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Hooray! Another blog! I suck at blogging as frequently as I should. I think I’m kind of in a slump? Life (work, school, play) goes grrrrreat actually, but it’s more of a dating slump.  I haven’t been on a date in months, literally months. Well what I would consider a date. Maybe I’ve been on dates and didn’t know it? Anyways, schools over for the semester and it’s summer time. I LOVE summer time in San Diego. Love. You would too. I look forward to writing more, dating more, making out with these things called girls and living happily ever after. To ease back into blogging, I took the easy way out and wrote a blog about some creeps I found on Craig’s List. It always baffles me, the winners you can find on there. WHO is responding to these guys on Craig’s List!? KNOCK that shit off, it’s only breeding more creeps. I’m still too scared to pick guys who live in San Diego to make fun up, so I typically do my searches in the LA postings, as I think it the hour and half to drive down and murder me, would be a deterrent, as opposed to someone in my city who found out I was making fun of them on the internet. Enjoy these creeps!

There you go, this proves it, the internet is still filled with weird people.

FINALLY, everyone in San Diego should go to 710 Beach Club, THIS Saturday (June 11th) between 6:30pm – 9:30pm for a great fundraiser for a great organization. The organization is Pretties with Pitties, it’s a group of ladies who want to show the community that pit bulls aren’t jerks. Just have a bad rap. My friend help runs the organization, and promises a good time. I mean what’s better than hot girls and friendly dogs? They go together like unicorns and glitter.

For more details see:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=147024642033109
See you there!

Sitting down and conjuring up funny is more difficult than it sounds. So in taking the easy route out, I think I’ll do another CL’s blasting. It’s the easy way out of writing a real blog, sure, but I promise it will be my last one about CL losers, for a while. Actually it got me kind of thinking, maybe this will be the year I tackle the hard hitting topics in my blogs, like politics, legislation reform, and world peace? Maybe it will be, maybe it will. . .HAHA!

Actually by politics, legislation reform, and world peace I actually mean I’m going to duct tape a 40 to my hand and smash the key board and see what comes out.

Here it is. More Craig’s List Tool boxes.

There it is, the easy way out of a blog, Craig’s list losers. I promise future blogs will be more thought out and planned. Actually I kind of wrote down some new ideas for this year blog, things to be included:

“Relationship advice – ask the guy that can’t get any himself, on how to get some”

“Video blog?”

“Craig list all stars – time to pick on the girls”

“Steven gets drunk and does something ridiculous

Etc etc.

Leave me some comments?

If you liked this blog you might like:

• Craig’s List All Stars 1.0

• Craig’s List All Stars 2.0

Since the last blog about Craig’s list postings didn’t turn out so bad, decided to milk the topic and do it again. Hopefully this one turns out to be more than garbage. Doubtful I know, but worth a try

This first one is a little bit of creeper.

It’s the oldest trick in the book. The old bait and switch. Like when your parents used to tell you that you were going to zoo to ride the hippos, but you were actually going to the dentist. It’s like that, but with this guy there’s a chance you might end up in little pieces.

This next one is “the best there is, period”. This ass clown’s ad caught my eye because it was titled “I am the best there is, period”, such a bold statement. I had to find out what made this guy the best. . . . .

“I am looking for a friends with benefits”, really!? Can guys just say this?
He might as well of said “I am looking for Chlamydia ASAP!”
He posted his myspace link, so I decided to do some hard core sleuthing into the best there is. This is where I discovered our friend was a masseuse who makes a 10.34 an hour. Bling bling! I’m not looking down on him because he makes 10 dollars an hour, it’s more the fact he wrote a blog bragging about this fact. WHAT!? Don’t do that. Don’t talk about how much money you make or don’t make. TOOL BOX. Period.

This one is the bread winner, I almost didn’t do this one because I fear my life if he were to find out I was making fun of this Craig’s list ad. But there is a chance he’s already in jail(no really, read below), and I don’t think they let people in jail read myspace blogs.
Heres the ad(no joking, no editing, no shit)

**insert slow clap here
Yeah, that just happened.
Let’s break this down piece by piece. I’ll just highlight a few key sections.

Starting with the title:
“got2go2court 2moro got a dum ass warnt so js incase wasup – 29″

Say what? I did a spell checker on “got2go2court2moro” and surprisingly it didn’t show up. I’m going to need to send an email to Microsoft, to see if they can add that to their vocabulary.

I think this fine young man is trying to say he has a court appearance tomorrow because he has a “dum ass” warrant and this post is just in case. Also he ads in “wasup” at the end. Classy. If that doesn’t capture the ladies attention, I don’t know what will.

“looking perhaps 4 a last lil hera just incase they deside not 2 let me come back home 2moro,plus iv got 2 move out shit just keeps getting wors,looking for someone to help me forget about all the bullshit iv got a pool tabel and a spot dont know 4 how long”

Better act quick! You could be this guys last “hera” as a free member of society. After that it’s only congenial visits. But apparently he has a pool table, so that’s good.

“how could a braud not b atracted to the valumpuis curves and hour glass figure that a thurolly bread lushus lishis tender morsul flaunts with such pride and confidence.”

This is where I get confused. The first time I read this I read “valumpuis” as vampires, and it really didn’t make sense. But then I went back and realized he meant voluptuous, which got me thinking….what the fuck!? Is he saying he’s voluptuous and has an hour glass figure? Seems like. Something about bread? Maybe it makes more sense if he was talking about vampires.

“ummm yyyuummm aaahhh the thaughts that come to mined,any hoot let me know if iv rased any intrest wat so ever,i promis ill bite ,ofcourse unless u dont wish me 2 ,thow i cant promis that i wont try to atleast sneak in a nibble”

At some point he begins eating something delicious and types out the sounds. Or so I gather. He then mentions biting some more, and at this point I am totally convinced he WAS talking about vampires.

“yyyaaaiii iiieeee yyyaaaiii de parte de svjohnybz followed by choptop then spot all 1 word at mail thats hot,without the sv in front in order to better get a hold of mwa i anckshesly await your responce o ya i stay with a wood roomate whos allso lonely i need to get that fool lade before he explodes,so feal free to shoot over with a freind race isnt an ishu”

You had me at “yyyaaaiii iiieeee yyyaaaiii”. . . .
If anyone can tell me what he meant by “svjohnybz”, that would be much appreciated.
This last part gets kind of crazy kind of quick. It’s actually impossible to decode. I’m pretty sure he just starts banging the keyboard with his court sepenia at this point in the ad.

Whew. Well there it is. It’s currently 2:45am on Monday morning and I have to be at work by 8:30. INSOMNIA sucks. Bad for me, good for the blogs.

Speaking of, I’ve become increasingly trying to whore out my blogs more and more.
Here’s my logic. People seem to “like” the blogs and get some chuckles from them. So why not share that joy with as many people as possible. I mean you like them, you’re friends will like them, etc etc. Basically I’m asking YOU to tell your friends to read this ridiculousness. Post a bulletin spreading the word. It’s the least you could do. Well, actually the least you could do is nothing, this would be the second most leastest(I know it’s not a word, fuck you, it’s 3am) thing you could do.

I would like to start with, yes I am going to be a sarcastic jerk when talking about the following post, but I think it’s fair. If someone somewhere around the world wanted to take something I’ve posted online and write a funny rant about what a douche bag I am, more power to them. Also I’m banking on the people I write about will never ever find out.

First one up is Chesty Mcgee.

I actually really hope this guy doesn’t find out I’m making fun of him, as he could tear of my arms with his neck muscles.
Next one I call Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I saw this one and jumped with glee at the idea of making fun of this ass clown.
If you’re going to flat out lie on your posting at least make it a good lie.
He claims to be the son of a fortune 500 Business owner and is seeking a woman to live a life of luxury. . . . . like really?

This guy obviously thought out his super genius plan to get girls on Craig’s list prior to posting. I applaud his effort, but unfortunately for him I will use my super powers of cynical sarcasm and my GIFT OF SIGHT to shoot holes in his flawless Craig’s list posting.

I’m going to go sentence by sentence through Richey Rich’s posting to show you just where he went wrong.

“Hello, ladies i am currently the son of a furtune 500 Bussiness owner and I need a women who is ready to spend the life of luxury.”

Apparently, being a the son of a “Furtune”(look it up asshole, it’s spelt FORTUNE) 500 company he was unable to find a computer that has spell checker. Which is odd because I’m pretty sure that it started coming standard on computers made after 1993.
Also he mentions that he is “currently the son”, like as if tomorrow, magically, he won’t still be the son of this “fortune” 500 company. One thing I am sure of:
You are currently an idiot.

“I know you might be confused at first, but you will get used to the change quickly as money has the power to do so.”

He claims your small girl brains may be confused at first, but don’t worry ladies, it’s nothing that the power of money can’t fix. What I think is going to be most confusing to the ladies is why he picks them up in a Geo Metro for their date.

“so act fast as i will go through the process very quickly. Beauty is what i am looking for. So a picture is a must less is better..”

Nothing to grand about this last sentence besides the spelling mistakes and poor grammar, but you better act fast before you lose out on such a great opportunity! Be sure to send pics! But I hope not too many reply, as it will jam up his dial up connection.

Get excited. Here comes the best part. Dude says:
“here’s a picture of me at my place..”

Here is my analysis. . . . .

I’m actually really curious as to how many girls fall for this post and respond to him with hopes of living a life of luxury.
Got me thinking. Maybe I should post up something like this. Claiming something ridiculous and see who responds. Example A . . . . . . .(a fake post I made up)

Well I was going to pick out a few more Craig’s list postings, but I think I’ll stop for today. Perhaps if this was a hit I shall continue with my analysis of CL postings. Let me know, comment so.

So ironically with all this Craig’s list talk about how people create ridiculous posting to attract girls, I need a date.  Apparently there’s some semi formal company dinner thing December 8^th, that I am needing a date for. A lot of the “cool” kids from work are going and it should be a good time, so I went ahead and got two tickets in over confidence I can find someone to go with before then.

Now we all know how well it worked out last time when I made a pathetic plea for a date for Disneyland. . . . I’m not actually asking for a date, but if someone, in theory were free that day and would like a free delicious meal and drinks they should probably let me know.

If not, I got a back up date of taking Mrs. Durst. My friends mom. Seriously.Yeah should be a good time.