Well actually there’s another reason……and when I tell you this, it’s because you’re in the trust tree, so don’t go and freak out, it’s not really that big of a deal, but you should be probably sitting down. Are you sitting down? Good. Well, I guess it kind of turns out I have a girlfriend? No, that wasn’t a typo. I actually meant to type girlfriend. Yeah, she’s pretty awesome, you know for a girl.  So yeah, that just happened. I don’t think it’s going to stop me from “blogging”, but obviously you will have to live without blogs having to do with terrible, awkward or embarrassing dates or the process of online dating. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I will continue to “write”, don’t worry, shut your face. I won’t be writing about her though, she already told me she would smash my face in, if she ended up in the blog.  Anyways, back to the shit show that is my blog. I took the easy way out for this blog and decided to write about the uber creepers on craigslist.

Craig list is full of creeps. Not as creepy as you guys, but still kind of creepy. Yeah, you, you’re a creep. I mean, let’s be honest, some of you read this blog, this sentence right now, are reading about some dude’s life you’ve never met before. Sounds creepy to me, I’m just saying, but I digress.

Let’s begin

Oh god. I don’t even know where to start.  Let’s start with the title

Party all the time – 23 (sun diego0)
I googled “sun diego0”, and nowhere is San Diego spelt with a zero. Nowhere. I can understand replacing San with Sun, as a play on words because of the awesome amount of sun we get, but I don’t get adding an extra zero AFTER he already spelt Diego correctly0.

“hey wuts up stranger hahah”
Either he think it’s funny to misspell “whats” or he thinks it’s hysterical to meet creepy internet girls, yeah, I’m talking about you. Or he might just be an idiot.  I’m willing to be bet, he might just be an idiot.

“well im alejandro im an actor and I work n go to school”
I hope he’s in school to be a crash test dummy. This guy doesn’t even believe in capitalizing his own name. Please go to school harder.

“i like to party, to get crazy every now and then hahah also I like to think im my future”
Why does he start laughing in the middle of his sentence. Did I miss his joke? He also likes to “think im my future”?? What the fuck does that mean. Does that mean he likes to think he’s his own future? That sounds like a pretty shitty future if you ask me.

“did I mention im Hispanic,?”
Did I mention I’m Hispanic comma question mark? No. No you didn’t asshole. Did you forget what you wrote all 3 “sentences” above. I feel like he had one of those Ron Burgundy moments…..I’m Hispanic? Question mark?

“mmm well I am im single and yeah that’s pretty much my life just a regular guy that want to find naughty love in a sexy”
I think at this point he bites into something tasty, which obviously prompts the “mmm” creeper sound in his post. “that want to find naughty love in a sexy” , in sexy what!? Finish your fucking sentence. The suspense is killing me. I can only assume he meant to end his sentence with “jail cell”.

Leave me some comments. I’ll write more soon. Me love you long time.

Don’t do that.

Blah blah, basically I’m flattered and embarrassed to how this blog has grown. I appreciate my readers, and I hope you continue to read this word vomit and suggest zany ways for me to meet girls. But it’s just a blog. This is just a blog.  Speaking of blogs, let’s get to the reason I brought you here.

First thing you need to do, is go back and read this blog “I like you, I just don’t like you enough”

Let me start with explaining my blog. I’m not a writer, nor do I pretend to be in any way shape or form.  In fact I don’t even like reading. I mean, I know HOW to read, sure, but I’ve never read a book just to read a book. Here’s a fun fact, I’ve never read a book cover to cover, thank god for Cliff Notes in high school. I actually don’t even like reading my own blog. When I write these blogs, rarely do I go back and read what I wrote, rarely will I hit the delete key, my writing style is more a stream on conciseness, whatever  I’m thinking comes out, also know as “word vomit”.  This style is probably apparently with the run on sentences, spelling mistkes (ha), and the general slaughter of the English language. Though this blog is nothing more than word vomit, the word vomit that you read is actually truth. It’s how I feel, my perception and actual ridiculous events that happen in my life. Sure I sensationalized and add graphics to make ha-ha’s, but for the most part, in this blog I can be brutal honest.  Why is this important you ask? Well the last blog was the truth, and not even anything negative about said girl. That wasn’t the point the of the blog, the point of the blog was to highlight the hilarious ending of “I like you, but I don’t like you enough”.  I had nothing bad to say about said girl, not at all, until….about 5 hours after I posted that blog….

First thing you were probably thinking after reading that blog is that I’m pretty ballsy slash a giant jerk for posting a blog that honest knowing she would be reading it. Good point. BUT a couple factors to consider.

I made that into a graphic with random pictures because that’s how important I think those points are.  Some of you, open my blog, and just scan the photos.

It’s important because my goal is to NOT blog about every single date I go on. No way.  I don’t want to blog about any date. I typically only blog about dates that end epically terribly or have a funny ending. I would LOVE to go on a date, that goes well, and nothing happens. No funny ending, no awkward story, just a regular date. AND then I would even like to go on a second date. I say this because I don’t want my blog to scare aware the horde of girls that probably want to go out on dates with me, but are terrified they’ll probably end up in this blog where 11-12 people a day will read about it.

Focus. Get to the point Steven. Basically, I told her I was going to write a blog, let her see the blog first, she ok-ed the blog, then  hours later she decide she was going to call me an unfunny jerk and tried to force me to take down the blog. Say whaaaaaa

She also de-friended me on facebook, twitter and un-fanned the facebook page. The triple threat of “you’re dead to me on social medias”. Which is fine, I didn’t really care, I mean we met once, we didn’t have any mutual friends in common, it’s not like I was losing a “real life” friend. I was ready to cut my loses and move on. The part that actually got me fired up and probably the whole reason for this blog is her reaction to the whole situation.

She could have just said:
“Hey I had second thoughts about the blog, please take it down”

To which I would have gladly taken down the blog. Believe it or not, I’m not a jerk, I’m not in the business of offending my friends with my blog. It’s only for entertainment purposes. If someone I write about, that is my real life friend, is uncomfortable about the content, I will gladly take it down. Instead she took the , I’m going to  have a text battle with you, and tell you, you’re an inconsiderate asshole,a jerk, not funny, then demand you take down the blog approach. WRONG. This is when I ripped my shirt off in my cubical during work hours in a fit of rage. Well not really, but I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong approach to the only person that can take down the blog.

But as rude, out of the blue and wrong I thought she was, in real life, I’m not a jerk. Only on the internet. And in real life, I should do the right nice guy thing, I felt like I should take it down, even though I felt like I was completely in the right with the situation.

Thankfully, I had told some people I was taking down the blog, and they screamed at me not to. In fact someone even threaten to punch me in the ovaries if I took down the blog. Now that’s a good friend.

So the blog stayed up. She text me the next morning.



And that’s why I’ll be single for life. The whole blog was about me sharing this last hilarious text conversation, but somehow I ended up rambling for like 3 pages of word vomit. Sorry I’m not sorry.
I wrote a blog about posting a blog and her ridiculous reaction.

With that being said. I don’t think I want to date any more “bloggers” or “writers”. In fact, my new preference is girls that don’t know how to read at all. I think I’m going to make that a new #RFMNGF

This is the internet, it’s not that serious.

Leave some comments/thoughts/feelings/concerns/phone numbers/hate mail/love mail/ and/or a pictures of dinosaurs.

Hello World!

Hello world indeed.  I know, I know, I know, it’s been a while, blah blah blah. It’s the usual, you’re angry, I have some lame excuse about being busy, let’s just skip that whole paragraph where I apologize then lie to you and tell you I promise I’m going to write more. Deal? Deal. But I have been itching to write, I have so many ideas and stories to tell I don’t even know where to begin. I hope you’re as excited as I am. Let’s begin.

So I’d like to tell you about the time I kissed a girl. I know doesn’t sound like a big deal to some of you, but please consider the following…this blog is called singlesteve.com, not IgetTonsOfAssSteve.com. As much as we would both like for the blog to be about the plethora of girls I go on dates with and bang, sadly it’s not. It’s about the 4 failed dates a year I go on, and then I have to awkwardly find other creative ways to fill the blog for the other 361 days. But I digress.

I don’t count those other girls for one or many of the reasons above. Especially the one where it’s actually just me making out with my own pillow.

I. Me. Steven. Actually went on a successful date recently. Well 2 weeks ago, but still recently enough. I remember it clearly because it was my people’s national holiday, Cinco De Mayo. Yep, it’s a big deal to us Mexicans. I think it’s the day Mexican Jesus was born right? Anyways, let’s talk about how this date came about, how it went and where it went.

You’re probably thinking, “Hey Steven! Slow your roll homie, aren’t you going to ruin any mad game you might have with this girl, by blogging about it, for all 12 of your readers to read!?”
First of all, you talk like a fucking idiot, “Slow your roll homie”, “mad game”!? Who says that? This is why were not friends in real life. But… good question. And I’m 12 steps ahead of you, it turns out I’ve already ruined any “mad game” I might have had with her BEFORE even blogging about it. I mean, she can’t double dump me right? So there’s no harm in blogging about it at this point. I mean she can stab me for blogging about it, but I’m not too concerned about that. . . .

How we met:
So, like how many relationships started, this one started by meeting her at a bar….just kidding we met on twitter. I know, awkward right, how do people even “meet” on twitter. Well, I think she started following me, I noticed that her 4 pixel by 4 pixel avatar picture was attractive so I decided to start following her back.

Exco facto, we tweet back and forth at each other, we exchanged match.com profiles and we decide to set up date. We were both ridiculously busy, and it turns out the only time we can meet up was on Cinco Da Mayo. She also lives up in Anaheim area….so we decided to meet half way in the middle in San Clemente.

I google this sweet seafood place right on the peer, according to the interwebs it was supposed to be awesome. So I suggest we meet there.

How it went:
During the day, we both tweeted, how excited we were about meeting up tonight, like teenagers. We told the entire internet our excitement, we didn’t care, who knew it. Got me excited about the date, we met at the restaurant, right on time, right as expected. Greeted her with a hug and we were escorted to our table outside, under the heat lamp, right over the ocean, things were going pretty cliché at this point. I was totally prepared to order a bottle of wine per protocol of being on a first date, when the waitress handed us the wine list, but date suggested we get a beer instead. I was totally down. And then when the beer came out I was on my best behavior and poured my beer into the chilled glass provided, date drank straight out of the bottle, I was down.

We’re talking, have a great conversation, joking laughing, things are going great. I didn’t tweet ONCE during the whole date, she did ask if I were to tweet right now what would I tweet….I responded with:
“Beautiful view, beautiful company, dinners on its way out”
Pretty suave right? I thought so. Dinner was excellent, afterwards we decided to continue out cliché date and go for a walk on the beach. About 14 feet into our walk, I go for the hand grab, SUCCESS! We hold hands, walk along the beach barefoot with shoes in hand, talking about how cliché this is. Things are going pretty good, I thought. We find a bench to have a seat at, when I see a window to go in for the kiss. BOOM.
So side note, you probably think I don’t make out/hook up with a lot of girls because I’m too picky. False. I will make out with anything that gives me the window to do so. And I mean anything.
Anyways I see a window, and go in, BOOM, yeah, that’s the sound of kissing. Well at least when I kiss. It’s pretty epic. I would say that’s its one of my better skills, it’s up there on the list, right next to public speaking. We start making out, like teenagers, on this bench, on a Wednesday night, as people are jogging by and walking around the beach. I don’t care. F it. I don’t live in San Clemente, who’s going recognize me. We are literally making out like the Titanic is going down, then we gradually (rapidly) move into an awkward state of dry humping. Only awkward because we’re sitting side by side on a bench. Awkward also because I’m a 27 year old man, and who dry humps anymore. I haven’t dry humped that hard since I was 17 in the back seat of my Chevy Cavalier. I’m used to going from making out to sex, since becoming an adult. This isn’t high school where you have to obligatory go through the 12 steps of groping before you can get naked. In high school, everything was so sequential. You had to first grab her boob over the shirt, then under the shirt over the bra grab, then awkwardly under the bra with the bra still on, THEN you could take off her bra. This process probably took 3-5 make out sessions if not more. If you went straight to taking off the bra, you would for sure get slapped. Am I right? Or did everyone just date super sluts in high school and I missed out. But I digress…..focus.

We attempt get up and leave before the situation gets “out of control”, but as we walk along the beach this only prompts more dry humping like it’s our last day on Earth. Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying, also I want to see how many times I can use the word “dry hump”. I think I’m going to try and bring that into my everyday vocabulary- “I just dry humped the shit out of those engineering test procedures”

Anyways we finally decided to stop dry humping and make our way back to our cars. On our walk back she realizes she’s missing both her earrings, yeah, I guess we really were going at it pretty good.
As we’re leaving, we try to coordinate we can we meet again. She invites me to come up on that Friday, but I had visitors in town and couldn’t make it up.  We leave it open, both with the impression that we would like to meet up again soon.

Great date, I haven’t had a date go that well in long time. I mean it seems like she likes me right?
Here’s a time line of her tweets, to further highlight my case for me thinking she likes me.

Yeah, so things are looking pretty good right? Wroooooooong. Didn’t even go on a second date.

Why we aren’t banging now:
Good question. Well, maybe not banging, but why didn’t we even go on a second date? No idea.
We were attempting to coordinate plans for the next couple days, I thought things were going great until I got this email.

Haha! Hilarious! I laughed out loud in my cubical at work for probably 5 minutes. I blurred out the rest because I just wanted to share with you that one line, and not dig too much into her privacy.

I’m not upset about the email, or about her not liking me “enough”, not at all. And to be honest, I don’t even think I would of even  have wanted to “date” her, but I wasn’t against banging her, but I guess both of those are out of the question now. Ha! Especially after I write this blog, and she’s reading it right now. Eh, like I said, she can’t double deny me. I know she was doing the honest thing and telling me up from, which is great, and I appreciated, but was just kind of comical how it went down. The streak continues!

Now that I’ve scared off any girl that might potentially ever want to meet me because she fears she might end up in the blog, I am going to be writing more frequently. Check back soon. Also invite your friends to the facebook fan page and to read the blog. Since I’m not getting paid or laid to write these blogs, it’s the least you can do.

Also you see all these social media buttons. Push them. Share this with the world. I would like you so much….but I don’t know if I would like you enough.

public class HelloWorld {

   public static void main(String[] args) {

       System.out.println("Hello World!");

   }

}

Hello World!

Hello world indeed.  I know, I know, I know, it’s been a while, blah blah blah. It’s the usual, you’re angry, I have some lame excuse about being busy, let’s just skip that whole paragraph where I apologize then lie to you and tell you I promise I’m going to write more. Deal? Deal. But I have been itching to write, so many idea and stories to tell I don’t even know where to begin. I hope you’re as excited as I am. Let’s begin.

So I like to tell you about the time I kissed a girl. I know doesn’t sound like a big deal to some of you, but please consider the following…this blog is called singlesteve.com, not IgetTonsOfAssSteve.com. As much as we would both like for the blog to be about the plethora of girls I go on dates with and bang, sadly it’s not. It’s about the 4 failed dates a year I go on, and then I have to awkwardly find other creative ways to fill the blog for the other 362 days. But I digress. 

Here’s a fun fact: I’ve only KISSED one girl in the last 9 months.
I’ve made out with a few others, but I don’t count those because:
A.) They may or may not have been blacked out and probably don’t remember
B.) They may or may not have been blacked out and probably wouldn’t have made out with me sober
C.) It was like kissing the jaws of  life
D.) I was drunk and making out with my pillow and thought it was a human

I don’t count those other girls for one or many of the reasons above. Especially the one where it’s actually just me making out with my own pillow. 

I. Me. Steven. Actually went on a successful date recently. Well 2 weeks ago, but still recently enough. I remember it clearly because it was my people’s national holiday, Cinco De Mayo. Yep, it’s a big deal to us Mexicans. I think it’s the day Mexican Jesus was born right? Anyways, let’s talk about how this date came about, how it went and where it went.

You’re probably thinking, “Hey Steven! Slow your roll homie, aren’t you going to ruin any mad game you might have with this girl, by blogging about it, for all 12 of your readers to read!?”  

First of all, you talk like a fucking idiot, “Slow your roll homie”, “mad game”!? Who says that? This is why were not friends in real life. But… good question. And I’m 12 steps ahead of you, it turns out I’ve already ruined any “mad game” I might have had with her BEFORE even blogging about it. I mean, she can’t double dump me right? So there’s no harm in blogging about it at this point. I mean she can stab me for blogging about it, but I’m not too concerned about that. . . .

How we met:

So, like how many relationships started, this one started by meeting her at a bar….just kidding we met on twitter. I know, awkward right, how do people even “meet” on twitter. Well, I think she started following me, I noticed that her 4 pixel by 4 pixel avatar picture was attractive so I decided to start following her back. 

Exco facto, we tweet back and forth at each other, we exchange match.com profiles and we decide to set up date. We were both ridiculously busy, and it turns out the only time we can meet up was on Cinco Da Mayo. She also lives up in Anaheim area….so we decided to meet half way in the middle in San Clemente. 

I google this sweet seafood place right on the peer, according to the interwebs it was supposed to be awesome. So I suggest we me there. 

How it went:
During the day, we both tweeted, how excited we were about meeting up tonight, like teenagers. We told the entire internet our excitement, we didn’t care, who knew it. Got me excited about the date, we met at the restaurant, right on time, right as expected. Greeted her with a hug and we were escorted to our table outside, under the heat lamp, right over the ocean, things were going pretty cliché at this point. I was totally prepared to order a bottle of wine per protocol of being on a first date, when the waitress handed us the wine list, but date suggested we get a beer instead. I was totally down. And then when the beer came out I was on my best behavior and poured my beer into the chilled glass provided, date drank straight out of the bottle, I was down. 

We’re talking, have a great conversation, joking laughing, things are going great. I didn’t tweet ONCE during the whole date, she did ask if I were to tweet right now what would I tweet….I responded with:
“Beautiful view, beautiful company, dinners on its way out”
Pretty suave right? I thought so. Dinner was excellent, afterwards we decided to continue out cliché date and go for a walk on the beach. About 14 feet into our walk, I go for the hand grab, SUCCESS! We hold hands, walk along the beach barefoot with shoes in hand, talking about how cliché this is. Things are going pretty good, I thought. We find a bench to have a seat at, when I see a window to go in for the kiss. BOOM.
So side note, you probably think I don’t make out/hook up with a lot of girls because I’m too picky. False. I will make out with anything that gives me the window to do so. And I mean anything. 

Anyways I see a window, and go in, BOOM, yeah, that’s the sound of kissing. Well at least when I kiss. It’s pretty epic. I would say that’s its one of my better skills, it’s up there on the list, right next to public speaking. We start making out, like teenagers, on this bench, on Wednesday, as people are jogging by and walking around the beach. I don’t care. F it. I don’t live in San Clemente, who’s going recognize me. We are literally making out like the Titanic is going down, then we gradually (rapidly) move into an awkward state of dry humping. Only awkward because we’re sitting side by side on a bench. Awkward also because I’m a 27 year old man and who dry humps anymore. I haven’t dry humped that hard since I was 17 in the back seat of my Chevy Cavalier. I’m used to going from making out to sex, since becoming an adult. This isn’t high school where you have to obligatory go through the 12 steps of groping before you can get naked. In high school, everything was so sequential. You had to first grab her boob over the shirt, then under the shirt, then awkwardly under the bra with the bra still on, THEN you could take off her bra. This process probably took 3-5 make out sessions if not more. If you went straight to taking off the bra, you would for sure get slapped. Am I right? Or did everyone just date super sluts in high school and I missed out. But I digress…..focus.

We attempt get up and leave before the situation gets “out of control”, but as we walk along the beach this only prompts more dry humping like it’s our last day on Earth. Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying, also I want to see how many times I can use the word “dry hump”. I think I’m going to try and bring that into my everyday vocabulary- “I just dry humped the shit out of those engineering test procedures” 

Anyways we finally decided to stop dry humping and make our way back to our cars. On our walk back she realizes she’s missing both her earrings, yeah, I guess we really were going at it pretty good.
As we’re leaving we try to coordinate we can we meet again. She invites me to come up on that Friday, but I had visitors in town and couldn’t make it up.  We leave it open, both with the impression that we would like to meet up again soon. 

Great date, I haven’t had a date that go, in long time. I mean it seems like she likes me right?  
Here’s a time line of her tweets, to further highlight my case for me thinking she likes me. 

Yeah, so things are looking pretty good right? Wroooooooong. Didn’t even go on a second date. 

Why we aren’t banging now:
Good question. Well, maybe not banging, but why didn’t we even go on a second date? No idea.
We were attempting to coordinate plans for the next couple days, she even drunk text me a little, which is always a good sign. I thought things were going great until I got this email.

Haha! Hilarious! I laughed out loud in my cubical at work for probably 5 minutes. I blurred out the rest because I just wanted to share with you that one line, and not dig too much into her privacy. 

I’m not upset about the email, or about her not liking me “enough”, not at all. And to be honest, I don’t even think I would of even  have wanted to “date” her, but I wasn’t against banging her, but I guess both of those are out of the question now. Ha! Especially after I write this blog, and she’s reading it right now. Eh, like I said, she can’t double deny me. I know she was doing the honest thing and telling me up from, which is great, and I appreciated, but was just kind of comical how it went down. The streak continues! 

Now that I’ve scared off any girl that might potentially ever want to meet me because she fears she might end up in the blog, I am going to be writing more frequently. Check back soon. Also invite your friends to the facebook fan page and to read the blog. Since I’m not getting paid or laid to write these blogs, it’s the least you can do. 

I’d like to start off with saying my friends are jerks. Hilarious jerks.Well, not all of them, just like 80 percent of them. I thought my version of an April Fools joke would be to change my Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship”. I know, “ha ha ha”, very funny, fuck you. It’s possible. Anyways, here’s the comments I got from my friends.

Jesus! What if I actually DID get a girlfriend!? She would read the comments on my status and probably uppercut me. Is me getting a girlfriend really that far of stretch? I should have just updated my status to read “I’m going to the moon!!” You know it’s possible. You ever seen the movie Might Ducks? Yeah, anything’s possible. Anyways, I appreciate your concern for my facebook status, but that was only a drill. When the real thing comes, we’ll know what to do now.

Anyways……

This blog concept actually was developed out of the blue. I was probably about 87 percent done with a classic Craiglist tool bags post, when I received a random facebook IM from an old friend (ex-girlfriend actually) from a girl named Kacey. Well maybe not completely random because 23 minutes earlier I poked her on facebook. Yeah, I still fucking poke people. I’m five years old, so what. 60 percent of the time, it works everytime.  Anyways, we start catching up, how are you blah blah blah, what’s new blah blah blah, etc. I proceeded to ask her “So I see you’re single now??” (of course I knew she was single, that’s why I poked her, I mean….what, I digress) I then asked her how the “single life” is going for her. Her response was she was having a blast. Whaaaaa. I guess it’s so hard for me to relate to other singles that are actually enjoying being single.  And here’s why, I think it’s because there’s two types of the “Single Life” experiences you can have.

Guess which experience I’m having. “Ha Ha Ha”….fuck your face. NOW don’t interpret this as I think my life sucks, or I’m depressed. Not at all. In fact, I fucking love my life. A lot. It’s great, I just don’t think my “single life” experience is going as awesome as I think it should be.  I’m not saying I want to be sleeping around hooking up with mad hotties, though I wouldn’t be opposed to that, I’m just saying I wouldn’t mind kissing a girl every now and then just to confirm that, yes, in fact I’m still straight.

It’s weird because I feel like you (my naïve readers) think I get more action than I actually do. Which is flattering, but you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. I was talking to Kacey and this came up, how I think I might be a virgin again just because I haven’t had sex in such a long time, you know medically speaking. She seemed confused by this statement. She mentioned that I should hook up with one of the many girls that “pine” after me. First of all, I don’t know why she used the term “pine”, although she does teach 1^st grade and probably has modified vocabulary because of it, but seriously, pine? I’ve never once heard a girl say “Man I pine after him so hard”, or “I could pine the fuck out him right now”, but that’s not the point. The point is, despite popular belief girls don’t “pine” after me, if they did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. We wouldn’t be talking about how I haven’t had sex in ….in….in… a very long time. I’m not saying sex is the end all, and I need sex to live, but I wouldn’t mind making out with a girl every now and then. Who doesn’t like kissing? You know who doesn’t like kissing? Bad kissers. I HATE bad kissers. It’s a deal breaker. If you’re a bad kisser, it will never work out. I love how I can just get off on side tangents and rants because it’s my blog. For example, I just remembered awkwardly, that I found out my parents apparently read my blog. Awkward. How awkward that I just mentioned I haven’t had sex in a long time. How awkward that they might be reading this sentence right now. Exactly.

Anyways, where was I? That’s right, making out with chicks. Which got me thinking, why don’t I make out with more girls?  Or any for that matter. Well who would I make out with anyways??? The answer? My friends. All of them. Well, all of the girl ones. And to be more specific, all of the girl ones who don’t have boyfriends, and who aren’t ugly. See diagram below to see which group you fit into.

Maybe that’s my problem, I make UML diagram to explain to people if I would bang them or not. Being an engineer is not helping me get laid, that’s for sure.

I’m not saying this, like I’m a super creep who wants to hook up with all of his friends, but I’m saying, if you’re my friend, and you’re attractive, I’m probably not going to stop if you said you wanted to make out with me. I’m just saying. ALSO I don’t think I’m the only male who feels this way about his female friends. In FACT, I would go as far and say that this is probably the norm.

I’ve actually seen this myself with my own eyes, I’ve got a scenario for the ladies and I bet either you have experienced this or know someone that has

I recently heard this exact story from a girl friend of mine, that she just got out of a relationship, and within the month, a guy she thought was just her platonic friend, confessed his secret love for her. It happens. And I’m not going to lie I’ve for SURE been that guy once, twice or 12 times. It’s pretty much my M.O. It’s my fault, it’s because of my philosophy on relationships. What’s my philosophy you ask? Well, not to get too deep into it, because this shit’s supposed to be funny, but, basically the type of relationship I’m seeking (eventually), is the epic love relationship. And IN MY OPINION I feel like my best relationships are basically best friendships, with sex. What does that mean. That means I want to develop a relationship out of friendship, because the best marriages I’ve seen, the couples that are still very much in love after 20 years, are basically best friends, as cliché as that sounds. That’s why I hate online dating so much, because you focus on building a “relationship” with a complete stranger, not necessary a friendship. Anyways…

You’re probably thinking, but Steven, I’m a girl, I’m your friend, do you want to bang me? The answer is yes. I mean no. I mean it’s a maybe? I don’t think I want to bang you, I only said bang for dramatics mostly, but I do think that on some level male and female relationships do have a physical attractiveness component to them, no matter how platonic you think your relationship is.

Also stop freaking out, this doesn’t change anything, between you and I. I mean somehow magically we’ve been able to not make out for all these years, I don’t think knowing this information actually changes anything.

Here’s my challenge to all the girls out there that think this is just my own crazy idea about the female and male relationship. I challenge you to ask your “platonic” guy friends, that you think would never think about you in “that way”, something to the extent of:

“Question….would you ever make out with me?”
“True of False: You would bang me if I asked you to?”
“Let’s get drunk and do it, you in!?”

Wait for the awkward pause, see what their response is. Some guys might think you’re coming around and you’re finally asking them out.
I realized I used to the word bang like 100 times in this blog, and I giggled every single time.
Let me know if you agree/disagree or if you had an experience with this.
Let’s be friends!!

Speaking of friends, my annual bar crawl birthday event is planned and in works. April 24^th in Pacific Beach, SAVE THE DATE! It’s the 3^rd annual and going to be a blast. If you live in and San Diego, and you’re interested in coming (and we’re not already “real life” friends) shoot me an email Steve@SingleSteve.com. I’ll send you the details, and let you know how to get a shirt. I’m always up for making new friends!

Now this is a story, all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down, and I like to take a minute, just sit right there, and tell you how I went on a date that ended in complete despair.

This blog is about a date. What was supposed to be, an epic date. It was date between myself and this other single, attractive, funny, Hispanic, blogger that lives in San Diego. Sounds like my soul mate right? Keep reading……

The Setup

Where to start, where to start…..I guess I’ll start at the very very beginning. The beginning is, how I even stumbled upon her blog in the first place. Good question. I guess it occurred during one of my weekly creep sweeps of twitter and facebook. You know, creep sweeps, where you type into facebook something you’re looking for and see what pops up. Here are some examples:

So yes, was doing one of my weekly creep sweeps, when I ran across her facebook fan page The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single. So, me, being the mature adult I am, didn’t send her an message, didn’t make any actual contact with her, instead I posted about it on my facebook fan page like an 8^th grade child.

The ball kind of got rolling from there. Everybody was asking when I was going to ask her out. This I had to think about, was I going to ask her out as Single Steve or Real Life Steve. The best advice I was given, came from this girl:

We were at a bar, 1, 2 or  8 drinks deep when Kelly told me I need to man up and send this girl a real email as Real Life Steve. So I did. I took the serious approach, for once. Here is the email I sent:

After that we set a date. I was actually nervous and slightly excited. Which is rare for me to feel that way about a date, especially after my last date. So anyway, we then decided that it would be a fun idea to let our readers make suggestions for our date. It was funny because she posted the question to her twitter followers first, and she was getting some really good legit suggestions.

When I posted it to my twitter, this is when I realized my readers might be assholes. I’m JUST kidding, you’re not assholes, most of you, some of you are just funny. Here’s the advice I was given:

So as you can tell I got some really good input about my date. I actually did get some good suggestions on places to go. I knew she liked Italian food and wine, so I made reservations according. I actually made reservations at 3 different Italian places in San Diego. I figured it was better to have options, than to not have options and end up at Peter Piper Pizza and yelling “Surprise!!” I canceled the other 2 reservations hours before the actual date, after I picked out the perfect spot….
The day of the date, I left early work, got my gangster fade, got my car washed and even bought some new jeans, just for this date. Like I said, it was on, like donkey kong. Later, while on the actual date, I remember thinking and probably saying out loud “I got my car washed for this!?”

The Date

I google mapped her place and saw she lived “6 minutes away”, me being narcotic about being punctual, left 20 minutes before I was supposed to pick her up, you know, just incase. I drove by the place, got my bearings and parked down the street. I was actually nervous for this date. Weird. I don’t get nervous. I can present to a group of hundreds with no problem, but one pretty girl and I start stuttering and fumbling my words, and yes, I get nervous.

I pull up to her condo, park, get out, and text her that I was “huuur”. On that note, at this point, we had not spoken a single word to each other, nor had I actually seen more than a side profile photo of her. I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles when you facebook/twitter/stalk/blog meet someone. I’m outside waiting for her, she makes her way down the steps towards the car, I can feel my palms start to sweat. She gets within eye contact range, I notice she’s even prettier in person than she was in her thumbnail of facebook profile picture. Dear Diary, Jackpot. Funny thing about the thumbnail facebook picture, it only showed her upper half, it was at this point I realized I had no fucking idea how tall she was. Turns out she was at least 5’11. Shit. The only thing that could have hindered this date, did. I approach her and give her a “hi hello nice to meet you hug”, of course I had to tippy toe, hoping she didn’t notice the obvious height differential.

Let me start off by saying I don’t have a height complex. Not at all. I’m 5’9 (well 5’8 and a half), and feel like that’s a pretty average height for a guy. In fact, I looked this up. The average height for a man is 5 feet 9.2 inches, and the average height for a woman is 5 feet 3.8 inches. FACT. I am average height for an adult male. FACT. She was 2 standard deviations taller than the normal distribution of women heights.

I’ve dated girls taller than me, not a big issue. It’s just, admittedly, a little intimidating.

*FACT: I drive an Infinity G35. For those of you that think I actually drive a white rape van as described in her blog, you’re idiots.

But I digress, she gets in the car, smells real pretty and we start our adventure. I start driving, on our way out to the freeway we pass her favorite club, she lets me know it’s basically TJ night every night. Sounds awesome. . . .

Our reservations are for 7:30 at Il Fornaio, a recommendation from a reader for Italian, looked good on the interweb.  Here’s the view from our table:

We’re seated, we order a bottle of wine, and conversation continues. I thought the conversation was going well? I’m not sure. She kept interrupting me to tell me about her past dates and how they used to fly her out on their jets, but also how she “wasn’t impressed with that”. I felt like telling her, “well I go on dates with chubby chicks, but I’m not impressed with that”, but somehow I don’t think that’s the same thing.
She also felt the need to keep mentioning how her more recent boyfriend was a TV star. Not only do I not have a jet,  I also don’t have my own TV show. Sorry.

I thought our conversation was going well? Apparently not, we both “checked” phones, and I saw a twitter update from her 2.3 seconds later…..

Awesome. I think it was at this point we both realized this date had gone south, but dinner hadn’t even arrived yet, so we had to stick it out.

Dinner couldn’t come quick enough, AND when dinner finally got there she stole my plate. I’m all about sharing, but she literally took my plate to her half of the table. This is an actual picture of her stealing my food.

She said “By the way, I’m going to steal your food”, so I guess that makes it okay!?

Dinner was delicious, the small amount I was allowed to steal away when she wasn’t looking. We finished dinner, finished the bottle of wine, and both “checked” our phones again. And again 2.3 seconds later I saw her twitter updated with…

I wanted to respond via twitter with “@sdlolo It’s spelled “whack” sasquatch”, but I didn’t. I refrained.Ftw! It’s time to pay the bill and leave. I’m sorry I don’t own a jet, but I’ll at least buy dinner.

We make our way back to her house, just as I’m dropping her off, by some divine chance, Mariah Carey’s “Why you so obsessed with me” comes on, I dedicate the song to her and wish her a good night. I got the old awkward side car hug, which is basically 3^rd base, so yeah, it was pretty good night.

Would I go on another date with said girl?
Yeah, I think we really have something special.

If you want to read her interpretation of the date go here:
Chapter 14. A Leprechaun and Sasquatch

See all these social media buttons I’ve plastered all over my site?? Use them.

Join my facebook group.

Your thoughts? Is she the one that got away?Leave me some comments.

Preface

Yep. Another fucking preface. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I just have some stuff I want to say that’s not really related to the “blog”, so here it is. What I wanted to declare for all to hear that I am never going to date another “blogger” again. What a disaster. As I’m sure some of you recall I went on a date with “The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single” girl. On paper she sounded okay, she was single, mildly entertaining, lived in San Diego and more importantly willing to go on a “date” with me. So I’m sure you read my side of the date and her side of the date. The problem with her side of the blog, is that it sits on a thrown of lies. Usually I wouldn’t feel the need to defend or refute comments but people are idiots and apparently I need clarify a few things. Also I get hate comments I have to delete on my blog, which is just getting annoying, so here’s some facts about the date:

1.) NO I did NOT pick her up in a white van.
When I read that, I thought it was funny, “ha ha ha”, I thought it was so outrageous that people would understand that it was obviously a joke, but then people started believing I ACTUALLY picked her up in a white van for date. I can understand people I don’t know in “real life”, thinking, yeah, maybe he did pick her up in a white van, but when people I see on a daily basis think I picked her up in a white van, that’s when I get concerned. You think I traded in my car for a rape van just for this date!? For the record I drive an Infinity G-35.

2.) I DID NOT call her tall when I first met her.
She said in her blog that when I first met her I said “Wow, you ARE tall”. False.
Although I did thank her for being a giant, but at this point we were having so much fun it was totally acceptable. Yeah, another thing, the date was fun, we had a blast, we were tweeting another story for fun, which is our fault, we let out internet egos get in the way.

3.) I never offered to take her to Subway.
Really? People are dumb if they think I would actually go on a date to subway.

There it is, out in open. We haven’t spoke/text/tweeted since the date, so I’m pretty sure were probably never going to see each other again. Which is a shame because she was actually pretty cool in real life. On to the blog…..

PB Millionaire, or is it PB Reality? Or is it you’re still a tool?

In my opinion……..I don’t even know where to begin. I actually kind of want to begin this blog by punching myself in the eyes, but I remember that I have a low threshold for pain and it would probably be really difficult to type when my eyes are swollen shut. Why do I want to start this blog by punching myself in the face you ask? Well, it’s because I just spent the last 23 minutes of life, eye fucking the shit out of the PB Millionaire’s terrible terrible website. I wanted to get an update to what’s new and exciting with the douchest guy in “PB”, and it was one of those things where I just wanted to look away but couldn’t. You know like 2 girls 1 cup type of thing, you want to look away, but you can’t. You just can’t. Anyways, our friend, the PB Millionaire is at it again and I’ve got some tales to share with you. I just ruined 23 minutes of life, and hundred brains cells in order to gather information for the purposes of this blog. The things I do for you people.

Okay were going to make this as interactive as possible, let’s start with this, first step is for everyone to get in front of a computer. Okay, let me know when you there. Ready? Okay, now open a web browser of your choice, except Internet Explorer. Not because it won’t work in Internet Explorer, but seriously who uses IE anymore? From a nerd stand point, it just sucks, please get a real one. I’ve also discovered www.SingleSteve.com doesn’t work correctly in IE 6 or earlier, so if you are using IE 6.0 or earlier, we can’t be friends. But I digress. Focus. In the web browser address, navigate to:
http://www.pbmillionaire.com/

Notice…..the web address is now…
http://www.pbreality.com/

Whaaaaa. What’s this? Interweb magic. I know right. Apparently he is no longer the “PB Millionaire” douche bag, but now he’s branding this “PB Reality” garbage. Me thinks he’s not as rich as he seems. I guess “PB 35k-a-year-ionaire” doesn’t really have the same ring.Let’s dig deeper into this, so “PB millionaire” used to stand for “Philanthropist Bachelor Millionaire”, right? At least he used to pretend to be philanthropic while he was creeping on girls half his age. I searched the website and couldn’t find any more references to PB standing for “Philanthropic Bachelor”…..interesting. Where did it go?

Which leads me to exhibit A: a video I found of him on NBC San Diego from this years Street Scene. Play and read my time stamped comments as I walk you though this completely social awkward video.

I’m sorry for making you sit through that video. Kind of.
The highlight for me was when he basically said one of his assistants has fucked up teeth. So basically Philanthropist Bachelor is out the window, and he’s now pushing his reality show. Awesome.

So navigating back to his home page, notice the silence of your computer is interrupted by his music that starts playing automatically. Doesn’t he know how fucking annoying it is to go to a website and have music automatically start playing!? If I went to google.com and music started to play every single time, I would punt my computer into the face of the guy that’s responsible for that code. I’m just saying, it would be pretty fucking annoying. And I’m pretty sure HE DOES NOT own rights to that song to have it playing his website. But I digress, let’s take a look at “Here’s What’s Happening”.

Ruh roh Scooby, looks like PB millionaire has a girlfriend? Or at least had a date for Valentine’s Day.

I guess I’m just jealous because I spent my Valentines on an “Anti-Valentines” bar crawl in pacific beach. I may or may not have blacked out, and woke up at 1am covered in Wendy’s….Happy Valentine’s Day to me! It wasn’t my finest moment.

Next I’ll walk you through some of his more recent photos. He recently had a Christmas party, what from what I can tell you weren’t invited unless you were in a slutty Christmas costume. Sounds more like Halloween.

Also, for being really rich, I don’t know why he doesn’t invest in a copy of Photoshop.

His birthday looked fun, but my birthday celebration is way better. I’m just saying. It’s in conjunction with a friend, and we always do an epic bar crawl (Mid April, SAVE THE DATE). The best bar crawl you will ever go on, minus one’s hosted by CrawlPB.

I’m not sure why I made that collage, probably because I have the attention span of an infant and forget I’m in the middle of writing a blog. But let’s get back to bashing our friend, PB Millionaire, shall we.

Here’s all I’m going to say about his super bowl party:

It looks like he finally found his 4^th angel. Good for him.

It got me thinking, if I could pick, who would my 4 angels be.

So there you go, now you know my type. Let me know if you think there’s anyone that you think would be good for me.

Also NO WHERE on his site does he mention a single thing he does to help or better the community. Not a single fucking thing. Alright I’m done bashing the PB Millionaire. I promise I’m not a jerk, I just play one on the internet.

In my opinion….. Leave me comments. Do it.

Vote for me!

Preface

Yep. This blog has a preface, I’m not sure what’s actually in a preface since I don’t actually read books. A fun fact about me, I hate hate hate reading. I know right. Shocking? Maybe not. I don’t even like proof reading my own blog after I write it, which is obvious by the misspellings, grammar mistakes and my poor excuses for sentences. But I’m not a writer, nor do I claim to be,  which means I can pretty much write how ever I want, I can start sentences with the word “but”, I can also just keep adding comas to a sentence, if I wanted to, because, that’s how it sounds in my head, when I talk, which is how it comes out when I type it up, take for example, this sentence you’re reading right now. So now you know. But that’s NOT the point of this preface. The point of this preface is 2 fold. I need 2 things from you.

1.) FACT: You like reading this blog. FACT: You have at least one friend on facebook. Based on those 2 facts, I’m going to pathetical and egotistically ask you to invite your friends to become a fan of facebook fan page. FACT: I did the math and if each of you invites just one friend, the group doubles in size. Unless you think this blogs sucks and your friends wouldn’t think its funny, in that case, please stop reading now. Glad you’re still here. I’m just saying, its what keeps me writing, seeing randoms join the fan page. Of course I enjoy seeing my “real life” friends reading my blog, but I feel like they are personally coerced enough, that they better fucking read it.

It validates the “effort” I might put into this blog. It’s the least you could do, well technically the least you could do is nothing, but you get what I’m trying to say.

Step 1. Click here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Steve/147717841098?ref=ts

Step 2.

I’ll pause for a moment and let you invite your friends. Come back when you’re done.

2.) The second thing I need is your votes. Take 30 seconds, click on the following link, then select the up arrow next to my blog. Bada Bing Bada Boom. Quick and simple.

http://influencesd.slinkset.com/categories/76933-best-in-lifestyle

Apparently my blog and my life is considered a “life style”. Who knew not getting laid and then writing about it, is actually called a “life style”. Awesome. Anyways, on to the blog…

IN MY OPINION

Apparently I need to start all of my blogs with IN MY OPINION, because otherwise ass clowns think they can sue me. Well get into that mess later…..
If you haven’t read parts 1 or 2 yet, I recommend you start there.

·         PB Millionaire: Part 1

·         PB Millionaire, Part 2

I actually wrote a blog about a month ago completely bashing the PB millionaire and made some funny comments on his videos, pictures, etc, but didn’t post it because I had a change of heart? Whaa whaaaa? A change of heart you say? Yes, it’s true. I was just about to hit the publish button, when I decided I was going to try and be the bigger person in this love hate relationship I have with the PB Millionaire. Why the change of heart you ask? Well I was just about to publish the 3^rd part in the PB millionaire series of blogs when I ran across this content on his web page…

Annnnd okay, so as much as I think he’s a super douche who hires girls half his age to party with him, I also kind of (kind of) respect his attempts to be philanthropic. Anyone that knows me in “Real Life” knows I’m extremely philanthropically oriented. I coach a Special Olympics basketball team, I’ve been a big brother for big brother big sisters, I’m president of a non profit that gives away over $20,000 in scholarships to local San Diego college students a year, and other yada yadas. BUT that’s not my angle, and that’s NOT my branding for this SingleSteve.com blog. Unfortunately that IS part of PB Reality’s branding. And I also feel like he “trys” to do some good for the community, but he is so poorly presented and marketed to the outside world through his webpage and videos that he comes off as just this old guy that parties 99 percent of the time and might do something good for the community 1 percent of the time. So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know what, maybe he does do some good stuff for the community? Like the story above about helping a family in need during the holiday times. That’s pretty awesome, poorly written and badly presented, but awesome that he helped a family out in times of need during the holiday. So I decided to reach out to the PB Millionaire and offer my “services” to help him with his branding, social media and web content. I was legitimately and honestly interested in helping the PB Millionaire. I reached out to him and his angels with this email…..

So yeah, that was my email. I got a response, almost immediately, but I’m not going to post it because I’m not sure how legal that is…..but I can summarize and paraphrase what I got back from “Jen and the PB Reality Staff”. Basically the email said they were actually aware of my blogs for quite some time and Jim has the ability to laugh at himself and not take criticism seriously. Which is good, because I really put him on blast. They did say they were hesitant to trust me and me offering my services to them, which is fair enough, I mean prior to this email, they probably thought I was the worst person ever, actually they still might. She said they MIGHT be willing to work with me, if I were to take down my blogs. This then became a which came first the chicken or the egg conversation, I will GLADLY take down my blogs about the PB millionaire once I feel like they are no longer true, once my opinion has changed of him based on new content that is presented. But they won’t let me help them change his content until I take down my blogs. See the problem. And me being a little stubborn and feeling like I’m already going out on the edge giving him the benefit of the doubt that’s he’s not 110 percent a turd and offering my services to him, there’s no way I’m taking down my blogs first.

She also called my blogs a “hate forum”, which is probably true, but I can’t be responsible for what other people comment on of my opinion.

And then she said something that enraged me.
“There are laws written to protect people like Jim from people like you.  We highly recommend that you do the right thing on your own accord or Jim may be persuaded by his attorney to force you by law”

At this point I literally ripped my shirt in half, Hulk Hogan style, blinded with rage. Well, I didn’t literally rip my shirt in half, because I was at work, but I was in my cubical flailing my arms pretty wildly.

They think they can force me with the law to take down my blogs!? WHAT!? THIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNET. I write my blogs based on my opinion of every thing HE puts out in the public domain. It’s like if I went to go see a movie, then wrote a bad movie review and said it was literally the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. You think they would be able to make me take down my opinion just because it’s negative? False. It’s actually pretty clearly described here: http://thedirty.com/contact-us/

So anyways that statement just threw me back a little. I wanted to respond with a big FUCK YOUR FACE, but decided to again try and be reasonable about it. Here’s my response:

For those of you that don’t recall, I found this photo on his PUBLIC myspace http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=72611674&albumID=538362&imageID=557517

I’m sorry if you clicked on that. I’m merely suggesting he cleans his shit up. Maybe don’t post pictures of your junk on myspace, or at least don’t pretend not to be a douche if you do. IN MY OPINION that’s what douche bags do.

They never responded back to my email. Guess they’re happy with way things are. I’ve got no complaints either.  BUT do expect another blog coming out soon with MY OPINIONS about new exciting updates with the PB Millionaire/PB Reality. Probably before I leave for Vegas on Friday. Get excited. Here’s a sneak peak…..

In my opinion I think “Bring It On” was a terrible movie, I also I think the PB Millionaire is an ass clown. I hope the makers of “Bring It On” don’t make me take down town this blog because I said their movie sucked.

I don’t know. Am I in the right? Can I be writing what I’m writing?

Buy your shirt here!
Here is the shirt design we are currently thinking for the 3rd Annual Zipparrillo’s bar crawl event on April 24th!


Select your shirt size and select “Add to Cart”, you will be able to add the quantities on the PayPal page that pops up. To add different sizes to the same order, click Continue Shopping on the PayPal to return back to this page to select a different size. You do not need a PayPal account to purchase a shirt.

Cost per shirt is $10.00

What size shirt (men’s sizes)

X-Small Small Medium Large X-Large XX-Large

Pick Up of Shirts:
You will be able to pick up your shirt at the event, and passing them to people we see on a regular basis.  If we don’t see you on a “regular” basis, let us know if you want your shirt prior to the event, we will try and work out some way to get it to you!

Go to the facebook event page for details!

*Shirt is subject to change