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Craig’s List All Stars 1.0

Craig List.  Where else on the internet can you find a job,  get free fill dirt, buy a urine soaked coach AND get a date!? Craig’s List! It baffles me the number of douche bags who post shirtless photos of themselves with posting titles like “hey guuuuurl”, and think “Yep, I’m gonna get so much ass. I’m talking like boy bad ass”.  They’re begging for me to make fun of them….

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I would like to start with, yes I am going to be a sarcastic jerk when talking about the following post, but I think it’s fair.If someone somewhere around the world wanted to take something I’ve posted online and write a funny rant about what a douche bag I am, more power to them. Also I’m banking on the people I write about will never ever find out.

First one up is Chesty Mcgee.

 

I actually really hope this guy doesn’t find out I’m making fun of him, as he could tear of my arms with his neck muscles.
Next one I call Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I saw this one and jumped with glee at the idea of making fun of this ass clown.
If you’re going to flat out lie on your posting at least make it a good lie.
He claims to be the son of a fortune 500 Business owner and is seeking a woman to live a life of luxury. . . . . like really?

This guy obviously thought out his super genius plan to get girls on Craig’s list prior to posting.I applaud his effort, but unfortunately for him I will use my super powers ofcynical sarcasm and my GIFT OF SIGHT to shoot holes in his flawless Craig’s list posting.

I’m going to go sentence by sentence through Richey Rich’s posting to show you just where he went wrong.

“Hello, ladies i am currently the son of a furtune 500 Bussiness owner and I need a women who is ready to spend the life of luxury.”

Apparently, being a the son of a “Furtune”(look it up asshole, it’s spelt FORTUNE) 500 company he was unable to find a computer that has spell checker. Which is odd because I’m pretty sure that it started coming standard on computers made after 1993.
Also he mentions that he is “currently the son”, like as if tomorrow, magically, he won’t still be the son of this “fortune” 500 company.One thing I am sure of:
You are currently an idiot.

“I know you might be confused at first, but you will get used to the change quickly as money has the power to do so.”

He claims your small girl brains may be confused at first, but don’t worry ladies, it’s nothing that the power of money can’t fix. What I think is going to be most confusing to the ladies is why he picks them up in a Geo Metro for their date.

“so act fast as i will go through the process very quickly. Beauty is what i am looking for. So a picture is a must less is better..”

Nothing to grand about this last sentence besides the spelling mistakes and poor grammar, but you better act fast before you lose out on such a great opportunity! Be sure to send pics! But I hope not too many reply, as it will jam up his dial up connection.

Get excited. Here comes the best part. Dude says:
“here’s a picture of me at my place..”

Here is my analysis. . . . .

I’m actually really curious as to how many girls fall for this post and respond to him with hopes of living a life of luxury.
Got me thinking. Maybe I should post up something like this. Claiming something ridiculous and see who responds. Example A . . . . . . .(a fake post I made up)

Well I was going to pick out a few more Craig’s list postings, but I think I’ll stop for today. Perhaps if this was a hit I shall continue with my analysis of CL postings. Let me know, comment so.

So ironically with all this Craig’s list talk about how people create ridiculous posting to attract girls, I need a date.  Apparently there’s some semi formal company dinner thing December 8th, that I am needing a date for. A lot of the “cool” kids from work are going and it should be a good time, so I went ahead and got two tickets in over confidence I can find someone to go with before then.

Now we all know how well it worked out last time when I made a pathetic plea for a date for Disneyland. . . . I’m not actually asking for a date, but if someone, in theory were free that day and would like a free delicious meal and drinks they should probably let me know.

If not, I got a back up date of taking Mrs. Durst. My friends mom. Seriously.Yeah should be a good time.


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Comments
  • Craig’s List All Stars 2.0 « Single Steve February 24, 2009 at 9:31 am

    […] Craig’s List All Stars 1.0 […]

  • Craig’s List, one more time… « Single Steve February 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    […] Craig’s List All Stars 1.0 […]

  • Andrew Elliott March 8, 2009 at 6:12 am

    Wow man.. I actually started crying I was laughing so hard (Dinosaur man).. I have been reading some of your posts (linked in from Facebook) and they are abso-fuggin-lutely hillarious. You truly have a gift for comedy.

  • Steph Bailey October 14, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    Note to self: Never read your blog during work. The dinosaur thing made me laugh so hard it brought tears to my eyes. This resulted in coworkers asking me what was wrong and why I was crying… yeah. Ha! You are hilarious.

    • Single Steve October 14, 2009 at 11:35 pm

      ha! At work!? nice. Don’t be afraid to tell co-workers about the blog….

  • wickedmoxie November 17, 2009 at 8:48 am

    There is something just seriously wrong and disturbing that the guy with the boobs could easily wear one of my bras… and before you say, no big fucking deal, bear in mind I wear a D cup. Man Boobs are simply not supposed to be that BIG. I am betting though, that Man Boob Man got a ton of hits from the local penitentiary and is probably Bubba’s newest bitch right at this very moment.

    The rich, LOL, needs to really invest in a good, easy to read, dictionary and then take a reality pill, and realize that “Rich and Furtune 500” don’t count if it’s in your weekly Monopoly Gameapalooza. Also, the Boy Billionaire, says beauty is must, okay that’s fair; however, all bets are off when you, yourself look like a brunette Howdy Doody. While I’m on the topic of Boy Billionaire, for fuck sake don’t be claiming you have Puffy’s bank account, when you’re standing in a kitchen that looks like it’s the set of that 70’s Show with Ashton and the pervy, hispanic guy with the overly developed grasped on his feminine side.

    The Barney guy, WTF, no adult male should EVER be caught wearing a purple and green onesie, let alone allow himself to be photographed in the age of technology in said onesie.

    In any event, Steve, you’re a riot man, keep it up and come visit me on my blog if you get the chance… :)

  • Christina March 16, 2010 at 6:56 am

    kay so i was reading this in the middle of the quiet floor of the library but when i got to the part with the Dinosaur Man i was wracked with uncontrollable sobs of laughter, literally tears gushing from my eyes.

  • Lauren December 3, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    I just had to go close my office door because I was laughing so loud!! Viva Dinosaur Man!

  • freshman ben February 3, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I’m completely excited now to see your blog post. A sexy man looking for a sexy site. Love to read this blog post. Thanks.;)

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