How Big Is My Dating Pool?

Guys, it’s getting serious. It’s time. It’s time I stop being single. Well, it’s always been “time”, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of a little bit like “HOLY SHIT I MISS KISSING AND HOLDING HANDS AND GOING ON DATES AND DOING NOTHING WITH SOMEONE”.  And yes, I kind of always feel that way, but recently I’ve been kind of in panic mode about it. Maybe it’s seeing everyone my age sending their kids off to their first days of school, or the fact I have 3 weddings in the next month and I’ll probably be sitting at the kids table with all the other singles. I don’t know, I can’t explain why, but guys, it’s time.

And I feel like I might need to dispel a common misconception about me and my dating life, so here it is, I hope you’re sitting down, I don’t go on a lot of dates. Like at all. Yes, it’s true, I am on almost every single dating site and app out there, but that doesn’t mean I go out on a lot of dates. It’s probably about one to two dates every two months. And it’s not from the lack of effort, or I’m “picky” or super selective, that’s literally the response rates of message on these dating sites. Last month, I made a deliberate effort to send out a least two messages a day on All in all I sent out 52 first messages, in a few weeks’ time span. Fifty, fucking, two. Absurd right? I mean, why would I even want to talk to 52 different woman at the same time anyways!? Well thankfully, and predictably, I didn’t have to.  Only 4 of the 52 responded back. Which, believe it or not, is actually about the expected response rate. In the 9 years I’ve been doing online dating (which is a sad statement in itself), I would guess my response rate is about 10 percent. So for every 10 well crafted, specific messages I send out, I can expect one back. Yes, I send specific, unique messages to everyone I message. See “How to Write The Perfect Message” for examples.

My real freak out came when I was thinking about the population size of my dating pool. I guess I want to know, at least according to, how many women in San Diego, are in my dating range and is it shrinking as I get older?

This looks like a job for math!


My big take away from this exercise is that, I didn’t realize how many dead profiles there are on and to pay more attention to the last time she log in was before I message her. And it’s a little depressing to think that when I do a search on for women in my age, height and location preferences, returns 3194 profiles, but in reality only 458 of those are actual profiles that might return my first message. Oh online dating.


Here’s the other statistics blog for reference: I’m Too Short To Date, Statistically Speaking

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