ovaries

A Blog About A Blog

This is Single Steve, and I approve this message.
This blogging thing is getting out of control . So much so, that I’m now writing blogs about writing a blog.  Sounds ridiculous, oh I know, but please bare with me. I have a story to tell, and hope you find it as comical as I did.
Other examples why this blog is getting ridiculous, I got this screen shot sent to me from a reader…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

<insert spaces because this image is too big for this blog and I’m too lazy to update the CSS. I’m sorry I’m not sorry>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is in reference to my last blog, where I said I wanted to work the word “Dry Hump” into my daily vocabulary. The above reader dared her co-worker to use the word dry hump in relation to their engineering test procedures.

Don’t do that.

I will not be held responsible for you getting fired.

Also recently the CTO (chief technology officer) for  a new mobile device application has reached out to me, letting me know their application can help me meet girls. I thought doubtful, unless his application was Skynet, and it had already become self aware. But the application is called Antengo and is a FREE app for the iphone. It’s basically craigslist, plus real time location, plus real time chat, plus hot chicks, I think?  I might of made up the hot chicks part, but basically he told me it’s like if your trying to sell something, takes seconds to post, and people can see it on the map, and chat with you instantly, bada bing bada boom. Pretty sweet since craigslist, just has static pages which are not automatically located, and sometimes you end up calling sketchy numbers. None of that.
Single Steve Anttenna


And where he thought his app could help me, is that there’s a “Crossed Paths” feature, which is basically when I see a girl out and about in San Diego that I think is super attractive and we’d probably be awesome together, and of course I don’t go up and talk to her, I used to have to wait till I got home and post on Craigslist missed connections, BUT now I can instantly post it to the Antengo, AND since she’s on Antengo, she’ll see I posted, she’ll see I’m 12 feet away and she’ll be so impressed with all the sweet things I said about her in the description she’ll have to come up to me and dry hump the shit out of me. Right? I guess I could just grow a pair of balls and talk to her, but this way seems so much easier. So the more people on Antengo, the better my system will work. So basically I need all attractive people (and I guess not attractive people too…) to download this free app for their iphone.  Sell your crap, quickly, safely, and now you can see my messages in crossed paths to girls I don’t have the balls to talk to in real life.

 

Blah blah, basically I’m flattered and embarrassed to how this blog has grown. I appreciate my readers, and I hope you continue to read this word vomit and suggest zany ways for me to meet girls. But it’s just a blog. This is just a blog.  Speaking of blogs, let’s get to the reason I brought you here.

First thing you need to do, is go back and read this blog “I like you, I just don’t like you enough”

Let me start with explaining my blog. I’m not a writer, nor do I pretend to be in any way shape or form.  In fact I don’t even like reading. I mean, I know HOW to read, sure, but I’ve never read a book just to read a book. Here’s a fun fact, I’ve never read a book cover to cover, thank god for Cliff Notes in high school. I actually don’t even like reading my own blog. When I write these blogs, rarely do I go back and read what I wrote, rarely will I hit the delete key, my writing style is more a stream on conciseness, whatever  I’m thinking comes out, also know as “word vomit”.  This style is probably apparently with the run on sentences, spelling mistkes (ha), and the general slaughter of the English language. Though this blog is nothing more than word vomit, the word vomit that you read is actually truth. It’s how I feel, my perception and actual ridiculous events that happen in my life. Sure I sensationalized and add graphics to make ha-ha’s, but for the most part, in this blog I can be brutal honest.  Why is this important you ask? Well the last blog was the truth, and not even anything negative about said girl. That wasn’t the point the of the blog, the point of the blog was to highlight the hilarious ending of “I like you, but I don’t like you enough”.  I had nothing bad to say about said girl, not at all, until….about 5 hours after I posted that blog….

First thing you were probably thinking after reading that blog is that I’m pretty ballsy slash a giant jerk for posting a blog that honest knowing she would be reading it. Good point. BUT a couple factors to consider.

A blog about a blog
I made that into a graphic with random pictures because that’s how important I think those points are.  Some of you, open my blog, and just scan the photos.

It’s important because my goal is to NOT blog about every single date I go on. No way.  I don’t want to blog about any date. I typically only blog about dates that end epically terribly or have a funny ending. I would LOVE to go on a date, that goes well, and nothing happens. No funny ending, no awkward story, just a regular date. AND then I would even like to go on a second date. I say this because I don’t want my blog to scare aware the horde of girls that probably want to go out on dates with me, but are terrified they’ll probably end up in this blog where 11-12 people a day will read about it.

Focus. Get to the point Steven. Basically, I told her I was going to write a blog, let her see the blog first, she ok-ed the blog, then  hours later she decide she was going to call me an unfunny jerk and tried to force me to take down the blog. Say whaaaaaa

She also de-friended me on facebook, twitter and un-fanned the facebook page. The triple threat of “you’re dead to me on social medias”. Which is fine, I didn’t really care, I mean we met once, we didn’t have any mutual friends in common, it’s not like I was losing a “real life” friend. I was ready to cut my loses and move on. The part that actually got me fired up and probably the whole reason for this blog is her reaction to the whole situation.

She could have just said:
“Hey I had second thoughts about the blog, please take it down”

To which I would have gladly taken down the blog. Believe it or not, I’m not a jerk, I’m not in the business of offending my friends with my blog. It’s only for entertainment purposes. If someone I write about, that is my real life friend, is uncomfortable about the content, I will gladly take it down. Instead she took the , I’m going to  have a text battle with you, and tell you, you’re an inconsiderate asshole,a jerk, not funny, then demand you take down the blog approach. WRONG. This is when I ripped my shirt off in my cubical during work hours in a fit of rage. Well not really, but I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong approach to the only person that can take down the blog.

But as rude, out of the blue and wrong I thought she was, in real life, I’m not a jerk. Only on the internet. And in real life, I should do the right nice guy thing, I felt like I should take it down, even though I felt like I was completely in the right with the situation.

Thankfully, I had told some people I was taking down the blog, and they screamed at me not to. In fact someone even threaten to punch me in the ovaries if I took down the blog. Now that’s a good friend.
Punch in the Ovaries Single Steve

So the blog stayed up. She text me the next morning.
Texting Single Steve
Texting Single Steve

And that’s why I’ll be single for life. The whole blog was about me sharing this last hilarious text conversation, but somehow I ended up rambling for like 3 pages of word vomit. Sorry I’m not sorry.
I wrote a blog about posting a blog and her ridiculous reaction.

With that being said. I don’t think I want to date any more “bloggers” or “writers”. In fact, my new preference is girls that don’t know how to read at all. I think I’m going to make that a new #RFMNGF

This is the internet, it’s not that serious.

Leave some comments/thoughts/feelings/concerns/phone numbers/hate mail/love mail/ and/or a pictures of dinosaurs.


Tagged:


Comments
  • Zoë May 26, 2010 at 7:29 am

    First?

    How about a “friend date” with another blogger? Namely ME. I think you’re fun and cute and a gosh-darned-good writer. Zoo? Disneyland? Your mom’s place? Let’s hang out!

    OK, now that I’ve put out my weirdly desperate attempt to be funny (did it work?) I’ll say this: I know the girl in question. I’ve never met her. I’ve never met you. I like both your tweets, which float around happily in my Twitter stream (why does that sound dirty?). So I’m not going to take sides. THAT said, you’re absolutely right: It’s the Internet, you were anonymous about her and you said nothing but nice things about her. That’s a stand-up thing to do. I hope she’ll eventually see that. I even re-read your post a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t seeing anything. Nope. You’re cool like that. Which gives me all the more reason to ask you out!

    However, maybe you should reconsider your “dating bloggers” streak (yeah, I’m contradicting myself here)? Isn’t this the second dating blogger you’ve gone out with?

    All right, there’s no conclusion to this essay, I mean, comment. I’ll just end it here with a big compliment: I like this blog. I like it a lot. I look forward to new posts like I look forward to Christmas mornings. Keep on blogging, man, you’re doing it right.

    • Single Steve May 26, 2010 at 5:05 pm

      Dear Zoe,

      A friend date sounds magically. Let’s set this up.
      I love your essays, I mean comments. Keep them coming!

  • Rusbin May 26, 2010 at 9:15 am

    Hey hey! Fan all the way from Costa Rica… pretty cool. Enjoyed it a lot!

  • Coyote Rose May 26, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    YAY Dinosaurs!

    No in all seriousness, you didn’t do anything wrong. This girl seems like a bitch. She was fine with you writing the post. Then someone she knew probably saw it, talked shit about it and then she had to back-track. You’re better off without girls like that. Girls like me would bake you cookies for being so funny!

  • Amy! May 26, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Wow. Well, I think you’re well rid of her, if she’s gonna react like that. And I totally agree that you’re in the right here; you did everything you could to make sure she’s was okay with the content and unidentifiable. It’s her problem that she doesn’t have a sense of humor.

  • plano May 26, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    I’m about to word vomit all over your car. I agree with dating non-bloggers in real life and dating other bloggers for fun content to write about on this site =)

    ps – can i sue this site for copyright infringement on dayna’s picture? j/k, it’s the INTERNET!

  • Tommy May 26, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Well, first thing you need to know is that women are “always right”. I put that in quotes because they are only always right in their brains, which I seem to recall as being a third the size of a man’s brain. In reality, women are never right. Most of them are too filled with insecurities and emotions to ever be able to come up with a rational thought.

    The only thing you can hope for is that you find one that can look past some of those issues to come up with a logical sentence every fifteen minutes.

    As the Living Legend, Elyk Rentoc, once said, “women ain’t nothin but bitches and hos.” If those aren’t words to live by, then I don’t know what is.

    • Claire May 27, 2010 at 5:10 am

      Ouch!!

      Which category is your momma?

  • MoneyMaus May 26, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    You definitely did NOT do anything wrong, especially since you asked her permission AND showed it to her! That’s a total gentleman move. One of her friends probably did read it, hence the adverse reaction. Just laugh it off and move on!

    I’m also a blogger, but on a FAR less interesting topic…and I’m considering starting a dating blog now, inspired by you and others. Even though my dating life in SD is about as interesting as rice. But sometimes I occasionally date “characters”, as my roommates like to call them! 😉

    Your blog is hilarious, keep word vomiting! (I have verbal diarrhea, not sure which is worse…)

  • Brandi Shae May 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Crazy bi-otch said it was ok to post then changes her mind?? You’re better off without her! I think you should go out with the lady who posted first. Then blog about it.

    • Single Steve May 26, 2010 at 9:15 pm

      ha! I think we’re going to hang out, but I HOPE I don’t have to blog about it!

  • Kat May 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Agree with MoneyMaus. She knew in advance what you were planning to post online. You didn’t divulge anything specific or say anything bad about her. Strange.
    You’re a very good writer. Your blog layout and graphs make it easy and entertaining to read.
    Keep on ‘vomiting’!

  • Ben May 26, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Steve. Fantastic. Three cheers for you!

  • Something She Dated May 26, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    I’m not entirely sure why she got so pissed…you’re right you didn’t say anything bad about her…but there ya go…Good blog…and this my friends is

    WHY I WOULD NEVER KNOWINGLY DATE ANOTHER BLOGGER 😛

  • Jennifer Driessen May 26, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    That Tommy, #9, now he’s a real charmer. . .

    Your blog is too funny, and this specific girl seems to just like to go off. I get a kick out of bad dating stories myself. . . . you should hear about my parrots-and-gymnastics date; but that’s for another day.

    As another eternally single person, part of me is going to miss these ridiculous dating stories once/if I actually find a keeper.

    So, keep up the good work, and come to the San Diego Happy Hour Crew one of these weeks. Would love to meet you!

  • Colonel Sanders May 27, 2010 at 5:10 am

    Meh, I expect more from your blogs. Frankly, dancing lightly between the jerk and nice guy card forced me to only skim the photos.
    Chicks are like politics, you have to choose a side, and support the party-line issues regardless of personal beliefs. If Erik von Markovik has taught me anything,its that youre going to have to step up your negs and disregard any lacking I.O.I.s.

  • Miss Kell May 27, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Greetings from Down Under!

    Velociraptors were the coolest dinosaurs…almost as cool as your blog

    • Single Steve May 29, 2010 at 9:21 pm

      From the land down under!? Florida?? Awesome!

      • Miss Kell May 30, 2010 at 12:44 am

        no no, Australia ! :-)

  • Los May 29, 2010 at 6:32 am

    Steve I feel your contradictory womanly woes.

    I once had a GF call me selfish for being angry at her. She invited her ex-bf to her house to “fix” her computer. (Funny that’s what I called it too) I was pissed! Why didnt she call me, I did after all live 5 apts. down and have nothing to do. (6 mo. of severance pay is rad)

    Then again, I did drink a case of beer that day and leave my cell phone in the refrigerator while enjoying an all day Mythbusters marathon. I love Mythbusters.

    She lives in a big house in Texas now. I live in artillery range of North Korea. She’s jealous now that she missed out on this winner winner chicken dinner… ahem.

  • Man-shopper May 31, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    1. I love lists.
    2. I love your word vomit.
    3. And except mushrooms, caramel, square post-it notes, those cool clothing fold-er thingamadoodles, goofy dogs, my little sister, and free stuff, I hate pretty much everything else.
    4. I agree with your blogging philosophy, and I, too, lament the fact that my blog will still deter most guys from dating me. Not that I need more deterrents. My real-life non-blog-related skills are usually enough to keep most of them at bay anyway.

    My point is: I think that you should continuing vomiting all over the blogosphere, if only for our amusement. Pretty please with unicorns and dinosuars on top.

  • jaysey June 2, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    “And that’s why you’ll be single for life.” <–Ouch!
    Or…maybe…That's why you won't be miserable, married to a moronic woman you hate–for life. Just saying.

  • Andygirl June 4, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    oh my effing god so much awesome! and even though I enjoyed every minute of that, I’m now terrified that I’m officially re-entering the dating world. cue: high pitched screaming!

  • AsiaA June 25, 2010 at 6:23 am

    This is exactly why I wouldn’t want to date a guy who blogs specifically about dating. You’re not using me for your kicks. Ha!

    So in a way, that’s on her.

    Any time someone needs you to proof-read something about you, that’s no bueno. It may not have been THAT post, but something else down the line. Your actual post was probably cool, but the comments got to her. I mean come on, I just ran across this blog today. While I like it, the comments can be brutal for the person on the receiving end. lol

    She should’ve just charged that to the game and knew that nothing magical wasn’t going to happen between the two of you. Like you said, it was just one date.

  • Ryan June 25, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    Write me a blog clown!

    Who am I kidding, it is impossible to stay mad at you after I open your blog to see a picture of you, dry-humping test procedures. I don’t care who you are… that is funny.

  • Jeff_in_SD July 3, 2010 at 5:44 am

    You know… I just have to say thank you! I needed this website so bad. I just spent the last two hours doubled over in pain from laughing. After my ex deciding she needed to “find herself” (with her old boyfriend from HS) I have found myself back out and dating. You just made every horrific experience worth it! Thanks brother and we’ll see you around town.

  • Chicken Biscuit July 5, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    I just now found this blog and discovered the last post was in May. That’s no bueno! I demand more word vomit and pictures. I like pictures. Dinosaurs are awesome. I forgot where I was going with this comment. Entertain me, dammit!

  • Mourning Fan July 16, 2010 at 2:13 am

    Single steve is dead! :-( The internet is boring again!

  • Kevin November 21, 2011 at 5:25 am

    So I was the one who integrated the dry humping into I & T meeting. A girl I work with ended up seeing your blog and asked me if I was the same Kevin. This opened up the door to witty banter and flirting, and this girl is now my lady friend. Soooo, thanks for the kinda hook up Steve.

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