Jurassic Park 4: Justin Bieber’s Great Escape

I’m not sure what this is going to be about, I just feel like I should write something. I don’t think this is going to be funny, I think this is going to be more of a “real talk” blog.  Where I just want to type whatever comes out. I mean that’s usually how I write blogs, but usually I sit down with a purpose of what story, tale or rant, and what I’m trying to articulate, and for this one, I don’t even have a title yet.  Who knows I could go on a rant about Justin Bieber, or velociraptors and this blog could end up being titled “Jurassic Park 4: Justin Bieber’s Great Escape”.

Justin Beiber Jurassic Park

I mean I hope not, but who knows. I think Justin Bieber is ridiculously talented, and I do have this kid like fascination with dinosaurs. Did you know that having an obsession with dinosaurs is an indicator for autism? I didn’t, but my last girlfriend worked with people with autism and would constantly call me autistic. That’s why I dumped her. Just kidding.

So last week was Valentines day, and I hope you all had a great day. I don’t think I’ve had a girlfriend on Valentine’s day in really long, so I can’t really recall what I “normally” do, I guess what I normally do now is the same thing I do every day. Try, to take over the world. I actually had a pretty good day, thank you for asking. I did, as promise send flowers to 2 random readers of the blog. It made me feel really really, really good.  Just thinking about someone somewhere answering the door and being surprised with flowers, and the feeling of excitement and happiness they must feel makes me smile.  It’s almost the same feeling I get when I’m watching American Idol, and they do the back story on the guy who was raised by wolfs, and his lifelong dream is to be a singer and he sings amazing and makes it through to Hollywood.  You know, “that” moment, where I always seem to get a little teary eyed. So I picked  the winners almost at random. One of the ladies wrote me an email saying she was having a rough day/week/month, so I thought flowers would cheer her up. Another offered to make me baked goods, and it’s true, I do love to eat, especially delicious baked treats. But not sure if I’ll take her up on that offer.  I mean I’m not going to send my address to a complete stranger, that’s just kind of creepy. Oh yeah, thanks to everyone that sent me their address. I find you. Just kidding. Mostly. Don’t worry, the creepiest thing I do is I get is facebook stalking you after you join my facebook fan page. It happens, and I’m sorry I’m not sorry.

Single Steve

So one of the recipients @KatyHaltertop wrote about it in her last blog:
Excerpt from:

But I’d venture to say my favorite Valentine came through the powers of the interwebs.  You see there’s a hilarious and kind gentleman that goes by Single Steve.  He lives in San Diego and writes about his misadventures in the world of online dating at his site: Turns out, Single Steve didn’t have a valentine this year and thanks to an FTD deal on Groupon, he decided to use his powers for good and spread a little cheer.  He held a bit of a contest on his blog to decide who to send the lucky delivery to.  I tweeted at him my entry: “You send me flowers, I send you baked goods – deal? #popcornwithcaramelchocolateandbacon #saltedfudgebrownies”.  He also requested addresses in order to fulfill the deliveries. I sent him my work one just for the sheer fact that I could say “Oh these? They’re from my secret admirer/internet stalker” to my coworkers.
Flowers from Single Steve


Roses are red, carnations are too, flowers are awesome, no matter from who.

Well sure enough, Steve delivered.  And awkward laughs ensued at my desk when they arrived and were unsigned.  A simple card read: “To my valentine – Happy Valentine’s Day! You’re absolutely the greatest! Have a great day!”  I tweeted him a thank you and am still waiting for him to send me his address because I do in fact plan to follow through on my promise of baked goods.  Seriously Steve – take me up on this one.  But these flowers truly made my day.  I’ve had a lovely little grin on all day as people walked by my desk and go “Oh you got flowers!!”  It’s  a fun feeling.  So thank you Steve, for making my day extra special.  Like I said earlier in my tweet, if you lived closer, I’d totally go on a date with you (or at least makeout or something).


(Not really.)

This brings me joy.  Knowing I made someone’s day better. It’s pretty much the reason I “write” this blog too. I mean if you read this blog and at some point you laughed, smiled, or threw up on your keyboard, that’s why I write. I mean I’m not getting paid, I’m not famous, but when I get comments that I totally made them “LOL”, it’s worth it. Also if you wanted to make out, as a form of repayment, I wouldn’t stop you. I really miss kissing, and I’m pretty good at, so, I’m just saying, think about it. Anyways, sending those flowers, knowing they made them smile, made me smile. If that’s not too lame to say that, and you’re not puking on your keyboard, wondering when this blog is going to get funny.  FUCK YOU. I told you this blog isn’t going to be funny in the first sentence. It’s not my fault you can’t remember what you read 5 minutes ago. Anyways. Focus.
I spent Valentines day night coaching Special Olympics basketball. This is my 4th season as head coach, and it is truly the high point of my week, just being around these athletes. They do more for me, and I could ever teach them in a layup or free throw drill. I could probably and should probably have a whole other blog with inspirational moments and stories that deserve to be shared with the world. Unfortunately, this is not the place for those moments. I leave practice humbled, inspired and motivated. There is nothing else I would of rather of been doing on Valentine’s day night, then being there with those athletes. Oh yeah, and then I went out in PB, got shit showed and woke up on a friends couch. Damn you Tavern and your 5 dollars for a beer and shot. Happy Valentine’s day to me.

Speaking of Tavern, it’s come to my attention more recently that I have absolutely no game. Like none. And I think I’m okay with this. I mean I have no problem speaking, talking, and capturing attention. Especially in bars after a few drinks. In fact these are probably some of best qualities, but I don’t feel comfortable speaking to strangers? And that’s not even true either. I don’t like talking to strangers with the intent to bang, if that makes sense.
Here’s a fun fact, which I’m sure will “shock” you. In the 2 million times I’ve been out in San Diego, I have never met a girl. Well, met in the sense of meeting a girl is getting her number, or having romantical moments at the bar, or taking her home. Never have I ever. And I’m actually not upset about this. When I go out, I never go out with the attempts of “meeting girls”. Obviously I’m not opposed to meeting a girl and making out her with, I mean I’m not a eunuch. It’s just that I have no desire to approach a group girls that doesn’t want to be hit on for the 12th time that night, and attempt to spit some game at them. When I go out the bars it’s always to hang out with the people I know who are going to the bars. Thankfully my group of friends, aren’t the “lets go be scum bags and go troll on every group of girls”. I would do terrible in that environment. In fact, I know I would because it’s happened, and I was terrible. I don’t know what it is, that causes me to go from outgoing, social, hilarious conversationalist to Mumbler McUnfunnystien. I think it’s because, and when I say this, try not to judge me, or vomit in your mouth just a little bit, I think it’s because I respect women too much? I think I heard that in the 40 year old virgin, and I kind of agreed? I hate the idea of walking up to a group of girls and immediately their defenses go up.  I don’t like the idea of starting an interaction with defenses up. And lets be honest ladies, 90 percent of the time a guy approaches you at a bar, your initial reaction is always defensive.  I don’t think it’s a confidence thing, I think it’s a I don’t want to meet a girl in a bar thing. Not saying all girls in bars are terrible terrible people, in fact I’m sure most of them are fairly awesome, but I have rarely heard a story about a guy meeting a girl at a bar and it actually working out to be something worth wild. Prove me wrong PB, prove me wrong. I love meeting new people, but prefer to do it, if she’s a friend of a friend. If she’s a friend of a friend, I’m going to charm her pants right off, and that’s a fact.  Anyways I started this rant of me not having “game” and me not caring slash thinking it’s an issue because I’ve been kicked off eharmony, and don’t think I’m going to continue to do any more online dating sites. Yep, you heard it. I’m giving up on online dating. The ROI on my time spent on those sites is 0. I’ve had little to no success on any of the sites I’ve been on. And I’ve been on all of them, literally all of them, to date I’ve been on,,,,, and  So since I’m no longer doing online dating, nor do I think I will meet anyone in a bar, where does that leave me with options to meeting the future Ms. Single Steve? Real Life? Yes.  I like this idea. A lot.

But I will say, my approach to dating girls is all wrong, but I’m not going to change it. Not at all. What’s my approach you ask? My approach is I want to date my friend. I didn’t think this is where THIS blog was going, but I guess this is where we’ve ended up. So, what do I mean I want to date my friend. Exactly that clown.  I want to build a relationship out of a friendship. Not make a relationship, then see if a friendship exist. Why is friendship so important you ask? STOP ASKING SO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS. Well I’m glad you asked. IN MY OPINION I feel like my best relationships are basically best friendships, with sex. What does that mean. That means I want to develop a relationship out of friendship, because the best marriages I’ve seen, the couples that are still very much in love after 20 years, are basically best friends, as cliché as that sounds. Sorry if I just made you puke in your mouth. That’s why I hate online dating so much, because you focus on building a “relationship” with a complete stranger, not necessary a friendship.  But it’s true, think about the people you know that are still happily married, the other person they married is basically they’re super awesome BFF, who they bang, hopefully. Which is what I want. So that’s my approach, I don’t know if it happens consciously or subconsciously, but every girl I meet, I friend the shit out of them, like it’s my job, I friend zone myself, and then at the point I decided, yep, I would totally like to date you, but at that point she decides were “too BFF”. Which to me is the biggest scam in the history of female/male friendships. 

We can’t date because we “too good of friends”. What the FUCK does that mean?? It means you want to continue to date guys that aren’t as awesome as me, just because we’re already friends? I’m sorry I didn’t try to bang you in the first week of knowing you. Apparently if you wait past the first week to try and bang, you’re too good of friends at that point. I mean I really hope “were too good of friends” is girl code for I don’t find you physically attractive, but I think your personality is the best! Which I’m okay with. I’d rather hear that, then “but then we couldn’t be friends if we dated”.  Granted I understand that when/if we broke up there would be some messiness, but to my defense I am friends with every girl I have ever broken up with, except one.  She’s one of those I think I blew it type of relationships, I just wasn’t ready for it, and now she’s got a new boyfriend, which makes me a little sad? I’m happy for her, and blah blah blah. Anyways.  So that’s my predicament. I want to see if I’d like to date you before I actually date you. As opposed to me reading 200 words about you and 4 pictures of you on, and figuring out if we should date.

I realize there is 102838 things wrong with my approach. I do. Because I’ve never actually had this work, with any success. I’m just saying it would be my ideal way. I’ve actually had my method blow up in my face big time. Remember that time I was “Too Awesome to date”. Here’s the excerpt from my that blog…
You’re too awesome to date
Have you ever been told this? I have. It’s not as awesome as you would think.
Back story:
Meet this person through a friend of a friends. She’s fantastic. Pretty, witty, smart, sarcastic, yada yada. We’ve hung out a few times, nothing date like, but we always have had a blast together. Like random epic adventures on a Tuesday type of thing. She’s the type of person where you don’t know if you want to kiss her or stab her, it’s great. Not that we have kissed, or gotten anywhere close, I’m just saying. That’s the kind of interaction I want with my future “mate”, where her wit, humor and sarcasm are keeping me on my feet. It’s keeps life interesting. Ya know. ANYWAYS. So at some point I proposed the question…. “so am I going down the BFF path or the someone you might potential date at some point in your life path?” Literally. Verbatim. The response was BFF path (SWING AND A MISS!!) Which I’m completely fine with and almost expected. I think her and I have a great interaction, and will be these fantastic friends.

It came up through later conversations that she thought “I was too awesome to date”. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!? WHAT does that even mean? Too awesome? Is there such a thing? I’ve never heard of someone being “too awesome”. Can someone decode this for me? What does she actually mean?
I mean sure, there’s a chance I actually am awesome. But can one be “too awesome to date”. Maybe I should tone down my awesomeness?

So yeah, for that young lady and I went down the I’m going to friend the shit out of you path, in hopes she would realize that everything she was looking for was right below her nose this whole time? You know like in those stupid romantic comedies that are ruining my life. The ones were the friends don’t realize they’re perfect together until one of them in walking down the isle, then she calls off the wedding and then runs to the guy in slow motion. These movies are ruining my life

That never happens. Me and said girl were like uber BFF, then the day she got a boyfriend, she literally stopped talking to me. It, was, awesome. Also I stopped talking to her because I was a little heart broken.  I’ve actually had this a couple times, not where I fall in love with my girl that is a friend, but where I have a girl that is a friend that basically only hangs out with me as a stand in boyfriend, and the day she gets a real boyfriend, I get benched. I NEED to stop doing this. Sometimes I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, because of my awesomeness? But anyways, girl defriended me on facebook? Which is pretty aggressive. But I did find comfort in that I ran into her old roommate about a month ago and she said the girl and her weren’t friends any more either, she basically dropped off the earth to everyone once she got the new boyfriend, who moved here from Philly for her I think? Which I feel bad for because this girl and her old roommate were like best friends from forever, and then one boy comes along and ruins the friendship.

I don’t even know what this blog is about any more, but in summary if you’re my friend and you’re a female, don’t freak out and think I’m only your friend because I’m trying to date you. Get over yourself. I’m just saying, in a perfect world, I would like to be your friend first, know everything about you and what makes you awesome, then date you.  It does kind of tie into my theory of If Were Friends, and You’re a Girl, I Probably Want To Bang You.  Wow this was long pointless blog. Congratulations on reading this far. Next one will be focused, and have the word bang at least 37 more times, that’s how you know it’s good.

Join the facebook fanpage, I’m like 3 people away from 1000. It would bring me joy.

  • Jennee February 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    I tend to fall for friends too. It never works out…ever. Instead, I always end up losing friends because of some stupid feeling! Grr. Good luck with no online dating. I gave it up 6 months ago and I haven’t been on a date yet..then again, the one date I did go on because of the internet convinced me that being single is ok.

  • Andy February 21, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    This may be of some interest to you:

  • AAA February 21, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    I know what your problem is, you’re putting the pussy up on a pedestal

  • Lizzie February 22, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I mainly just love that you think Justin Bieber is ridiculously talented. I’m coming to SD in March and we should totally get together and drink and listen to Biebs for hours.

    You know, as friends :).

    • Single Steve February 22, 2011 at 3:58 am

      I will your friend the shit out of you. Also I’ve been warned per the comment below, that you might be man?

  • Warning February 22, 2011 at 3:26 am

    Lizzie is a dude.

  • Zip February 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Not that I’m an expert in online dating by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems to me that gals aren’t out there looking for new friends online; they already have friends. If you’re selling yourself as a friends first, romance second, kind of guy, perhaps it would be worth changing up just the online profile/questionnaire a bit to convey that you are indeed looking for a relationship.

    That woman you just messaged likely had a bunch of non-committal guys throw themselves her way already, and as such, sees your proffering of friendship and goes, “Oh great, another guy who isn’t really here for a relationship.”

    Just my two cents

  • Lizzie February 23, 2011 at 1:10 am

    False on the dude-front. Friend away.

  • PopStar February 23, 2011 at 3:10 am

    You and Taylor Swift seem to have a lot in common… This blog sounds a lot like her song “you belong with me”

  • Claire February 23, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Just thought you might wanna know- it can work! I was friends with my husband before we started dating, and we’ll be married for 10 yrs this May. Granted, I never treated him like a BFF, he was more of a mutual friend.

    Loved the line about “too awesome to date”. What a ditz!

  • Katy @ Look What Katydid February 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    The baked goods offer still stands. I like to make people smile too. I even take requests (fave cookie? mayhaps a muffin?).

    Promise I’m not a stalker…well only on Facebook, but that doesn’t count.

  • Nick February 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    “Thankfully my group of friends, aren’t the ‘lets go be scum bags and go troll on every group of girls.'”


  • Elissa February 23, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    It sounds like you are climbing WAY TOO FAR up the friend ladder. When you do that and then attempt to jump to the real ladder you are almost doomed to fall into the abyss. Check it out!

  • keirks February 24, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    Here ya go Steve-o,Can I call ya Steve-o? I thought this little gem might help get you out out of the “friend zone” 😉

  • Sarah June 10, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Reading this a bit late because I have nothing better to do at work. Anyhow, thank you for writing this. It put a huge smile on my face.

  • Post a comment

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