers, like ever, sad because some of the women haven’t had a Valentine in years, sad because I wouldn’t be able to give flowers to all of these ladies who submitted, even though they all deserved flowers. I know it’s super cliché to say, “All of the women who submitted deserve flowers”, but like no shit, they all do. And maybe “sad” isn’t the word I want to use, but I’m an engineer and don’t know many words, so I think I’m calling it sad, but what I’m really trying to say is something like “I’m disappointed in the male population that there are so many women with these reasons that they deserve flowers that involve men sucking at life”. So whatever that word is, that.

It was obvious picking ONE person based on their “reason they deserve flowers”, was going to be impossible. So being the nerd that I am, I set up an excel spreadsheet with a weighted scoring system to see if that would help me narrow down my decision. But, it was useless because my ratings we’re all subjective, which is not good for math. But there was one, one submission that was unique from the rest of them. It was the only submission that asked for flowers not for herself, but for someone else, her mom.

She wrote:

“I don’t actually deserve the flowers, well I mean, maybe I do, I am single and I consider myself a catch, but actually I was hoping you could send flowers to my mother, completely anonymous. Her being single is not actually her fault due to the fact that she is widowed, as for me, well I just have questionable taste in men….”

This selfless request won me over. Boom. Flowers.

It also made me realize I should send flowers to my own Mom on Valentine ’s Day. So I did. I mean how awful of a son would I be if I sent flowers to someone else’s Mom and not even my own. And my own Mom is awesome and totally deserves flowers.

It also made re-adjust the number of flowers I wanted to send out. I decided to send out 4 total.

1 to the selfless person who requested flowers for her mom.
1 to my awesome Mom.
2 to randomly selected people.

Even though I don’t sign the card with “Single Steve” or any name for that matter, the women who received the flowers figured out, it was in fact me who sent them the flowers. And though I appreciate the thanks, it’s not why I do it. I genuinely enjoy the fact that I made a stranger’s day. Which, as I just typed that, I know it sounds super cheesy, like rom-com level make you want to vomit in or around your mouth type of thing, but it’s how I feel.

Here are the responses from the ladies who received flowers:

2
Yaritza
Toni

That first response about her mom receiving the flowers, hits me right in the feels. Especially when I read her Mom’s comment on the post. I am super happy she and her mom appreciated the flowers.
Toni and Yaritza were the randomly selected winners. It was interesting that when I was sending flowers to Yaritza her work address was only 3 blocks from my house. I SWEAR IT WAS COMPLETELY RANDOM, but for about 3.2 seconds I actually thought about buying flowers locally and delivering themself. Not as “Single Steve”, but just as the delivery guy of flowers, since she doesn’t know what I look like. So I could get to see her reaction firsthand of receiving the flowers, but then I realized that’s creepy as fuck, so I didn’t.

 

Here’s what I like about sending flowers to strangers:
I like that it’s completely unexpected. This is how flowers should be. Even though they submitted an entry on my site, I don’t think anyone was actually “expecting” flowers from me on Valentine’s Day. So when they’re at work, or home, and someone walks in with flowers and says “These are for you”, that genuine, sincere moment of surprise is what I like. That moment of “awww”, that maybe is a little embarrassing, and a little flattering, as they grab the flowers from the delivery guy.

I also like when flowers, come, as flowers. That’s the whole fucking purpose of flowers! At least for me, when I give flowers. I was dating this girl long distance and sent her flowers through ftd.com and I was MORTIFIED to find out they showed up in a box, and that she had to assemble the roses and vase herself. I didn’t actually know they sent flowers like this. I called and complained, but the person on the phone was right, it was my fault, I didn’t realize that a greater portion of flowers that are ordered online come in a box. It’s like 25 bucks more for essentially the same flowers for them to be “Fresh from a Florist” as opposed to “Shipped Farm Fresh in a Gift Box”.

cost copy

To me, this is the most important $25 dollars that can be spent on flowers. I know flowers are pretty around the house and yada yada, but let’s be honest, they perishable items. They’re an awful waste of money, as far as things to spend money on that last longer than 4 days. I am mostly spending money on flowers for experience and emotions of the first 15 seconds of them being delivered. I think it’s great you’ll put them up in your house, and they will brighten up your place for 4 days until you throw them out, but really, all I care about is how the flowers made you feel in the first 15 seconds of getting them. Which, is why, it’s so important that they be delivered as flowers. Not in a “farm fresh box” you assemble yourself.

I actually had to call two local flower shops and order roses on the phone like cave man because apparently you can’t order flowers through any of the big online flower shops that will actually hand deliver flowers in Bedford, Texas or Marion, Illinois. It’s that important to me that flowers be delivered as flowers.

 

Here’s what I DON’T like about sending flowers to strangers:
They never look like they do online. For example, here’s the exact bouquet I ordered vs what was delivered. And I know that’s just expected when you order anything online, but it still sucks.

compare

Another thing I don’t like about sending flowers to strangers is when it causes facebook fights on my fan page on Valentine’s day that eventually end up with a girl calling me “pathetic.”
What do I mean you ask? Well let me see if I can articulate this correctly and as reasonably as possible…and I actually thought long and hard about if I was going to say anything about it, but I decided, fuck it, it’s my blog, I’ll write about what I want. So on Valentine’s day I posted this:

facebook flowers1

Basically just a post saying, happy Valentine’s Day, the flowers have been sent and here is the “aww” message I received about the flowers I sent to her mom.
And it got likes and comments, and yada yada. Mostly the comments were like “awesome” and “so sweet”, like normal things you would expect. And for the purposes of this post, I have changed the names of people and deleted the comments shown below off facebook. Well call them Samantha and Michelle. So “Samantha” commented this:

facebook flowers3

Um….what? “Disappointing” to the rest of you? I mean, sure, you may have been disappointed you didn’t get flowers from me (which she applied for), but that’s almost like me being disappointed every week when I don’t win the lottery. I’m not actually disappointed because I’m not actually expecting to win.
And when you say “not the best plan”, do you mean, not the best plan to announce the flowers have been sent out? I guess I’m confused….did you think I wasn’t going to announce it? I mean my intention wasn’t to announce that they were sent out to THROW IT IN THE FACES of the other 46 women who submitted and didn’t win. Something like:
“The flowers have been sent out to 4 women, but more importantly there are about 45 of you that didn’t win! This post is just to remind you that you didn’t win a random lottery you entered! And, I hope you are all disappointed! Happy Valentine’s Day Suckers!”

Okay, okay, that might have been a bit over the top, but I’m trying to illustrate a point. I’m sorry if that’s how you interpreted my post saying Happy Valentine’s day with touching pictures about how a widowed mother received flowers.

BUT I didn’t say any of that, I kind of bit my tongue and said:

facebook flowers4

So two things really annoy me with this interaction. Anyone who uses “IMHO” (In My Honest Opinion), just said something awful. It’s like saying “Not to be racist”, and then the next words out of their mouth are the most racist thing you’ve ever heard. But no, it’s cool, because I said “NOT to be racist”. And it’s mostly just the type of person that uses the phrase “IMHO”. Yeah, everyone think of that pretentious type of person that you know, that uses “IMHO”, yeah, you don’t like that person, be honest. Also the use of the word “ciao”. WHAT. WHY.

Did she just “bye Felicia” me? But in Italian? Whatever, I didn’t respond, just bit my tongue and just went on with my day. It was fucking Valentine’s Day,I was just trying to have a good day, and not get dragged into facebook comment battles. So I came back to my fan page a few hours later and then this happened:

name calling

Lolololololol…what? Basically a full on girl fight on my facebook page on Valentine’s day about me sending flowers. Awesome. I think “Michelle” said some things, some people were thinking, should she have said them? Mmmmaybe not. But eventually I got called “pathetic” because I didn’t moderate their facebook fight. And that’s kind of where I was like “OH HELL NAAAH SAMANTHA”. And when I decided I was probably going to say something about it like I just did.

And so you might be thinking, “Daaaaaamn Steve, bold move calling out one of your readers, you’re going to lose readers like that”. And really…..I don’t care? I mean I don’t care if I lose readers with that kind of attitude. I would rather piss off one bad reader and strengthen the “bond” with the other readers. Meaning, I hope people who are reading this right now are more like “You go boy!” as opposed to “Steven is an angry elf”. I actually called upon the assistance of several people to read this post before I posted publically it to make sure, what I said was fair, based on my perspective of the situation. They all agreed.

For sure my blog is a free speech place and whatever, just don’t call me pathetic and then proceed to go on angry spree on my facebook fan page, at least IMHO.

I don’t know, maybe I am an asshole for this rant. Let’ me know your thoughts.

 

With that being said..
It is absolutely my pleasure to send flowers to strangers of the internet on Valentine’s Day. It is a tradition I hope to continue. Let’s just hope I don’t get a girlfriend! Oh wait…fuck.


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Comments
  • Dorothy March 18, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    Loved the post Steve!!! Keep up the good work.

  • Glenna March 23, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    I think you showed a combination of restraint and kindness for not blasting both of these women. I feel confident I speak for most readers in saying, “You Go, Steve!”

  • Liz April 16, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    I think there are just people out there who are always going to look for a reason to be unhappy. It probably has very little to do with you and more to do with how her day was going/how her life is going. You did a good thing. I think she just proved why she didn’t deserve the flowers. Also, she’s allowed to not like the idea of strangers getting flowers from you (and continue to live her life in misery).

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