This is Single Steve, and I approve this message.
This blogging thing is getting out of control . So much so, that I’m now writing blogs about writing a blog. Sounds ridiculous, oh I know, but please bare with me. I have a story to tell, and hope you find it as comical as I did.
Other examples why this blog is getting ridiculous, I got this screen shot sent to me from a reader…
<insert spaces because this image is too big for this blog and I’m too lazy to update the CSS. I’m sorry I’m not sorry>
This is in reference to my last blog, where I said I wanted to work the word “Dry Hump” into my daily vocabulary. The above reader dared her co-worker to use the word dry hump in relation to their engineering test procedures.
Don’t do that.
I will not be held responsible for you getting fired.
Also recently the CTO (chief technology officer) for a new mobile device application has reached out to me, letting me know their application can help me meet girls. I thought doubtful, unless his application was Skynet, and it had already become self aware. But the application is called Antengo and is a FREE app for the iphone. It’s basically craigslist, plus real time location, plus real time chat, plus hot chicks, I think? I might of made up the hot chicks part, but basically he told me it’s like if your trying to sell something, takes seconds to post, and people can see it on the map, and chat with you instantly, bada bing bada boom. Pretty sweet since craigslist, just has static pages which are not automatically located, and sometimes you end up calling sketchy numbers. None of that.
And where he thought his app could help me, is that there’s a “Crossed Paths” feature, which is basically when I see a girl out and about in San Diego that I think is super attractive and we’d probably be awesome together, and of course I don’t go up and talk to her, I used to have to wait till I got home and post on Craigslist missed connections, BUT now I can instantly post it to the Antengo, AND since she’s on Antengo, she’ll see I posted, she’ll see I’m 12 feet away and she’ll be so impressed with all the sweet things I said about her in the description she’ll have to come up to me and dry hump the shit out of me. Right? I guess I could just grow a pair of balls and talk to her, but this way seems so much easier. So the more people on Antengo, the better my system will work. So basically I need all attractive people (and I guess not attractive people too…) to download this free app for their iphone. Sell your crap, quickly, safely, and now you can see my messages in crossed paths to girls I don’t have the balls to talk to in real life.
Blah blah, basically I’m flattered and embarrassed to how this blog has grown. I appreciate my readers, and I hope you continue to read this word vomit and suggest zany ways for me to meet girls. But it’s just a blog. This is just a blog. Speaking of blogs, let’s get to the reason I brought you here.
First thing you need to do, is go back and read this blog “I like you, I just don’t like you enough”
Let me start with explaining my blog. I’m not a writer, nor do I pretend to be in any way shape or form. In fact I don’t even like reading. I mean, I know HOW to read, sure, but I’ve never read a book just to read a book. Here’s a fun fact, I’ve never read a book cover to cover, thank god for Cliff Notes in high school. I actually don’t even like reading my own blog. When I write these blogs, rarely do I go back and read what I wrote, rarely will I hit the delete key, my writing style is more a stream on conciseness, whatever I’m thinking comes out, also know as “word vomit”. This style is probably apparently with the run on sentences, spelling mistkes (ha), and the general slaughter of the English language. Though this blog is nothing more than word vomit, the word vomit that you read is actually truth. It’s how I feel, my perception and actual ridiculous events that happen in my life. Sure I sensationalized and add graphics to make ha-ha’s, but for the most part, in this blog I can be brutal honest. Why is this important you ask? Well the last blog was the truth, and not even anything negative about said girl. That wasn’t the point the of the blog, the point of the blog was to highlight the hilarious ending of “I like you, but I don’t like you enough”. I had nothing bad to say about said girl, not at all, until….about 5 hours after I posted that blog….
First thing you were probably thinking after reading that blog is that I’m pretty ballsy slash a giant jerk for posting a blog that honest knowing she would be reading it. Good point. BUT a couple factors to consider.
I made that into a graphic with random pictures because that’s how important I think those points are. Some of you, open my blog, and just scan the photos.
It’s important because my goal is to NOT blog about every single date I go on. No way. I don’t want to blog about any date. I typically only blog about dates that end epically terribly or have a funny ending. I would LOVE to go on a date, that goes well, and nothing happens. No funny ending, no awkward story, just a regular date. AND then I would even like to go on a second date. I say this because I don’t want my blog to scare aware the horde of girls that probably want to go out on dates with me, but are terrified they’ll probably end up in this blog where 11-12 people a day will read about it.
Focus. Get to the point Steven. Basically, I told her I was going to write a blog, let her see the blog first, she ok-ed the blog, then hours later she decide she was going to call me an unfunny jerk and tried to force me to take down the blog. Say whaaaaaa
She also de-friended me on facebook, twitter and un-fanned the facebook page. The triple threat of “you’re dead to me on social medias”. Which is fine, I didn’t really care, I mean we met once, we didn’t have any mutual friends in common, it’s not like I was losing a “real life” friend. I was ready to cut my loses and move on. The part that actually got me fired up and probably the whole reason for this blog is her reaction to the whole situation.
She could have just said:
“Hey I had second thoughts about the blog, please take it down”
To which I would have gladly taken down the blog. Believe it or not, I’m not a jerk, I’m not in the business of offending my friends with my blog. It’s only for entertainment purposes. If someone I write about, that is my real life friend, is uncomfortable about the content, I will gladly take it down. Instead she took the , I’m going to have a text battle with you, and tell you, you’re an inconsiderate asshole,a jerk, not funny, then demand you take down the blog approach. WRONG. This is when I ripped my shirt off in my cubical during work hours in a fit of rage. Well not really, but I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong approach to the only person that can take down the blog.
But as rude, out of the blue and wrong I thought she was, in real life, I’m not a jerk. Only on the internet. And in real life, I should do the right nice guy thing, I felt like I should take it down, even though I felt like I was completely in the right with the situation.
Thankfully, I had told some people I was taking down the blog, and they screamed at me not to. In fact someone even threaten to punch me in the ovaries if I took down the blog. Now that’s a good friend.
So the blog stayed up. She text me the next morning.
And that’s why I’ll be single for life. The whole blog was about me sharing this last hilarious text conversation, but somehow I ended up rambling for like 3 pages of word vomit. Sorry I’m not sorry.
I wrote a blog about posting a blog and her ridiculous reaction.
With that being said. I don’t think I want to date any more “bloggers” or “writers”. In fact, my new preference is girls that don’t know how to read at all. I think I’m going to make that a new #RFMNGF
This is the internet, it’s not that serious.
Leave some comments/thoughts/feelings/concerns/phone numbers/hate mail/love mail/ and/or a pictures of dinosaurs.