Posts Tagged SDSU
How Not to Get an Online Date
Posted by Single Steve in humor on March 25, 2009
Online dating shenanigans continue. I’m 2 months away from Dr. Phil confirming the fact that I am incapable of finding “someone special” in the first 6 months of my match.com experience. What a dick. At least I’ll get 6 more embarrassing months for free? Fml. Fuck my “someone special”, I would settle for just a date at this point. I haven’t even been on one date, NOT ONE, in the last 4 months of paying 24.99 per month. Really? Apparently I’m Shrek. That’s fine. I mean I don’t pretend to be Johnny Handsom-pants, in fact I know I’m not. That’s why I’ve had to developed my other “attractiveness” characteristics. Like being funny….. and a ninja. Girls still find these attractive, right?
I’m also doing okcupid.com which is a free online dating website, don’t worry, I haven’t been on any dates from there either. Maybe I’m just a bad online dater? Below is a hilarious example of an actual email chain I had with a girl from okcupid.com. It’s not typical of my communications of online dating, but I’m glad I did it.
Scenario:
I do my browsing (creep sweeps) of profiles of girls that meet my “match”, I do a quick visual analysis of the profile picture and from there I make the decision of whether or not I’m going to continue and open up her profile. If you’re thinking to yourself “that’s pretty shallow Steven…”, fuck your couch. You’d be lying if you thought physical attractiveness wasn’t initially important. No one says from across the bar “Man, that guy looks funny, I’m going to go talk to him”. No one.
Anyways, I do my shallow Hal analysis and then proceed to her profile. Below is a said example, girl is super hotness in thumbnail sized pic, so I proceed to her profile.
Below is a snap shot of the first part of her profile.
I blurred some of the words to make her look more like a jerk than she actually is. It helps me build a case empathy of my feelings towards her, stay with me. My analysis of her profile is she comes off as “tool cool for school”, if people even still say that. She’s attractive and is doing online dating, so she pretty much holds all the cards, unfortunately. She can be a jerk and still get guys winking at her. She must get a million emails from tool bags, starting with the words “Hey Sexy”, so I can understand her defensiveness of online dating tools.
I’m realistic, I realize my chances are probably about a 3 percent chance she’ll respond to any email I send, so I shoot her a short, concise, non serious, half joking, not expecting a response, email.
Yep. That just happened. Ha! I’m not sure what got into me. I’m never a jerk on online dating, not even when I get the “please stop winking at me” automated emails from match.com
Maybe I was just so surprised she responded? I mean she pretty much set herself up for that old “hope you get hit by a bus” gag. Needless to say we didn’t fall in love.
That’s how not to get a date from online dating.
Also it looks like according to the little voting thing I have on the left hand side of this blog that people want me to write about Craig’s list? Is this true? I have a couple hundred “hits” a day, but only 27 votes. Let me know what you jerks want. kisses.
The Most Important Single Steve blog You Will EVER Read. EVER.
Posted by Single Steve in humor on March 19, 2009
There it is. I’ve officially back posted all of my old blogs from myspace to this blog. You know what that means!? That means new blogs, from me, to you. You might be wondering “Steven, why did you start a new blog anyways?” or “Why is your face covered up in pictures of you on this blog?” or maybe even “Why SingleSteve.com? Don’t you think it’s a little much?”
First of all, stop asking so many questions. It’s really fucking annoying. Secondly, I appreciate your inquisitive nature, it’s actually the reason I’ve brought you here. To The Most important Single Steve Blog You will EVER Read.
So here’s the thing, I like writing these blogs of ridiculousness as much as you enjoy reading them. I do. But the thing is, I need to separate Single Steve from Real Life Steve, if that make sense. Stay with me on this: Single Steve and Real Life Steve are the same person, but Real Life Steve can no longer be associated with Single Steve. It’s like that time you were hooking up with that fat chick, you would pretend not to know her in public in front of all your friends, but as soon as you got drunk and no one was around, you couldn’t wait to make love to one of her folds. It’s like that.
I mean, it’s not that I’m embarrassed of anything Single Steve does, or Single Steve does anything illegal, it’s just that, well let’s be honest, sometimes Single Steve can be kind of a jerk. Sometimes Single Steve likes to go out and drink until he wakes up with carne asada in his pockets, sometimes he likes to not hook up with girls from online dating, and sometimes to make himself feel better, he makes fun of losers on Craig’s List. Sometimes.
And then there’s this Real Life Steve, who has a great engineering job, is in school for his MBA, coaches a Special Olympics basketball team, is a big brother for big brother big sisters, is president of a 30k a year non profit organization here in San Diego, and a bunch of other yada yada’s. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but this Real Life Steve sounds like he’s got some good ish going.
So my goal is to disassociate this jackass Single Steve with Real Life Steve. When you do a google search on Real Life Steve, I want it to return responsible adult stuff, not about the time I punted my camera into the ocean in drunken excitement. And likewise when you google search for “online dating sucks single humor big wang” I want it to return everything ever written by Single Steve.
I’ve been having more and more of these occurrences where I realize there is a need for a separation of these two. An example:
I was in the work cafeteria checking out what they had going on for food that day, I saw they had corned beef. I saw a co-worker in line, actually I guess I don’t need to mention that she was a co-worker since we were at the work cafeteria, but I digress, I did my analysis of the corned beef situation and thought it was a little too Irish (yeah I’m a racist) for me. So I casually mention to my friend who’s in line to get some of this delicious Irish treat, “umm Looks a little sketchy, I think I’m going to pass.” Her response? “What!? You woke up with carne asada in your pockets, and you won’t even try corned beef!?” . Really!? At this point I’m trying play it off, be Mr. Cool Pants, like I have no idea what she’s talking about in such a LOUD tone at the WORK cafeteria, in case one of the bobs from management might of heard her comments. “psssh, who me? Carne asada in or around my pockets? That’s ridiculous”. Really Shannon Connell (yeah I’m calling her out)!? You’re going to hold the fact that I may or may not have woken up with chunks of meat in my pocket over my head because I don’t want to eat corned beef!? I mean, granted, Shannon and I are both peons at this company and it doesn’t really matter if she knows that Single Steve is actually Real Life Steve. But I would hate to be in a meeting with “The Bobs” from upper management and I just suggested this awesome engineering idea to them, but then they come back with “aren’t you that guy that got kicked out of Moondoggies for pee-ing dos equis 12 feet into the air, onto the bathroom wall? (that blogs to come, get excited)”. So yeah, I need to separate Real Life Steve from Single Steve.
This is actually a great thing for you, the readers. Since Single Steve is not associated with Real Life Steve, I won’t be as timid or hold back some of my funny jerkness. Subjects won’t be as taboo, I can write unrestricted not having to worry about whether or not Real Life Steve is losing street cred.
But you’re thinking, “I already know Real Life Steven, how can I not associated him with Single Steve?”. You’re an idiot. There I said it. I mean, good question. For a selected few, you will get the benefit of knowing both Steve’s. Just try not to F him over by announcing to everyone in the work cafeteria that he may or may not have tried to hook up with a run away homeless girl. Let’s just keep that between you and me.
I’m going to stop posting links (I think?) on my facebook for new blogs, so it’s now up to you jerks to check back frequently. You can do what other cyber nerds do and subscribe to the RSS feed, or this email thing.
ALSO, let’s be honest. I’m not doing this blog for any type of monetary gain. I’m doing this blog because I like writing funny ish and I like knowing that someone somewhere is laughing at something I’ve written. So tell your friends about this funny thing you read once on this guys website, and point them in this direction. I’ve seen facebook statuses, re-post on other people’s blog sites, yell it in a crowded room, I don’t care what it is, just tell your friends. I’m going to make a new page for the “My people” basically my way of high lighting readers who promote the blog. It’s your chance to get photoshopped with me on the moon, or might just make fun of you. Either way your face is going to be on a website, which is check by over 4 people a day, so it’s kind of a big deal.
Also if you have any friends with low self esteem who like hilarious Mexican engineers, send them my way. I’m just kidding. But seriously, if you know any girls like that, please let me know. Steve@singlesteve.com
I have a few blogs, I’m going to be posting soon. Just wanted to get the dust settled after I posted all of the old blogs. Thanks for reading!
I used to be cool?
Posted by Single Steve in SDSU, humor on March 5, 2009
********Old blog, back posting, September 25, 2008 *********
So I used to be cool, well maybe I wasn’t cool, but I at least wasn’t super uncool. This harsh cold reality hit me today while I was walking to class at SDSU. I have two classes, twice a week, in the afternoons at SDSU, so twice a week I leave work a little early and head straight to campus. At work I dress like a tool, it’s true. My company has a relaxed corporate culture and I can come to work dressed how ever I want, but typically I dress a little more up, than down. This is just my own philosophy, you know dress for the job you want not the job you have, yada yada. That’s not the point of this story, the point is I’m a tool and dress like a tool. So I head down to campus twice a week dressed like I might have a job, or at least a job interview, and have little to no interaction with students. I walk straight to class, and straight to the parking lot after. On today’s journey to class from the parking lot to my class I had a particular interaction that made me realize, that I might have just become “that guy” on campus. You all know who I’m talking about, that old guy who wear slacks to class, and instead of a cool patched up back pack he has a laptop bag, and definitely doesn’t look like he’s going down to the quad to chill with this dorm wing friends. Yeah that guy.I kind of got that hint today. Scene: You know that sad emo kid that finds the one narrow walk way on your campus that you have to pass through to get to class, who stands awkwardly in the middle and starts passing out fliers to come watch his shitty Alt rock band play at some dive bar. Or it could be political, religious or sometimes it’s just some dude passing out flyers with some half naked chick on it, like he’s even ever made eye contact with a chick that hot. 
So yeah there was one of those guys out, blocking a pathway, passing out some type of flier. Based on the way he was dressed, my guess was it was to come watch his band play or something equally as lame. I’m always curious about things and will always take a hand out, even if I’m going to throw it away 6 feet later. I walk closer, making pseudo eye contact, as to fake an interest, slightly raise my right hand to make the transaction easier for the emo guitar player, when he takes one look at me, eye contact is made, he raises one eyebrow and does a 47 degree turn to his left as to avoid handing me a flier. WHAT!? Really!? Was it my dockers? Was it my tucked in shirt? Was it because I smelt like I wore deodorant? Either way I nearly cried at what I had become. Maybe I should keep a pair of gym shorts and frat t-shirt in my car, so I can change on the way to class. I’m not actually upset that dude didn’t think I met his criteria of cool to be worthy of a flier, it’s just more the fact that he made such an effort to avoid me. Eh.
Speaking of the way people dress on campus …..there’s no easy way to say this, I’m just going to come out and say it, I think SDSU has some the whoriest dressed girls I’ve ever seen in my life. AND I went to school at the University of Arizona, which has a reputation for hot girls. But when I walk around campus at SDSU I feel like I need to stare at the ground as to not be that creep that’s staring at the girls butt hanging out of her little sisters miniskirt, or glaring at a girl wondering why I can see through her shirt. I mean, I wasn’t walking through some hot Vegas club, where one might expect to see such radically whorish girls, this was a straight shot from my car to the classroom. I also saw some other ridiculous fashions, seen below:
(I apologize in advance if you wear any of these things. We can still be friends?)
I guess this one is called the Bubble dress? I don’t know, I mean I know this can look really really good. But it must have been I saw the three ladies on campus that made it look really really bad. Diaper or dress? Garbage bag or dress? You be the judge.
I don’t want to walk around campus counting the change in the pockets of whores. Though it would be a fun game to pass the time as I walk to campus, but it might get a little awkward when I start sticking my hands up their shorts. Can they not find shorts that come in adult sizes? I’m not saying this style isn’t “hot”, I’m just saying it’s a bit much for 3:15 in the afternoon on a Monday. And I’m not even saying I wish girls didn’t dress like hoes on campus, but I’m always judging, watching, judging. I see these hoes, stare for a bit, then have a good chuckle at how ridiculous they look, then continue to stare at the ground on my path to class.
Maybe I did become that old guy on campus? I mean who complains girls are wearing too little?
Here’s another blog about SDSU fashions…
Leave comments. Seriously though.
And join this group. 
With the boots and the fur….
*********Old blog, back posting**********
From January 29th, 2008
Greeeeeeeeeeetings! Hi there. Welcome. Bienvenidos.
Last week marked the first week of me officially being an SDSU grad student, it’s all so very exciting. The thrill of sitting in class, the joys of homework and the opportunity to not talk to/make eye contact with a whole different school of girls. Yep, it’s going to be a great year.
So as I stood in line for the delicious Panda Express during a break between the first day of classes, I was busy doing what any socially awkward engineer would be doing. I was staring at the ground, like it was my job. Like I was the official ground inspector, and it was my duty not to look up, no matter if I was standing in line between two attractive girls. But thankfully this was this case, other wise I could have completely missed a ridiculous site. What did I see?
I saw an attractive twelve-teen your old looking girl, in line in front of me, who was wearing pink boots with white fur and a short jean mini skirt. Jackpot.
Really?? On the first day of classes? That’s the fashion statement you’re going with? Really?
This blog is going to be about just a few of the ridiculous fashions I noticed on the SDSU campus on the first day of class.
I mean I’m not a fashion guru by any means, in fact it looks like I get dressed in the dark by a pack of monkeys, BUT I do know what’s ridiculous. And you, my attractive friend, are ridiculous. And all I could hear in my head the entire time I was thinking about how ridiculous she looked, was the “… with the boots with fuuuuur, the whole club was looking huuur…” song, and since that’s the only part of the song I know, it played over and over and over.
Got me thinking, why was the club looking at “hur” as this girl with the boots with the “fur” walked in. . . . What is it about this fashion statement that gets the attention of the club? Here’s my explanation.
Actually boots with the fur aren’t that bad, in some cases. It’s just ridiculous to see them coupled with short skirts. There must be an easier way to show guys you have VD. Okay a little harsh, sure. I’m just saying, on the first day of classes THIS was the message she wanted to send to her classmates. This was her first impression to me, and I was just the guy behind her at Panda Express. I wonder what she wears on the second day of class? Lingerie? Hope none of my readers where boots with the fur. . . .
I grab my ever healthy Panda Express cuisine and head to my table. I begin eating my friend grabs my attention and points me in the direction of a girl who is standing about 10 feet in front of us with her back to us. What was SHE wearing you’re asking?? I’m not really sure how to describe it actually, but for purposes of this blog I guess I’ll call them “It looks like her ass is eating her pants” pants. Yeah, THOSE pants. I vomited just a little in my mouth, just a little.
(I know I show non-yoga pant in the picture, but the rule applys to many pant types, I just happen to see yoga pants)
Why why why would you wear those? I can’t image she can’t feel that ¾ of her pants are now nestled securely inside her butt crack. I mean for the most part these yoga pants can be an attractive thing. I’m not even saying that only skinny girls should wear these pants, all I’m saying is PLEASE buy the right size. Nobody wants to see your pants as they get sucked into the most secret of crevices of your butt. That’s not too much to ask right?
Well there’s my two cents on a few fashion observations I picked up last week on campus. Tomorrows another day of school so who knows what I’ll see then!
YOU tell me some fashions you find to be ridiculous
Recent Comments