Actually PB Millionaire has gotten internet wise, it appears he has hired an “SEO expert” to boost “PB Millionaire” to the top of google search. It used to be that my blogs would be the top pages returned when googling “PB Millionaire”, but now he’s bought so many domain names with the PBMillionaire in them that it pushes the good content (my blogs) down the list. And brings his highly linked and correlated domains up to the top of the google search.  A dirty dirty trick.
pbmillionairecharity.com
pbmillionaire.blogspot.com
pbmillionairebio.com
pbmillionairebehindthescenes.com
pbrealityforum.com

There’s literally about 10 more that I don’t care to post and add additional traffic to. It’s been a while since my last mention of the PB Millionaire, I’ve actually hoping he would quietly sail off into the sunset making his way to whore island, and we would all live happily ever after.  I decided he wasn’t worth a single more keystroke of my time. I wasn’t going to promote this clown any more. I was hoping he would realize his TV show looks like it was made by the San Diego High School JV video club, and give up his dream of being 30 years older than everyone he pays to hang out with him.
Also I apologize if you’re new to this blog and have no idea who the PB Millionaire is, and what I’m talking about. I recommend you read:
PB Millionaire: Part 1
PB Millionaire: Part 2
PB Millionaire: In my opinion
PB Millionaire: You’re still a tool

Yep that’s the guy. That’s the guy that threaten to sue me because I blogged about my opinion about him based on stuff I found on his public website. Apparently he’s never heard of this thing called the internet. It’s brand new. This is my opinion, based content I’ve read/seen/watched on his websites. I highly encourage anyone and everyone out there to blog about me, and how dumb I am. Highly. That’s what the internet is for. You can’t go around suing people because they write something negative about you. Ass Clown.

Okay, okay, a bit harsh, sure, but I’m fucking fired up right now. I’m literally smashing the keyboard, not hitting delete, not filtering thoughts that come spewing out of my head, down my arms, out of my fingers and into the keyboard about the PB Millionaire.  I apologize there’s no pictures yet, I apologize there’s probably a ton of misspellings, grammar mistakes, and I apologize that it’s taken me almost 500 words into this blog and you still don’t know what this fucking blog is about. Focus.

This blog is about something very real. Very fucking real. This blog is about facebook fan pages. Yeah. Facebook fan pages. “What do you mean steven? Facebook fan pages??” First of all, why the fuck didn’t you capitalize my name? It’s a proper noun clown, don’t let it happen again. Secondly, you don’t need to add 2 question marks at the end of your question. I get it, it’s a question, adding another one doesn’t make it more of a question, I find that really fucking annoying. Wow, I’m swearing a lot right now in this blog……okay, deep breathe, calming down. Okay, here’s what I mean, I mean I was cruising through twitter and I saw a tweet from our very own PBReality, which we know is PB Millionaire in disguise.

Here’s where the link went:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=625552&id=132746903432936

Alright, cool, it looks like he’s trying to buy his fans, nothing new. So out of curiosity I clicked the link, humoring that he couldn’t possibly have more than 200 fans on facebook. Last time I check he had about 150. Today he has about 1600. What.the.fuck.  Really people? For a chance to win a laptop? Which I guarantee the “winner” is going to be an attractive looking young girl in San Diego. Why. Why are people feeding this self delusion of success and fame for this guy. STOP IT. Stop it right now.You are the problem.

A perfect example of self delusion was his “big premiere” at Moondoggies, he had to PAY people to show up to watch it. He advertised free drinks and appetizers for  people that came to watch the show’s debut. Which was a nice gesture, sure.  What he didn’t mention is that he put out a craiglist saying the first 50 people to show up would get 20 dollars if you showed up to watch his shitty show. And as expected you got every single weirdo from the internet descending on PB to claim their 20 dollars and free food for watching an 8 minute clip of some guy they couldn’t care less about. I was at the end of the line, and got a pretty awesome people watching view of everyone that showed up to collect their money. It was not your typical Friday night crowd in PB. Everyone I talked to in line was there because they saw the ad on craigslist. The guy I was talking to in front of me in line, had a backpack and fanny pack on. At 7pm, in PB. Yep. Not the normal crowd. Anyways they all piled in to watch 8 minutes about a guy and then leave. And when I say 8 minutes about some guy, I mean to say it’s 7 and a half minutes of pretty girls he pays to be in calendars and bikini contest and 30 seconds of his being awkward on camera. Worst.Show.Ever.

I don’t know why I’m so aggravated that he has so many fans on faceook.  It’s not that I’m jealous that he has more fan than me, it’s more annoyed, shocked and embarrassed for society.

So here it is, I don’t even know if it’s possible, but I have to try. Have to.  In 2 days I want to have more fans than the PB Millionaire. I think we can make this happen. I refuse to believe that this guy, that it just seems so logical to dislike, has more likes than me on facebook. I’m not going to lie my ego’s a little bruised.
This is the challenge, get more fans at the end of 2 days than the PB Millionaire. I need your help, tweets, facebook status, pictures of you topless and good ideas on how to get more fans in a hurry. Spread the word, tell your friends of friends. I don’t know what I’ll do if I have less fans than him. I don’t think I would be able to go on.

Become a fan here:
http://www.facebook.com/SingleSteve
His page here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-PB-Reality-Show/132746903432936?sk=wall

Here’s some funny moments we’ve had with the PB Millionaire in the past:

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Hooray! Another blog! I suck at blogging as frequently as I should. I think I’m kind of in a slump? Life (work, school, play) goes grrrrreat actually, but it’s more of a dating slump.  I haven’t been on a date in months, literally months. Well what I would consider a date. Maybe I’ve been on dates and didn’t know it? Anyways, schools over for the semester and it’s summer time. I LOVE summer time in San Diego. Love. You would too. I look forward to writing more, dating more, making out with these things called girls and living happily ever after. To ease back into blogging, I took the easy way out and wrote a blog about some creeps I found on Craig’s List. It always baffles me, the winners you can find on there. WHO is responding to these guys on Craig’s List!? KNOCK that shit off, it’s only breeding more creeps. I’m still too scared to pick guys who live in San Diego to make fun up, so I typically do my searches in the LA postings, as I think it the hour and half to drive down and murder me, would be a deterrent, as opposed to someone in my city who found out I was making fun of them on the internet. Enjoy these creeps!

There you go, this proves it, the internet is still filled with weird people.

FINALLY, everyone in San Diego should go to 710 Beach Club, THIS Saturday (June 11th) between 6:30pm – 9:30pm for a great fundraiser for a great organization. The organization is Pretties with Pitties, it’s a group of ladies who want to show the community that pit bulls aren’t jerks. Just have a bad rap. My friend help runs the organization, and promises a good time. I mean what’s better than hot girls and friendly dogs? They go together like unicorns and glitter.

For more details see:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=147024642033109
See you there!

At least he told the little girl “Ear Muffs” before she started.

No you grow up.

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(Image, a dimly lit library, smelling of rich mahogany, me, wearing a satin robe, smoking a pipe, slowly rotating my swiveling plush chair towards you.) Hello, salutations, greetings, please, have a seat, stay a while. And welcome to another awkward edition to my blog.

(Okay, now imagine me naked covered in peanut butter)
For those of you that haven’t thrown up all over keyboard, please proceed. I haven’t written in a while, and it’s probably time to do some more word vomit. People seem to be excited when I tweet “I’m going to write a new blog tonight”, and by people I mean like 1 person. Even though they really have no idea what it’s going to be about, they still seem excited. I think just to teach them a lesson, I’m going to tweet “I’m going to write a new blog”, then immediately post a picture of me naked covered in peanut butter. Yeah, guarantee that’s THE LAST time they get excited I’m writing a new blog.

I’m just kidding, I REALLY appreciate my readers, a lot. In fact, it’s still really weird that people (1 person) even reads this blog. It’s mind boggling, but I’m glad YOU do.

Anyways let  me tell you about a more recently happenings in my life. So I know most of you don’t follow me on twitter, because you think twitter is dumb, well you’re dumb, but you should follow me at twitter.com/SingleSteve, I tweet mostly nonsense all day and sometimes double nonsense when I’ve been drinking. Anyways, if you WERE following me on twitter, you would know that every Wednesday night, I have 6 hours of MBA classes at SDSU. And every Wednesday  I complain about school and how much I hate being in my 2 classes, yada yada. AND every Wednesday I mention how I sit right behind this girl I’ve so cleverly nicknamed “Cute Funny Girl”. You’ve guessed it, she’s cute, she’s funny, and she sits right in front of me. Actually for the first month, I sat on the other side of the room, but I strategically moved myself a few weeks into class, once I overheard her witty-ness interactions with some other classmates. Moving across the room is not creepy, shut up. It’s actually kind of funny, even in grad school, 99.8 percent of the students will sit in one seat on the first day of class, and will sit there for the whole semester. Like it’s assigned seating in second grade. Yeah in second grade you weren’t allowed to move chairs next to Slutty Sally, instead you had to sit next to Stinky Sue. So WHAT, I wanted to sit next to a funny attractive girl, it’s called product placement. I learned that in one my MBA classes, look it up clown. Anyways, the day, literally the day, I product placed myself behind her, we kicked it off. Immediately. One liner sarcastic comments one after each other, back and forth, regarding class, our ridiculous teacher, or the bore-fest that is Managerial Economics. Her personality reminds me a lot of Dee from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, if she was a real person. Anyways, week by week, our friendly banter goes on and on, some might even say it’s flirting. I, of course, find none intrusive ways to test her current relationship status, for example, she came to class one day with scratches on her arm/wrist area, and I made some comment about how if she was trying to kill herself she should try going with the veins, in a funny, I don’t think you actually are trying to kill yourself way. She laughs and says her cats really did a number on her. I said, oh, are you the Single Crazy Cat Lady? Which one of the 22 cats you own was it? She says single yes, crazy cat lady….not yet.  So it was established, I thought, clearly she was single. And for the next weeks after, we kept the banter, kept the jokes, made many references to our single hood.  The weekend before the test, was the weekend of my EPIC bar crawl birthday celebration, which I invited her too, but she declined so she could study for the exam with a study group on that Saturday.  Reasonable excuse.  So at this point we’re texting back and forth, 100 percent in relation to school.

So you know when you first start liking someone, you are EXTREMELY careful with the wording and diction of each text message sent? Or at least I am. You know, you want to be double surely sure, you are coming off funny/witty/interested or whatever the message is supposed to be. Or am I the only one who has this neurotic behavior? Anyways to this point, I had been spot on with our communications. Skip forward to the weekend. Birthday bar crawl. Drunk Town, USA, population 100 people dressed in the same green shirt celebrating me and my friend’s birthday, bar hopping through Pacific Beach. It.Was.A.Great.Day.  Fast forward to the day before the test, I find myself in the library, and about to begin to study for our test. Apparently I met someone on my bar crawl, and was having a text conversation with. Also at the same time, I was having a text conversation with Cute Funny Girl about where to start studying. Sounds harmless right? It would be, if I could operate my iphone correctly and not mix up the conversation threads.

I was literally sitting in the San Diego State library, and started dry heaving once I realized I sent her the “I got real shit faced drunk, met you and don’t remember so good because I’m a douche bag” text. As opposed to the “Hello Classmate! I was wondering if you could direct me where to start this studying, I’m a really hard worker, dependable and a nice guy!” text message I meant to send. FML. And what’s worst is she didn’t even respond to my original question. So now I was dry heaving from anxiety AND I didn’t know where to start studying. Awesome. After that panic attack, I decide it’s time to get serious.  I’m going to third base her. I’m going to add her on facebook. She accepts pretty quickly, and of course, like 99 percent of you do as well when getting a new friend, I facebook stalk the shit out of her. Really cute pictures, looks just as fun and I would think her life would be. Then I see the red flag. You know this red flag, where there’s a photo album, and this photo album has one picture, and this one picture is her and another guy. That’s never a good sign. Never.

But I still cling onto the hope she’s single, I mean, she’s told me and joked with me about it for the last several months, I’m optimistic it’s got to be true.

Day of the test we meet up to do some more studying, I’m thinking today’s the day, today’s the day, I ask her out for the weekend so we can celebrate the test being over.  I ask her what she’s doing this weekend, she says she’s going home to <insert state>, and it’s a pretty big trip, because this is the first time her parents are meeting her boyfriend. GULP. Le sigh. Pit in the bottom of the stomach, activate now. Oh cool, good luck, how long have you guys been dating? A couple months she says. I went from kind of bummed, to just thinking I was foolish? Did I miss all the signs? I don’t think so? I mean, I literally heard her proclaim her singleness-ism multiple times over the last weeks. Don’t really have an answer  for this other than facebook theory. My facebook theory is, she could no longer tell me she’s single once we became facebook friends and I could see her profile and her pictures? It’s all I’ve got. I’m not like distraught over this, it was just nice/exciting to have a crush for a while. Motivation to go to class on Wednesday nights. Saw her tonight in class, same great banter, same witty conversations, see you next week.

That’s all I got. I miss having crushes. I should bring those back. I also miss when I was a 12 year old girl.

So last blog I put a request out for genius new creative ways to meet girls. You guys had some “great” responses.

But I’m not going to do any of those. Unless someone has a baby I can borrow? Or we can make one, I don’t care. Just let me know.  Anyways I’m going to be doing a 2 pronged approach for this little social dating experiment.

Step 1. Cut a hole in the box. Just kidding. The first approach is actually inspired by this:
http://mashable.com/2011/04/20/facebook-ads-for-love/ For those of you that hate reading I’ll summarize. Basically, a guy is taking out targeted facebook ads to find himself a date. GENIUS. I’ve actually played around with facebook ads a little for SingleSteve, but this would be a whole new level of awesome. I’d be curious if it would actually drive in traffic? I mean is there any girl out there that clicks on links on facebook looking for a date? I would need to set up a new site, with “Real” Steve, as opposed to pointing them to Single Steve. I tried to buy DateSteve.com and DateSteven.com, but this guy already owns both, AND used them for exactly the same reason I would have bought them for. Apparently it worked for him, he’s married with a child. So I’m going to need to work out the details of the ads, the landing page, etc. I was actually going to do that this blog, but got uber side tracker by the story above. More to come soon.

Step 2. Put your dick in the box. Except it’s not a box. It’s a deck of cards. And instead of putting your dick in it, you pass out the cards. The idea is pretty cool I think, the companies called Cheek’d. From their website:

So basically I see a hot stranger, walk up to her, slip her my card, walk off into the sunset. She’s so intrigued by what just happened and the clever line on the card, she goes to the website, logs in with the specific card code. We fall in love, and have 1,000 babies. Sounds pretty simple. I got my cards last week, and I’m going to start passing these out. If you guys have any clever ways to pass these out let me know!

So much more I wanted to write, got off topic, blog is super long. I’ll write more soon.  Leave me your thoughts/feelings/concerns.

Dear Diary,

Let’s talk about sex. No not really because that’s awkward. Especially since lots of my family, friends and co-workers read this blog. And if they are, I don’t have sex, hi mom, I’m saving myself for eight pound 6 ounce baby Jesus. Which actually sounds creepy when I type it out loud, that I’m waiting for this 8 pound 6 ounces of baby Jesus to give me permission to have sex again, I mean, have sex for the first time. Can babies even talk? I mean sure, it is Jesus, but still. There was that one movie “Look who’s talking”, which growing up I probably saw at least 37 times. Remind me to watch it again to see if it’s still as awesome I remember.

Anyways. I haven’t been struck by lightning yet, so I guess I can continue this blog.

We’ll start with my last date. My last date was not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, but seven months ago. Seven. That’s like 210 days. And by date, I mean the girl that was the worst kisser ever date. If you would recall

Yeah, that date. I have not been on a date since then. Apparently? I was really trying hard to think back in the last half year because I refuse to believe that to be true. But, according to my calculations, and the online diary I keep at www.SingleSteve.com , it is ridiculously true. I did go on a really good date like activity for my company holiday party in December, you know the one where it ended with me drunk at her door step and I told her “I’m impressed with everything you do”, but I didn’t count it because unfortunately that was more of two awesome people just having an awesome time, apparently. Also we didn’t make out, had we made out, I probably would have considered it a date. This blog was partial inspired by the my lack of dates, and date envy of @CaliBradShaw. She went on an awkward first date tonight, but also replied she hopes her date tomorrow goes better. Two dates in two days!? So at that rate she will go on that 365 dates per year. And at my current rate I’ll go on 1.714 dates per year. She’s going on 212.95 times more dates than me per year. Obviously I exaggerate, and there’s no way she’ll go on 365 dates this year, I mean she’ll probably only go on 200 dates if she’s lucky. Anyways, her talking about her dates got me thinking about my current dry spell dilemma. Well not so much as a dilemma, as it is a crisis. Well not so much a crisis, as is the hilarious and embarrassing story that is my life.

Can I also just tell you, I hate dating. I do. With the passions of a thousand suns. I hate the whole early part of getting to know you, awkwardness stage. I just want to jump to the comfortable 1 month in, fun and exciting stage, where it’s probably not even called dating any more, it’s more of a “relationship”. You know the stage where it’s like we’re bored so I invite you over and we’ll cook dinner and watch a movie at my house. If I offer that same thing to a girl I’m just starting to date, she’s probably going to think I’m a creep who wants to lure her back to my house so I can harvest her organs. I hate dating. Not that I do it, but in theory, I hate the whole process. This is why I like my date my friends you already know approach. Anyways, you have eh dee dee, focus.

Another fun fact: I haven’t kissed a girl….sober….in even LONGER than that. Yep. Did your head just imploded? Can you at least pretend to be shocked. I am? I mean, in principle, I’m shocked. I mean I should be shocked, right? I feel like I’m very kissable, or at least mildly kissable. Or let’s just agree that I’m not a troll. Yeah, let’s just start with I’m not a troll. So it’s true, I’ve kissed girls in the past 9 months, but all the girls I may or may not have made out with may have been under the influence of alcohol. A lot of it. So that’s why I don’t “really” count it. It’s just that when you make out with a girl sober, it’s got a WAY different value, then let’s say making out with a drunk girl that doesn’t know her name. Don’t get me wrong I love me  a drunk make out, love it, but the real test is, would you kiss her sober and would she pretend to know you when she’s sober. That’s the real test. Keep it classy San Diego.

Again, I’m not talking about sex. It’s awkward and TMI. And I mostly just titled the blog that to get your attention and get you to click on the link. But let’s just say it’s been so long, that medically speaking, I might be a virgin again. I mean for the first time, again. You know what I mean. Sorry Mom.  Anyways sex is sex is sex. This blog isn’t about sex. That’s not even what I miss most about being in a relationship, what I miss most is someone to share funny, awkward, epic, inside jokes, awesome, memories with.  I’m not trying to be 30 by the time I finally start sharing memories with someone I care about. I’m not saying I’m trying to get married tomorrow, but you’re never too young to start sharing adventures. I know a lot of you are going to say “You have plenty of time, guys can wait until late 30’s before they get married”, which I agree with, but what does that mean? Does that mean I just dick around by myself for the next 10 year just because it’s socially acceptable? Negative ghost rider. Anyways that’s not the purpose or debate of this blog, this blog is about is about dry spells and your funny solutions to it. I know some of you have gone on much worst dry spells, I just feel like I’m in an unnecessary funk. AND I KNOW you clowns are always going to say “Just let it happen, you’re trying too hard”, you know what I say “Shut your fucking mouth when you’re talking to me”, just kidding, thanks for your input! It’s always valued here at SingleSteve.com! No but seriously, shut your mouth immediately. I’ve tried not trying, I’ve tried trying, whatever I’ve been doing is not working and that where YOU come in.

This is going to be fun, promise. Stop being emo and focus.

I want to try different, funny, ridiculous, interesting things to meet new people? Comment on this blog and I will take the best 3-10 options and actually do them.

Last time I took your input it resulted in hilarious okcupid.com first messages, so I’m pretty excited to see what you come up with.

I’ve already got some good ideas from some people:
-Rent a puppy
-Wear an Ed Hardy bedazzled shirt out one night
-http://www.cheekd.com/

Leave your ideas as comments, and people can vote on their favorites with the thumbs up or thumbs down of each comment.

These don’t need to be, nor do I want them to be, “serious “ ideas in a way that I’m seriously going to be using them to see if meet my future wife, I just want to turn try fun, different, ridiculous, unique things to outside my normal approach of work, school, play, volunteering to meet people.

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You should probably read this blog first:

http://www.singlesteve.com/2011/02/dear-online-dating-let%E2%80%99s-get-ridiculous-penis-penis-penis/

Thanks for all the “great” suggestions for messages to send out on my okcupid account. I didn’t want to send out messages that were sexual in nature, I’m not trying to be arrested. Below are the messages I sent out, surprisingly I haven’t received any responses yet.

The old Nigerian bank scam gag

I had one of those “You can’t fire me, I quit moments”.  So as I’m sure you’re all aware of, online dating hasn’t really worked out for me,  and by hasn’t really worked out for me I mean it’s probably been the worst thing ever.  See www.FuckEharmony.com for details. I did the math it turns out I’ve spent over 1100 dollars on just online dating subscription fees in the last 4 years.  I don’t care about the money, it’s the intangibles of time, stress and grief that online dating has caused me.  Anyways, instead of just doing the mature thing, and walking away, I’ve decided to get a little ridiculous with it before I go.

So my plan is to just start sending out messages to ladies on these dating websites with the whackiest , zaniest, awkwardiest, randomist, messages WE can possible think of. So hear me out, so far, to this point Real Life Steve has been doing all of the online dating. When Real Life Steve sends out thoughtful, interesting, personalized messages to girls on these sites his response rate is about 5 percent. Literally, about 1 in 20 girls I message will message me back. And I’m probably rounding up, just so I don’t sound as pathetic. It’s actually probably a lot lower of a return percentage of emails.  But I figure, I can’t do any worse right? I can’t go on any less dates, so why not send the most ridiculous messages just to see if I get a response? Here is an example of a message I sent tonight:

Not sure what I would say back if they respond, but I guess we’ll get to that bridge when it comes. So here’s what I need from you. I need clever, witty, funny, random, hilarious, messages to send to girls. Did you hear me. I need YOUR messages. Please leave them as comments. I will pick the best ones, and send them out.  Let’s do it.

You’re probably thinking “That’s absolutely horrible Steven, some people on that site are actually looking for their soul mate and true love. You’re making fun and games of it, just for material in your blog? You sir have a hit a new low”. SHUT UP. Shut up, shut up. I mean, thank you for the concern. I definitely took that into consideration.  But then I also took into consideration I’m SO OVER online dating that what’s the worst thing that happens? Someone responds? At the very least some girl somewhere in San Diego got some random message from a guy they weren’t going to talk to anyways, that probably made her laugh?

So the next blog will be your best messages  sent out? And any reactions? Will Single Steve get kicked off yet another online dating website? Stay tuned.

I mean I hope not, but who knows. I think Justin Bieber is ridiculously talented, and I do have this kid like fascination with dinosaurs. Did you know that having an obsession with dinosaurs is an indicator for autism? I didn’t, but my last girlfriend worked with people with autism and would constantly call me autistic. That’s why I dumped her. Just kidding.

So last week was Valentines day, and I hope you all had a great day. I don’t think I’ve had a girlfriend on Valentine’s day in really long, so I can’t really recall what I “normally” do, I guess what I normally do now is the same thing I do every day. Try, to take over the world. I actually had a pretty good day, thank you for asking. I did, as promise send flowers to 2 random readers of the blog. It made me feel really really, really good.  Just thinking about someone somewhere answering the door and being surprised with flowers, and the feeling of excitement and happiness they must feel makes me smile.  It’s almost the same feeling I get when I’m watching American Idol, and they do the back story on the guy who was raised by wolfs, and his lifelong dream is to be a singer and he sings amazing and makes it through to Hollywood.  You know, “that” moment, where I always seem to get a little teary eyed. So I picked  the winners almost at random. One of the ladies wrote me an email saying she was having a rough day/week/month, so I thought flowers would cheer her up. Another offered to make me baked goods, and it’s true, I do love to eat, especially delicious baked treats. But not sure if I’ll take her up on that offer.  I mean I’m not going to send my address to a complete stranger, that’s just kind of creepy. Oh yeah, thanks to everyone that sent me their address. I find you. Just kidding. Mostly. Don’t worry, the creepiest thing I do is I get is facebook stalking you after you join my facebook fan page. It happens, and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

So one of the recipients @KatyHaltertop wrote about it in her last blog:
Excerpt from: http://lookwhatkatydid.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/my-funny-valentines/

But I’d venture to say my favorite Valentine came through the powers of the interwebs.  You see there’s a hilarious and kind gentleman that goes by Single Steve.  He lives in San Diego and writes about his misadventures in the world of online dating at his site: www.singlesteve.com Turns out, Single Steve didn’t have a valentine this year and thanks to an FTD deal on Groupon, he decided to use his powers for good and spread a little cheer.  He held a bit of a contest on his blog to decide who to send the lucky delivery to.  I tweeted at him my entry: “You send me flowers, I send you baked goods – deal? #popcornwithcaramelchocolateandbacon #saltedfudgebrownies”.  He also requested addresses in order to fulfill the deliveries. I sent him my work one just for the sheer fact that I could say “Oh these? They’re from my secret admirer/internet stalker” to my coworkers.

Roses are red, carnations are too, flowers are awesome, no matter from who.

Well sure enough, Steve delivered.  And awkward laughs ensued at my desk when they arrived and were unsigned.  A simple card read: “To my valentine – Happy Valentine’s Day! You’re absolutely the greatest! Have a great day!”  I tweeted him a thank you and am still waiting for him to send me his address because I do in fact plan to follow through on my promise of baked goods.  Seriously Steve – take me up on this one.  But these flowers truly made my day.  I’ve had a lovely little grin on all day as people walked by my desk and go “Oh you got flowers!!”  It’s  a fun feeling.  So thank you Steve, for making my day extra special.  Like I said earlier in my tweet, if you lived closer, I’d totally go on a date with you (or at least makeout or something).

(Kidding.)

(Not really.)

This brings me joy.  Knowing I made someone’s day better. It’s pretty much the reason I “write” this blog too. I mean if you read this blog and at some point you laughed, smiled, or threw up on your keyboard, that’s why I write. I mean I’m not getting paid, I’m not famous, but when I get comments that I totally made them “LOL”, it’s worth it. Also if you wanted to make out, as a form of repayment, I wouldn’t stop you. I really miss kissing, and I’m pretty good at, so, I’m just saying, think about it. Anyways, sending those flowers, knowing they made them smile, made me smile. If that’s not too lame to say that, and you’re not puking on your keyboard, wondering when this blog is going to get funny.  FUCK YOU. I told you this blog isn’t going to be funny in the first sentence. It’s not my fault you can’t remember what you read 5 minutes ago. Anyways. Focus.
I spent Valentines day night coaching Special Olympics basketball. This is my 4^th season as head coach, and it is truly the high point of my week, just being around these athletes. They do more for me, and I could ever teach them in a layup or free throw drill. I could probably and should probably have a whole other blog with inspirational moments and stories that deserve to be shared with the world. Unfortunately, this is not the place for those moments. I leave practice humbled, inspired and motivated. There is nothing else I would of rather of been doing on Valentine’s day night, then being there with those athletes. Oh yeah, and then I went out in PB, got shit showed and woke up on a friends couch. Damn you Tavern and your 5 dollars for a beer and shot. Happy Valentine’s day to me.

Speaking of Tavern, it’s come to my attention more recently that I have absolutely no game. Like none. And I think I’m okay with this. I mean I have no problem speaking, talking, and capturing attention. Especially in bars after a few drinks. In fact these are probably some of best qualities, but I don’t feel comfortable speaking to strangers? And that’s not even true either. I don’t like talking to strangers with the intent to bang, if that makes sense.
Here’s a fun fact, which I’m sure will “shock” you. In the 2 million times I’ve been out in San Diego, I have never met a girl. Well, met in the sense of meeting a girl is getting her number, or having romantical moments at the bar, or taking her home. Never have I ever. And I’m actually not upset about this. When I go out, I never go out with the attempts of “meeting girls”. Obviously I’m not opposed to meeting a girl and making out her with, I mean I’m not a eunuch. It’s just that I have no desire to approach a group girls that doesn’t want to be hit on for the 12^th time that night, and attempt to spit some game at them. When I go out the bars it’s always to hang out with the people I know who are going to the bars. Thankfully my group of friends, aren’t the “lets go be scum bags and go troll on every group of girls”. I would do terrible in that environment. In fact, I know I would because it’s happened, and I was terrible. I don’t know what it is, that causes me to go from outgoing, social, hilarious conversationalist to Mumbler McUnfunnystien. I think it’s because, and when I say this, try not to judge me, or vomit in your mouth just a little bit, I think it’s because I respect women too much? I think I heard that in the 40 year old virgin, and I kind of agreed? I hate the idea of walking up to a group of girls and immediately their defenses go up.  I don’t like the idea of starting an interaction with defenses up. And lets be honest ladies, 90 percent of the time a guy approaches you at a bar, your initial reaction is always defensive.  I don’t think it’s a confidence thing, I think it’s a I don’t want to meet a girl in a bar thing. Not saying all girls in bars are terrible terrible people, in fact I’m sure most of them are fairly awesome, but I have rarely heard a story about a guy meeting a girl at a bar and it actually working out to be something worth wild. Prove me wrong PB, prove me wrong. I love meeting new people, but prefer to do it, if she’s a friend of a friend. If she’s a friend of a friend, I’m going to charm her pants right off, and that’s a fact.  Anyways I started this rant of me not having “game” and me not caring slash thinking it’s an issue because I’ve been kicked off eharmony, and don’t think I’m going to continue to do any more online dating sites. Yep, you heard it. I’m giving up on online dating. The ROI on my time spent on those sites is 0. I’ve had little to no success on any of the sites I’ve been on. And I’ve been on all of them, literally all of them, to date I’ve been on Zoosk.com, eharmony.com, plentyoffish.com, okcupid.com, match.com, and  chemistry.com.  So since I’m no longer doing online dating, nor do I think I will meet anyone in a bar, where does that leave me with options to meeting the future Ms. Single Steve? Real Life? Yes.  I like this idea. A lot.

But I will say, my approach to dating girls is all wrong, but I’m not going to change it. Not at all. What’s my approach you ask? My approach is I want to date my friend. I didn’t think this is where THIS blog was going, but I guess this is where we’ve ended up. So, what do I mean I want to date my friend. Exactly that clown.  I want to build a relationship out of a friendship. Not make a relationship, then see if a friendship exist. Why is friendship so important you ask? STOP ASKING SO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS. Well I’m glad you asked. IN MY OPINION I feel like my best relationships are basically best friendships, with sex. What does that mean. That means I want to develop a relationship out of friendship, because the best marriages I’ve seen, the couples that are still very much in love after 20 years, are basically best friends, as cliché as that sounds. Sorry if I just made you puke in your mouth. That’s why I hate online dating so much, because you focus on building a “relationship” with a complete stranger, not necessary a friendship.  But it’s true, think about the people you know that are still happily married, the other person they married is basically they’re super awesome BFF, who they bang, hopefully. Which is what I want. So that’s my approach, I don’t know if it happens consciously or subconsciously, but every girl I meet, I friend the shit out of them, like it’s my job, I friend zone myself, and then at the point I decided, yep, I would totally like to date you, but at that point she decides were “too BFF”. Which to me is the biggest scam in the history of female/male friendships. 

We can’t date because we “too good of friends”. What the FUCK does that mean?? It means you want to continue to date guys that aren’t as awesome as me, just because we’re already friends? I’m sorry I didn’t try to bang you in the first week of knowing you. Apparently if you wait past the first week to try and bang, you’re too good of friends at that point. I mean I really hope “were too good of friends” is girl code for I don’t find you physically attractive, but I think your personality is the best! Which I’m okay with. I’d rather hear that, then “but then we couldn’t be friends if we dated”.  Granted I understand that when/if we broke up there would be some messiness, but to my defense I am friends with every girl I have ever broken up with, except one.  She’s one of those I think I blew it type of relationships, I just wasn’t ready for it, and now she’s got a new boyfriend, which makes me a little sad? I’m happy for her, and blah blah blah. Anyways.  So that’s my predicament. I want to see if I’d like to date you before I actually date you. As opposed to me reading 200 words about you and 4 pictures of you on match.com, and figuring out if we should date.

I realize there is 102838 things wrong with my approach. I do. Because I’ve never actually had this work, with any success. I’m just saying it would be my ideal way. I’ve actually had my method blow up in my face big time. Remember that time I was “Too Awesome to date”. Here’s the excerpt from my that blog…
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You’re too awesome to date….
Have you ever been told this? I have. It’s not as awesome as you would think.
Back story:
Meet this person through a friend of a friends. She’s fantastic. Pretty, witty, smart, sarcastic, yada yada. We’ve hung out a few times, nothing date like, but we always have had a blast together. Like random epic adventures on a Tuesday type of thing. She’s the type of person where you don’t know if you want to kiss her or stab her, it’s great. Not that we have kissed, or gotten anywhere close, I’m just saying. That’s the kind of interaction I want with my future “mate”, where her wit, humor and sarcasm are keeping me on my feet. It’s keeps life interesting. Ya know. ANYWAYS. So at some point I proposed the question…. “so am I going down the BFF path or the someone you might potential date at some point in your life path?” Literally. Verbatim. The response was BFF path (SWING AND A MISS!!) Which I’m completely fine with and almost expected. I think her and I have a great interaction, and will be these fantastic friends.

It came up through later conversations that she thought “I was too awesome to date”. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? WHAT does that even mean? Too awesome? Is there such a thing? I’ve never heard of someone being “too awesome”. Can someone decode this for me? What does she actually mean?
I mean sure, there’s a chance I actually am awesome. But can one be “too awesome to date”. Maybe I should tone down my awesomeness?

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So yeah, for that young lady and I went down the I’m going to friend the shit out of you path, in hopes she would realize that everything she was looking for was right below her nose this whole time? You know like in those stupid romantic comedies that are ruining my life. The ones were the friends don’t realize they’re perfect together until one of them in walking down the isle, then she calls off the wedding and then runs to the guy in slow motion.

That never happens. Me and said girl were like uber BFF, then the day she got a boyfriend, she literally stopped talking to me. It, was, awesome. Also I stopped talking to her because I was a little heart broken.  I’ve actually had this a couple times, not where I fall in love with my girl that is a friend, but where I have a girl that is a friend that basically only hangs out with me as a stand in boyfriend, and the day she gets a real boyfriend, I get benched. I NEED to stop doing this. Sometimes I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, because of my awesomeness? But anyways, girl defriended me on facebook? Which is pretty aggressive. But I did find comfort in that I ran into her old roommate about a month ago and she said the girl and her weren’t friends any more either, she basically dropped off the earth to everyone once she got the new boyfriend, who moved here from Philly for her I think? Which I feel bad for because this girl and her old roommate were like best friends from forever, and then one boy comes along and ruins the friendship.

I don’t even know what this blog is about any more, but in summary if you’re my friend and you’re a female, don’t freak out and think I’m only your friend because I’m trying to date you. Get over yourself. I’m just saying, in a perfect world, I would like to be your friend first, know everything about you and what makes you awesome, then date you.  It does kind of tie into my theory of If Were Friends, and You’re a Girl, I Probably Want To Bang You.  Wow this was long pointless blog. Congratulations on reading this far. Next one will be focused, and have the word bang at least 37 more times, that’s how you know it’s good.

Join the facebook fanpage, I’m like 3 people away from 1000. It would bring me joy.
http://www.facebook.com/SingleSteve

So here’s the thing, Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching at the inevitable speed of one second per second, with every second that passes by. In fact with every word and sentence you read, means the day of hallmark style of coerced love is closer and closer. It’s science. Despite what you may think because of your assumptions of me based on this blog, I actually like love, and kissing, and cuddling, and flowers on a Tuesday, and leaving notes, and blah blah blah, and other romantical things that would probably make you puke in or around your mouth.  You don’t see that side of Single Steve because whenever that side is out, I’m not blogging. Good for me, bad for you. The only side you see is the comical single guy that rants about girls, dating, not dating and Craig’s list. Luckily for you, I’ve been single for months now. Good for you, bad for me. Ah! I just want to write a quick blog without this fucking turning into a novel, can you shut up and let me talk. Thank you. Where was I, oh yes, so I Valentine’s day, coming up quick. I know this may shock you, but yes, I’m still single and don’t think I’ll be having a cliché Valentine, but that’s okay. Valentine’s day is lame. “Every day should be Valentine’s day”, I know that’s cliché and everyone says it, but it’s true. I want to make you my Valentine?  I bought some sweet groupons today for flowers and want to spend them on you. Yes you. I was in a good mood and it seems like a good idea at the time. Basically it was too good of deal not to buy it? I’m not sure?

I’d like to show my appreciation for you guys/gals/other that read my blog. I know my blog is nothing huge in terms of the interwebs, but I’m still shocked, humbled and appreciated that somehow more than 3 people read this blog.

Blah blah blah, shut up Steven and just tell me how you are going to be picking who you are sending flowers to. I’m not sure. I think it’s going to be most creative, funny, compelling, interesting, unique response/request that I get. What do I mean by that, here’s what I mean, you can:
Write on my facebook fan page: http://www.facebook.com/SingleSteve
Send me a tweet: http://twitter.com/SingleSteve
Email me: Steve@SingleSteve.com
Or leave comments on this blog.

As to why you should be sent flowers for valentine’s day.

Here’s some examples:

@DaynaSD spreading the good word

This girl is probably a spam bot

Becca filled this out for her eharmony account. She later got banned

The more and more I type the more egotistical this is beginning to sound, but this will make me feel good, and who doesn’t like getting flowers? Don’t worry you can pretend they’re from someone else. Anyone’s eligible, male, female, near, close, old and young. It’s doesn’t need to be epic, it can be as simple as pick me because I’m awesome. This also isn’t romantical, it’s just an appreciation thing. Because if it wasn’t for the you, right now, reading this sentence, I probably wouldn’t even write. I only write because someone reads it? And for that I also apologize.

I bought a couple of the groupons and I will need to pick by Friday evening, soo…

I hope this idea isn’t dumb? Responses will probably be featured in the next blog? I’m Ron Burgundy?